family (69)

Public school system in crisis, how do we fix it?

It is widely known that the American Public School system has many problems that affect the quality of education resulting in low outcomes of our students ranking at the bottom of the list academically when compared to students in other industrialized countries. As a parent, I have a measured confidence in our public school system and frequently feel that there is no attainable solution to correct it. If you are low to middle income, you may not be able to afford a private school education or be available to educate your children at home. It does not hurt to bolster whatever work they are doing school with extra study assignments.

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President Barack Obama’s mother woke him up at 4:30 a.m. to study before she went to work because that is the level of education she wanted for him, we have no excuse for not studying with our children so they get the most out the education that is available to them. Our children will model the behavior we demonstrate about education, if we do not value it, they will not see the importance of it either.The alternatives to public school education are home-schooling or a private school. If you are feeling stifled with dissatisfaction about the conditions in your public schools funded by the taxes you pay, you must do take a stand. The anxiety that borders on helplessness can empower you to create a new interests in the education of your entire family, including yourself. Most working families are hard pressed to spend time at their local school beyond Parent/Teacher conferences and seasonal programs or sports events. Read moreOmitunde, Publisher of African American Family ConnectionAn online magazine about African American Family values and community.Visit AAFC for the latest issue each month and a copy of "The Ripple Effect".http://www.africanamericanfamilyconnection.com
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The Inspiration to Roar - Michelle Obama

Black women have always been an indispensable and fundamental bridge connecting, the elements and conditions of every day living to purpose, strength and determination. Working women were confirmed by the Feminist Movement that is it okay to be every woman successfully juggling multiple roles of wife, mother, caregiver and career while negotiating the obstacles of race, class and gender.In the past decade, there have been phenomenal achievements by Black women as Entrepreneurs Scientists, roles in technology, in the board room as executives, in many areas as athletes, world famous entertainers, television talk show hosts, moguls and actors in spite of socioeconomic indicators showing that Black women are still straggling to catch up to their White counterparts.A woman’s role today can be defined as a stay-at-home/work-at-home entrepreneur or a single working mother with a high powered corporate title trophy wife defined as a symbol of success and prowess being sought out by high powered men. Women have broken through the old barriers of sexism all the way to the White House.Read moreOmitunde, Publisher of African American Family ConnectionAn online magazine about African American Family values and community.Visit AAFC for the latest issue each month and a copy of "The Ripple Effect".
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Health Issues for African American Women

Its that time of year again to make pledges and resolutions to get in shape, lose weight and make some changes. Let us be proactive this year and start now, lets work out ways to develop the tools we need to avoid stress. There are always statistics that tell us over and over that African have higher incidences of health disparities compared to other ethnic groups. We can choose to not listen because we may not want to believe the reports that African Americans have more cases of disease, disability, and early death compared to Whites but it is still an issue that we must examine. We cannot afford to dismiss the statistics, we must take an assessment of our individual health status.Motivation is a constant struggle due to work pressures, financial concerns and the every day occurrences resulting from how we choose to live our lives. Ask yourself this question: “Do I want to be trapped in a body that I cannot control?” I know you are saying that is not my situation and that will not happen to me. I am able to walk, talk, bathe myself, feed myself and take care of myself relatively well. I have health care and I hardly get sick, so I am exempt from this question.Or I have no health care, I exercise regularly and take supplements, I even get acupuncture treatments and watch my diet. Whatever we are doing is good, we can all take stock of ourselves on a regular basis and make improvements. If none of this applies to you, that is great, so help someone else to get motivated and get moving.African American women experience multiple health issues because we neglect our health even when we think we are healthy. African American women are less likely to receive health care; when they do receive care, they are more likely to receive it late. Having no noticeable symptoms is not an indication of good health. Many skip breakfast and opt for something quick with coffee, juice or tea with way too much sugar.Read more
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Grandparents reinforce family values

Grand parents are the salt of the Earth! We have raised our families and worked for most of our lives to take care of ourselves and our families to the best of our ability. Providing safe shelter, clean living conditions, healthy food, a balanced environment free from abuse or neglect, was my goal for my children. Maintaining this level of clean drama free living requires discipline, focus and determination to live life with a consistent level of devotion to giving your children the best life you could.In our 50’s, 60’s and beyond we should be able live the life we have earned and do whatever we want to do in our retirement years. For some this is not until until the late sixties or even 70’s, now retirees work part time either out of necessity or to stay active. It is not so easy to retire nowadays unless you have a sound financial plan in place to cover the cost of living a comfortable existence.Health care, housing, food, life insurance, transportation, are essential whether you are a married or single retiree. We don’t want to be a burden to our children, we want to live the “golden years” when you can travel, indulge in your favorite hobbies, become a serious gardener and play with our grandkids when we want to.Read moreOmitunde, Publisher of African American Family ConnectionAn online magazine about African American Family values and community.Visit AAFC for the latest issue each month and a copy of "The Ripple Effect".
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“A Mercy” by Toni Morrison

Toni Morrison is also known for her first book, The Bluest Eye, Song of Solomon, Sula and Beloved just to mention a few of those most well known. A Mercy is her ninth novel recently released this fall.Born Chloe Anthony Wofford, in 1931 in Lorain (Ohio), the second of four children in a black working-class family. Her parents moved to Ohio from the South to escape racism and to find better opportunities in the North.Toni Morrison is the first black woman to receive Nobel Prize in Literature. Her stories explore the experiences and roles of black women in a racist and male dominated society and celebrates the unique cultural inheritance of African-Americans.Storytelling is a tradition in the Black family as a way of sharing time together Morrison recalled listening to the older relatives use homespun wisdom when telling tales for hours at family gatherings when she was growing up in Ohio. Morrison’s relatives had her retell the stories she had heard from their mouths, a challenge she said she reveled in, adding her own embellishments to make the stories more outrageous. The stories, many of which she described as violent and “really terrible,” whetted her appetite for books, and to this day influence her writing.Read moreOmitunde, Publisher of African American Family ConnectionAn online magazine about African American Family values and community.Visit AAFC for the latest issue each month and a copy of "The Ripple Effect".
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Tis the season to be careful!Everyone will be doing some serious shopping no matter what is reported about the economy. Nothing stops us from spending money during the holiday season. Where there is a will, there is a way and we will find a way.So while you are out there finding all those bargains to make your loved ones happy, what about someone stealing your identity and taking all of your hard money, or using your identity to make their own purchases. Identity Theft, what is it?This can happen, don’t think for one moment that just because you use a debit card and have direct deposit, that is cannot happen to you.This is the crime of obtaining the personal or financial information of another person for the purpose of assuming assuming that identity to steal it and use it to make purchases or establish credit without the victims’ knowledge.Read moreOmitunde, Publisher of African American Family ConnectionAn online magazine about African American Family values and community.Visit AAFC for the latest issue each month and a copy of "The Ripple Effect".
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What Is your Favorite Holiday Dish for ThanksGiving?

My favorite is Cornbread Dressing! I learned to make my mother's dressing from "Scratch" as they say and I am the only in my family that can make it!I make the cornbread, I make my own broth and I get the whole family involved in chopping the veggies and preparing other dishes. At my house we celebrate the Harvest Season with a Harvest Meal. It is truly a time of being thankful as a family for everything about our lives that we take for granted.Tell me what is your favorite meal and I may share my recipe for Cornbread Stuffing....Omitunde, Publisher of African American Family ConnectionAn online magazine about African American Family values and community.Visit AAFC for the latest issue each month and a copy of "The Ripple Effect".
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SistasHappy Thanksgiving! Please get your notepad and write down 20 things you are thankful for today. List 10 ten people that mean the world to you. List 20 people you would invite to an intimate get together to share some very big success and seek their counsel how to move forward,,,,in some circles this is called an accountability circle.What industries to these make their living from? How can you form a support network with people on the above lists so that everyone of their needs are met? It is advsable to pull people from all age groups...make the back as diverse as you can.Share your findings and ask questions that come to mind.Have fun....and make sure you share this wit all in your circles..Shalom! Shalom! Let us muster some girl power and God's people through what we do so well.dr. pkPaulina Khumbah, Ph. D.Family SociologistThe NALA Grouphttp://nalainternational.tripod.comfamily21stc@yahoo.com
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The Benefits of Owning vs Renting

Purchasing a home is an intimidating process without the news reports about the current mortgage crisis, repeating terms like sub-prime lending and balloon payments. Families are losing their homes at an alarming rate and it has been reported that African Americans have been the target of mortgage lenders processing high cost loans by qualifying those with poor credit scores for high interests rates and hidden costs like balloon payments. Sub prime is a type of loan that is offered at a rate above prime to individuals who do not qualify for prime rate loans.Dedrick Muhammad co-author of a report from United for a Fair Economy called “Foreclosed: The State of the Dream 2008, cites the sub-prime mortgage crisis as the source leading to the greatest loss of wealth in modern US history for people of color who stand to lose over $200 billion dollars. Dedrick Muhammad is senior organizer and research associate at the Institute for Policy Studies.It all seems overwhelming to our desire to own a home and have our own piece of land to cultivate overshadowed by the anxiety we all feel for those families that are victims of foreclosure due to predatory lending practices. We dread the thought of losing a home before we even purchase one. If you have ever lost a home is it a paralyzing experience. The feeling of shame, blame, and guilt to feel your home slipping away can be devastating.Read moreOmitunde, Publisher of African American Family ConnectionAn online magazine about African American Family values and community.Visit AAFC for the latest issue each month and a copy of "The Ripple Effect".
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Sankofa, “go back and fetch it”

I grew up during a time when African Americans loved each other and lived in neighborhoods and communities that were interconnected like the web of love. A web of love and support that looked like women cooking for other families when there was illness or taking food to a repast for a family grieving the loss of a loved one. Yes, I was one of those children thatwas corrected by a neighbor and again when they informed my parents of what I was guilty of.Today we are not that close knit community. If you say something to a young person today, you could get cussed out or worse, physically attacked.Reuniting the African American family is very important to me and I hope is it important to everyone who cares about the future of African American children. Have you ever looked around at the people that would come to your aid in a crisis? If you are the head of your household, who would come to assist your loved ones if something happened to you? It is urgent that we reconnect and become strong again.Read more
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What Does Daddy Do?

I am ranting about Dads today....Mom's generally have most of the responsibility with children. Even if mom works full or part-time, they are expected to do everything. Even when father's are in the home, mother's do most of the work.Mothers manage every aspect of their child or children's lives. There are some Dad's who do these things too. So why is to special and amazing when a man does these thing but just responsibility when a woman does it?Not every woman may do everything on this list. This list reflects the things that children need. They can exist without all of these things, But they deserve this and more. If you are not doing all these things, this in no way is a reflection of you or how you live and/or take care of your children.These things are done by most women, and not meant to reflect every possible situation. Whether a women is married or has a partner, these items are the what every women should be doing for her children if she has them.Work in or out of the home to make a living to maintain basic needs of her familyBuy and cook for their children on a regular basisShop for whatever it is that children need, based on what they can affordClean up behind them and teach them to maintain a clean environmentPrepare children for private/public child care or school by potty-training, manners, communicate, share, etcBathe them or make sure the bathe everydayComb or cut their hair, wash it and teach them to take care of itEnsure that children brush their teeth at least twice a dayGet them to school either by walking/driving or pubic transportationMonitor how much television they watchMonitor how much time they spend playing video games or using the computerRead to them, and teach them to readHomework is essential to be done with at least one parent dailyBeing their biggest fan and letting them know they are celebratedWipe their butts and teach them to wipe their own buttsWashing, storing, taking care of clothes that they grow out ofPurchase what they need - from A to ZSort through what they have outgrownMake sure they dress appropriately for the weatherSupport them in social activities and sportsInspire a desire for learningOkay so this is not what I would call is an extensive list, so what do Dad's do?????If you are a dad and you do these things, great, but what happens if you want to go out with the boys, or watch the football game? Why is it easier for men to go about doing whatever they want to do and the women is always expected to take care of the children? The children belong to both parents even if they do not live together.Omitunde, Publisher of African American Family ConnectionAn online magazine about African American Family values and community.Visit AAFC for the latest issue each month and a copy of ."The Ripple Effect"
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Soul Purpose Business Opportunity call

Soul Purpose gives you an opportunity to earn extra money if you love having your own inventory of natural,organic,botanical products for a Pampering gathering,booths,other events and bringing people in doing what you doing and getting paid for it.Business Opportunity Call is every Tuesday at 9pm est/8pm ct/6pm pt.1-712-432-8904 password code 4soul#(47685#)
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Hope your October is colorful and beautiful!Here's a toast to Women in Business and the abundance of the Harvest season!May your business grow and grow and grow and the seeds you plant yield prosperity!Check out the Current Issue of my magazine.Sign Up to Stay In Touch and receive a free copy of The Ripple Effect - a personal development EcourseGo to http://www.africanamericanfamilyconnection.conLinda
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Wedding Drama Pt. 1

Can I vent here with my fellow sista's???So it's 5 days before the wedding and I find out that my sister (and her husband) and my Aunt, who also happens to be my Godmother, will not be attending my wedding.NO I am not Joking... I have been slaving over planning a wedding far in advance for these "folks" to find a sitter for my special day and no one has found a sitter yet. I know at first everyone was pissed because I wanted a "adult" only reception. Does anyone find this offensive?? I don't, especially considering the "Be-Be" kids that would have been in attendance. I would prefer to not have to deal with the agravation of these kids running around acting up on my day. Personally, when I am invited to a wedding, I would prefer not to bring my child, because I like to enjoy myself at the ceremony and reception.The second problem they are having with my wedding is that it happens to be 45 minutes from my hometown and everyone wants me to getting married in the church I was raised in. Well, I don't mean to sound like a brat, but I always envisioned myself walking down a center aisle, and my "home" church does not have that. Besides, I have been attending this new church for over a year and I really love it. I would love to start my new life with my soul mate in "OUR" church, not "my" church. Am I wrong???Ahhh... so the husband to be is home.. I am sure I will be venting in the near future... hopefully everyone else attends so I don't have to (as my mom would say) BLESS someone out!{I labeled it part 1 because I know there is more to come}
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Making Love and Money

Before You Work With Your Spouse

As many of you know, I work with my spouse. He's my high school sweetheart, the father of my offspring, a photographer, a super quiet loner type guy and a rabid Washington Redskins and USC Trojans fan. We don't do everything together. In fact, we do a lot separately. And it's a good thing too since our road to Indie Business ownership has not been altogether smooth. But we share common goals. So whether together or separately, our activities generally support those goals, one of which is to have fun as we provide for ourselves and our two children. Emergency funds, college savings, dance costumes, mortgage, our daily bread. You know the drill.

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Most couples have the same goals as we do, and there are lots of ways to achieve those shared goals, the most common of which is via a traditional full-time job that matches your talents, educational background, skill sets and interests to a particular job description. If you land the job, you work for a third party, earn a regular pay check, make some new business friends and hopefully enjoy health benefits and opportunities for personal and professional growth. That's great, but for some of us, a regular job is not all it's cracked up to be. Long rush hour commutes, dwindling family time, day care hassles, latch key kids, sick kid nightmares, etc. So what do we do?

We create ways to make a living without the limitations so often imposed by a traditional job. We use technology. We resurrect talents and gifts we forgot we had. We wear many hats and make it up as we go along. This is easier said than done, but frankly, with the Internet, it's not nearly has difficult as it used to be.

The New Family Business

More and more, I'm meeting parents who want desperately to work from home, especially while their children are young. I'm also meeting married empty nesters who, after years of working a traditional job, want to make money together from home.

Single parents (dads and moms) are also demonstrating exceptional creativity when it comes to finding ways to generate income without having to rely solely on child support checks or secure jobs, which, these days are harder to find than a controversy-free Republican vice presidential candidate. (Sorry, couldn't help it.)

For those of you who are married (or similarly attached) with children, or married empty nesters, you may be seriously considering starting a business with your spouse. If so, you may think your biggest question is, "What can we do to make money?"

That's a good question, and one you obviously have to answer. But other questions are far more important. After all, you can always find a way to make money, even if it means having a job you hate.

No, before you go into business with your spouse, you have to ask a much bigger (and harder) question: "Can we successfully make love and money together without ripping each other and/or our business to shreds?" OK,maybe somewhat exaggerated (for some people, it's not), but you get the point.

I've been studying this issue for years, both up close and personal in my own family and by watching others. I've noticed that, time and time again, certain issues present themselves as the most challenging. They are also the most difficult to handle because they are not a lot of fun to address.

My goal with this post is to highlight some of the questions to ask and answer before going into business with your mate. I hope you avoid some of the same problems that I and others have dealt with.

1. Do I Trust Him*?

Kayla Fioravanti is co-owner of Essential Wholesale, an Oregon-based company with 30 employees and well over a million dollars in annual revenues. I asked Kayla why she said she "loved" working with her husband in their family business. I asked her to go beyond the obvious, that it's convenient, fun, great for the kids, etc.

Kayla answered, "Because I know I can trust my husband to lead the company in a direction that's good for our business and our family."

So there it is. Trust. Personal and business trust. It's at the core of everything, isn't it? You've got to be able to answer the question whether or not you trust your partner both personally and professionally before you go into business with him.

Be honest on this one because, frankly, if you don't trust on all levels, a business venture will be risky on all levels. Don't set yourself up for failure. You'll take enough risks in business. Don't make this one of them. If you don't trust him, work on the relationship and address business options when the timing is better.

2. Is She Responsible?

Look at her FICO score, all 3 credit reports, car payment history, college track record, etc. Are her bills paid on time? Did he graduate on time? Does he diligently work to complete work-related projects on time? No? Find out why. If the explanation satisfies you, great. But still insist on a plan to correct past mistakes and turn over a new leaf. Hold her accountable to stick with the plan for a significant period of time before starting a business together.

If the explanations don't satisfy you, keep your day job.

3. Is She Established Career-Wise?

If you and your spouse are already established career-wise, it is a plus. Whether it's as a fast food restaurant night manager or a stock broker with a fancy corner office, an established and consistent career path is a sign of a person's ability to thrive in the business world and will help both of you feel confident and empowered as you hang out your joint shingle.

It will also helps prevent feelings of inequality. If you have a long career as a corporate muckety muck and your spouse has a long career as an award winning street sweeper, that's one thing. But if you had the muckety muck career and your spouse has hated his job for years and was never recognized for his contributions, you may be headed for trouble.

Discuss how prior employment and business experiences may affect your ability to jointly approach a new business venture. Acknowledge baggage and put it in a proper context before moving forward with a business.

4. Is He Confident?

If your spouse walks with hunched shoulders, feels inferior because she can't lose the baby weight or is terrified of speaking a word in public without thinking everyone is looking at her overbite, don't print up the business cards yet. If a person doesn't not feel confident within herself, it's highly unlikely that she will feel differently about her business. This can spell disaster, especially if you expect her to fulfill a social role in the venture.

We all have fears and insecurities. But if they are paralyzing, they will quickly become liabilities for the business. Acknowledge lack of confidence up front and figure out in advance how to deal with it in the business. It must be exposed, acknowledged and minimized so it does not handicap your chances of success. You'll regret it otherwise.

5. Is She Personable?

This is kind of like getting along well with others, squared. Last Friday, my husband went to a networking group meeting. He thought I'd like it, so he called me and told me I should join him there, and to bring business cards. So I dropped everything and headed over, cards in hand. I was greeted at the door by someone who said, "Your husband's here. He's great."

I proceeded to enter a room where everyone already like me. And my business. How cool is that?

A likable personality is a huge plus. It doesn't mean that a person has to be gregarious, the life of the party, or even particularly outgoing. (My husband is none of those things by nature.) What it does mean is that, whether it's a good day or a bad day, he can adjust how he interacts with others for the good of your business (which is ultimately of course, for the good of your family).

6. Does He Appreciate Social Media?

Any business that does not appreciate the power of social media is going to either die or simply never get started. I. Am. So. Not. Exaggerating.

If you consider MySpace an invaluable part of your marketing repertoire but your spouse thinks it's only for teenagers and predators, or if you feel it's important to blog 3 times a week but your beloved thinks it's a total time waster, you have a problem. A big one.

Inquire about the social media your spouse is involved in. None? Might want to find out why that is, and then consider carefully before going into business with her.

7. Can He Multi-Task?

How many things can your spouse do at once? Can he brew coffee, take a business call, look for a lost sneaker and monitor Twitter at the same time? I'm not saying that life is like that 24/7, but if you own a business and are also managing a home (again, especially if that includes the "pitter patter"), both of you simply must be able to do more than one thing at a time.

I remember once, we were in the midst of a very hectic day. Two kids under the age of 4, moving to a new home 600 miles away, saying good bye to family and running the business without taking a day off. It was really hard, but because we could multi-task (and because we clearly outlined who was responsible for what), we made it through.

Embrace multi-tasking as a way of life and don't let anyone tell you there's any such thing as balance. By the way, we also have part-time nanny and babysitting help with our kids. So even though we multi-task, we don't have a coronary trying to do everything ourselves. Ask for help when you need it. Even if you have to pay for it. Help. It's a good thing.

8. Is She Fair and Compromising?

Lisa Rodgers of Cactus & Ivy sells natural spa and body products from her studio in South Carolina. She told me that she is glad she doesn't work with her husband because "we nearly killed each other building our house." Lisa also told me that she loves her husband more than anything. But having said that, all couples have to consider whether working together in a high stress environment is something the relationship can withstand for many years.

Jamyla Bennu of Oyin Handmade in Baltimore, Maryland says that she and her husband successfully work together in their bath and body care products business, thanks to what Jamyla calls a "comfortable pattern of division of labor for household duties according to proclivity and skill." Sound fancy? She clarified: she does most of the cooking, he does most of the cleaning.

When it comes to business, Jamyla says that the patterns established in their personal relationship form the basis for a healthy business working relationship. She puts is like this: "We put the shorthand of our personal relationship to work in our business to help us us communicate and come to a decision about every issue." Fairness is important Jamyla says, to keep any one spouse from becoming overwhelmed.

I have experienced the importance of fairness first hand, especially where our children are concerned. My piece of advice in this area is simple: you are in for trouble if either of you has uncontrolled selfish tendencies when it comes to juggling business and young children.

I can't tell you the number of times we have dealt with this issue. We share a common goal of getting our kids to bed by 8:00pm, but what does that mean? After dinner, I wash dishes while he bathes, reads stories and tucks in on one night, and we switch the next? Sounds good, yes?

But what if on my night to do specific kid-relatedthings, a prospective client calls and wants answers to final questions that only I can answer, and he wants them before signing the lucrative new contract. Now. Hmmm, what to do? Should the person best suited to negotiate the contract do so while the other person takes over parent duties -- even if it means changing the prearranged set up?

Or should we keep to the set up and risk losing the client?

There is no right or wrong answer here. The fact is that, each situation has to be addressed on its own merits. You will make snap decisions like this constantly if you work together. You will have to change quickly, be flexible and sometimes sacrifice your personal desires for the benefit of the business and the family.

Yes, it can get complicated. Unless you and your spouse share a sense of fairness and flexibility where your shared goals are concerned, you'll be at each others throats when you should be enjoying precious family time and creating a strong and long-lasting business legacy.

Like Lisa Rodgers says, building a house is one thing. It's intense and frustrating, and you have to be flexible, patient and compromising when it comes to everything from paint color to the type of kitchen counter tops you get. But when you're building a house, there's a completion date and you both know the pain will be over soon.

In business, it's different. You have to compromise forever. If you don't, the end that may be in sight for your business and your relationship. And you do have to choose sometimes. For an honest discussion of why it is that entrepreneurship spells the end for so many marriages, enjoy my Indie Business Radio Show interview with SBTV host and author of The Girl's Guide to Building a Million-Dollar Business, Susan Wilson Solovik.

9. Can She Set Boundaries?

Karen Thomas, an Indie Business owner who asked me not to use her name, told me, "My marriage ended in part because I worked with my husband. Disaster without any boundaries."

Sad but true that some people end up choosing or being forced to choose between the business and the relationship. Regardless of what you may think of that from a moral, ethical or social perspective, it is what it is. To avoid this as much as possible, it's important that both of you be able to set boundaries. Someone's got to be able to step in, with regard to any given situation, and say, "We have to draw the line here."

Michele Keiper of bath and beauty products manufacturer Flower Peddler experienced first-hand the need for boundaries when her husband worked in her company for a short time after he was laid off his job. Michele says it became important early on that they respect each others different work management styles, backgrounds and personalities. Says Michele, "My husband is an engineer so each decision is analyzed and reanalyzed before anything happens. To me, it is a painfully slow process. My Type A personality assesses a situation quickly, makes a decision and gets it done fast and at full throttle."

Michele is quick to point out that neither style is better, it's just different from the other one. She says that they matched their styles with tasks to get the job done. Michele stresses the importance of implementing boundaries around work time and couple time. She says that the experience of working together (which they don't anymore since her husband is employed elsewhere in his field) made them a stronger couple, and gave him a better understanding and respect for what Michele does.

Each person must commit to a specific job description and set of boundaries that do not change. In this way, you and your spouse know exactly what's expected of you, and don't disregard boundaries or fail to fulfill expectations without talking it over with the other person.

(For a detailed look at how one couple draws these boundaries, enjoy my online newsletter interview with Karen and Erik. The couple sold their business, but the tips they provided for successfully working together are priceless.)

10. Is She Forgiving?

When I asked Maggie Hanus, who co-manages with her husband the suburban Austin-based A Wild Soap Bar, what has made her business successful, she said, "My husband and I would have killed each other a long time ago without forgiveness." Maggie would know too, because in addition to A Wild Soap Bar, she and her husband also co-own a landscaping business. He does the labor, she keeps the books.

While neither Maggie nor I are likely to star in an episode of Snapped, the fact is that co-managing a business with anyone will inevitably include disagreements. People will make mistakes, sometimes extremely stupid ones. People will drop balls, become grumpy and irritable, forget to go to the grocery store before it closes and just generally drive you nuts. If you or you spouse are the type to rub in every fault, wallow in imperfection (yours or the other person's) and are just generally unable to forgive and (most of the time) forget, you are in for a bumpy road.

And lest we forget, Maggie reminds us of the importance of a good sense of humor. "There aren't too many situations that a good belly laugh won't improve," she reminds us.

If you think holding a grudge can destroy a personal relationship, it can be just as bad in a business relationship. If he screws up at home today, you have to forgive that. Otherwise, come Monday morning, you will come to the staff meeting with a nasty attitude. You've got to address the point of contention quickly and honestly, ensuring some accountability of course, but still moving on to tackle the tasks at hand.

There's One More Thing

There is this one last thing that I feel constrained to address. It's a touchy issue, but it is a very common one, and unfortunately, one that is not commonly openly addressed.

Sometimes, a significant other finds it difficult to handle the other partner's autonomy and/or business success. There can be millions of reasons for this, but whatever they are, this, perhaps more than anything else, is an almost insurmountable barrier to Indie Family Business success.

If you feel even the slightest bit of controlling behavior, put on the brakes. What do I mean? Let me be blunt. If your partner wants to own and control everything simply because she wants to be in control or pursue a selfish power trip, bow out now. He may not admit it, you know? But we all know it when we see it.

Address this issue openly and honestly. If both of you can't do that, don't prepare your resignation letter. For more information on how to address other issues, enjoy my interview on Indie Business Radio with psychologist and author of Entrepreneurial Couples, Dr. Kathy Marshack.

What about you?

Let me just say to anyone who has read this far (and thanks, because it's a lot of reading!), over here at Indie Business Headquarters, we do not have it all together. But we have experienced all of these issues (and more) so we feel that we can help others.

Our goal is not to share how perfect we are (and those of you who know us personally can attest to that), but to help others avoid some of the problems we wish people had told us about before we went into business together.

Still thinking of going into business with your spouse? Consider printing out this list and using it as a starting point for discussion. (And feel free to forward it to any friends you know who could use it.) If you can't share openly about everything listed here -- the good and the bad -- my suggestion is to put business partnership off until you can.

Business is Hard Enough Without Sabotaging Yourself From the Beginning

There's no way to know in advance whether a business will succeed. There's no way to know in advance if a relationship will succeed. But you can go into each with clear and honest expectations on both sides. That alone will help maximize your chances of success at both ends of the spectrum.

What do you think? Tell us about the business you have with a spouse or significant other. What tips can you offer to help the rest of us? Feel free to leave your comments below.

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The Family That Grinds Together Binds Together
Family Second, Yet Still First
Family First

*For easy of reading, "she," "he," "him" and "her" are used interchangeably throughout this post.

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Boyz in the Fam

Who Stole My Hair, Makeup and Teleprompter??!

I recently invested in a laptop with a webcam. I didn't know it was there until I got it and my husband noticed it. Since I'm married to a professional photographer and videographer, I am used to spending most of my time in front of the camera. With a teleprompter. And with hair and makeup. And it's always a much better camera than this one, as you know if you've enjoyed any of the other videos at this blog. But since I have the most fun when I'm laughing at myself, I thought I'd share this quick glimpse into early morning life in the Indie Business household. I'm nuts, I know.

What do you think? Is this the best break you've had all day from the politics-heavy stuff you're seeing on everyone else's blog today?! Enjoy!

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How I'm Preparing My Kids For Indie Business Ownership

Yesterday, I Twittered about my 4-year old son scrambling his own eggs. A few people thought that was a little young. I used to think so, but now that I have children, I am constantly amazed at the things they can do when we give them a chance. A few private conversations started on the topic so I thought I'd share my motivation for making sure my kids, ages 4 and 6, learn good home management skills while they are young. As you can see, that includes doing some of their own laundry.

Laundry_day_3

But first, I have to tell you about my homeschooling mom friend and mother of 3 boys, Beverly Lucas. Beverly and I have known each other since 1998. At one time, we met by phone on Monday mornings to encourage each other and talk about the week ahead. Toward the end of our time together, every Monday, her boys knocked on her bedroom door and I heard them say, "Mom, we finished our chores. Is there anything else we can do for you?"

Her oldest son was 6 at the time.

I was astonished. Did they even make kids like that anymore? Of course, as a mom now, I know that kids like that aren't made. They're trained.

Over the years, I have looked to Beverly for all kinds of mom encouragement and parenting advice One of the things Beverly helped me do is start teaching my kids solid home management skills as soon as they could walk. I have been amazed at the things they can do, even starting as young as 2 years old.

Like transferring trash from a small trash can into a bigger one, putting their plates on the counter after they finish a meal, sweeping the floor and picking out clean underwear from a pile of laundry and putting it away. These are things a child can do at a very young age. I would never have known had Beverly not taught me.

It's a challenge, I admit. I can sweep the floor much faster and better than my 6-year old daughter. Instead of asking my 4-year old son to take out the recyclables, I or my husband could do it. I could also sort all of the laundry in less than half the time it takes them to do it. I let them do it, and takes much longer. But I do it because I want my kids to have more than just book smarts.

Home Management Skills Are Easily Transferred To Business

I know lots of grown folks with plenty of book smarts, who are incapable of managing a home. I don't want that for my children, and I don't want it for my future kid-in-laws either. My friends and I laugh when I say that I don't want some sad new bride calling me up in the middle of the night in 20 years, complaining that the man I raised can't scramble her an egg. But I digress.

Because I tend to be on the impatient side, it can be painful to supervise my childrens' chore progress. My son always walks through the pile of trash my daughter is sweeping, inevitably starting a fight. He also hates making two trips to do anything, so becomes especially frustrated when he can't carry all of the recyclables at one time. And I'll never forget the time when me and his sister were busy cleaning up the kitchen, and when I reminded him he was supposed to be helping, he said, "But it's just not fun enough for me." (By the way, that was the last time his father ever left me and his daughter in the kitchen to clean it up by ourselves. Sorry, hon. I have to tell it like it is.)

When they load the dishwasher, I always have to go back and re-load it (without them knowing) so more dishes can be washed at one time.

All the while, I praise their achievements, keeping my eye on the ultimate prize of children who are equipped to be leaders in a 21st century world that will not be nearly as welcoming as the 20th century one in which I came of age.

They'll need more than a good resume, a good education and a few summers of volunteer work. They'll need skills. They'll need to demonstrate multi-tasking abilities and be able to engage in quick deductive reasoning under pressure.

And whether or not they have a traditional job, they will need to have at least one income stream of their very own. They will need to be Indie, so their father and I work hard to ensure that they master both home management and business ownership skills.

Three guiding principles help us do it.

1. Home Management First, Then Business Management

When you're Indie, especially if you're also a mom like me, your heart must be in your home first. That doesn't mean that I always choose giving a bath over signing a speaking contract, but it does mean that I check my heart daily to make sure that my home has first place.

Sometimes, this is a tough juggling act. I have to admit that it's often made easier by the fact that my husband is here with me all day and we can trade off on work and business. But as in most homes in America, I am the one managing the home day to day. I decide where and how the money will be spent and I make most of the scheduling decisions. I want both of my children, not just my daughter, to be able to do that when the time comes. I want both of them to be capable of leading a home and a business. And I want them to understand that, if home and family don't come first, then ultimately there may be little to show for your efforts as a business owner.

2. You Get Paid For Business Management, Not For Home Management

Most families these days have some kind of small business at home. When my kids were just 2, they started emptying the trash in the home office for a quarter. This money goes into their money jar right away. I make the chores age appropriate, but remember that they don't really have to accomplish much to teach the lesson.

If my son empties a trash can with 2 sheets of balled up paper in it, or my daughter does something as simple as wipe off the window sills or put all the pens in the pen holder, they still get paid. This teaches them that they have to work for money. If you connect the task to your business, it also teaches them a little about entrepreneurship. (You may also be able to deduct these payments on your taxes. Check with an accountant first.)

We do not compensate our children for doing chores around the house, because life doesn't work that way. Chores are a part of your contribution to the family. Mommy doesn't get paid for sorting the laundry, and neither will you.

But mommy does get paid in her business, and you can too.

3. Because I Said So

Not enough parents say that these days. At ages 4 and 6, my kids are too young to understand everything their father and I have to deal with as we co-lead our home. Yes, you have to clean up your room to my satisfaction before you go outside to play, and yes, the reason is because I said so. I don't have to make my son understand that taking care of his home before he plays with his friends builds character and instills responsibility. He doesn't care anyway at age 4. All he wants to do is ride his bike.

But he can understand unwelcome consequences if he doesn't do what I say he needs to do. That may sound strict and I suppose it is. But we feel that it prepares him for a life where each day starts at zero, and where he and he alone is responsible for whether or not he makes any money.

There will come a time when he will be able to comprehend the big picture. But for now, go take care of business. And yes, because I said so.

My children will not have the job options I had when I finished college and law school. They won't be able to rely as much as I did on a good resume to launch their parachute. They'll need good home management skills.

If you can manage a home, you can do anything, right?!!

What say you?

I'm sure you have some good tips to share to help me and others do a better job of preparing our kids for Indie Business ownership. Please share yours in the comments section below.

For more inspiring tips for home managers and business owners, subscribe to Indie Business Blog today. I'd love to get to know you better and know that you're coming back for more!

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In Denial Of Self Denial!

Wow I constantly meet christians who are so caught up in this prosperity ring. That's what I call it, a ring, because it appears that more and more, people forget that the Lord requires something from us, as opposed to us expecting something from Him. After all, did not Jesus pay it all on the cross? Did not Jesus, shed his blood for the remission of our sins? Are we not the benefactors of such a supreme sacrifice!

You would think that the bible was all about prosperity. Now don't get me wrong, I ain't hatein on anyone, just sad to know that the true meaning of the Gospel has been replaced with a psuedo gospel of "let me get mine" and "God's gonna do it for me too!"

But what about when Jesus asked us, if anyone would be my disciple, let him deny self, put away his own selfish ambitions.... how does that line up with all this prosperity teaching today? I know I'm probably gonna be a lone voice on this one.

Pastor Aminata

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It Takes a Global Twitter Village

A Call To Twitter Action

In her book, It Takes A Village and Other Lessons Children Teach Us, Senator Hillary Clinton stressed the importance of a group approach to child rearing. She reminded us that, while a family is a distinct unit, each one forms a part of a whole, and that, when an individual unit is lifted, the entire group rises. While Clinton's message was specific to children and families, it also applies when it comes to Indie Business owners.

Village_402

This was brought home to me in a real way last Saturday when a member of the Indie Beauty Network emailed me in great distress. She's married and the mother of young children. Tina (not her real name) had emailed me several months ago to share that she and her husband were going through counseling in an effort to save their marriage. Things were on a good track for a while, but as of last Saturday, they had fallen apart.

Touching Through Technology

Tina reached out through email to me, a fellow sojourner, a part of her village. A part of her tribe. I responded to her email immediately: "Call me." She did, and while I could not solve her problems or go through her pain for her, I lifted her up and prayed with her because she was open to that. I also reminded her of her intelligence (she has a master's degree), capabilities (her business is going well and she's also home schooling) and encouraged her as a fellow Indie and mother. I reminded her that she is fully equipped to rear her children as a single mom if that is what she is called upon to do.

Like most other Indies, Tina runs her business from her home. She is also a home schooling mom in a community where separation and divorce are taboo subjects. As Tina put it, "Everything is supposed to be perfect." Tina felt especially isolated because she realized that, for years, she had pretended that everything was perfect. Now that she was accepting the fact that things weren't perfect, she was at a loss, afraid for herself and afraid that her children might be unfairly treated once their friends found out that they no longer lived with their father.

Could Twitter Make a Difference?

As Tina and I talked, I pondered the enormous potential of social media in her situation. I found myself suggesting that she join me at Twitter and meet up with some other home schooling mom Indie Business owners who could encourage her and lift her up. Tina is not ready for that yet. But I have seen the power of Twitter and other social media outlets when it comes to building up the global village of women, men and families who are managing homes and businesses at the same time.

I think Tina is a bit skeptical of Twitter and social media in general. I was too. Weren't you? Did you think that anyone who you didn't already know would care one iota how you answered the question, "What are you doing?" Did you think that your life was boring and that strangers couldn't possibly be intrigued enough to read about how you feel from moment to moment throughout the day as you tend to your home and your family simultanously?

How many of you, like me, just didn't get it at first?

Reach Out And Tweet Someone

Tina doesn't yet know about the women I met a few days ago over at Twittermoms. She doesn't know that there's a huge and growing community of Indie Beauty Network members and other Indie Business owners gathering every moring to start the day, discuss breaking news, take their kids to the dentist and do all the things that must be done in order to manage home and a business, without compromising either.

Each One Tweet One

Each of us can pay our social media successes forward by reaching out to at least one or two new people every week. Will you put Tina on your list today? Will you help me tell her about the power of social media? About people like you who are poised to connect and share?

Will you leave a comment below so Tina can know that you are an Indie Business owner on Twitter. Maybe you even home school. Maybe you can tell her that, divorced or not, she's welcome in our community. Please leave your Twitter link so Tina and all of us can connect with you more easily and perhaps even follow you.

And Tina, if you're reading this, there's a wide world out there ready to embrace you and your family and encourage all of you to be your best.

For more inspiring tips for Indies, home managers and business owners, subscribe to Indie Business Blog today. I'd love to get to know you better and know that you're coming back for more!

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Why I "Support" Sarah Palin

From One Career Mom To Another, You Go Girl!

The news has been out for over a week now. The shock is starting to wear off. But the insults continue, and I guess that's OK. That's how it is in politics. Yet I feel constrained to put my .02 cents in on the topic of Republican Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin, and not about her politics either. In fact, I know little about her political views except that she's against abortion, that she favors drilling in Alaska and that she doesn't seem to be particularly pro-small business. I don't like that.

Palin_family

Not only that, I think she took lousy, repulsive, cheap, underhanded and unprofessional shots at Democratic Presidential Candidate Barack Obama, in particular by characterizing his community organizing work as anything less than a valuable and noble example of what all Americans should do. I don't like that either.

Having said all that, regardless of our political differences, I have a lot in common with Sarah Palin. We are both married to our high school sweethearts. We are both professional career women. We are both mothers of very young children. We have a loyal group of family members and girlfriends who have our back no matter what we say or do, win or lose.

And we love our families and our careers, and are determined to serve both well, simultaneously, in a world that makes it nearly impossible to do so.

I am weary of the editorials by other mothers criticizing Palin for returning to work 3 days after her child was born. When my first child was born, I scheduled an inducement so I could maintain my business and not miss publication of my weekly newsletter. I took pain killers, did not give birth in a pool and ended up having a Cesarean. And not only that, I gave an interview to a newspaper on a business related topic within 24 hours of giving birth. (Made some money as a result too.) I even gave the reporter my cell phone number so I could call her back quickly if she called while I was delivering my daughter.

Other mothers would not have made the same choices. And I took some heat for my choices, even to the point of being criticized for them on a television show once last year.

And so I support Sarah Palin for doing what she thinks is best for her life, at this time in her life.

At the end of the day, as mothers, that's all we can all do. Instead of criticizing her family choices, let's be collectively grateful that we live in a country where she has them in the first place. That, in America, a married woman can chose to: run for public office, wear whatever clothes she wants, have a career of her own, own businesses in her own name and purchase real estate without her husband's permission.

Sarah, if it was right for you and your family for you to return to work 72 hours after your child was born, then you just go sister. 72 hours after mine was born, I was sitting at my desk revising my website and learning how to breastfeed at the same time. Why? Because I felt my newborn needed the benefits of both my breast milk and my business acumen in order to have the best life possible.

I believe that a rising tide lifts all ships. And regardless of my political views where she's concerned, Sarah Palin's nomination, especially when coupled with how far Hillary Clinton came on the Democratic ticket this year, is a rising tide for women and mothers from all walks of life.

I don't have to agree with another professional mother's choices to celebrate the fact that she has them.

And regardless of the political differences I have with Sarah Palin, I'm going to ride her wave.

What do you think?

Other moms? Dads? Indie Business owners? What do you say?

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