self - Blogs - Black Business Women Online2024-03-29T10:39:51Zhttps://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/feed/tag/self3 Simple Solutions for that Disappearing Youthful Glowhttps://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/3-simple-solutions-for-that-disappearing-youthful-glow2015-01-22T21:47:04.000Z2015-01-22T21:47:04.000ZItiel McVay "Smell Goods Lady"https://mybbwo.com/members/ItielMcVaySmellGoodsLady<div><div><p><font><i>Sigh</i>. The silent expression given after looking over those fun, summer pictures taken of you in your twenties. Those were the days - sun, fun, laughter and beautiful skin happily displayed under shorts and sleeveless tops. “When did my youthful glow disappear?” As the body ages, cellular regeneration slows down, and skin begins to act differently, yielding dark spots, wrinkles, and rough, cracked skin. Thankfully, plenty of wholesome products from nature can help you maintain your beautiful skin, and this puts you on the winning side - allowing you to grow older gracefully. </font></p></div><div><p></p></div><div><p><font>You truly are what you eat, therefore an adequate intake of water and nourishing foods work internally and the epidermis benefits from those positive effects. </font></p></div><div><p></p></div><div><p><font>In addition to eating and drinking mindfully, consistently use these three topical steps to keep your body’s largest organ conditioned, hydrated, and have you on your way to celebrating the reappearance of that youthful glow: </font></p></div><div><p></p></div><div><p><font><b>First</b>, cleanse the skin using soap or body wash with rich emollients, such as raw butters and plant/fruit oils. The hydration process begins when water comes in contact with the skin, and the wholesome emollients seal moisture into the skin. Forgo products with harsh surfactants, such as sodium lauryl sulfate. They strip the natural oils from the skin, and hinders the goal. </font></p></div><div><p></p></div><div><p><font><b>Next</b>, slough off dead skin cells using salt or sugar scrubs, clays, or a natural fiber sponge. Exfoliation is one of the most skipped steps in bath and body care, but is necessary for a radiant hue. Exfoliating the skin 2-3 times a week, softens rough skin, lightens hyper-pigmented spots, and allows for better absorption of other bath and body care products. </font></p></div><div><p></p></div><div><p><font><b>Lastly</b>, apply moisturizers with liquid content and emollients (lotion/cream) to maintain skin hydration and soft skin throughout the day. Or use emollients (no water content) such as body butters and body balms for sealing in moisture after showering, softening rough skin, and protecting the skin. Petroleum jelly is an emollient, however, it does not allow the skin to breathe as well as plant/fruit-based emollients. </font></p></div><div><p></p></div><div><p><font>Add these simple solutions to your bath and body care regimen, and you can expect that youthful glow to reappear. Say, “Good-bye” to <i>sigh</i> and hello to shorts, racerback tanks and short maxi dresses.</font></p></div><div><p><font> </font></p></div><div><p><font> </font></p></div><div><p><font> </font></p></div><div><p><span style="font-family:Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;font-size:medium;"> </span></p></div><div><p><font>Be Whole,</font></p></div><p class="separator"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6AwJoWzHEHc/UXU-HudlDUI/AAAAAAAAC3M/iKvmSuSKFQw/s1600/mysignature.png"><img border="0" src="//images-blogger-opensocial.googleusercontent.com/gadgets/proxy?url=http%3A%2F%2F1.bp.blogspot.com%2F-6AwJoWzHEHc%2FUXU-HudlDUI%2FAAAAAAAAC3M%2FiKvmSuSKFQw%2Fs1600%2Fmysignature.png&container=blogger&gadget=a&rewriteMime=image%2F*" alt="proxy?url=http%3A%2F%2F1.bp.blogspot.com%2F-6AwJoWzHEHc%2FUXU-HudlDUI%2FAAAAAAAAC3M%2FiKvmSuSKFQw%2Fs1600%2Fmysignature.png&container=blogger&gadget=a&rewriteMime=image%2F*" /></a></p></div>How to Gain Self Confidencehttps://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/how-to-gain-self-confidence2015-04-24T12:00:00.000Z2015-04-24T12:00:00.000ZJoAnn Y. Kinghttps://mybbwo.com/members/JoAnnYKing<div><p>Sometimes our self-confidence is shaken when we make decisions that are not supported by family, friends or people we respect. When we feel that we are by ourselves regarding our choices, it is important to apply the universal law of cause and effect. Acknowledging others rights to their opinions opens the way for us to receive the same treatment. The adage shows itself over and over, what you do unto others will be done unto you.</p><p>Remember you can create the life you want to live by your actions. Being gentle and loving yourself is the way to bring that behavior into your life from others. Although it may not feel apparent, life supports you. The universal order of life does support you. This may sound airy-fairy, but it is a real and important principle to believe in when feeling challenged. Understanding that everyone has a right to live and think as he or she chooses removes the emotional conviction that others opinions are personal attacks. Each adult is their life decision maker, and one’s opinion does not overthrow anyone else’s choice.</p><p>Your ability to hold this idea and conduct yourself on this principle will govern others manners when engaging or having a relationship with you.</p><p>Valuing yourself is a requirement for a successful life. Lacking self-worth is mirrored back to us through our personal and work relationships. The characteristics of caring and respecting yourself are reflected in how you address other people’s degrading and dismissive attitudes. Life already supports you; you are here. The statement, "you are an accident", is only an attempt to devalue your existence. It is <b>your</b> primary responsibility to embrace and love yourself.</p><p>Sometimes we allow the opinions of others to reign over our internal voice. That is a sign that we need to stop and remember what is important to us. Getting clear about the way you choose to live your life and what you value gives you the strength to make seemingly hard choices. You regret less when your actions are decided from how you choose to be in this world. Living this way opens you to new ideas and activates your potential.</p><p>Aiming for a successful life based on your values can sometimes feel like a struggle but the end results are worth it. Gaining self-confidence is the practice of making and moving forward with your decisions that are founded on what is important to you. Every opportunity you have to apply this principle will help you become self-confident authentically.</p></div>3 Simple Steps for Hydrating Winter Epidermishttps://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/3-simple-steps-for-hydrating-winter-epidermis2015-01-22T21:51:00.000Z2015-01-22T21:51:00.000ZItiel McVay "Smell Goods Lady"https://mybbwo.com/members/ItielMcVaySmellGoodsLady<div><p>The winter months can be so unkind to your skin - wrecking havoc by turning hydrated skin into parched skin. With the dry, cold air outside beating at your skin, cranked up heat indoors pulling moisture out of your skin, there seems to be no rescue for your epidermis. Lost cause? Absolutely not. You just have to make a few adjustments to your winter bath and body care routine:</p><p></p><p><b>Step 1</b>: Use a gentle grime fighter that won't strip your skin of its natural, protective oils, and that will also add to the conditioning of your skin. </p><p></p><p> <a href="http://smellgoodspa.com/index.php?route=product/product&path=89_91&product_id=69">Organic Love Body Wash</a>- <font class="Apple-style-span">A pure organic, castile body wash! Lather up in goodness of sunflower oil, coconut oil, palm kernel oil, and glycerin! Organic Love is enriched with African Black Soap and Green Leaf Papaya to eat up those dead skin cells! </font></p><p></p><p class="separator"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lZN4WUvXDsY/UuaWskKK_yI/AAAAAAAADoA/1bYUREVdJ3I/s1600/organiclove.jpg"><img border="0" height="400" src="//images-blogger-opensocial.googleusercontent.com/gadgets/proxy?url=http%3A%2F%2F1.bp.blogspot.com%2F-lZN4WUvXDsY%2FUuaWskKK_yI%2FAAAAAAAADoA%2F1bYUREVdJ3I%2Fs1600%2Forganiclove.jpg&container=blogger&gadget=a&rewriteMime=image%2F*" width="163" alt="proxy?url=http%3A%2F%2F1.bp.blogspot.com%2F-lZN4WUvXDsY%2FUuaWskKK_yI%2FAAAAAAAADoA%2F1bYUREVdJ3I%2Fs1600%2Forganiclove.jpg&container=blogger&gadget=a&rewriteMime=image%2F*" /></a></p><p><font class="Apple-style-span"><br /></font><font class="Apple-style-span"><br /></font></p><p><font class="Apple-style-span"> </font></p><p><font class="Apple-style-span"> </font></p><p><font class="Apple-style-span"> </font></p><p><b>Step 2</b><span>: No more than 3 times a week, your skin should receive some TLC with a scrub/polish. Exfoliating eliminates dead skin (keratin) sitting on the surface, removes impurities from the pores, and leaves behind smooth, soft skin. </span></p><p><font class="Apple-style-span"> </font></p><p><font class="Apple-style-span"><a href="http://smellgoodspa.com/index.php?route=product/product&path=89_90&product_id=65">Almond Whipped Cream Scrub</a>- </font>A creamy body wash and exotic sugar scrub, with Sweet Almond oil to boot.<font class="Apple-style-span"> Pick up your favorite sponge or puff and cleanse, exfoliate, moisturize, and fragrance your body!</font></p><p><font class="Apple-style-span"> </font></p><p class="separator"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-B8oxT1K3v9c/UuaYsv0IYKI/AAAAAAAADoI/3QXZ-pE01Vs/s1600/almondscrubclose.jpg"><img border="0" height="216" src="//images-blogger-opensocial.googleusercontent.com/gadgets/proxy?url=http%3A%2F%2F4.bp.blogspot.com%2F-B8oxT1K3v9c%2FUuaYsv0IYKI%2FAAAAAAAADoI%2F3QXZ-pE01Vs%2Fs1600%2Falmondscrubclose.jpg&container=blogger&gadget=a&rewriteMime=image%2F*" width="320" alt="proxy?url=http%3A%2F%2F4.bp.blogspot.com%2F-B8oxT1K3v9c%2FUuaYsv0IYKI%2FAAAAAAAADoI%2F3QXZ-pE01Vs%2Fs1600%2Falmondscrubclose.jpg&container=blogger&gadget=a&rewriteMime=image%2F*" /></a></p><p><font class="Apple-style-span"><br /></font><font class="Apple-style-span"> </font></p><p><font class="Apple-style-span"> </font></p><p><font class="Apple-style-span"><a href="http://smellgoodspa.com/index.php?route=product/product&path=89_90&product_id=67">Sweet Raw Sugar Honey Polish</a>- </font>A skin delicious blend of golden crystals, for banishing dead skin; pure plant oils effective for mature skin; rich humectants for protecting the skin; and honey to boot<font class="Apple-style-span">.</font></p><p><font class="Apple-style-span"> </font></p><p><font class="Apple-style-span"> </font></p><p><font class="Apple-style-span"> </font></p><p class="separator"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jvaMuMRnO8U/UuaYyek5tAI/AAAAAAAADoQ/T6tFss3jnkc/s1600/sweetsugarpolish.jpg"><img border="0" height="309" src="//images-blogger-opensocial.googleusercontent.com/gadgets/proxy?url=http%3A%2F%2F1.bp.blogspot.com%2F-jvaMuMRnO8U%2FUuaYyek5tAI%2FAAAAAAAADoQ%2FT6tFss3jnkc%2Fs1600%2Fsweetsugarpolish.jpg&container=blogger&gadget=a&rewriteMime=image%2F*" width="320" alt="proxy?url=http%3A%2F%2F1.bp.blogspot.com%2F-jvaMuMRnO8U%2FUuaYyek5tAI%2FAAAAAAAADoQ%2FT6tFss3jnkc%2Fs1600%2Fsweetsugarpolish.jpg&container=blogger&gadget=a&rewriteMime=image%2F*" /></a></p><p class="separator"></p><p class="separator"></p><p><font class="Apple-style-span"> </font></p><p><font class="Apple-style-span"> </font></p><p><font class="Apple-style-span"><b>Step 3</b>: Add an oil treatment to your bath & body routine. Topping the epidermis off with wholesome oils (emollient) is the best way to seal in moisture. </font></p><p><font class="Apple-style-span"><br /></font><font class="Apple-style-span"><br /></font></p><p><font class="Apple-style-span"> <a href="http://smellgoodspa.com/index.php?route=product/product&path=89_92&product_id=74">Marinade</a>- </font><font class="Apple-style-span">An after-bath oil, that is great for those on-the-go days. Seal in the moisture after showering, by spritzing on this oil-free Shea Butter oil blend. </font></p><p><font class="Apple-style-span"><br /></font><font class="Apple-style-span"><br /></font><font class="Apple-style-span"><br /></font></p><p class="separator"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-aPicf8rbVFY/UuaZvZCJnsI/AAAAAAAADoY/VTr4AGM3Qko/s1600/marinade.jpg"><img border="0" height="320" src="//images-blogger-opensocial.googleusercontent.com/gadgets/proxy?url=http%3A%2F%2F3.bp.blogspot.com%2F-aPicf8rbVFY%2FUuaZvZCJnsI%2FAAAAAAAADoY%2FVTr4AGM3Qko%2Fs1600%2Fmarinade.jpg&container=blogger&gadget=a&rewriteMime=image%2F*" width="144" alt="proxy?url=http%3A%2F%2F3.bp.blogspot.com%2F-aPicf8rbVFY%2FUuaZvZCJnsI%2FAAAAAAAADoY%2FVTr4AGM3Qko%2Fs1600%2Fmarinade.jpg&container=blogger&gadget=a&rewriteMime=image%2F*" /></a></p><p><font class="Apple-style-span"><br /></font><font class="Apple-style-span"><br /></font><font class="Apple-style-span"> <a href="http://smellgoodspa.com/index.php?route=product/product&path=89_92&product_id=128">Pure Body Balm</a>- </font>A head-to-toe deep moisturizing balm, created for those women who need a bit more TLC for their scalp and body. Pure Body Balm rejeuvenates dehydrated skin, works as a protective barrier, and is gentle on sensitive skin. </p><p><font class="Apple-style-span"> </font></p><p class="separator"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwEGN71l1Y/UuaaZFoBhVI/AAAAAAAADog/pNjgOaBh24Y/s1600/purebbclose.jpg"><img border="0" height="249" src="//images-blogger-opensocial.googleusercontent.com/gadgets/proxy?url=http%3A%2F%2F2.bp.blogspot.com%2F-hkwEGN71l1Y%2FUuaaZFoBhVI%2FAAAAAAAADog%2FpNjgOaBh24Y%2Fs1600%2Fpurebbclose.jpg&container=blogger&gadget=a&rewriteMime=image%2F*" width="320" alt="proxy?url=http%3A%2F%2F2.bp.blogspot.com%2F-hkwEGN71l1Y%2FUuaaZFoBhVI%2FAAAAAAAADog%2FpNjgOaBh24Y%2Fs1600%2Fpurebbclose.jpg&container=blogger&gadget=a&rewriteMime=image%2F*" /></a></p><p class="separator"></p><p class="separator"></p><p class="separator"></p><div><p></p></div><div><p></p></div><div><p><b> </b></p></div><div><p></p></div><div><p></p></div><div><p></p></div><div><p>Be Whole,</p></div><div><p></p></div><p class="separator"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6AwJoWzHEHc/UXU-HudlDUI/AAAAAAAAC3M/iKvmSuSKFQw/s1600/mysignature.png"><img border="0" src="//images-blogger-opensocial.googleusercontent.com/gadgets/proxy?url=http%3A%2F%2F1.bp.blogspot.com%2F-6AwJoWzHEHc%2FUXU-HudlDUI%2FAAAAAAAAC3M%2FiKvmSuSKFQw%2Fs1600%2Fmysignature.png&container=blogger&gadget=a&rewriteMime=image%2F*" alt="proxy?url=http%3A%2F%2F1.bp.blogspot.com%2F-6AwJoWzHEHc%2FUXU-HudlDUI%2FAAAAAAAAC3M%2FiKvmSuSKFQw%2Fs1600%2Fmysignature.png&container=blogger&gadget=a&rewriteMime=image%2F*" /></a></p></div>Overwhelmed... Exhausted... Frustratedhttps://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/overwhelmed-exhausted-frustrated2013-06-25T01:30:00.000Z2013-06-25T01:30:00.000ZCyndi Harrishttps://mybbwo.com/members/CyndiHarris<div><p><span class="font-size-4">Question:</span></p><p><span class="font-size-3">Are you ready?</span></p><p><span class="font-size-3">Ready to:</span></p><ul><li><span class="font-size-3">Live pain free from fibromyalgia and other chronic pain.</span></li><li><span class="font-size-3">Enjoy better overall health.</span></li><li><span class="font-size-3">Enjoy your newfound freedom (newly single, empty nester, etc.)</span></li><li><span class="font-size-3">Live your life's mission: Career, motherhood, travel, etc.</span></li><li><span class="font-size-3">Experience new love.</span></li></ul><p><span class="font-size-3">Yes, then a special teleconference on <strong><span style="color:#3366ff;">Monday 7/1/2013 from 7 to 8:30pm (EDT)</span></strong> has been created just for you.</span></p><p></p><p style="text-align:center;"><a href="{{#staticFileLink}}10744097863,original{{/staticFileLink}}"><img width="400" src="{{#staticFileLink}}10744097863,original{{/staticFileLink}}" class="align-center" alt="10744097863?profile=original" /></a><span class="font-size-4">Are you sick & tired of being sick & tired? Yes then...</span></p><p style="text-align:center;"><span class="font-size-6"><span style="color:#3366ff;">"Here's Your Next Step"</span><br /></span></p><p style="text-align:center;"><span class="font-size-4">Learn how to have real fun and feel good again.</span></p><p style="text-align:center;"><span class="font-size-3">Go to: <a href="http://heresyournextstep.com" target="_blank">www.heresyournextstep.com</a> for more information and to reserve your spot.</span></p><p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:#3366ff;"><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#3366FF"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:21px;"><a href="http://heresyournextstep.com" target="_blank"><span style="color:#3366ff;">Click on "Register Here"</span></a></span></font></span></p><p style="text-align:center;"><span class="font-size-3" style="color:#000000;">Join me for this informative 90 minute call which includes a 30 minute Q & A section.</span></p><p style="text-align:center;"><span class="font-size-3" style="color:#000000;">To be happy and live a truly fulfilling life is your birthright. </span></p><p></p></div>EVERYBODY WORKING FOR THEMSELVES IS A MYTH. HERE IS THE TRUTH!!!!https://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/everybody-working-for-themselves-is-a-myth-here-is-the-truth2013-07-23T18:00:00.000Z2013-07-23T18:00:00.000ZRickeyhttps://mybbwo.com/members/Rickey<div><p> </p><p><span class="font-size-5"><strong>EVERYBODY WORKING FOR THEMSELVES IS A MYTH. HERE IS THE TRUTH!!!!</strong></span></p><p> <iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/TZ6Fmp7sc-8?rel=0&wmode=opaque" frameborder="0"></iframe></p><p> </p><p><span class="font-size-5"><strong>EVERYBODY WORKING FOR THEMSELVES IS A MYTH. HERE IS THE TRUTH!!!!</strong></span><br /> <br /> <span class="font-size-4">Hello Community,</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">Lets get to it!!!! Everybody DO NOT want to work for themselves.</span></p><p><span class="font-size-4">Yes, I know all the advertisements scream</span> <br /> <br /> <span class="font-size-4">that myth at you , Daily!!!!!</span><br /> <br /> <span style="color:#ff0000;" class="font-size-4">The marketeers try to convince you having a JOB is not a good thing.</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">Who are they trying to fool?????</span><br /> <span style="color:#ff0000;"><em><span class="font-size-4">If you are not earning a income , who will purchase the good and services and business opportunities</span></em></span></p><p><span style="color:#ff0000;"><em><span class="font-size-4">they</span></em></span> <span style="color:#ff0000;"><em><span class="font-size-4">promote???</span></em></span></p><p> </p><p><span class="font-size-4">I ask you WHO???</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">Yes, they say JOB like it is a bad thing. You gotta be kidding !!!!</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">Everybody who follows this flawed logic, join the JUST OVER BROKE mantra.</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">Many do not even think about what they are advocating.</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">Well, here is my take. <span style="color:#ff0000;">JOB stands for JOY, OVERCOMING BROKE!</span> Say that daily.</span><br /> <br /> <span class="font-size-4">Yes, every action I take to improve my income and lifestyle is supporting that realization.</span><br /> <br /> <span class="font-size-4">That includes keeping an 8 TO 5 Yes, the 8 TO 5 allows me to pursue my passion, which is marketing and</span> <br /> <span class="font-size-4">promoting, working with online business operators, consulting with small business owner.</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">The 8 TO 5 handle basic operational cost like food, shelter, clothing. ( Remember, I am a home based</span> <br /> <span class="font-size-4">business owner/operator ), so I can generate additional income from doing my passion.</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">Now, imagine trying to do that without the operational cost being handled.</span></p><p> </p><p><span class="font-size-4">You, those who have had to do this, know</span> <br /> <br /> <span class="font-size-4">what I am talking about , it is difficult, to say the least.</span><br /> <br /> <span class="font-size-4">Here is another irony to the Everybody wants to work for themselves myth.</span><br /> <br /> <span class="font-size-4"> As business owners grow, acquire new customers, service existing customers, purchase goods and services,</span> <br /> <br /> <span class="font-size-4">etc. they quickly realize they need help.</span><br /> <br /> <span class="font-size-4">Guess what they do next- Inquire about people looking for a JOB!!!!!</span><br /> <br /> <span class="font-size-4">Yes, a JOB!!!!</span><br /> <br /> <span class="font-size-4">Get it,</span><br /> <br /> <span class="font-size-4">We all have a JOB, some work for themselves, some work for others. A JOB is a good thing!!!</span><br /> <br /> <span style="color:#ff0000;" class="font-size-4">Now, here is the reality one should be focusing on . Create multiple streams of income.</span><br /> <br /> <span class="font-size-4">Create income producing assets.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color:#ff0000;" class="font-size-4">Do not rely on one source of income i.e JOB.</span><br /> <span style="color:#ff0000;" class="font-size-4">HAVE A FINANCIAL PLAN B!!!!!</span><br /> <br /> <span class="font-size-4">Recognize and accept events change, sometimes for the good and sometimes for the not so good.</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">You want to be prepared either way. Have options, Create options.</span><br /> <span style="color:#ff0000;" class="font-size-4">Without options they is no choice, just situations.</span><br /> <br /> <span class="font-size-4">Need help with creating your PLAN B? Want to know how to create income producing assets?</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">How to determine how many streams of income you will need to be financially solid??</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">Great!! I have suggestions!!!!! Email me at juniques@yahoo.com</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">Subject: Having a Job is ok with me show me how to create my Plan B!!!</span><br /> <br /> <span class="font-size-4">Networkingly yours,</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">Rickey</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4"><a href="http://www.juniques.ws">www.juniques.ws</a></span><br /> <br /> <br /> <span style="color:#ff0000;" class="font-size-4">JOIN OUR ONLINE NETWORK COMMUNITY AT <a href="http://WWW.JUSMCC.NET">WWW.JUSMCC.NET</a>.</span><br /> <br /></p><p> </p></div>Self-Publish Your Bookhttps://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/self-publish-your-book2013-07-22T14:43:53.000Z2013-07-22T14:43:53.000ZJulie Williamsonhttps://mybbwo.com/members/JulieWilliamson<div><p>Do you dream of having a book published, but don’t know where to turn? Already have a book, but unsure of how to promote it? Looking for cost effective high-return strategies to market your book? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then the following information is for you.</p><p>Many writers and aspiring authors are under the mistaken belief if their book is published by a publishing house they can sit back and watch sales miraculously happen. Nothing could be further from the truth. Fact is, competition to have your manuscript noticed and published by a large house is extremely fierce. Additionally, no matter who publishes your book, you absolutely must take an active roll in marketing, promoting and selling your book.</p><p>Moreover, profit margins are not extremely good when you go through a publisher. Sure, if you sell tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of books, you make substantial amounts of money. In reality only a small percentage of writers achieve this level of success.</p><p>A great model for achieving success is to self-publish and actively promote your book. Self-publishing is one of the best ways to get your manuscript to market quickly is to. Another great benefit of self-publishing is you have complete control of the creative process. You make the decisions on content, editing, cover design, title and you reap the profits.</p><p>A primary downside with self publishing are costs involved. Depending on whether or not you hire an editor, designer, layout person and cost of printing, the initial outlay for self-publishing a book can be several thousands of dollars for the first run. Besides there are no guarantees your book will sell. However, you can lessen your risk of costs and increase your level of sales with a simple formula.</p><p>Imagine if you could self publish with no out of pocket money. Additionally, imagine gaining lots of free publicity and visibility in your market at the same time. I know this to be true, because I have done it.</p><p>Here is how you will benefit with my proven technique:</p><p><strong>Keep control.</strong> Maintain complete creative control and own your copyright with our non-exclusive agreement.</p><p><strong>Get to market fast.</strong> Have your work published and available quickly.</p><p><strong>Distribute globally.</strong> Reach readers worldwide by making your book available on Amazon.com and Amazon's European websites.</p><p><strong>Earn high royalties.</strong> Set your list price and receive industry-leading royalties.</p><p><strong>Publish easily.</strong> Use free tools to build and publish your book.</p><p>If you need help with formatting, professional book cover, website design and marketing services <a href="http://www.jwstartupsolutions.biz" target="_blank">JW Business Start-Up Solutions</a> can assist you with publishing your book.</p></div>Is Your Life Ordinary or Extraordinary?https://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/is-your-life-ordinary-or-extraordinary2013-05-30T17:58:04.000Z2013-05-30T17:58:04.000ZCyndi Harrishttps://mybbwo.com/members/CyndiHarris<div><p>How often do you wake up and full incredible? I mean really... <strong>Really</strong>... good. You wake up and you know the day is going to be an extra special day.</p><p>Is it:</p><ul><li>Daily</li><li>Periodically</li><li>Rarely</li><li>Never</li></ul><p>Well, if you said, "Daily". Congratulations, you are welcoming into your life; the abundance and joy life has to offer and setting yourself up to receive even more<span style="color:#800000;"><strong> </strong></span>of the <span style="color:#800000;"><strong>fabulous and fantastic opportunities</strong></span> life gladly sends your way.</p><p>If you selected any of the other selections, I appreciate your honesty. And, I want you to know you can learn how to change your thinking and wake up daily feeling incredible too.</p><p>How do you know if your life is stuck in ordinary? The following are several words and attitudes that describe an ordinary life?</p><ul><li>Comfortable</li><li>Defensive</li><li>Reasonable</li><li>Avoid risk.</li><li>Fearful</li><li>Playing small in the world around them then, get upset because they are unappreciated by others or feel invisible within their "world".</li><li>Judgmental</li><li>Not Coachable <strong>(Struggles with new information and/or ideas. Unwilling to learn new things.)</strong></li><li>Negative</li><li>Blame Others </li><li>Reactive <strong>(Always seem to have some sort of drama going on in their lives that they are acting out or responding to.)</strong></li><li>Makes excuses vs. taking responsibility for their choices.</li></ul><p>Does anything from the previous list seem familiar to you. If you answered yes, understand you can always change and learn to live your life in a more enjoyable way.</p><p>Now, if you are curious about how a person lives an extraordinary life; read through the following list for a few helpful hints:</p><ul><li><strong>Coachable</strong> (They enjoy learning and are receptive to new ideas.)</li><li><strong>Committed</strong></li><li><strong>Courageous</strong> (They take chances and actively invite change into their life.)</li><li><strong>Creative</strong> (They look for different ways to do things and have more fun.) </li><li><strong>Determined</strong> <span style="color:#800000;"><strong>(Naysayers have little to no effect on their life and life choices.)</strong></span></li><li><strong>Disciplined</strong> (Actively looks for ways to experience life in a more positive and productive way.)</li><li><strong>Enjoys a more balanced approach to life and life experiences.</strong></li><li><strong>Passionate</strong> (They are excited about something that makes them happy and adds pleasure to their lives.)</li><li><strong>Possibility thinkers</strong></li><li><strong>Proactive <span style="color:#800000;">(Not waiting around for something to happen, they make things happen.)</span></strong></li></ul><p>This is a brief list of some simple attitude adjustments anyone can make to take their life from ordinary to extraordinary. Life requires active participation and if you are tired of sitting on the sidelines watching other people have a good time; make a few simple changes to your attitude.</p><p><strong>Be bold, step out of your comfort zone</strong> and guess what? You will wake up one morning feeling <span style="color:#800000;" class="font-size-3"><strong>incredible</strong></span> too. Once this happens; you will be unable to go back to the boring and fearful existence you may have been living. You may for the first time in a long time... <strong>(maybe ever)</strong>... finally understand what it means to feel alive and excited about your life. </p><p><strong>Go for it!</strong> Abundance, happiness, love, and life's other goodies are only available to those who choose to live life with no limits. Why? Because, they appreciate life and rejoice in every common and new experience. <span class="font-size-3" style="color:#800000;">I dare you to be</span> <strong><span class="font-size-3"><span style="color:#800000;">Extraordinary. </span>I believe in you and now, I need you to believe in yourself.</span></strong></p><p>Have an amazing day.</p><p>Wishing you much love and unlimited joy,</p><p><strong>Cyndi Harris, HP</strong></p><p>Life and Relationship Solutions Coach, Author, & Joyologist</p><p><a href="http://redtentwisdom.com" target="_blank">www.redtentwisdom.com</a> or <a href="http://undeniablyirresistible.com" target="_blank">www.undeniablyirresistible.com</a></p><p>Go to either website and sign up for a chance to receive a <span class="font-size-2"><span style="color:#800000;" class="font-size-3"><strong>20 minutes Complimentary Irresistible Solutions Session</strong></span></span> with me.</p><p></p></div>Remember, Tonight is the Night to Overcome!https://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/remember-tonight-is-the-night-to-overcome2013-07-01T20:16:25.000Z2013-07-01T20:16:25.000ZCyndi Harrishttps://mybbwo.com/members/CyndiHarris<div><p><span class="font-size-6" style="color:#0000ff;">Question:</span></p><p><span class="font-size-5">Are you ready? Ready to:</span></p><ul><li><span class="font-size-4">Live pain free from fibromyalgia and other chronic pain.</span></li><li><span class="font-size-4">Enjoy better overall health.</span></li><li><span class="font-size-4">Enjoy your newfound freedom (newly single, empty nester, etc.)</span></li><li><span class="font-size-4">Live your life's mission: Career, motherhood, travel, etc.</span></li><li><span class="font-size-4">Experience new love.</span></li></ul><p><span class="font-size-5">Remember our special teleconference today... 7/1/2013 from 7 to 8:30pm (EDT) has been created just for you.</span></p><p><span class="font-size-5"> </span></p><p><span class="font-size-5" style="color:#0000ff;">Call in #: 218-895-3835 PIN: 1033354 #</span></p><p></p><p><span class="font-size-5">Are you sick & tired of being sick & tired? Yes then... "Here's Your Next Step" Learn how to have real fun and feel good again.</span></p><p></p><p><span class="font-size-5">Go to: <a href="http://www.heresyournextstep.com">www.heresyournextstep.com</a> for more information and to reserve your spot.</span></p><p></p><p></p><p style="text-align:center;"><span class="font-size-5" style="color:#0000ff;">Click on "Register Here"</span></p><p></p><p><span class="font-size-5">Join me for this informative 90 minute call which includes a 30 minute Q & A section. To be happy and live a truly fulfilling life is your birthright.</span></p></div>What to do when your "new" business begins to feel like the "old" job you lefthttps://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/what-to-do-when-your-new-business-begins-to-feel-like-the-old-job2013-05-17T20:30:57.000Z2013-05-17T20:30:57.000ZKatrina M Harrellhttps://mybbwo.com/members/KatrinaMHarrell<div><p><span>You left your corporate job (or perhaps it left you) and you’re finally self-employed. You get to finally live your dreams of business ownership right. but do you have the right mindset? Are you still treating yourself like an employee of your own business? What are the 3 things you need to do to shift your mindset from thinking "paycheck to paycheck" to thinking like a real employer?</span></p><p></p><p><span>When I said "that's IT" from my last corporate layoff (yes I had 2) I was ready to embrace self-employment head-on. I had clients almost immediately and had replaced my corporate salary and then some. BUT</span></p><p><span>I was overwhelmed, I didn't know know to set boundaries with my clients, I felt like I had to "earn" every penny they paid me. I was "crackberry" addict (my Blackberry stayed on 24/7 literally. I spend 40+ hours on client work with little time to actually build my business. Despite the fact I had 15 years+ experience and a solid background in operations and systems. I was still struggling and overwhelmed. Even though I was my own boss, I was treating my business and my value like I was still an employee.</span></p><p><span>Listen to this latest <strong><a href="https://soundcloud.com/katrinamharrell/ep-2-employee-vs-employer" target="_blank">podcast</a></strong> for the 3 things I learned about myself and my business that literally changed the course of my business.</span></p><p><span> </span></p><p></p><p></p></div>"Stay in your lane!' A note to "Jane of all trades" Entrepreneurs...https://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/stay-in-your-lane-a-note-to-jane-of-all-trades-entrepreneurs2013-05-10T21:30:00.000Z2013-05-10T21:30:00.000ZKatrina M Harrellhttps://mybbwo.com/members/KatrinaMHarrell<div><p><span>Multipassionate entrepreneurs often suffer from this...Self-competition - doing WAY too much in your business or having so many visions and passions that it's difficult and challenging to know exactly what to focus on - where and when to ask for help and how to really impact change with your work. What is the key "thing" you MUST know and understand if you desire your visions to truly manifest into real impact?</span></p><p><span>I'm excited to introduce my new PODCAST show "Liberation Conversations with Katrina" discussing a issue I struggled with for YEARS in my business. The issue that caused me to start a business on Monday and by Friday I'd be "on the next". Or to start a project and then find myself completely overwhelmed (and underperforming) because I was doing waaaay too much and not delegating properly. I got the wake up call and in this podcast I reveal the "thing" we must all do to be both effective and sane. The truth revealed here may ruffle a few feathers and be uncomfortable to hear but often the truth isn't comfortable, but it's always necessary if you intend to grow.</span></p><p></p><p><span>Listen to <strong><a href="https://soundcloud.com/katrinamharrell/lc-podcast-ep-1-stay-in-your" target="_blank">this podcast</a></strong>, then leave me your thoughts, comments. Do you agree with me? Disagree? Are you challenged in your own business with "Self-competition?"</span></p><p><span>Until next week</span></p><p><span>-Katrina</span></p><p></p></div>Who or What has Branded You?https://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/who-or-what-has-branded-you2013-02-07T01:00:00.000Z2013-02-07T01:00:00.000ZLatifah Abdullahhttps://mybbwo.com/members/LatifahAbdullah<div><p><span style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" class="font-size-4"><a href="{{#staticFileLink}}10744090452,original{{/staticFileLink}}"><img width="300" src="{{#staticFileLink}}10744090452,original{{/staticFileLink}}" class="align-left" alt="10744090452?profile=original" /></a>We hear a lot about branding -- personal branding, entrepreneurial branding -- how you show up; your logo, your colors, your message, and this month we will address branding in those arenas in other posts. But, first, as this month is International Boost Self Esteem Month, we want to touch on branding from a self esteem stand point. </span></p><p><span style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" class="font-size-4">In our life's travel, we go through different stages, and frequently before we come to know who we are, we allow others (and sometimes, circumstances) to label us -- branding in a different sense.<img class="mceWPmore" title="More..." alt="" src="http://tibayintl.com/wp-includes/js/tinymce/plugins/wordpress/img/trans.gif" />Some of the labels I suffered and maybe you did too, include insecure, co-dependent, being the yes-person; circumstances included teen pregnancy, unemployment, underemployment, abuse -- physical, emotional, mental. What or who has branded you?</span></p><p><span style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" class="font-size-4">For those of you on the journey of discovering self, use these in your travels:</span></p><p><span style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" class="font-size-4"><strong>The Stubborn Warriorette</strong>. The inner warrior, whether she's standing tall, on her knees or wounded in a fetal position, she's there. Her mindset is:</span></p><ul><li><span style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" class="font-size-4">I WILL do my purpose;</span></li><li><span style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" class="font-size-4">This is NOT the end;</span></li><li><span style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" class="font-size-4">I refuse to allow a temporal reality to be a permanent life sentence;</span></li><li><span style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" class="font-size-4">I must see what's on the other side of this thing.</span></li></ul><p><span style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" class="font-size-4">She has stubborn, bulldog faith and she refuses to die. She finds and learns the lessons presented along the way and chooses not to allow bitterness to take up residence.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" class="font-size-4"><strong>The Other Side.</strong> Once you come to yourself -- once you're healed and have successfully filled the internal voids . . .</span></p><ul><li><span style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" class="font-size-4">You shed the former labels;</span></li><li><span style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" class="font-size-4">Step into your true identity; and</span></li><li><span style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" class="font-size-4">Redefine and affirm the real you. </span></li></ul><p><span style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" class="font-size-4">Some will be shocked and even disappointed at the real you saying, "no" and setting boundaries -- 'who does she think she is?!' Don't despair. The opinions of other people don't matter so much any more. You've now created your own stage and some (naysayers and dream killers) might just need to vacate your space -- exit stage left!</span></p><p><span style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" class="font-size-4">Two nuggets to remember:</span></p><ol><li><span style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" class="font-size-4">Labels can't keep the REAL you bound.</span></li><li><span style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" class="font-size-4">Your current circumstance may be part of your story, but is not your final destination.</span></li></ol><p><a href="http://tibayintl.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Latifah-2013.png" target="_blank"><img src="http://tibayintl.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Latifah-2013-253x300.png?width=101" width="101" class="align-left" alt="Latifah-2013-253x300.png?width=101" /></a></p><p><span class="font-size-2">Latifah Abdullah is founder of <a href="http://www.facebook.com/tibayintl">Tibay International</a>. Using optimism, forward thinking, and passion for a woman’s well being, the Tibay Community provides tools, how to’s, and candid conversation on legacy wealth, business, finance, faith, fashion, and health -- empowering women and women entrepreneurs to live a full, authentic life.</span></p><p><span class="font-size-2">The community uses a ‘whole person’ approach to provide business and personal resources to women and women business owners.</span></p></div>NO FEAR, NO APOLOGIES (A FREE VIRTUAL CONFERENCE)https://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/no-fear-no-apologies-a-free-virtual-conference2012-11-15T14:30:00.000Z2012-11-15T14:30:00.000ZJai Stone (Emotional Nudist)https://mybbwo.com/members/JaiStoneEmotionalNudist<div><h1><a href="{{#staticFileLink}}10744089875,original{{/staticFileLink}}"><img class="align-center" src="{{#staticFileLink}}10744089875,original{{/staticFileLink}}" width="600" alt="10744089875?profile=original" /></a>NO FEAR, NO APOLOGIES VIRTUAL CONFERENCE</h1><h2><em>(Celebrating Emotional Nudity Awareness Week)</em></h2><p><em><span style="font-family:'arial black', 'avant garde';color:#ff0000;"><strong><a href="http://emotionalnudity.com/envc12/" target="_blank"><span style="color:#ff0000;">LIMITED SEATING - REGISTER TODAY!!</span></a></strong></span></em></p><h3><span style="color:#ff3333;"><strong>WHAT IS A VIRTUAL CONFERENCE?</strong></span></h3><p>This event is not held at a physical location, in order to participate you only need a functional email address and internet & telephone access. Content will be delivered directly to you via email or you can connect to the conference online.</p><h3><span style="color:#ff3333;"><strong>HOW MUCH DOES THIS EVENT COST?</strong></span></h3><p>There is no fee for this event. It is an introduction and celebration of the Emotional Nudity Lifestyle.</p><h3><strong>Event Date:</strong></h3><p>December 2-7, 2012</p><h3><strong>Event Location:</strong></h3><p>Virtually Anywhere.</p><p><span style="font-family:'arial black', 'avant garde';color:#ff0000;"><strong><a href="http://emotionalnudity.com/envc12/" target="_blank"><span style="color:#ff0000;">LIMITED SEATING - REGISTER TODAY!!</span></a></strong></span></p><h3><strong><span style="color:#ff3300;">EVENT SUMMARY:</span></strong></h3><p>Emotional Nudity is a highly personalized lifestyle that promotes authentic living without fear or apologies. Founder Jai Stone plans to introduce this incredible approach to abundant fulfillment to the world during the 1<sup>st</sup> Annual Emotional Nudity Awareness Week. If you would like to live a more authentic, congruent life, this event is for you. Our speaker’s will share their secrets and stories that have allowed them to take an organic approach to living and excel in areas of finance, physical fitness, life balance and more. All you need is an email address and a telephone to participate.</p><p><span style="font-family:'arial black', 'avant garde';color:#ff0000;"><strong><a href="http://emotionalnudity.com/envc12/" target="_blank"><span style="color:#ff0000;">LIMITED SEATING - REGISTER TODAY!!</span></a></strong></span></p><p><span style="font-family:'arial black', 'avant garde';color:#ff0000;"><strong><span style="color:#ff0000;"> </span></strong></span></p></div>Desperate #8https://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/desperate-82012-11-25T03:10:37.000Z2012-11-25T03:10:37.000ZDi Joneshttps://mybbwo.com/members/DiJones<div><p align="center"><b><i>Desperate</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>I can’t control my emotions</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Desperate</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>My heart beats fast, my breathing is erratic</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Desperate</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>I am going to be sick, my body is shaking</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Desperate</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>I cannot think straight</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i> </i></b></p><p><b><i>People react and do things when they feel desperate that they may not ever do in any other circumstance. People become desperate for different reasons. My husband became desperate due to his addiction. He was desperate to get his next hit. It didn’t matter what he did or if he hurt me. His drug induced paranoia and the altered state of mind he was in was his reality. I became desperate to be the person he needed me to be. I was desperate to save myself which made my life become an extension of his reality. I was desperate to save myself, him and our marriage.</i></b></p><p><b><i>Our life got so bizarre it is hard to believe that the things that happened; really happened. It is hard to remember the sequence and details of the events. I felt like I was living in a nightmare. I felt trapped and wanted to run, but I couldn’t because I was afraid of what would become of my house if I left. I had nowhere to go because I didn’t want to involve my children. I couldn’t get myself together enough to deal with things in a calm manner. I was Desperate…</i></b></p><p><b><i>I learned that if I hurt myself, it would stop him from hurting me. He would be concerned about me enough that he would quit yelling and threatening me. I was desperate to protect myself from him and I decided I would not let him hurt me again. Somehow hurting myself was easier to deal with than being hurt by him. The first incident was when he saw a bruise on my leg and started accusing me of cheating on him. He wouldn’t stop and I was feeling overwhelmed and afraid. I ran to the kitchen and said ‘you want to see marks on my legs…’ and I started to stab myself until blood started spraying everywhere. He calmed down and didn’t hurt me. When I felt trapped, I would run out the door to get away. This would get him so mad because he said I was causing a scene. I would be afraid to go home because I knew he would hit me so instead I ran to the main street and jumped in front of a truck, hoping this would take me away from the pain forever. There were other variations of what I did out of desperation. I stabbed myself in my thigh and tried to stab myself in my chest. I cut my wrists both horizontally and vertically; one cut was 5-6 inches long. I tried to take multiple pills so I could sleep and never wake up again. I couldn’t live like this anymore and yet I had to try to find ways to live through it. </i></b></p><p><b><i>My life was no longer mine. My life revolved around his drug use. I no longer felt like a loved wife. He was setting himself up in single sites on a regular basis. He would not stop associating with other females or his “drug friends”. He was stealing money on a regular basis. He was hitting me more and more and the verbal and emotional abuse was daily. Nothing I did was right and I wanted to die. My life consisted of living from day-to-day not knowing what to expect. Every day was a challenge because everything revolved around his addiction and his reactions.</i></b></p><p><b><i>I do have to give him credit for one huge thing that he did. During this time, one of my daughters was pregnant. Every time I hurt myself or tried to kill myself he reminded me about my new grand-daughter and that she needed to know me. Thoughts of my new grand-daughter are what kept me alive. If not for her, I know I would not be alive today. </i></b></p><p><b><i>My ultimate act of desperation came and I cannot ever explain how guilty I feel. The guilt will weigh my heart for years to come.</i></b></p><p><b><i>As I became more and more afraid, as I felt I had no alternative, my mind changed. I no longer cared what happened to my house or my possessions. I started planning my escape, praying I could last until I was able to get away. There were still times when I felt like killing myself was my only escape. My daughter went into labor…now was the time. I went to be with her in the hospital, and did not return home. We talked at length and he continued to say he needed me home and that he wanted help. He seemed sincere and that is all I wanted was for him to get help. I went out-of-town and he said he was going to check himself into a rehab. While I was gone I called him and he did not answer then I found out that he had another woman in our house. I believe this woman was his drug dealer. He lied to me about it and that was the final straw for me so I had him served with a restraining order that I already had in place….”just in case”. I don’t’ know why this incident was any worse than any other incident, however something inside of me snapped. I knew that I had to do something or either he or I would soon be dead. My mind told me that he knew no one and therefore had nowhere to go; he would be forced to go to rehab. After all he said he wanted to go so this should help him to actually take the step needed. I always promised him I would not call the police….my guilt was so bad because I went back on a promise…that is something I try not to ever do.</i></b></p><p><b><i>I felt guilty…I felt confused…All I wanted was for him to get help so we could fix our marriage.</i></b></p><p><b><i>A couple of hours later he returned to our house. He jumped through our sliding glass door, obviously high. What happed next is unclear. I don’t remember all of the details. My doctors said I probably blocked it out and may not ever remember. I remember parts and I know the outcome…</i></b></p><p><b><i>His ultimate act of desperation … I do not know what he was thinking… I may never know…</i></b></p><p><b><i>I remember screaming when I heard the explosion of him jumping through the glass. My scream must have been so intense that it caused my neighbors to call the police. I know that he kept asking me why I did what I did. He took me to our room and tied my legs together. He later told me it was so we could talk…so I wouldn’t run like I always do. I remember the phone ringing a couple of times and screaming into the phone when I picked it up. He grabbed the phone from me, tore it out of the wall and threw it. I believe it was the second time I screamed that the police kicked in my door because they heard me. I remember being scared to death as the police said to come out or they would shoot. I couldn’t untie my legs and I knew they were going to kill me. I remember the police trying to tell me that my husband did certain things to me and I would not say that he did because I didn’t know or remember. They tried to say he attacked me with my daughter’s taekwondo weapons. When I told them he did not, they became angry. I refused to talk to them because they would not listen. My daughter took me to the hospital and found that I had a broken jaw and my ear was cut to the point the cartilage was exposed; I had it glued back together. The back of my head was totally bruised and I do not know how any of this happened. When I told his sister what happened she said I was stupid if I thought anything other than he was going to kill me. She said she knew him better than anyone and that was his intentions. Everyone told me things I did not want to hear, everyone said things about my husband that they believed…no one understood that he needed help…no one understood that I was not mad. I was desperate to save our marriage he was desperate for me to understand his problem…</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>We were both desperate for our fairytale to come true…</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>He had a problem just like I did…</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>The things we do out of desperation</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Are our reality, at the time. </i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>The things we do out of desperations</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Are the only options at the time. </i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>The things we do out of desperation</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i> Can change our lives forever.</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i> </i></b></p></div>Depression #9https://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/depression-92012-12-08T19:47:20.000Z2012-12-08T19:47:20.000ZDi Joneshttps://mybbwo.com/members/DiJones<div><p align="center"><b><i>Empty</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>I cannot think</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Empty</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>I have no feelings</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Empty</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>My heart is gone</i></b></p><p><b><i>My husband went to prison. Many people would say: “Good that is what he deserves”, however that is not the way I look at it. When people hear my story, many gasp and say “oh my gosh”, however that is not the response I needed. </i></b></p><p><b><i>After my husband was arrested, I fell into the deepest depression I have ever felt. I didn’t know things could get worse in my mind. I didn’t know there could be a new level of giving up on my life. To say I felt like a failure or to say I couldn’t think straight or to try to express my feelings in any way, would not express the depression I was in. I lost over 40 lbs. I couldn’t eat; I couldn’t sleep. It took every bit of energy I had to be able to talk to anyone because I just wanted to be alone. I tried to be the person everyone expected me to be and that only caused me to feel worse. Everyone wanted me to hate my husband, they wanted me to not ever forgive him or even talk to him again. I couldn’t do that. Remember, the one thing I have always liked about myself is that I am “too nice”. I don’t judge and I don’t get mad at anyone. I hated myself for causing my husband pain. I hated myself for causing my children pain. I hated myself for causing my parents pain. I hated myself for all the decisions I had made that affected everyone’s life in a negative way. In order to heal, I had to get back to being me because if I couldn’t like myself, I could not ever move forward.</i></b></p><p><b><i>I was afraid to be in my house alone. The quiet would ring in my ears and no matter how I tried to stop it, it wouldn’t go away. I found myself pacing the floors and breaking down for what appeared to be no reason. First my heart would start beating so fast it hurt; then I would feel sick to my stomach and my body would feel hot and flushed; then my head would feel like it was going to explode. I would start to hyperventilate and feel like passing out. My emotions were uncontrollable, I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t concentrate on anything; even when I realized my mind was drifting, I could not control where it went. If only I could make my mind not remember. If only I could replace the memories with something good. I struggled within my mind because I couldn’t figure out if I was afraid to be home because of the events that had taken place or because of being alone. All I knew is my heart would start to pound as soon as I got in the house. The harder I tried the worse I felt and the deeper my depression became. I was always the person that handled all problems and made sure everyone was okay, why couldn’t I handle this? What was wrong with me? Was I losing my mind? I am not a stupid person, why couldn’t I control my thoughts? Why couldn’t I figure out what was right and what was wrong? My mind would tell me I should be a certain way and my heart would tell me something different. All I could think of was going to sleep and never waking up. My life was now consumed with two main thoughts; 1<sup>st</sup> to find a way to pay my bills, pay for my funeral and have everything in order so my husband and children would not have to deal with anything after I was gone; 2<sup>nd</sup> to be sure my youngest daughter was okay since she was the only child not living on her own I needed to know she would be okay when I was gone. I tried to tell myself that my being gone would cause my family even more pain…if I could convince myself of this maybe I could stop thinking of dying. I couldn’t’...I couldn't convince myself because all I could see is the hurt everyone was feeling and it was all my fault. I felt like I was a bad person and that I was being selfish because I didn’t want to be mad, I wanted to forgive, I wanted to find a way to work things out…my wants were causing others pain and again my mind told me that everyone would be better off without me. The struggle going on within myself was taking over my life. It is a feeling I cannot describe…to be sad would have been a happy state of mind compared to what I was feeling. I just wanted to feel peace….why couldn’t I feel peace?</i></b></p><p><b><i>I went to a doctor for help and was put on some sort of anti-depressants. They took the edge off, however it didn’t take long for me to realize I felt like a zombie with no feelings at all. Which is worse…no emotions or extreme emotions? I went to counseling groups to try to understand my feelings. I couldn’t find support for the feelings I was experiencing because of the different levels of my depression. Groups that dealt with abuse, told me to be strong and to prepare myself. They focused on how to protect myself. Groups that dealt with addiction, told me to distance myself from the problem and to not take responsibility for “his” problem. Individuals that I tried to talk to, told me to not believe in my husband and to get away from him. No one seemed to understand the core of my depression. It was not the abuse or the addictions it was the struggle within myself. Nothing helped….it only made me feel worse. I felt like my mind was going to explode. I couldn’t think straight because everything in my mind conflicted with my heart.</i></b></p><p><b><i>I guess I can admit that my depression was due to my husband’s actions. However, it is not due to the things he did. It is because of his actions, I was forced into a struggle within myself because of my inner most feelings and beliefs. There is no way to express what I felt like, there is no way to explain the thought process I was struggling with because to say the words out loud would mean I would have to live with what others thought of me. I would be labeled as “stupid” or “naive” or even “weird” and “not normal”. </i></b></p><p><b><i>Everyone thought they understood my depression, they even said it was “normal after what I had gone through.” Everyone knew what was best for me…However no one knew who I was. I was/am not a person who holds a grudge or who judges. I was/am not a person who thinks negatively about situations. I was depressed because I felt guilty for causing pain to everyone. I was depressed because I couldn’t express myself without being judged or labeled negatively. I was depressed because I felt like I was causing separation between my family, because of my beliefs. I was depressed because no one understood that I loved my husband and all I wanted was for him to get better so we could resume our life together. I was depressed because I couldn’t be me…I had to not get upset if they talked bad about my husband…I had to act as if I was ready to end my marriage…I had to pretend to be someone that I was not.</i></b></p><p><b><i>I made a commitment to my husband till death do us part. I made a promise to God that I would do everything in my power to honor my marriage. I believe in forgiveness. There is a difference between forgiving someone and knowing the things they did were wrong. It is not my place to judge the things that happened. It is my place to forgive as I would want God to forgive me for the wrong things I have done.</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>If I cannot live according to God’s will</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>I would rather not live on this earth</i></b></p></div>Reflections #14https://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/reflections-142013-01-09T02:02:14.000Z2013-01-09T02:02:14.000ZDi Joneshttps://mybbwo.com/members/DiJones<div><p style="text-align:left;" align="center"><i><a href="http://www.DJsUniqueSound.com" target="_blank">DJs Unique Sound Charities</a></i></p><p style="text-align:left;" align="center"><a href="http://youtu.be/AU2W3fTfvcw" target="_blank">Reflections #14</a></p><p style="text-align:left;" align="center"> </p><p align="center"> </p><p align="center"><i>Reflections</i></p><p align="center"><i> Is Love Blind</i></p><p align="center"><i>Or do we choose to see only what we want</i></p><p align="center"><i> I can see clearly now</i></p><p align="center"><i> </i></p><p><i>We all have to look in the mirror to see ourselves. Sometimes we do not see what others see. We see what we believe about ourselves not necessarily what is real. Sometimes we see what our mind tells us and sometimes we see what our heart tells us; our self-image may be a mixture of both. </i></p><p><i>The story I have told is very 'one-sided' in many ways. It tells of the hurt I felt. This hurt was real to me, however it does not tell of the hurt I caused that was just as real to my husband. When I face my judgment day, I will have to account for every word I spoke and ever thing I did. I have to reflect on me because this is the only way I can heal. </i></p><p><i>When I look back I cannot believe some of the things I did. This was not me. I say that, I believe this, and I know it to be true; so why can't I accept the same from my husband? Why can't I accept that the things he did were not who he really is? I must accept this just as I ask him to accept me for who I am...who I truly am even through the things I did.</i></p><p><i>I yelled and I cursed.....oh how I yelled. I said hateful and hurtful things. I was selfish and controlling. At the time, I would have argued each of these admissions. At the time, I would have believed I was doing the right thing. I know now that I caused my husband to hurt in many ways also. I must admit my faults. The first is that I did not respect him as my husband; I did things that belittled him. I had been a single mom for 20 years and had only my son to turn to. This became a habit for me and I didn’t realize the hurt it caused my husband. If there was something to be done; I would instantly say “let me ask (my son)” I should not have done this, I should have asked and accepted my husband’s word and opinion. Another variation of this is that he would say something and I would not acknowledge that he said it until I heard the same thing from someone else. By doing this I made him feel like I was not listening and I didn’t put any importance to what he said; it made him feel like I cared what others thought or said more than what he thought or said. I should have known this because I felt the same way. I have a very bad habit of talking…and talking…and talking…This caused many pains. First it made my husband feel like I was treating him like a child. It is not uncommon for me to say something several different ways and many times over. I did not mean to make him feel like a child, this is something I really need to work on because not only did this cause my husband pain; I was also causing some of my own pain. My husband would tend to “tune me out” after a while or after my story was repeating and this would make me feel like he was not listening or like he didn’t care what I had to say when in reality I was saying the same things over and over again. </i></p><p><i>The next fault of mine is that I was very controlling. I had to have everything my way because if I controlled the way things were, I would be sure they were done correctly. I was so used to doing everything for myself and my children. In my mind I had to do everything to be sure all was taken care of; I had to be sure all problems were solved. Because of my mind set, I took charge in every situation and did not allow my husband to be the “man of the family”. My mind had convinced me that I was taking care of him. I would nag about everything; thinking that I was just making sure everything was getting done. The Bible says it is <b>Better to live out in the</b></i> <a href="http://www.chacha.com/topic/desert"><b><i>desert</i></b></a> <b><i>than with a nagging, complaining wife.</i></b> <i>Proverbs 21:19 &</i> <a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/csb/proverbs/27-15.html"><i>Proverbs 27:15 says</i></a> <b><i>An endless dripping on a rainy day and a nagging wife are alike. </i></b> <i>This was me and I had no idea I was hurting him and I was not acting like his wife. I was being a mom like I have always been. He didn’t need a mom he needed a wife. </i></p><p><i>One of the faults that I hate about myself the most is in the things that came out of my mouth. It is still hard for me to believe that I cursed the way I did. I had not ever cursed like this before in my life. I not only cursed, I said some very hurtful and hateful things. I told my husband he was a crack-head whore, I told my husband that I hated him. There is no way for me to say I am sorry for the words that came out of my mouth. </i></p><p><i>The guilt I feel for the ugly words I said and the way I acted will haunt me forever….who am I to complain about the names he called me when I did the same to him? Who am I to judge him when I will have to stand before God for the things I did to him?</i></p><p align="center"><i>Stop … Think … Reflect</i></p><p align="center"><i>Only God can judge</i></p><p align="center"><i>We are all unique in the way God made us</i></p><p align="center"><i>Stop and see who you are before you judge others</i></p><p align="center"><i>Think and Thank God for all of our differences</i></p><p align="center"><i>No one is perfect … we all have faults</i></p><p align="center"><i> </i></p><p align="center"><i> Reflect and look inside yourself</i></p><p><i> </i></p></div>Addictions #7https://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/addictions-72012-11-18T01:32:21.000Z2012-11-18T01:32:21.000ZDi Joneshttps://mybbwo.com/members/DiJones<div><p style="text-align:left;" align="center"><a href="http://youtu.be/DtTP3acIcIQ" target="_blank">Addictions #7</a></p><p style="text-align:left;" align="center"><a href="http://www.DJsUniqueSound.com" target="_blank">DJs Unique Sound Charities</a></p><p align="center"> </p><p align="center">Addict, Addiction, Addicted</p><p align="center">Ugly words</p><p align="center">Misunderstood words</p><p align="center">Words of Judgment</p><p align="center">Words of disgrace</p><p> </p><p><b><i>My husband’s drug addiction…is that what ruined my life? I am not even sure I can say that is true, because I have to be honest and I believe there are a lot of addictions that harm us in different ways. We all have addictions of some type; sometimes we call them habits. We may be addicted to exercise or coffee or gambling or so many other things. It is when our addictions are not in balance that our life can be thrown off. I had several addictions. My addictions were to be loved, to be accepted, and to be wanted. I would do anything to try to achieve those addictions. My addictions also played a part in the craziness of what I am about to tell you.</i></b></p><p><b><i>Two definitions I found, online, are:</i></b></p><ul><li>To cause to become physiologically or psychologically dependent on a habit-forming substance</li><li>To occupy (oneself) with or involve (oneself) in something habitually or compulsively; to devote or surrender (oneself) to something habitually or obsessively</li></ul><p><b><i>To say that my life got crazy or bizarre would not express the true craziness. This was a life I knew nothing of. I was not prepared. It took me a while to even know what was happening. I was so naïve to drugs that again…I did not see the signs. There is a world known to drug addicts that I never knew existed. There is a code amongst addicts that I couldn’t understand. My life would soon become his, in part, due to my own addiction. “To occupy oneself with or involve oneself in something habitually or compulsively”…wow… that describes me exactly. I was addicted to wanting to be loved…I was addicted to wanting to fit in…I was addicted to needing to be needed. We both did things………maybe due to our addictions.</i></b></p><p><b><i>I lied to my family to protect my husband. I became more and more distant from my family because I didn’t want them to see the truth. After all, he was the man that loved me…right? I became a person I had not ever been. I yelled and I cursed at my husband. I hated the person I was turning into and yet I couldn’t stop doing what I was doing. I didn’t know that by doing these things, I belittled him. I was trying to get him to see things my way and I couldn’t understand why/how he could be treating me the way he was. I wanted so much to have the “perfect marriage” without realizing that I was contributing to my own problems.</i></b></p><p><b><i>His crack addiction led him to do things that I am not sure he would have otherwise done. I say I am not sure, because to this day, I do not know if they were drug induced actions or if these things are a part of who he is. I know he lied to me all the time. He convinced me that he needed my 401K savings to go home and invest in a business deal to help us. I believed him because he talked to “his people” on the phone and it sounded real. He lost all the money. I do know that he stole money from me on a regular basis in order to support his need. First it was $50 at a time then it was hundreds at a time. I couldn’t question him because if I did, I would spark his rage. He would take my debit card from my purse and get money before I even realized it was missing. Once I realized what he did, I started sleeping with my purse next to me or I tried hiding my card. He always seemed to find it and the times when he didn’t he found my checks and wrote checks out to himself signing my name. My money was disappearing and I wasn’t able to pay my bills. I know that he kept in contact with people that I would rather not have in my life and that at least one was a female. This certain female would text my husband every morning and I would be furious each morning. That was the way our day would begin. I know he visited porn and single sites on a regular basis. I would find flirtatious messages some of which were very graphic and inappropriate. Again, this would trigger my anger to a point I couldn’t control the things that came out of my mouth. I know he stole all of my valuable jewelry and many household items; my diamonds and pearls were gone; our flat screen T.V. was gone; I would be looking for something random and find it was gone, things that had great sentimental value to me where just all of a sudden gone. All taken, in order to pay for his addiction. When I asked him, of course, he said he didn’t do it. He swore to me that he would not ever steal from me and yet so many things were mysteriously gone… One of the other traits of his addiction, that I finally learned, is that he would lose track of time. He once left the keys in the car with the car running; he left candles burning till they burned all the way down and melting all over everything. He would swear that he had the best memory. I felt like I had to bring things to his attention when those things could put us in some type of danger, but I soon found it was easier to just let the little things go. There were enough bigger things that got me so upset, I couldn’t seem to let them go. There were several times when he would forget to pick me up from work. One time in particular, he said he was going to get gas, instead he went to the bank…took out money…went out of town and left me to walk 5 miles home from work. He didn’t get home until the following day, with no explanation except that somehow it was due to something I said or did. His addiction was combined with ongoing abuse to cause another level of craziness. If I didn’t give him the bank card, I didn’t trust him. If I questioned his whereabouts, I treated him like a child. If I got upset about his cheating, I must be guilty of cheating. The drug addiction along with the abuse, meant I was being hit on a regular basis and I never knew what I did to deserve it other than the reasons he told me which didn’t seem real in my mind or were just plain not true. </i></b></p><p><b><i>When I learned of his addiction, I was finally able to see the cycle. It was usually a three (3) day cycle. He might be able to stay clean for a couple of days, however by the third day he was craving so bad and that is when he would be violent and extremely mean to me. Although I learned the cycle, I did not learn to keep my mouth shut and that is usually the reason I would get hit. Somehow, I still believed I could reason with him. I believed this because there were some days when he truly seemed loving and believable. He would tell me that he wanted help and that he needed me to help him. He would tell me that without me he couldn’t do it. I soon found out these were only words. He was so good at saying the right thing. He always knew how to convince me. I didn’t know this was another characteristic of a drug addict. He was in his own world and there was no reasoning with him. Many of the incidents I described happened before I ever knew he had an addiction and therefore I struggled even more because I thought it was all because of me.</i></b></p><p><b><i>My addiction to him also helped in making me believe in him. After all, he was my “fairytale husband”. If only I could get him to see…If only I could get him to understand…</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>If Only…</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>If is such a big word for being so small</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>It carries so much meaning that may not ever be</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>If</i></b></p></div>Hurt #6https://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/hurt-62012-11-16T01:12:04.000Z2012-11-16T01:12:04.000ZDi Joneshttps://mybbwo.com/members/DiJones<div><p style="text-align:left;" align="center"><b><i><a href="http://http//youtu.be/2U_h9obhMvA" target="_blank">Hurt #6</a></i></b></p><p align="center"> </p><p align="center"><b><i>Hurt #6</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Love is patient, love is kind.</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i> It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i><sup> </sup></i></b><b><i>It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i> It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i><sup> </sup></i></b><b><i>Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i><sup> </sup></i></b><b><i>It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i><sup> </sup></i></b><b><i>Love never fails</i></b></p><p><b><i>The Bible tells me what love is…this is what I believe</i></b></p><p><b><i>My mind is a cloud. I don’t remember the specific details of each hit. I do remember the types of things that would cause them. I remember the bruises, the headaches, and the heartaches. I remember the lies I had to tell in order to hide what had been done to me. I remember feeling desperate. I remember feelings like I didn’t want to live any more.</i></b></p><p><b><i>It could have been because I looked at someone when I left work and smiled as I said bye; that meant I was cheating on him. He would question me and if I said no, he would call me a damn liar and back up his words with a punch.</i></b></p><p><b><i>It could have been because I stood behind him while in a meeting, that meant I was trying to hide so I could flirt and again I would pay for it when we were alone.</i></b></p><p><b><i>It could have been because I got a call on my cell phone that was the wrong number, and that meant I had a secret code to meet someone; again a reason to hit me.</i></b></p><p><b><i>Most of the incidents were because he thought I was cheating on him or lying to him. At first I thought it was romantic that he was jealous. After all, I had never experienced a kind of love where someone actually loved me enough to care what I did. My thoughts of romance were soon replaced with thoughts of death. There was one incident when he threw a dog bone at me and hit me in the head. My head cut open and started to bleed. There was another time he kicked me in the stomach. Another punch was to my eye, which caused my contact to cut my eye. Usually it was a punch. I say a punch because that is what it felt like to me however, there were many times when he said he “barely tapped me”. Those “taps” always seemed to leave bruises on my body. One incident left me with a black eye and the white of my eye was so filled with blood that I had to wear an eye patch to work. I am sure no one believed the lies I told about the patch after all the bruises they had seen on me. I tried to cover the bruises with make-up, I am sure people saw through my attempted cover up. </i></b></p><p><b><i>I was in an abusive relationship before and I always said I would not ever allow this to happen to me again. When you are in the middle of an abusive relationship, you cannot think straight. You are too busy thinking about you next move and how you are going to survive from one day to the next. </i></b></p><p><b><i>There is not much more to say about this. It is what it is. As much as the physical abuse may have hurt me and as bad as the descriptions may seem, they were actually nothing compared to the mental/emotional abuse. The physical affects would eventually heal however, the mental/emotional scars could last a lifetime. </i></b></p><p><b><i>Through the beginning phases of this abuse, I still had no idea my husband was addicted to crack. Maybe if I would have known, some of these things may not have occurred. Maybe, I would have been able to understand the hurt he was feeling that caused him to react the way he did. Maybe I would have been able to look at him differently and therefore see myself in a different way. Maybe I wouldn’t believe that I deserved what I got because he was the person with the problem not me. Maybe….just maybe….</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Love is not supposed to supposed to hurt....</i></b></p><p align="center"></p><p align="center"><b><i> </i></b></p></div>Mind Games #5https://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/mind-games-52012-11-09T03:06:59.000Z2012-11-09T03:06:59.000ZDi Joneshttps://mybbwo.com/members/DiJones<div><p align="center"><b><i>What is truth?</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>What is true to one person may not be true to another.</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>What is truth?</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Our minds are unique</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>We process thoughts according to our own knowledge.</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Are there really three (3) sides to every story?</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Or are there many more depending on the story being told?</i></b></p><p><b><i>As I said before, I have always been labeled as “too nice”. I try to believe the best in everyone, I try to trust everyone, I try to see the good side of every situation, I don’t ever hold a grudge or judge anyone. This is the way my mind works. This is who I am.</i></b></p><p><b><i>If I am told something from someone I love, I believe them. When my husband told me, on our marriage night, that I did not ever have to flinch again because he would always protect me and he would not ever hurt me….I believed him. When he told me our fairytale marriage was real….I believed him. When he told me I could believe in him….I believed him. When he told me he loved me “Like the White Light”….I believed him. I stored all his loving words in my mind. Somehow they helped to balance out all the negative words that had been said to me in my past. </i></b></p><p><b><i>When he told me, shortly after we were married, that he would not ever cheat on me unless it was with someone much better than me….I believed him. When he told me stories of his past and the “bad” things he did….I believed him. When he told me “no black man would ever want me, except to use me until there was nothing left to use”….I believed him. When he called me names and pointed out all the things I did wrong…I believed him. When he told me all he had to do was call “his boys” and they would be here…. I believed him. When he told me I better be prepared because he always took care of business when least expected…. I believed him. When he told me he wouldn’t just get me…he would get my whole family because he didn’t leave witness’…. I believed him. When he told me he would burn my house down…I believed him. As he started to tell me more and more “negative” things, his previous statements started to appear to be lies. The words he said now reinforced all the negative things that I had heard all my life.</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>I believed him, because I had no reason not to.</i></b></p><p><b><i>Our marriage was based on the Bible and our mutual beliefs. He reminded me what the Bible said about being in a marriage. I was to submit to my husband. I was to forgive 7 x’s7 times. The husband was the head of the wife. We were to become one flesh. He reminded me of our vows. Till death do us part, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer. He knew how my mind would process these reminders.</i></b></p><p><b><i>My mind processed what I knew from my past and what was now my present. As I mentioned in a previous post, I believe the effects of childhood bullying can lead to how a person feels about themselves and can lead to adult abuse both for the abuser and the abused.</i></b></p><p><b><i>His words were like daggers to my mind. His actions were even worse. I remember one time when he got mad at me (for what I don’t remember)…any way, I was sitting on our bed and he started yelling at me and calling me names then said he would burn our room down with me in it. As I sat on the bed he put his cigarette lighter to the mattress and it caught on fire. I was so scared but I couldn’t let it show. I sat there and prayed that God would take me quickly. By his reactions, I think he surprised himself because he tried to put the fire out as it spread faster and faster. He did get it out but the memory would stay burning in my mind for years. It reminded me that I should not ever take for granted anything he said or any of the threats he made. </i></b></p><p><b><i>He kept me humiliated and feeling like I was a disgrace by his actions and words. It became a regular ritual for me to come home from work and him make me take my undergarments off so he could inspect them to be sure I hadn’t cheated on him. He would also “inspect” my private parts for the same reason. I felt so humiliated because he would then tell me I stink or that my body somehow resembled that of a “w (word)”. On one hand my mind knew that what he said was not true…the things he did were not right, on the other hand my mind was so numb I couldn’t think straight because I was too busy trying to think of how to keep things calm.</i></b></p><p><b><i> My mind told me to run…and so I tried, only to be brought back. My mind told me to be scared and yet I had to try to hide my fright. My mind told me that I had no one to turn to and I was stuck. My mind told me I was some sort of bad person, although I couldn’t figure out how or what to do, to be the person he wanted. My mind told me that my life didn’t matter; the only important thing was to protect my children. My mind told me if I wanted to be loved by the person I loved, I had to be the person he wanted me to be and since I couldn’t be that person, no matter how hard I tried, it would be best if I was no longer.</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Your Mind can play tricks on you</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>These tricks can either protect you or harm you</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Believe in yourself</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Trust in yourself</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Love yourself</i></b></p><p><b><i>It is easier said than do</i></b></p></div>my fairytale #2 my story to help others that have been hurt by abuse and addictionhttps://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/my-fairytale-2-my-story-to-help-others-that-have-been-hurt-by2012-10-21T23:12:03.000Z2012-10-21T23:12:03.000ZDi Joneshttps://mybbwo.com/members/DiJones<div><p style="text-align:left;" align="center"><span class="font-size-4"><b><i><a href="http://youtu.be/p1Vqi3JsifM" target="_blank">my fairytale #2</a></i></b></span></p><p style="text-align:left;" align="center"><span class="font-size-4"><b><i><a href="http://www.DJsUniqueSound.com" target="_blank">DJs Unique Sound Charities</a></i></b></span></p><p align="center"><b><i>It was my fairytale</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Everything I ever dreamed of.</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>After all that I had been through,</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>After all the neglect, abuse, lying and cheating,</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>I finally found the man that would love me for me.</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i> </i></b></p><p><b><i>It started with a phone call to help a friend. The calls were short with messages to a mutual friend about his son. Until one day we started to talk about the Bible. We connected in such a way, it was like a whirlwind. We were so alike and yet complete opposites. It had been a long time since I felt this type of connection, the feeling of being accepted for being the person I am. The phrase “you are too nice” has been told to me all my life. Being nice was the one thing I liked about myself. I couldn’t understand why this was always said to me in a negative way. Maybe I was “too nice”…… I always tried to find the good in people and I always tried to believe in people. You would think I would have learned since every relationship I was in proved to me, that I was wrong. Every relationship that I believed in turned out to be a lie. Now I found someone that could relate to my every hurt. I found someone who had been hurt and betrayed to the same degree as I had.</i></b></p><p><b><i> We were exactly the same and completely opposite. We had both recently been in the same type of relationship on opposite sides. He was in prison and his significant other left him, cheated on him and did not stand by him in his time of need. I was engaged to a man in prison and I stood by him for 10 years until he cheated on me and left me as soon as he got out. He is black, I am Hispanic. He is in his early 40’s, I am in my mid 50’s. He grew up on the street, I had a “normal” childhood. We both knew the same type of hurt and understood each other. Our two opposite sides…our two halves could be put together to make a whole. He was tired just as I was. God brought us together for a reason. We could help each other to get over our insecurities and the hurt that had built up in our hearts. </i></b></p><p><b><i>We talked on the phone for about a month and a half and then I flew to St. Louis to meet him. We got married the same day…My fairytale had begun. </i></b></p><p><b><i>All my life I felt left out. I felt like the “black sheep” in every situation……like I was different, like I didn’t fit in. The weekend in St Louis was one of the best weekends of my life. I felt like I belonged and like I was accepted. I will not ever forget the way he held out his hand for me when we walked. I will not ever forget the way he held me when I told him my stories of being abused, the way he told me I would not ever have to flinch again because he would always protect me and not ever hurt me. These things probably seem small to most people, but they were HUGE to me. These were the types of things that defined love for me because I had not experienced them in my past. There are no words to explain the feelings that these two actions gave me. The way he made me feel; took away the pain of my past relationships. He told me he would treat me like a queen and that is exactly what I felt like. I knew i would not ever be alone again. I knew we were one and our love would only grow stronger as we got to know each other and share our lives. It is not often you can find someone that understands your inner most feelings because they also have those same feelings. My husband is a singer/songwriter, he expressed his love for me in songs he wrote and he sang them to me with so much love in his eyes that my eyes would fill with tears when he sang them. I was in a fairytale dream...</i></b></p><p><b><i> </i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>I felt special</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>I felt like I belonged</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>I could believe, hope & smile again</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>I could love again</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>I could be me and still be loved</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i> </i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Fairytales do come true</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>or at least I thought they did...</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i> </i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i> </i></b></p></div>words #4https://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/words-42012-11-05T02:20:11.000Z2012-11-05T02:20:11.000ZDi Joneshttps://mybbwo.com/members/DiJones<div><p align="center"><b><i>It’s not your fault,</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>You didn’t’ know your words would eat away at my heart.</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>It’s not your fault,</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>You didn’t’ know your words would break my spirit.</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>I don’t blame you,</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>You couldn’t have known.</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i> </i></b></p><p><b><i>I remember my sister once told me that you should be happy most of the time and have a few unhappy days, when you are in a relationship. I was unhappy most of the time and lived for the few days when things were good. I didn’t realize at the time that there was a cycle that I could count on. I was too busy trying to do everything right to be able to notice anything around me. The verbal, mental and emotional abuse was something I had to deal with daily. I did not ever know if I should speak or have an opinion of my own. I was always on edge. There would be times when we would be in the middle of a “normal” conversation; everything would be great and then I would say something wrong and everything would change. If my words were not EXACTLY as he thought I should say them, the accusations and name calling would begin. We came from different life styles, we came from different cultures and evidently, I didn’t know how to speak or express myself correctly. I tried so hard to say the right things in the right way…I just couldn’t get it right. If I talked “too much” or explained things in detail, he would accuse me of treating him like a child. I have been used to talking in detail with my children and family…we talk and repeat the same thing in several ways. We analyze and we discuss in detail, however when I spoke this way with my husband, again, I was accused of treating him like a child and I had to pay the price by being yelled at and called names. If I tried to explain, it just made matters worse. Even as I write this, I feel my heart start to beat fast because I am afraid I am saying “too much”. If my children called me, I had to be careful of every word I spoke in fear he might take something wrong. </i></b></p><p><b><i>I learned how to listen verbatim. If I paraphrased something and didn’t get it right, he would yell at me for “putting words in his mouth”. If I said something and then latter changed it, I was “lying” or “up to something”. If I forgot something, or didn’t remember exactly as it was said days before, I “was stupid” and a “damn liar”. Anything I got wrong could easily be turned into proof that I was cheating on him or that I was somehow putting him down. I wasn’t and I couldn’t find a way to show him.</i></b></p><p><b><i>I felt like I was losing my mind. There were times when I knew something was said or not said. It may have been that I didn’t remember word for word or that I had a different understanding of what was said then he did; it didn’t matter….I was always wrong.</i></b></p><p><b><i>If I argued what I believed I had heard, I would have to pay with his verbal assult on me.</i></b></p><p><b><i> I was a “damn liar”; I was a “m…f…”; I was a “c (word)..”; I was a “b (word)…”; I was “stupid”; “No one could be that naïve, so I must be lying”; I was a piece of “s (word)”; I was a “w (word)”;</i></b></p><p><b><i>His anger was so strong and the tone of his voice was so harsh, when he spoke these words to me, I was scared and felt helpless. </i></b></p><p><b><i>When you are in school, they call it bullying….as an adult it is abuse. Years of hearing the same types of things carried into my adult life reinforcing and strengthening each word and each name as it was yelled at me.</i></b></p><p><b><i>The name calling echoed in my mind every day and it got louder and louder each time the words were repeated.</i></b></p><p><b><i>There was a very fine line between the verbal, emotional and physical abuse. One crossed right over to the next and any one could trigger the other.</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>In school we learned</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>“Sticks n Stones may break your bones,</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>But words will never hurt you.”</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>My Daddy always told me</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>“Don’t care what other people think”</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i> </i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Why do his words hurt me so much?</i></b></p></div>Crash #11https://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/crash-112012-12-23T23:47:01.000Z2012-12-23T23:47:01.000ZDi Joneshttps://mybbwo.com/members/DiJones<div><p style="text-align:left;" align="center"><i><a href="http://youtu.be/sALh4L5a0TM" target="_blank">Crash #11</a></i></p><p style="text-align:left;" align="center"><a href="http://www.DJsUniqueSound.com" target="_blank">DJs Unique Sounc Charities</a></p><p align="center"> </p><p align="center"> </p><p align="center"><i>Crash #11</i></p><p align="center"> </p><p align="center"><i>Imagine your Highest Highs</i></p><p align="center"><i>The most spectacular events of your life</i></p><p align="center"><i>Imagine your Lowest Lows</i></p><p align="center"><i>The worst events of your life</i></p><p align="center"><i>CRASH</i></p><p><i>Is it better if I had not ever experienced such Highs in my life? Would it have been better if I had not ever had such high beliefs in someone? Would it have been better if I had not ever had such high hopes for my future? Would it have been better if I had not ever put my total trust in someone? Would it have been better if I did not believe in my fairytale marriage? If I did not experience these things I would not know the blessings of each. If I did not experience these things I would not have crashed so hard.</i></p><p><i>I was convinced that God had brought us together. After all, we would not have ever met unless this was true. Because of my beliefs, I put all my trust in my husband. I had always held back my emotions; I had never let my heart out to anyone like I did now. I remember telling my husband that this was my last chance to find love. I am 15 years older than he and I convinced myself that if this did not work, I would not ever try again. Having told myself that, I knew I had to give 1000% of myself, I couldn’t hold anything back, I had to trust and believe in him and our marriage. I know marriage takes work and I was willing to do what I needed to do. I knew I was finally going to be happy. I remember acting like teenagers and it felt so good to be giddy and carefree. I remember saying people were going to be jealous of our relationship. </i></p><p><i>I worked so hard to make our home a place I was proud of. This was a place where everyone was welcome and everyone could feel the love within the walls of our home. We had so many plans and dreams and they all began in our home. Now my house was boarded up. I was afraid to be home alone. The security of my home was gone.</i></p><p><i>There are three things that I had expected most out of our marriage. I look back now and think maybe I expected too much. Maybe, it wasn’t fair of me to expect what I did. These things were important to me and I expressed these things to my husband even before we got married.</i></p><p><i>The first was that I was extremely lonely. I hated to go to any family event because I always felt alone. I was the one person just sitting there with no one to talk with. I didn’t fit in. I had to pretend like I was happy, when inside I felt very lonely at ever get together. Now I would not ever be lonely again. I looked forward to family events just so I could be with my husband and not be lonely. Now I am lonelier than I have ever been in my life. It hurts more to be lonely when you are with someone than to be lonely when you are by yourself.</i></p><p><i>The second was to make sure my Dad knew he never had to worry about me again. I have had such bad experiences in the past and I always felt like I put worry on my Dad. I had a husband that promised to love and protect me. I couldn’t wait for my Dad to meet him so he would know he didn’t ever have to worry about me again. Now I have caused more worry and pain to my family because of the things that happened. How can I ever make this up to my Dad?</i></p><p><i>The third was to have someone love me for who I am. Someone that would love me no matter what and that I could love back with love unconditional. I had the kind of love that was so strong that my husband would dedicate his life to me and I to him. I was on my highest high and in love “Like the White Light”. I have the experience of love even if it were for only one weekend in St Louis. I was blessed with that weekend. Now all I have is a memory. </i></p><p><i>Everything else was taken from my heart.</i></p><p><i> </i></p><p align="center"><i>The things that I lost cannot ever be replaced by anyone except the person that took them</i></p><p align="center"><i>I had everything I ever dreamed of and more</i></p><p align="center"><i>I believed and had hope for my future</i></p><p align="center"><i>All was taken away from me <br />I Crashed</i></p><p><i> </i></p></div>Betrayed #12https://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/betrayed-122012-12-29T22:39:11.000Z2012-12-29T22:39:11.000ZDi Joneshttps://mybbwo.com/members/DiJones<div><p style="text-align:left;" align="center"><b><i><a href="http://www.DJsUniqueSound.com" target="_blank">DJs Unique Sound Charities</a></i></b></p><p style="text-align:left;" align="center"><a href="http://youtu.be/GRxSGsyc9ww" target="_blank">Betrayed #12</a></p><p align="center"> </p><p align="center"><b><i>Is it wrong to believe in a person</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Is it wrong to think the best of the person</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Is it wrong to love someone unconditionally</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i> </i></b></p><p><b><i>My husband came home and I was in 7<sup>th</sup> heaven. I was so excited to begin my long awaited fairytale. I knew in my heart that we would be okay and our dreams would come true. We had worked so hard at understanding each other and at studying God’s word so we would live the right way. The things he did after he came home from prison would destroy all the trust that we had built up while he was gone. The promises he made, were nothing but words.</i></b></p><p><b><i>After about 2 months, he got mad about something and slapped my face. I don’t remember what he got mad about; I just remember how shocked I was that he put his hands on me again. As always, he was sorry and swore it wouldn’t happen again. He never hit me again.</i></b></p><p><b><i>Soon after this incident I realized that he had started using drugs again. Things got more bizarre than before. I don’t know if it is because he was using more or if it was because it was a different type. I am still naïve to this, but I do know that once again my fairytale became a nightmare and this time it was worse in many ways. Although he did not hit me again, there were so many other things that were worse.</i></b></p><p><b><i>His paranoia was so intense that it scared me. I couldn’t reason with him because in his mind his paranoia was real. The things he saw or suspected were real and of course, I needed to be aware or something might happen to me. I am not sure if he got high during the day. I suspect he did and I know he did other things that were totally disrespectful to me and our marriage. He would get high when I got home from work saying he was only going to “do a little”. That “little” would last all night. He would pace around the house in a way that made me scared. He carried a knife with him at all times and if I tried to sleep I would be woken with him standing over me with the knife in his hands. He would watch out the back window with binoculars because, as he said, a house in the next neighborhood would turn on or off their lights when he watched. He would tell me to watch the light and I honestly did not see what he saw but it was real to him. The most bizarre thing he did was due to his paranoia. I would be sitting on the couch and if he happened to come into the room and I moved at the same time he walked in, he would get so angry at me and start yelling and cursing. He was convinced that I had someone inside/or under the couch and I was having sex with them and that is why I moved. I was so scared by the way he would come at me and turn over the couch to see who was under it. Again, I couldn’t reason with him because if I tried it would only get him angrier. If I slept with my legs a bit parted and then closed them because I adjusted in my sleep; that meant I was having sex with someone or something. I was so afraid to do anything. I was afraid to sit on the couch or sleep or do anything because I didn’t know how he was going to react. I soon started to sleep with a knife and carry a knife with me at all times. I didn’t do this to hurt him; I did it because I swore I would not let him hurt me again. I would hurt myself first. I could not live like this again. I wanted to die but I had to do it in a way that he would not get in trouble for it. </i></b></p><p><b><i>There came a time when I knew I couldn’t be in the house with him if he was high. I packed my car with clothes and a jug of water. I told him that if he got high I would not be there. He didn’t seem to care. I slept in my car almost every night because that is where I felt safe. Sometimes I slept in the driveway of our house and other times I slept in parking lots; it all depended on how scared I was. After a while, I started sleeping at my job. I think what hurt the most is that he didn’t care if I was in a parking lot somewhere sleeping in my car. He didn’t care if I was sleeping on a couch at work. All he cared about is that he was able to get high. I believe he actually liked for me to be gone because he was cheating on me. It was no longer just the internet sites, now it was in person and with prostitutes. I found out that he was paying to have sex with prostitutes on a regular basis. I cannot explain the hurt this caused me on so many different levels. First because I believed in him and I believed in our marriage and this showed me he did not have the same beliefs as I did. Second because he continually accused me of cheating on him and therefore was justified in his mind to hurt me and yet he was the one doing it all along. Third because I remembered what he had told me shortly after we got married…”he would not ever cheat on me unless it was with someone better than me.” So this is what he thought of me? A wife who dedicated her life to him, who stuck by him no matter what and he would rather be with a prostitute?</i></b></p><p><b><i>I couldn’t tell my children or anyone else what was going on. I had to keep this all to myself and therefore hurt by myself. No one would understand why I didn’t want to get him in trouble. He continued to tell me he wanted help. I believed him…he was so convincing. His problem was getting worse. His actions were getting worse. </i></b></p><p><b><i>I have been told that you can’t help someone if they don’t want help. I tried to help him. He did not want help. I finally realized there was nothing I could do to help him.</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>To love someone unconditionally</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Is to let them be who they want to be</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>To love someone unconditionally</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Might mean to let them go</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>To love someone unconditionally</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Sometimes hurts</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i> </i></b></p></div>Healing #10https://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/healing-102012-12-15T19:26:41.000Z2012-12-15T19:26:41.000ZDi Joneshttps://mybbwo.com/members/DiJones<div><p style="text-align:left;" align="center"><b><i><a href="http://www.DJsUniqueSound.com" target="_blank">DJs Unique Sound Charities</a></i></b></p><p style="text-align:left;" align="center"><a href="http://youtu.be/ldcD4hvEULQ" target="_blank">Healing #10</a></p><p align="center"> </p><p align="center"><b><i>Time to heal</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Mentally, physically & emotionally</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Time to heal</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>From the hurt, abuse, & betrayal</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Time to heal</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>So life can go on…</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i> </i></b></p><p><b><i>We had met the day we got married so we really didn’t know each other. We were able to change this during the course of the time he was gone. We were able to use this time to heal and to grow together. We talked in length about everything that had happened and why. We discussed how we felt and what we needed to do to help each other. We learned to trust each other; we learned to believe in each other. Most of all we used this time to grow in Christ. Many people would say that everyone finds God in prison. I say that is great, because it is the story of the prodigal son. God makes good of all evil if you allow him to and if you believe and ask. We asked and we believed. We took this time to start up our non-profit to help others. We could use our experiences to help someone else. For that reason it would all be worth it. God has a reason for all things; this was our reason. My husband expressed our feelings best when he put the saying on his back…”embracing the struggle”. I could hope again…I could believe again…I was excited about our future.</i></b></p><p><b><i>It wasn’t easy and it didn’t happen fast. I was still depressed and struggled to find a way out of my depression. I had lost my job which caused another level of stress for me, however it turned out to be a blessing because I was able to watch my new grand-daughter. Every time I looked at her I was reminded of my thoughts of death and how her birth had brought me hope. She was my angel…She was a blessing…She helped save my life. I focused on her and how precious she is, I focused my thoughts on my own children and my other grand-children. I focused on my husband and helping him to heal.</i></b></p><p><b><i>One day, while watching my grand-daughter, I was flipping through T.V. channels and accidently came upon a Joyce Meyer telecast. I am not sure what caught my attention. I watched the entire episode and knew that God was talking to me. I still had to deal with the guilt I felt for the restraining order. I still had to deal with the guilt I felt for causing my family pain. I knew it was time for me to heal and to put the past in the past. I heard words that I had heard all my life and it reminded me of who I was. I didn’t ever think I could get into a state of mind that would pull me away from my core beliefs and yet my depression was causing me to not be able to remember these simple beliefs. I watched the next day and the next and slowly began to feel my heart open and my mind clear. I felt light…I felt like I could believe again…I felt happiness</i></b></p><p><b><i>It has been proven that there are certain stages that most people go through in order to heal or in grieving a loss. 1<sup>st</sup>) Denial and Isolation; 2<sup>nd</sup>) Anger; 3<sup>rd</sup>) Bargaining; 4<sup>th</sup>) Depression; 5<sup>th</sup>) Acceptance. There is not a set amount of time that each stage should or might last. There are not any limitation to the severity of each stage. We are all unique so there is no right or wrong way to get through your loss or your individual hurt. Everyone I knew gave me advice to help me heal, however they did not realize that I am different; I am unique. The struggle I had, was to face the fact that I had a right to hurt in my own way and in my own time. My sister told me this recently and I didn’t realize that what she said was exactly what was causing me pain in my healing process. I could not change what others thought about my situation, I could only change the way I thought about my situation. I began to “embrace the struggle”. I began to remember that God does things for a reason.</i></b></p><p><b><i>The White Light…..It was shining brightly. I cannot explain the new feelings I had within my heart. My husband and I had so many plans. We took this time to heal in a way I didn’t think was possible. We took this time to grow together. We were one. We both wanted the same things and we were ready to work together to achieve them. The second chapter of my fairytale was becoming a reality. I was blessed in so many ways and I knew everything is possible with God.</i></b></p><p><b><i>I believed this was a new beginning……no looking back</i></b></p><p><b><i>Was I wrong?</i></b></p><p><b><i> </i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Anything bad can be turned into good</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>It is all in how you look at it</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Look on the positive side</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>And life will be much brighter</i></b></p></div>Broken #3 - to help those in pain due to abuse and addictionhttps://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/broken-3-to-help-those-in-pain-due-to-abuse-and-addiction2012-10-28T02:00:00.000Z2012-10-28T02:00:00.000ZDi Joneshttps://mybbwo.com/members/DiJones<div><p style="text-align:left;" align="center"><b><i><a href="http://youtu.be/-958jVIGrbE" target="_blank">Broken #3</a></i></b></p><p style="text-align:left;" align="center"><b><i><a href="http://www.DJsUniqueSound.com" target="_blank">DJs Unique Sound Charities</a></i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Sometimes it's impossible <br /> To leave the past in the past</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Sometimes it's impossible</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>To reach your deepest inner feelings</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Sometimes it's impossible</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>To separate what is real and what is ingrained in you</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Because of your past</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i> </i></b></p><p><b><i>We had a saying ..."I Love you Like the White Light." By saying this we expressed how our love was pure and beyond anything of this world. it was from Christ...</i></b></p><p><b><i>W both had a near death experience in our past. Mine was from a former partner when he tried to kill me, by strangling me. The white light was so beautiful and peaceful. The feeling is beyond anything that can be explained in words. I remember asking God to take me, I was ready to go. I wanted to go and experience the peace that the white light was offering me. He didn't take me, however he did give me something that I didn't realize at the time. He gave me strength to know that I was not afraid of dying. The peaceful feeling I had at that moment would give me strength to face what lie ahead.</i></b></p><p><b><i>The fairytale was fast becoming a nightmare....the white light was fast fading into a black hole that I couldn't escape.</i></b></p><p><b><i>I opened my heart to my "fairytale husband". Before we got married he had asked me to tell him of every relationship I had been in. I told him if our marriage depended on me telling him, we should not marry. I told him I was afraid of him using this against me. I knew...why didn't I believe in my own instincts.</i></b></p><p><b><i>After we got married, he made me feel like I could tell him everything. He made me believe that in order to be one, we had to be totally honest and open with each other. I told him how all my life I had been told how ugly I am. I told him about my previous abuse. I told him about my being raped on more than one occasion. I told him about all the mean and hateful things that were said to me. I told him specifics and in great detail. I told him because he made me believe in him.. I believed I could be me and he would still love me. I let out my heart to him. It felt so good to be able to express myself to someone in such detail. I could let out all those repressed feelings that I have carried all my life... those feelings that eat away at you little by little. The feelings that you don't dare speak out loud because if you do, they will become real to someone else and you will be found out. The feelings that you hold in a secret part of your heart; because to speak them out loud would be to acknowledge their truth. I told him how everything made me feel...I told him everything because I finally felt like I had someone I could trust that would understand me and that loved me enough to care. In telling him my inner most feelings were somehow released... I could be happy...I didn't have to be ashamed of who I was.</i></b></p><p><b><i>I had no idea he would use everything I told him against me. I had no idea he was addicted to crack. I had no idea of what lay ahead.</i></b></p><p><b><i>He used to say something on a daily basis</i></b></p><p><b><i>"signs and symbols for the conscience mind...if you cannot see, you are truly blind"</i></b></p><p><b><i>I didn't see the signs...He said these words to me on a daily basis, why did I not see the signs before it was too late.</i></b></p><p><b><i>It started with mental and verbal abuse. The things he said to break me down. I should have seen the signs. These types of things were said to me before. He would tell me I was lying when I knew I was not...he would tell me of the things he had done in his past to keep me scared and aware of his capabilities. It was so subtle and he did it in such a loving way that I didn't notice him using my insecurities against me. He would accuse me of cheating on him and when I tried to explain that I have not cheated on him he would bring up my past. I couldn't believe this was happening because it was exactly as I predicted before we even got married ... something he promised would not ever happen.</i></b></p><p><b><i>The accusations became more and more frequent, the tone of his voice changed from loving to hateful. He would hang on to my every word and if I said something incorrectly he yelled with such a harsh voice that I was afraid to speak for fear of saying the wrong thing. I began to feel like there was something wrong with me as he made sure I knew that he acted the way he did, because of me. If I questioned this he would say something like..."you don't even see the things you do" or "don't you even hear yourself". I tried so hard to stay calm because if I dared to cry, he would say something like, " I don't want to hear that fake ass sh**." I began to feel that I could not do or say anything right. It didn't help that I had started menopause and my emotions were totally out of control. When or if I tried to explain to him that I was changing ...my body was changing, he would get mad and tell me that has known plenty of women and they did not act the way I did. He said my body smelled and insisted it smelled of sex and that I had been cheating on him. I was so embarrassed and I couldn't fix the problem because what he accused me of was not true. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I be the person he wanted?</i></b></p><p><b><i>It started...I was 'walking on eggshells.' I always felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest, my nerves were gone and I felt like my insides were always shaking and ready to shut down. I felt like I couldn't think straight; I couldn't ever say the right things; I couldn't express my feelings or emotions; I couldn't be me...because no matter what I did or said, it always seemed to be the wrong thing. I must be a bad person...there must be something wrong with me since he is not the first person who has said these things...I have heard such things throughout my life. How could this be happening when he was the person that made me feel so special and now I felt worse than I had ever felt in my life. I couldn't face my family or friends because to express what I was going through would be to admit I was a failure. </i></b></p><p><b><i>I was alone.......My spirit was broken</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>I am who I am</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Because of my past</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>I am who I am</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Because of my beliefs</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>I am who I am</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>Because I can only be me</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i> </i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>If God be for me</i></b></p><p align="center"><b><i>What man can be against me?</i></b></p></div>Self Love is Not Selfishhttps://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/self-love-is-not-selfish2012-06-27T23:57:35.000Z2012-06-27T23:57:35.000ZMothyna James-Brightfulhttps://mybbwo.com/members/MothynaJamesBrightful<div><div><p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;color:#800000;"><strong><span style="font-family:Arial, 'sans-serif';"><a target="_blank" href="http://i953.photobucket.com/albums/ae14/hwhncure/BIAQselfloveselfish.jpg"><img class="align-center" src="http://i953.photobucket.com/albums/ae14/hwhncure/BIAQselfloveselfish.jpg" height="274" width="274" alt="BIAQselfloveselfish.jpg" /></a></span></strong></p><p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;color:#800000;"><strong><span style="font-family:Arial, 'sans-serif';"> </span><span style="line-height:115%;font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;color:#800000;font-size:12pt;">"Self Love is not Selfish!"</span></strong></p><p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;color:#800000;"><span style="line-height:115%;font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;color:#800000;font-size:12pt;"> </span><br /> <span style="line-height:115%;">This affirmation is featured in our book <i>Because I am a Queen: 100 Affirmations for Daily Living</i>, however, this isn't about a shameless plug. Rather, it's a reflection on what it means to truly internalize self love.</span></p><p style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;"><span> </span></p><p style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="line-height:115%;">A perception of love that I embrace is that it is an action word; a verb that requires movement and an expression of what one has declared. If you heard someone state to "love" something then one would expect to see that love displayed. For example, if it were a professed love for ice cream, you may expect to often see them indulging in the latest ColdStone creation. Or perhaps they are a gold card carrying member of Starbucks because of their immense love for the brewed beverage. On the other hand that love may be for a spouse or child and their undying devotion is displayed in everyday acts of kindness and sacrifice. So then it begs the question, if one has self love how then is it displayed? Better yet, if YOU have self love how do you display it? Can YOU be found indulging in activities that promote your wellness? Are YOU a gold card carrying member of immense love for self? Are YOU capable of undying devotion to yourself in everyday acts of kindness and sacrifice? These are the questions I had to ask myself.</span></p><p style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;"><span> </span></p><p style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="line-height:115%;">Self love is not selfish!</span></p><p style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;"><span> </span></p><p style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="line-height:115%;">It's ok to say no sometimes. It's ok to feed yourself and not starve literally and figuratively for the things you need to be well. Self love means WE understand our self worth. It's inherent, intrinsic and cannot be lessened or made poor. Self love means care for our mental and physical well being. Self love means we are careful of who we allow into our sacred space.<span> </span> Self love means we define situations and do not allow situations to define us. Self love means that we value people, things and experiences that assist us into developing into our best selves. Recently, I've embraced the concept of being a self-love revolutionary. It's dawned on me that many people who do not value themselves will aim at killing another's natural desire to see themselves in the best light. Thus, we unwillingly accept others perception of who we are and the value we bring to the world. When the reality is, very often those individuals are viewing us from their own skewed reality. There is a serious lack of beautiful, reflective love in our communities and sometimes our homes. Our girls do not see themselves as beautiful and thus struggle with seeing the beauty in their sisters. I've been blessed with an amazing group of women around me who strive to reflect the best of themselves so I see the best within myself, yet we're not perfect and we too struggle.</span></p><p style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;"><span> </span></p><p style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="line-height:115%;">While, writing in my journal the other day I realized I was feeling quite unhappy. It seemed out of the blue but upon further introspection I realized that even with all my work, I was still engaged in habits of negative self talk, giving more time and voice to things that I didn't want rather than positive self talk to things I do want. I needed a mutiny in my own mind. I needed to take drastic action. Self love!</span></p><p style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;"><span> </span></p><p style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="line-height:115%;">Thus, I declared a ground breaking, radical revolution in my life. I would be a self love revolutionary. We must thank the late and great Gil Scott Heron and the Last Poets for the adage that the revolution will not be televised because it shall surely start in my mirror. It means I take care of my spiritual, physical and mental wellness. I speak words of love and encouragement to myself. I write myself love letters that I mail at random. It means to not sacrifice my spiritual time with my Creator or treat it remotely. It means to be purposeful in taking care of my body. It means I become a "gold card" carrying member of the self love club. While it's a very personal journey to be a self love revolutionary, I would appreciate my sisters (and brothers) checking in on me. If it touches a part of you declare a self love revolution in your life. Be innovative and absolutely rebellious with your revolution, because self love is not selfish and you deserve the greatest love.</span></p><p style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;"> </p><p style="margin-top:0px;font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;margin-bottom:0px;color:#7e4043;font-size:12pt;">Your Sister,</p><p style="margin-top:0px;font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;margin-bottom:0px;color:#7e4043;font-size:12pt;">Mothyna James-Brightful</p></div></div>Helping Youth at Risk and the Young at hearthttps://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/helping-youth-at-risk-and-the-young-at-heart2012-06-03T18:15:03.000Z2012-06-03T18:15:03.000ZDi Joneshttps://mybbwo.com/members/DiJones<div><p>I have been gone for awhile as I was concentrating on a new challenge. We started with DJs Unique Sound & Entertainment which was established to help local artist brand themselves and gain exposure through social media. We have expanded and are extremely excited to announce....DJs Unique Sound Charities. DJs Unique Charities is a non profit in Phoenix, Arizona. Our ultimate goal is to obtain a motor home and to convert it into a mobile recording studio. Our mission is to help youth by giving them a way to express themselves in a positive way through music and photography instead of negatively in the streets. It has been a slow start, however, believe in what we are doing and we know our work will help build up self esteem and self worth. If we can make a difference in one person's life, all the work is worth what we put into it. We are always looking for suggestions/help.</p><p>Diana Jones</p><p>DJs Unique Sound Charities</p><p><a href="mailto:DJsUniqueSound@aol.com">DJsUniqueSound@aol.com</a></p><p><a href="http://www.DJsUniqueSound.com" target="_blank">DJs Unique Sound Charities</a></p></div>Robin Tramble aka The Empowerment Diva Launches Women's Empowerment 6 Week ecoaching Program with Bonus Live Callshttps://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/robin-tramble-aka-the-empowerment-diva-launches-women-s2012-04-20T22:00:00.000Z2012-04-20T22:00:00.000ZRobin Tramblehttps://mybbwo.com/members/RobinTramble<div><p><b> </b></p><p><b>Where can women find reliable resources to assist in the realization of empowerment “Spirit, soul and body?” Robin Tramble aka The Empowerment Diva launches a 6 week ecoaching program “Extraordinary woman, Extraordinary life!”</b></p><p> </p><p>FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE</p><p> </p><p><i>Apr 20 2012</i> - <br /> Where can women find reliable resources to assist in the realization of empowerment “Spirit, soul and body?” Robin Tramble aka The Empowerment Diva launches a 6 week ecoaching program “Extraordinary woman, Extraordinary life!”<br /> <br /> <br /> Elk Grove, CA April 20, 2012 – Women are becoming overwhelmed as a result of the economic downturn and some are finding themselves stuck, unable to grasp hold of the energy and persistence to move forward. Some are becoming sole earners in their homes as husbands are in transition from either being laid off or other reasons that have led to their current unemployment. Although it has been stated that we may see relief, women are still needing and wanting programs and systems that will assist them in their endeavor to live their best empowered life, allowing them to thrive in the midst of any financial crisis, according to Robin Tramble, CEO and Visionary of Robin Tramble International.<br /> <br /> <br /> “It is apparent that there is an echo, a sound of fear, confusion, discouragement and possible defeat. You can choose to survive or take action and thrive in 2012! Empowerment is a choice and women must become decisive action taking women if they're going to manifest their best empowered life.” Having experienced some of the same things and now living a life of empowerment through learned systems and experience I can passionately share strategies and keys to discover your authentic self, get unstuck, overcome overwhelm, fear and how to stay focused in crisis. I have also been rewarded with witnessing the impact it has had on raising 4 children who are now all successful in their own rights.</p><p><br /> The Empowerment Diva mentors, trains and coaches savvy women, aspiring, new and enterprising entrepreneurial women as they strive to realize their personal, spiritual and professional goals. Robin Tramble The Empowerment Diva is currently launching a 6 week eCoaching program complete with Bonus live calls for exponential personal, spiritual and business growth.<br /> <br /> <br /> The three components are Spiritual workout, Body works and prosper your soul (mind, will and emotions)..<br /> <br /> The Extraordinary woman, Extraordinary life ecoaching program is an excellent resource for women who desire to be equipped with keys and strategies to empower them to move to another level in their lives manifesting maximum empowerment and becoming an extraordinary woman leading an extraordinary life. When you take care of the internal structure you are laying a sure foundation for the external which renders a great return for business and ministry success.<br /> <br /> <br /> “It’s the place to be for breakthrough results and to join with like-minded women from across the world in one place striving for their best empowered extraordinary life” Says Robin Tramble</p><p>Enrollment is being received here <a href="http://bit.ly/extraordinarywomanprogram">http://bit.ly/extraordinarywomanprogram</a></p><p></p><p align="center"><br /> # # #</p><p>About Robin Tramble International<br /> <br /> Robin Tramble aka The Empowerment Diva is a definitive resource for savvy women, aspiring, new and enterprising entrepreneurial women. The Empowerment Diva passionately empowers women to live their best empowered life via a vast array of empowering resources for the express purpose of assisting them as they strive to realize their dreams and desires. <br /> <br /> Robin Tramble is qualified to mentor women in their life empowerment journey through her training, experience in the work force, education, working at home and personal experiences. <br /> <br /> Robin Tramble is also an author and recoding artist and plans to creatively combine her music into another empowering resource for women.</p><p> </p><p>Find out more about here at <a href="http://www.Authenticlifeempowerment.com">http://www.Authenticlifeempowerment.com</a></p><p style="text-align:center;"><br /> --- end ---</p><p> </p></div>Empowered to Say Nohttps://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/empowered-to-say-no2012-04-04T06:51:00.000Z2012-04-04T06:51:00.000ZRobin Tramblehttps://mybbwo.com/members/RobinTramble<div><p><b><font size="5">Empowered to Say No</font></b></p><p> <img src="http://authenticlifeempowerment.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/wmnadminbrnjacket_2653490180.jpg" alt="" /></p><p><span class="font-size-4">When asked to take on a task and you know that you don’t have time to fit it in your day do you</span></p><p><span class="font-size-4">1) Say I’m sorry I’m unable to do that at this time</span></p><p><span class="font-size-4">2) Say I’m sorry I’m unable to do that at this time while feeling guilty or</span></p><p><span class="font-size-4">3)You agree to do it knowing full well that it will be next to impossible to fulfill it?</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">One of the biggest hindrances to one’s endeavor to lead a balanced and healthy life is the inability to say no.</span></p><p><span class="font-size-4">Many things contribute to one’s inability to simply say no without the guilt. It can b a problem with needing approval, not wanting to be rejected which is complicated by low self esteem.</span></p><p><span class="font-size-4">Generally speaking, people can’t say no to someone asking them for something because they are so worried about upsetting the person or lack the courage to turn down the request. People often dislike disagreeing, or believe saying yes is easier than saying no. Others can simply not say no. However, there are often instances where it is best to say no to a request and it is important to learn how to utter that small little word, “no.”</span></p><p><span class="font-size-4">You can become empowered to say no.</span></p><p><span class="font-size-4">Discover simple strategies to say no, politely but firmly.</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">It’s you schedule and your life. You don’t have to come with excuses or stories. If you don’t value your time no one else will. You can say no without being dishonest.</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">Here are a few ways you can say no.</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">• No. I would only be able to do a mediocre job right now.</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">• No. I don’t have any spare time right now.</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">• Not this time, please give me more notice next time and I’ll work it into my schedule.</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">• I can’t accept this, with my present commitments. I’m sorry.</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">• I’m rather quite busy now. I must decline.</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">• I don’t think I have the time for it, as I am in the middle of something important.</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">• After looking at my calendar, I found that I already have prior commitments.</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">• I can’t.</span><br /> <span class="font-size-4">• Why don’t you try someone else? I’m not the right person for this.</span></p><p><span class="font-size-4">Take some time to come up with some additional ways that you can say no that feel authentic to you and our personality. If you aren’t sure, you can always ask for time to make the decision without feeling guilty. You may say you will have to think about it. If somebody persists with the request when you want to say no, you may have to be assertive and firmly decline. You don’t need to risk over committing by saying yes when you actually want to say no.</span></p><p><span class="font-size-4">When you neglect being honest when approached by your boss for instance and you know that you couldn’t possibly fulfill the request in excellence you are putting your job on the line.</span></p><p><span class="font-size-4">If you can show your boss, the reasons for not being able to accept the extra responsibility, you may be able to convince your superior about your inability to accept the additional work. Don’t accept anything that puts your job at risk or makes you suffer later.</span></p><p><span class="font-size-4">Believe it or not learning to say no at the right time can help you gain respect with your peers and help avoid dire situations.</span></p><p><span class="font-size-4">When saying no do so with confidence and if you lack confidence well this is an area that you want to work on. An inability to say no will be a definite hindrance to your personal empowerment.</span></p><p><span class="font-size-4">Boost your confidence and self esteem. Celebrating the uniqueness of you will go a long way in enhancing your ability to say no without feeling guilty.</span></p><p><span class="font-size-4">Besides when you don’t truly desire or have room to fulfill the request you’re not being authentic and you know I’m all for being authentic.</span></p><p><span class="font-size-4">Here’s to your no-ability!</span></p><p><span class="font-size-4">I know you enjoyed this post and maybe you’d like to go deeper. I’d like to invite you to join me for my new Teleseries. <a title="" href="http://bit.ly/divineempoweringsuccess" target="_blank">Click here to join my Teleseries “Essential secrets to Extraordinary Life and Business Success!”</a></span></p><p><span class="font-size-4"><br /></span></p><p><span class="font-size-4"><br /></span></p><p><span class="font-size-4"><br /></span></p><p><span class="font-size-4"><br /></span></p><p><span class="font-size-4"><br /></span></p><p><span class="font-size-4"><br /></span></p></div>Say Yes to your Rich Life, Best Life, Glorious Life- Divalicious Secrets to Extraordinary Life and Biz Successhttps://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/say-yes-to-your-rich-life-best-life-glorious-life-divalicious2012-04-01T05:30:00.000Z2012-04-01T05:30:00.000ZRobin Tramblehttps://mybbwo.com/members/RobinTramble<div><p>Calling all Savvy Women, Women Entrepreneurs, Coaches, Ministry Leaders</p><p> </p><p>Say YES to the Extraordinary Woman in You! Essential Divalicious (Diva - Delicious) Steps/Secrets to Creating and Enjoying Your Divine Empowering Life and Business Success!"</p><p> </p><p><a href="{{#staticFileLink}}10744077095,original{{/staticFileLink}}"><img width="300" src="{{#staticFileLink}}10744077095,original{{/staticFileLink}}" class="align-full" alt="10744077095?profile=original" /></a></p><p> </p><p>Do you ever feel stuck, stressed, confused, frustrated, wondering</p><p>where to start, what to do once you got started to stay motivated and</p><p>confident or what would happen if you never get it right and continue down</p><p>this same road? Does it ever seem "HOPELESS?"</p><p> </p><p>I've been there too! It changed for me and it can change for you!</p><p> </p><p>You’ll never realize your empowering life and business success until you….</p><p> </p><p>Get clear on what you want</p><p> </p><p>Make a decision to never ever settle for mediocrity</p><p> </p><p>Make a commitment</p><p> </p><p>Develop a plan</p><p> </p><p>Set effective Goals</p><p> </p><p>Visualize</p><p> </p><p>Connect with an accountability Partner</p><p> </p><p>Commit to your Spiritual Authority</p><p> </p><p>Embrace Divine influence</p><p> </p><p>And more!</p><p> </p><p>Those are just a few of the elements necessary for realized empowering life and business success.</p><p> </p><p>Always remember empowerment is a choice. Yours!</p><p> </p><p>Make the choice today for your Best Life, Rich Life, Glorious Life!</p><p> </p><p>I want to help you.</p><p> </p><p>Join me for my brand new Teleseries “Divalicious Secrets to Extraordainry Life and Business Success!”</p><p> </p><p>Be sure to bring your Juicy Red Divalicious Strawberry or other Passion Fruit You Enjoy.</p><p> </p><p>Go to <a href="http://bit.ly/divineempoweringsuccess">http://bit.ly/divineempoweringsuccess</a></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/WhOHKckC3V8?wmode=opaque" frameborder="0"></iframe></p></div>5 Things To Look For When Self-Publishing A Bookhttps://mybbwo.com/profiles/blogs/5-things-to-look-for-when-self-publishing-a-book2011-08-05T14:30:00.000Z2011-08-05T14:30:00.000ZDeborah C. Hardnetthttps://mybbwo.com/members/DeborahCHardnett<div><a href="http://www.wealthysistasmedia.com/2011/07/28/5-things-to-look-for-when-self-publishing-a-book/mp900385755/" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.wealthysistasmedia.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/MP900385755-214x300.jpg?width=214" width="214" class="align-left" alt="MP900385755-214x300.jpg?width=214" /></a><br /><br />Today with all of the amazing technology, self publishing a book has become a more attractive option. Gone are the days of someone’s dreams and visions being placed on hold or forced to wait because they are in search of a publisher to accept their book. I remember hearing so many stories of how many attempts, how many companies, and how many rejections it would take before an author could get published. I don’t know about you but I always had this image in my mind of traditional publishers sitting on a throne deciding the fate of the literary world. To me it was like a secret society that allowed a select few to enter and those that did had very little control.<br /><br /><br />Today that image has changed for me. When I set out to publish my first book, going the traditional route was not a consideration. “Why?” you might ask. As I alluded to earlier technology has revolutionized the publishing world. The internet along with the social media platforms have empowered and given a voice to so many talented authors; many of whom would never have received even a rejection letter from a traditional publisher. Traditional publishers, like so many industries because of technology, have been forced to develop new business models. Major publishers are faced with downsizing and cut backs making it even more difficult for a new kid on the block. Most of the traditional publishers today want authors who have a celebrity size following or a distribution list that equates to immediate <a href="http://www.investopedia.com/terms/r/returnoninvestment.asp">ROI</a>.<br /><br />There are a lot of opportunities in self publishing a book. You can do it completely yourself. When you publish your work yourself you are responsible for the editing, formatting, securing distribution, communicating with the printer, and copyrighting it to name a few. The other option is selecting a publisher that will handle all the previously mentioned items, but allows you to remain in control. If you are a writer and perhaps run another business, the latter option would more than likely be the most beneficial for you. <strong>Here are top 5 things you should consider when looking for a self-publishing publisher:</strong><br /><br /><strong>1. Is it a good fit?</strong> <br />Believe it or not personality means everything. Your book is your baby. It’s a project and not a drive-thru menu experience. Ask yourself, “Are you comfortable with their style of communication?” I know its cliché, but communication is the key to everything. Does the publisher make you feel like you are valued and not just a number? Is there a real interest in your project? What’s your publisher’s background? Many times I have seen authors when self publishing their book forfeit the importance of literary and business experience of their publisher. Make sure when selecting a publisher they have literary experience and business acumen.<br /><br /><strong>2. Make sure you maintain all your rights.</strong> <br />In the traditional world of publishing you generally give up a large portion, if not all of the rights to your book. This means all of the control on editing, characters, book cover design, etc, are determined by the publisher. This is primarily because you have received an advance for your book. When you are self publishing a book there are publishers who cater to authors who desire to self publish. In this case if you are not receiving an advance you should maintain all the rights to your book. All of the decisions from editing to the book cover design as mentioned before should be your final say. You should also have the option of taking your book with you if you decided to leave that publisher. <br /><br /><strong>3. Royalties</strong> <br />When self publishing a book it is my opinion that you as the author should receive the higher percentage of royalties. In the traditional world it can be viewed slightly different because they have a larger distribution, they have provided you with an advance, and there is more at stake. There are some self publishers who will do a 90/10, 75/25, or 60/40 split, with you receiving the lower percentage. In this case I would make sure you get the higher, because there is no upfront investment in you from the self publishing publisher.<br /><br /><strong>4. What type of services do they offer?</strong> <br />Do they offer various editing services from rewrite to copywriting? Editing is extremely important when self publishing a book. Be mindful of a company that will publish your book that doesn’t offer or require editing. In most cases if they don’t offer editing, your publisher should have a list of editors they can refer. It is true today with technology and a fast paced society the standard grammar has become more relaxed. However, you still want a quality product that will stand the test of time. Other services you should look for are marketing that includes social media, graphic and website design.<br />When self publishing a book often authors assume the publisher is automatically going to promote your book. This is not the case. You as the author should have an option of acquiring those additional services. <br /><br /><strong>5. Time</strong> <br />Yes, I know everything is done at the speed of light today. We no longer have to wait on the 6 o’clock news to find out what’s happening around the world. We can email a document that used to have to travel by what we now have labeled “snail mail”. Although this has made our lives easier, when self publishing a book, we still want to value the time it takes to create a quality product. Again, self publishing should not mean you should compromise and produce an inferior product. That’s what the big guys and critics expect and/or automatically assume. I have seen companies that promote one to two week turn-rounds. That might be the case. However, please allow yourself the time for editing, correct formatting, the right cover design, to receive a proof (an actual copy of your book), etc. A reasonable amount of time should be 60 to 90 days, but this is determined by so many variables. How long it takes you to submit your work, and to sign off. You may realize that an entire chapter needs to be deleted. Allow for creativity which is often something that shouldn’t be rushed. Remember experts say today a book is the new business card. What do you want yours to say?<br /><br /><br /><strong>Deborah Hardnett is the Founder and CEO of Wealthy Sistas® Publishing House. <a href="http://www.wealthysistasmedia.com/publishing/" target="_blank">Wealthy Sistas® Publishing House</a> focus is to help authors self publish their books. If you are considering self publishing a book, visit <a href="http://www.wealthysistaspublishing.com" target="_blank">www.wealthysistaspublishing.com</a> Wealthy Sistas® Publishing House website today and get more details on how you can achieve this without the exorbitant fees and retain all your rights to your intellectual property. Deborah and her staff are strong advocates of the self-publishing industry and offer an extensive variety self publishing book services.</strong><br /></div>