My Pitch - what do you think?

I recently went to a networking event where each person was videotaped as they delivered their pitch/30 second commercial. Mine is below. What do you think? Any feedback is greatly appreciated. It's my plan to tweak it, practice it, and use a future version to advertise. Thanks in advance!Natasha
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Comments

  • towards the beginning you were just a little bit nervous (too much hand movement)...but as you progressed you gained confidence! Good for you girl go for it :) I am in full support.
  • I watched it and I thought you did great. I felt your energy, which means a lot and I think that because you smiled during your presentation, the warmth of your personality was delivered. I would only change one thing...try not to move your hands so much...it showed your nervousness. I would recommend you.
  • You may want to reverse the order lead with you last statement
  • It's really hard to judge yourself because we are always more critical of ourselves than others are.
  • Thank you ladies.
    I've watched it "a few" times, but it's always good to know how someone else sees it. Because in the end, what matters is not how the message is delivered, but how it's received.
  • Morning, I like it, they know exactly what you do. You seemed a lil nervous but that will go away once you tweek it and practice it. Good job!
  • I like it, especially the ending sentence which I think really sums up your service. The only thing I would suggest is to tighten up the middle part about transitions . Sort of ..."and I assist married couples through transitions and life events such as retirement planning", etc. Your pitch was short and to the point and I learned a lot more about what you do .

    CeeCee
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