relationships (78)

If you have been caught up in the dating "hamster" wheel lately and are having a hard time understanding why your dates are not progressing beyond a first date then, this report will give you a glimpse at what you may be doing unintentionally that is turning off your dates.

Here's the set up: 

You know you are a beautiful, caring, fun, and loving woman. But for some reason, your dates either do not call back or if they do call back; nothing happens. No second date is booked and eventually he stops calling. You are feeling confused and disappointed; possibly a little hurt as well. You thought the date went well. Both of you were laughing, sharing great conversation, and he mentioned a few times that he was having a good time. Yet, nothing happens after the first date.

Well, I have a secret to share with you. One of the reason, he may not be calling back is; he thinks it would be too much work to date you. Men love to date confident women. They want to spend time with a woman who is easygoing, fun, intelligent, and relaxed. But, if during any of the conversations you had with your date: 

• He felt you were sharing too much personal information too soon. 

• Coming on the dating with a "Could He Be the One?" agenda. 

• Or did not come across as a confident woman. 

He has decided to walk away. Men get nervous when they notice they are out with a woman who: 

• Still has unresolved issues with an ex. 

• Is obviously on the "marriage" bandwagon. 

• Or is telling him too many private details regarding her life on the first date. 

If during the initial conversation you were basically giving him your life and dating history. He will feel overwhelmed or he decides since you have shared so much already; there really isn't much more that he needs to know about you. A man rarely calls you back when either of these two happens on a first date. So, if you want to put yourself in the rare category of multiple dates and have more options than the average woman.

Here are 5 secrets about men, most women ignore.

1. The majority of men like a woman who is a little mysterious. He wants to learn about you layer by layer. He wants to feel like he has to "earn" the right to spend time with you. I know this sounds a bit old-fashioned, but in this age of information overload. A woman who leisurely “unfolds” in front of a man is very beautiful to him and a rare delight. Think about the men you have met in the past who you did not instantly share your life story. They usually wanted to see you again because, they thought you were interesting and had a desire to learn more about you. 

2. Men love confident women. An insecure woman will rush through explaining who she is and provide too much information; just in case she may never see him again. This feels desperate and can make a man feel uncomfortable. A confident woman gives just enough information about herself to keep him interested for more. Example: The question comes up about your ex. 

A confident woman will smile and say "He was a great guy and we had so much fun together, but eventually we just grew apart and knew it was time to move on. I really do wish him the best." 

The typical woman when asked this question will tell the her date all the lousy and worst things about her ex and the break up. 

The first answer shows your date you are a confident and relaxed person. This makes him feel good and there is a good chance he will want to see you again. If he is smart, he will ask for a second date before you finish the first date. 

The second answer lets your date know you are probably still bitter about the breakup and your date will have no desire to ask for a second date. 

So, if you are looking to improve your chances of going on a second date and beyond with the right guy. Remember to: 

3. Smile – Smiling makes you look confident and relaxed. Plus, if you are smiling you will look even more attractive. 

4. Be Classy and Confident - Let him see that you are a confident woman who really does enjoy her life. Show him through your actions that you are a charming and charismatic person. 

5. Flirt – Yes, flirt and depending on your personality style; you can be demure or slightly more daring. Keep it light and playful (avoid coming across too sexy.) You want to peak his interest not turn this into foreplay. 

The most important thing you can do is to have fun. Smile, flirt, and be playful. Keep the conversation light. Ask questions that are easy to answer and keep you from sounding like an FBI interrogator. If you would like some useful tips on how to flirt successfully and with ease; send me an email at: to receive my free guide to the "The Art of Flirting".

This is the end of the report. Hopefully, you will use these 5 tips on your next date. If you do, watch how often you are asked out on a second date. Keep it simple and enjoy.  

Have a lovely day. 

I am wishing you much love and unlimited joy, 

Cyndi Harris, HP 

Relationship Solutions Coach and Man Whisperer "Intimacy Creator Savant" 

And author of the forthcoming book: 

“The Official Handbook to Becoming Irresistible” 

(Learn How to Become a Woman Who Is Positively Unforgettable.)

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“Should I Stay or Should I Leave?”

I hear this question so often from women who are feeling exhausted, neglected, and overwhelmed in their romantic relationships. They are struggling with the decision to stay or leave a relationship they feel has lost its appeal. They are unhappy and truly have no idea what their next step should be.

It is very sad because, my married ones or clients in long-term relationships are wondering if they will ever feel love again and my single clients (usually newly single) wonder if they will ever find love again. (FYI - my typical client is 40 to 48 years old women, with children in their teens to early 20's, and she is or has been in a long-term relationship that has lasted 10 years or longer.)

Does this sound like your current situation? If so, tell me:

  • Do you long for days gone by when you and your beloved were still happy and deeply in love with each other?
  • When was the last time your beloved treated you with adoration and affection?
  • Are arguments becoming the main style of communication between the two of you?

Well, if you are at your “wits” end about what to do next in your relationship and are thinking… “Should I stay or should I leave?” I want you to stop for a moment and think very carefully about what I am about to share with you; being single will not solve the communication and intimacy issues you are experiencing. It may offer some temporary relief. But, the personal underlying communication issues that caused the disconnect will still remain. Even if you move on to another relationship.

And if you are single and reading this article, I want you to think back to your last relationship and think about how the lack of communication and previous questions played out in your last meaningful relationship. Did they have something to do with why you left?

As a relationship solutions coach, I talk to many frustrated women. Especially ladies who are suffering from regrets about past decisions they made in the process of maturing into the woman they are today. It is tough to look back over your life and realize you may not have fulfilled some or any of the goals you set for yourself as a younger woman.

You may have made a multitude of decisions that now feel like sacrifices for your children and significant other (husband or long-term boyfriend). And now, you may be working on life improvements and want to remove yourself from what feels like a life-draining situation. I have noticed so many women, who in the process of working on self-improvement, want to discard their man.

I personally think this is unfair unless, you have a man who truly does mistreat you.

For example:

  • He is abusive
  • An active addict or alcoholic whose behavior is destructive
  • Or has other qualities that can potentially harm you; emotionally, mentally, physically, and/or spiritually.

If this is true then, I recommend you seek help and remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible. You cannot help someone who is unwilling to help themselves. But, if you are basically using your man as a scapegoat for all the unexpressed unhappiness you are currently feeling in your life then, I want you to carefully read what I am about to say..

Far too many women have left a truly wonderful man and solid loving relationship because, her uncommunicated needs were going unmet and she did not truly understand how to invite her man back into her life to assist her.  Why, because, she had emotionally disconnected from him and in her frustration started blaming him for being the cause of her dissatisfaction.

This is tragic because, most men do want to be there for the woman they love, but have no idea how to reach her once her walls have gone up and she starts to treat him like a nonessential part of her life.

If this sounds like you then, please understand that things may not be as hopeless as they seem. I would enjoy talking to you in greater detail and show you some ways you can go from “No Love to True Love” once again. Join me for a very special teleconference on: Thursday 4/18/2013 from 6:00 to 7:30p EDT called “No Love to True Love” – Fall in Love All Over Again. Go to: and click on the teleseminar page to register and receive call in information.

Or if you are ready for some immediate solutions then, go to: and sign up for your 20 minute complimentary Relationship Solutions Session.

Either way I am looking forward to sharing with you some useful information that may turn your relationship in a positive direction or start your next relationship with more confidence. 

Have a wonderful day and I am sending you much love and wishing you unlimited joy,

Cyndi Harris, HP

Relationship Solutions Coach; Man Whisperer “Intimacy Creation Savant”

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Hello everyone,

Question? How are you?

Looks like a pretty innocent question, right? We hear it everyday throughout our day from family, friends, and strangers. We hear it so often we seem to slip into autopilot when we answer this question.

What is your normal response? I'm:

  • Fine
  • Ok
  • Sad
  • Lousy
  • Angry
  • Scared
  • Sick

And the list goes on. Too often the responses are energy-sapping like the ones I listed above. How often have you heard responses like these. How does it usually make you feel? Bummed out, right?

Think about it. If you were asking the question in good faith, did you really want to hear an awful answer. We all can be compassionate, but sometimes we would like to hear some good news.

It can become so overwhelming at times and there are probably some people you no longer ask how they are doing. Because, you know they will not have anything good to say. So, you avoid them or limit your conversation with them; which is perfectly fine. You have the right to protect your good feelings and peace of mind.

But, what if you are the one who provides the "downer" answers to this little question? We all have days when we don't feel our best; this is normal, but what if you consciously decided to answer differently. Let's do this again:

"How are you?"

Now, instead of using the standard response to this little question; what if you responded by saying I Am:

  • Amazing (I got up this morning and realized I live an amazing life.)
  • Excited
  • Delightful (I am great. My life is delightful and full of joy.)
  • Fabulous
  • Fantastic
  • Magnificent
  • Wonderful

Can you see the direction I am heading with these responses? Say them with me:

  • "I Am Amazing."
  • "I Am Excited."
  • "I Am Fabulous"
  • "I Am Fantastic."
  • "I Am Magnificent."
  • "I Am Wonderful."

How do you feel? Better, right?

Yes, I'll admit it may feel a little awkward at first, but do this on a regular basis and I guarantee you will feel better and your life will begin to shift in a more positive direction. Gradually, you will begin to notice more happy and interesting things taking place around you and you are ready to receive this newfound joy. It can be really exciting and fun.

Will this simple exercise change your life overnight? It might, because, how you talk about your life and life experiences does show up in the outward appearance of your life. But, if not overnight; at least you will be on track to making some pleasant changes in your life and how it shows up around you.

So, instead of talking about lack, misery, sickness, etc. Talk about the things you are happy about or grateful for. Let the universe know you are in a good place by talking about what makes you feel good and guess what? You will be provided with more reasons to enjoy your life and the world around you.

How can I be so sure? Because, I am living and loving proof this works. When I:

  • Was going through a major health crisis (Fibromyalgia) that I left me in constant chronic pain. I chose to speak positive and healing words. I am completely healed and naturally pain-free. (I'll share how on a different day.)
  • Walked away from a 10 years relationship with a man I loved dearly. I chose to speak words of gratitude for the time spent and lessons learned from an interesting and wise "teacher". (New love has entered my life.)
  • Moved away from family and friends to begin a new chapter in my life in a new state where I knew no one. I chose to speak words of excitement and joy for the opportunities I knew where coming my way. (I truly wake up thrilled about each new day.)

I can list many more life events that I have used the power of words to create incredible experiences, but I mainly shared my personal experiences with you because:

I hope you allow yourself to utilize the power of your words to positively reconstruct your life too. 

So, let's start simple. Tell me, "How are you?"

If you are ready to live and love your life in the most joyous and spectacular way click on my website link  and schedule your Complimentary Irresistible Solutions Session. It is a fun and pleasant way to receive a tip or two that may delightfully change your life.

Have an amazing day and let's talk soon,

Cyndi Harris, HP

Relationship Solutions Coach, Man Whisperer (Intimacy Creation Savant), Author, and general Joyologist

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Men… delightful, scrumptious, and wonderful men; I love men. I think they are amazing and interesting. I love the way they look, sound, and process life. But, if loving a man has ever left you feeling confused and frustrated. You are not alone. I admit, men can be some of the most mysterious “creatures” at times. We love them, long for them, and at times want to shake them until some type of emotional response occurs. What is a woman to do? 

Well, if you are interested in cracking a man’s love code and learning how to lovingly and peacefully coexist. I have a few simple tips that will point you in the right direction. But first, I have a couple of questions for you. Then, I am will offer you a few suggestions that can help you get closer to almost any man. 

The questions: 

1. Do you like men? Not only in a romantic sense, but overall. 

2. Do you respect men? 

Yes, I know these questions are unusual, but I have a very specific reason for asking them. If you want to get inside the mind of a man, you must first understand what is important to him. And yes ladies, sex is important. Goodness ladies, you have such a one-track mind. Granted, it is a delightful “track”. But, a wise woman knows there is more to a man’s needs than simply sex. Even if at times that seems to be all he wants. If you really want to get close to a man and have him open up to you; he must know that you like and respect him. Knowing this little secret can almost instantly change the dynamics of your relationships with men.

Genuinely liking and respecting a man is important in the beginning of a relationship and beyond, if you want a man to see you as something more than a sex object then, you must let him know you have a sincere interest in him as a man; show him that you think he is fascinating and that you admire him. 

Sounds a bit old-fashioned, right? Maybe, but we put so much pressure on ourselves to appear a certain way when we are with men or get caught up in trying to beat men at their own “game”. We can easily forget to relax and simply get to know a man person to person. 

So, if you want the inside scoop to better relationships with men here are a few starter tips whether you are just meeting a man or have known him for sometime. If you want your man or men to enjoy your company and develop better communication with them; go back to basics find out:

What are his interests? (Even if you think you know; ask anyway. He may have changed interests or has learned something new about an old one he would love to share with you.)

Who does he admire and why? (This is a big one. It will offer valuable insight into the type of man he is striving to be. Listen carefully to his answers and do some research of your own about the person or people he mentions, This is a great way to gather information for a future conversation.) 

What are his ambitions? (Listen with an open-mind, even if you think his ambitions are impossible or unrealistic. They are his dreams; be supportive.) 

Understanding how to ask good questions is a talent that is underestimated. When you show a real interest in a man as a person; a man will find you fascinating as well. And here's the sweet part; when you follow the above suggestions, a man will find himself thinking about you and he will find a reason; a deep need to spend more time with you. Because, for him, he will have found a woman who is charming, easy to talk to, and whose company he enjoys. This is a win/win situation for both of you.

Does this sound too simple? Well, if you want to become a man magnet whose beauty, intelligence, and sensuality makes you unforgettable. Give it a try:

  • Think about the reasons you truly like men.
  • Think of ways you can show a man true respect
  • Then, think of some basic questions you can ask (or use the ones provided in this article), and watch what happens. 

I can guarantee you will notice a change in the way men respond to you and how you respond to them. It will become easier and you will be able to pick and choose the type of men you invite into your life. Whether that is a new love interest, a new friend, or reigniting the romance between you and your current man; you now have taken the first steps to cracking a man’s love code. Enjoy and we will talk again soon.


Sending you much love and unlimited joy, 

Cyndi Harris, HP (Life and Relationship Transformation Coach) 

Author of the forthcoming book; “The Official Handbook to Becoming Irresistible – Learn How to be a Woman Who Is Positively Unforgettable.” or

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Black Girlz Talk

Black Girlz Talk

Coming soon is a web based talk show, Black Girlz Talk. Our goal is to showcase African American women in a positive light. In the meantime, check out some of our articles. This quarter topic is relationships.

Why is it so hard to find a good man?

We often complain about the difficulties we face when searching for Mr. Right.  It’s not enough good men in the world.   No one can live up to my standards.  All men are dogs.  He is a male gold-digger.  All men cheat.  I’ve heard it all. Blah. Blah. Blah.  Stop dating the same man over and over again.  If you want change, you have to do something about it. I know that most people don’t like stepping outside of their comfort zone. But remember what do you call a person that keeps doing the same thing and expects different results? Insane. 

I’ve talked to a lot of single women that are carrying baggage from one relationship to another.  I tell everyone you can’t give someone your all until all your doors have been closed.  Just like the airlines only one free small checked bag, leave the rest at the gate.  When you get to a point where you are ready to date, take your time and proceed with caution. There are still some good men in the world, but here are a few of my favorite Mr. Wrongs:

The computer love

The computer love is the guy with the cute pictures on, Blackplanet, and Facebook. Based on your profiles you are a match made in heaven.  This is the person you are secretly obsessed with but too scared to tell your girlfriends because you don’t want to be judged.  So you go by yourself to meet him for the first date, but guess what. He looks nothing like his picture.  You respectfully say, “You look different in your pictures.”  He explains it was a picture of him 75 pounds ago. You laugh it off, but deep down inside you feel played.

Mr. out of my league

Let’s keep it real. It may be easy to catch a fish, but it hard to keep it from slipping out of your hand. This is the man that is out of your league.  He has himself together and searching for someone to compliment him.  How can you keep this winner if you have nothing to offer?  Looks get old, but substance is priceless.

The pretender

The pretender is the guy who pretends to be whatever you want him to be: the church boy who can’t quote a scripture, the entrepreneur whose credit score is 300, and the man who claims to love his momma but refers to every woman that has pissed him off as the b word.  This is the type of man that completely loses himself when he dates.  Who wants a man that has no self-identity?

Mr. Married to my job.

A man can’t give you his all until he is satisfied with himself.  He has to feel like he can love, honor, cherish and take care of you.  Don’t date someone who does not have time for you.  Ladies, you can’t change him. Keep it moving.

I’m single but married.

Ladies, just because a man says he is single doesn’t mean he is divorced.  Don’t play yourself.  Dating a married man is like working a dead end job with no opportunity for advancement.  Nobody wants to work a dead end job! Everyone deserves to move up the ladder.

Mr. Illusionist.

This is the man that gives you the illusion that he is perfect.  When you first meet him, it is love at first sight. He has great looks, dressed to the nines, expensive car, good job and the gift of gab meaning he can talk any woman out of her panties.  If something looks too good to be true, it probably is.  Therefore, it is important to take time to get to know a person before you fall victim to the illusion.  If you give up your goods to early, you miss a lot of red flags.  Take your time. It can save a lot of heartache.

Now, I know you are asking what can I do to put an end to this dating curse.  The answer is to get yourself together and do a little soul searching.  Instead of evaluating ourselves, we point the finger at everyone else.  One of my teachers used to say if you point one finger, you have four pointing back at you.  As women, we often settle for the sake of not being alone.  This usually leads to trouble. Remember, the first step to self- improvement is to love yourself flaws and all.

Take a moment and look in mirror.  What do you see?  Why are you scared of being alone?  Are you where you want to be in life?  Can you stand on your own two feet?  Are you comfortable in your own skin?  Do you have your finances in order?  Are you open to try new things?  Are you ready to be in a relationship?  Do you have time to give someone your all?  Are your standards set to high? Are you really five karat worthy?  Are you wife material?  After you answer these questions, create a game plan on how to be the best you.  Determine the areas that need work and make improvements.  No one is perfect.  It’s time for you to become Mrs. Right so you can stop attracting Mr. Wrong.

Shaneisha Dodson

follow me on twitter @ blkgirlz & sdodson08
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Never What it Seems is the story of Dee Wellington and AJ Madison, two women who were born in Chicago, and much like the city; their lives are anything, but ordinary. Dee grew up in a dysfunctional household that by today’s standards would be considered completely ‘normal’. Trying to cope with life’s complexities, Dee contributes all of life’s changes to God’s will. Throughout the changes in her life, she resists the urge to disrupt the balance of things unless she really has to.
On the other hand, there is AJ Madison who is a rambunctious, intelligent, and outgoing character who lives by her own standards and believes that you get what you give. Both, Dee and AJ grew-up trying to maneuver in systems created to breakdown the human spirit. Readers will find a familiarity in their struggles, their desires, and their will to overcome.

Reader's Reviews:

“I’m reading ‘Never What it Seems.’ It’s a page turner. I found myself wanting to find out what happened next as I ended each chapter. I’m on chapter 48 (pretty good for a day and a half)…where the girls' former loves have now re-entered their lives. The story line is impeccable, well-written, and I am suggesting this book to all of my friends and family who loves to read. I’m going to read this book again.” –JoMonique Whiteside

“’Never What it Seems’ is truly never what it seems. I found myself drawn into the story. I couldn’t put it down! The chain of events continued to grab me. The author is very consistent about several things, but what warms you the most is that the two main characters, Dee & AJ, are amazingly strong. I love and admire their courage. The author displays a relationship of real unconditional friendship between these ladies - such a relationship rarely seen or experienced today; the one that ultimately facilitates their success. This is an awesome start for a first novel. I so look forward to the next!” – LaKessa Murphy

"I've just gotten back to Chicago and while I was away I completed 'Never What it Seems'. All I can say is SUPERB, EXCELLENT, and OUTSTANDING! That book was one of the best books I've ever read and I'm encouraging everyone I know to get a copy. Let me tell you, it had me on the edge of my seat from beginning to end. This is definitely a book for everyone, so check it out!!! That being said, I have got to get a copy of 'Autumn Leaves', if it is anything like 'Never What it Seems.'" - Ana Mar'e (Pink Diamond, Inc.)

"I think this book is phenomenal. It takes us into the lives of two young women that basically go through what all women experience growing up in this day and age from childhood to adulthood. It also points out that not all men are deceiving, but willing to take chances when it comes to true love. It was wonderfully written, and I look forward to the next novel witten by Diane Martin. " - Marjorie Billenger
"Diane Martin's vividly, entertaining tale of friendship between two women was a true testimony of trial and triumph. An anthem for every woman who has ever loved, lost, and regained the true meaning of an unedifying spirit of hope. For every page read, I was drawn deeper and deeper until I was left wanting more." - Elise Burkes

"Girl, let me tell you! I finished reading your book earlier today and it was excellent! Your book was a trip. Let me just say that the ending was not what I expected. I was out done! Your novel [Never What it Seems] was a well written and a very intriguing piece or work [written] by a vivid and creative mind! Congratulations and much success on all of your endeavors to come!" - Michelle Moorer (Author of Shhh...Don't Tell)

"I purchased your book and once I completed it…WOW! This was a great book and I couldn’t put it down until I finished it. I passed the book on to my daughter-in-law and she thought the same thing. Keep up the good work. I’ll be looking for more to come.” -Beverly Price
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Seeking Sisters In Toxic Relationships

Hey Ladies,

Most of us have been there at one time or another. We find ourselves in toxic relationships and have no idea how we got there. We are either in denial or desperately trying to fight our way out. If that's you I'd like to encourage you to hang in there and do whatever it takes to get out.

If you've gotten out, bravo for you! I'm happy you have made it to the other side. Encourage your sisters and keep pressing forward in faith and love.

I bring this up because I have been there and done that. I went through one toxic relationship after another, but now I am on the other side and want to share words of encouragement and tactics to help my sisters who are still in the trenches. So I'm writing a book about it and conducting research into the topic.

10744080066?profile=originalI've created a free ebook I'd like you to have. It's called 10 Reasons You Might Be Attracting Crummy Guys, Toxic Relationships, and Heartache...and How to Stop It!. You can download it here.-->>

I've also created a quick 5-question survey I'd like for you to take. It would be a tremendous help to me and may be beneficial to you, especially if you own a business.

There is a space to share your story, your cause, and your website. I will include it in the book, which is free exposure for you. There is no obligation to do this at all but there are certainly benefits.

Here is the link to the quick 5-question survey -->>

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An unhealthy soul can destroy your life!

How’s your soul? Do you need a healing for your soul (mind, will and emotions)? An unhealthy soul will cause you to display disempowering habits. An unhealthy soul will render unhealthy relationships. An unhealthy soul can block the anointing. An unhealthy soul can block “The blessing!” Soul Prosperity is what you need.

Unchain Your Soul Prosperity!

What does a healthy soul have to do with prosperity? Well we read in the word Beloved I wish above all things that you would prosper and be in health EVEN as your soul prospers. It wasn’t coincidental that Father God added, “even as your soul prospers.” He was very specific about the fact that you should be prospering your soul. Are you intentional about your soul prosperity? No prosperity isn’t just about money it’s actually abundance in every area of your life!

If you’re having a challenge in your relationships, business, ministry, your life, you might want to take a peak at your soul and don’t just peak at it do something about it.

Your soul comprises of your mind, will and emotions. An unhealthy soul is at the very core of some of your self sabotage, it is what separates the empowered,fruitful child of God from the one that is up and down, pretentious, unfruitful, unstable and more.

Isn’t it time you had a healing for your soul?

If you enjoyed this Sunday Inspiration and you want to go deeper, I invite you to join other dynamic women and I for the next call in my Telesries entitled “Be unstoppable. Healing for your Soul! The 7 irrefutable keys to unchain your soul prosperity.”

If you’re not registered go here to gain access to this power-packed, empowering and transformational event for women.

When: Wednesday, April 18 at 1:00 PT, 3:00 CT, 4:00 ET. Can’t make the live call? The replay will be available to all registrants.

Say this “I’m living the Extraordinary, Glorious and Blessed Life!”


Want to use this article in your newsletter,Ezine on our website or blog? You can as long as you include the blurb below and retrieve the entire post. Robin Tramble empowers Savvy Women, aspiring, new and enterprising women entrepreneurs to manifest their bold, brilliant, confident and empowered self, get laser focused, get out there in a BIG way, while prospering and making a difference in the world “authentically!” You can experience a taste of her EMPOWERMENT via her 6 day ecourse “Empowered 4 success”

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Tell a modern day woman to “submit” to her husband and you might as well start walking towards the planks because Davie Jone’s Locker is where her words will send you; it is almost a form of blasphemy – that word. It has also been unforgivenly assigned the meaning of “obey,” hence, its removal from contemporary wedding vows and in marriages. No one, it seems, wants to be told what to do.

I am currently teaching a women’s literature course and one of the texts I’ve elected to have us read is the “Book of Ruth.” Raised in a pentecostal church, I was always taught to believe that women were to “submit” to their husbands because the Bible said so: women were inferior to men. But I’ve come to the conclusion after analyzing this text and other works by women – as well as life experiences – that the word “submission” has been taken out of context.

Submission means understanding and accepting one’s value and place within the context of a relationship to bring forth a desired outcome or goal of said relationship. When Ruth lay at the feet of Boaz, at the urging of Naomi, it was not because she was being taught to be inferior to Boaz. Naomi understood, as did Ruth later on, that in order to protect and bring forth the future, she had to “submit” herself in order for it – the future and its generations – to come to pass. It was wisdom that made Ruth and Naomi “submit,” not inferiority. This is where modern day teachings of this word have fallen short.

Women are not inferior to men or men inferior to women; but rather, in order for a relationship to reach its full zenith and to be productive, the couple must come to understand and acknowledge that each has a value and place within the context of the relationship, and that no one is more valuable than the other. Scripture says that man is the head of the home, but the woman is the neck. Neither can operate fully and functionally without the other.

I call for a closer look at the word “submission.” It has been assigned a negative meaning because it has been taken out of context and made an instrument of the fight for power between the sexes, hence, the severe impact on modern day marriages. When Boaz awoke to find Ruth at his feet, he did not gloat or proceed to enforce domination over her. Rather, he said to her that she was a “virtuous woman,” and restored to Ruth what was rightfully hers: her home. And so begins not only one of the most famous love stories ever, but the opening of the door of the future which would bring forth David.

We must learn to submit to the will of the force which embraces and binds our relationships: to obey the spoken and unspoken rules of engagement in a true and fruitful relationship. Arguing and fighting for control and domination does not bode well a bright future nor does it allow room for wisdom.


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FOCUS (family,outreach,community,unity & schools) has designated April 2011 as mentor a teen parent month.  It's no secret that we are in a crisis with this issue and  loosing girls everyday.  Black women are needed in the schools and communities to help these young people as they attempt to be  teenagers,  a parent, and a student.  Some only need our wisdom and a loving embrace just as we would our birth child.  


Think about when you struggled with issues about sexuality, the jr.high crush, self-eseem, wanting belong to the popular clique. Remember you parent/child conversations that made every situation okay?  Remember seeing mom, dad or grandma at the football game to support you or mom working the concession stand as a band booster ?  Most teens don't have this support system which makes them more vunerable for making poor choices.


Black Professional Women the time has come for us to take a proactive stand and help families with challenges.  These are our daughters so we must step to the plate and not attempt to tweak this situation any longer.


For ideas about getting involved or building rapport with a teen mom please email:


In Sisterly Love,


Michelle Chaisson

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Networking Etiquette

I’ve noticed more and more that people forget why they become successful in life and in business. If you don’t build relationships and present some type of VALUE to your peers, business prospects and customers, why should you be in business to begin with?

Recently I’ve been getting a lot of emails and comments on my networking sites about joining different companies. Often I’m not even their “friend” and could not tell you the first thing about how they found me. Why is it so hard for people to introduce themselves to one another and at least find out what the other person is interested in before you jump into a pitch?

Over the past three months, my mentors have expressed the need of reaching out to people via phone and in person, not just online, and give people some type of VALUE. How do you manage to do this? By speaking with the people and finding out what it is that interests THEM and not you! So thank you Lorina Noble and Jeremiah Carstarphen for instilling in our team great business etiquette. Again Thank You!

Yes you will cross paths with people who know everything and are not open to learning anything new, but you will find that a lot of people like to talk about themselves. How do I know this? Check a couple of your Facebook friend’s pages. See how much information about their life they put on their page? See how many pictures they have uploaded? People like to brag about themselves. Why present them with products and business opportunities they clearly are not interested in?

As I look back on all the times I’ve been told to brand myself and bring people VALUE I feel like the more VALUE I give the more people ignore my purpose. It is sad that there are people out there who would rather build their business on dishonesty and branding a company (instead of themselves) than being truthful and helping others.

This is my insight for you and I will leave you with a quote that is referencing the true meaning of business networking.

“It’s about forming authentic relationships based on a mutual desire to help each other and a genuine willingness to contribute and bring value to the table” ~Earl G. Graves, Sr


 Miss Insight 4 U

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Getting through the holidays and beyond

Over the next two weeks, we’ll spend time with people we love, people who love us, and people who know how to push our best and worst buttons.
--Choose to be the best that you can be.
--Choose to remain strong and powerful, supportive, and non-judgmental.
--Choose to let go of patterns that keep you and others chained.
--Choose to go up the “referral curve” with close friends and family.
--Choose to match your actions, words, tone of voice, and facial expression to make the world a better place.
--Choose to keep your mouth shut (if what wants to come out isn’t nice).
--Choose to make a difference in each moment with each person.
--Choose wisely now (not after some list of criteria is met).
--Choose to try again (when you make the wrong choice).
--Choose to believe that next year will be better because you will make it that way.
--Choose to be conscious.
--Choose to choose.
If we choose to do this with the very people we love, with the people who love us, and with the people who know how to push our best and worst buttons, then choosing to do it with everyone else will be easy.
Choose to notice how your choices create a ripple through your world; through the world.

Excerpt from BNI weekly.

Have a blessed holiday- from Vanessa, SendOutCards and dbjDESIGNS- online and handmade greeting cards and custom paper designs. and blog: and follow me on Twitter @dbj_designs.
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Harmonic Relationships: The Ultimate Gift

Harmonic Relationships

By Herbert Harris

The Ultimate Gift

The basic principle of the universe is that of order. When order is extended over a time period, it becomes harmony. This universal harmony is like a great symphony in which all notes, vibrations, and sounds are being played at the same time, for all time.

Each entity, each person, each life form is a note, a vibration in that great universal sound. When your life is in order, your goals are attained and your visions are realized. Your purpose is fulfilled, and you are in a complete harmonic relationship with the universe.

The note and vibration that is your life is in perfect harmony with your destiny. When this perfect harmony is achieved, you become one with the universe, and, upon your transition, leave your physical body at the proper level of consciousness to ascend to the next level of your universal evolution.

When your life is out of order, your goals are not being attained, nor is your vision realized. You are not in a complete harmonic relationship with the universe.

How do you know that your life is out of order?

You feel it. You are not happy. You are not clear about where you are going. You fear the future, and suffer anxiety, stress and a host of other unpleasant feelings.

How do you get your life in order?

You study the universal principles of the universe, and then align yourself with these principles. The extent to which you align yourself with these universal principles determines the extent to which your harmonic relationship with the universe can move toward completion.

The way that you align yourself with the principles is to study, implement and master them. The better you get, the more complete your harmonic relationship with the universe. Once you are on the path, there is an endless cycle of growth, illumination and elevation to the next level to be mastered.

Our book, The Twelve Universal Laws of Success, lays out the laws of success and demonstrates their universal application.

These principles will aid and assist you as you move toward the completion of your own harmonic relationship with the universe and the realization of your destiny.

Seven Basic Harmonic Relationships.

1. The first harmonic relationship, Self with Source, is the relationship between you and God—the Universal Intelligence, Consciousness, Force, and Source that is common to all religions and cultures.

2. The second harmonic relationship, Self with Self, is the relationship between you and yourself. How you feel about yourself

3. The third harmonic relationship, Self with Others, is the relationship between you and other people.

4. The fourth harmonic relationship, Self with Energy, is the relationship between you and your powers.

5. The fifth harmonic relationship, Self with Objectives, is the relationship between you and your goals and vision.

6. The sixth harmonic relationship, Self with Results, is the relationship between you and that which you achieve.

7. The seventh harmonic relationship, Self with Purpose, is the relationship between you and your life purpose – your destiny.

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Tip of the week!

In order for anything new to come into your life there has to be room for it. Mr. Right cannot show up in your life if you don’t have time for him or space for him.

It is amazing how women always complain about they want a man but yet they don’t have time for him. Today I would like for you to look at your schedule, look at the people in your life, and look at the mental clutter that you have. What do you need to get rid of?

Take action this week on getting rid of it.

Happy Mr. Right Attraction!

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Tip of the week

Start loving yourself the way that you want others to love you. People will only treat you how they are trained to treat you. So if you expect a man to love you unconditionally start doing it yourself.

I see too many women complain about people are not loving them or treating them a certain way. However, the way that other people treat you is the same way that you treat yourself. (Law of reflection)

Start speaking to yourself with love.

Say positive affirmations.

Take care of your body, mind, and spirit.

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Are You Still Looking Out for Number One?

Have you ever attended a networking event with the intention to find connections for someone else? Most likely not because that’s not what we’re taught to do. We’re taught that we should stuff our pockets with business cards, through our shoulders back, put our game face on and let the hunt begin! If we’re able to muster up any courage at all, we walk up to a likely looking stranger and start grilling him or her. What do you do, how long have you done it and gee I’ve got a great product (service) for you that will surely solve all your problems! Wrong on oh, so many fronts. But we’ll cover networking etiquette and relationship building in another blog post.

But think of how much pressure it would take off your shoulders if you went to a mixer or other networking event on someone else’s behalf. You always do a better job when you stop thinking about yourself and think of the needs of others. And that’s one of the key tenets we promote in Pink Passport Society. Uplift and support other women. Help them be successful. Because by doing so, your connections and relationships will also be strengthened and you too will win in the long run.

So for your next event, interview three potential candidates – say for your strategic partner or perhaps one of your clients, armed with the information you’ve gathered beforehand (what is their target market – gender? income? industry? etc.). Prescreen the referrals, get the contact information and if you’re really good, go ahead and set up a date and time to make introductions (because we’re always “going to keep in touch” and then life, work and time intervenes, and another opportunity lost!)

Finally, once you’ve completed this task you’re free to relax and he yourself. And who knows how that will turn out – when you’re relaxed you’re more approachable. Your next client might just walk up and find you! So go out there and try a little reverse networking. You just might like it!

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Are You a Relationships Expert?

I am seeking relationships experts for my forthcoming relationships book series. If you are an author, therapist, counsellor or other relationships expert, I would love to hear from you and I may be interested in interviewing you. Please contact me privately if you would like to be interviewed.
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I told you it was coming! and I try not to disappoint...A WOMAN LIKE ME...A MAN LIKE YOU released on Valentine's Day and it is a HUGE success! That love thang is a tough cookie for a lot of people...Why do you think that is?

I am so proud to be able to share this with you and want you to share your opinions, thoughts, and stories with the world.


Visit the website at : and see what all the buzz is about!

Take a sneak peek at the new book and read some sample chapters, blog your thoughts, and get updates on upcoming round table events.

Share this with your networks...oh, and all copies purchased from the site will be autographed by me personally [no rubber stamping, promise] :O

Take care and listen for the new Kim on Dialogues w/Kim !


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Many business owners, big and small along with Entrepreneurs attend Social Networking Events in expectation of gaining a new client, customer and or establishing a relationship. Many of these same people don't have any idea about how to present their business products or services to their potential client or customer to begin establishing the relationship.If you have been use to sharing your entire business plan, business description to people or lengthy statements at social networking events and going on and on about your business, telling them how great your company is or sharing how great your products are, you have been totally wrong and more than likely have not ever heard from those people that you gave all that great information to.Most times those people will never contact you or consider buying from you. They don't take a second thought about anything that you said, because you have not given them the information that they are looking for.Here are 3 things wrong with giving that much information about your business or product & services to someone that you just met.First, you have taken up too much of their time.Second, you have wasted alot of your own time. While you were giving out that much information to 1-3 people, you could have worked the entire room using your elevator pitch.Third, no one really wants to hear all the in depth details about your business products and services, they only want to know the benefit to them or the solution to their problem.What is an elevator pitch?An elevator pitch is an overview of an idea for a product, service, or project. The name reflects the fact that an elevator pitch should be possible to deliver in the time span of an elevator ride, meaning in a maximum of 30 seconds and in 130 words or fewer. (Wikipedia)Your "elevator pitch" is the tool you use to communicate your message to your listener about who you are, what you offer and what's in it for them. It can be used at Networking Events and on social networking sites.Resources to Help with Your Elevator Pitch:-Give Your Elevator Pitch a Lift-Elevator Pitch Essentials-How to Get Your Point Across in 30 Seconds or LessCharlene Brown is the Founder and Visionary of The Black Business Cafe, a Social Networking Organization in Maryland. Mrs. Brown was #38 on the list of 50 of the most powerful and influential women in social media 2008 and is a Grand Connector with a mission to bring her local community together to do business with each other. Mrs Brown is often called a social networking guru and expert by her peers, however she prefers to be "The Grand Connector". Visit her website,
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