Once upon a time, I lived a vicarious life. I had always had my own hopes,dreams, and activities, but I somehow got caught up in a new way of life.You really can't see it coming until it has already overtaken you mentally.My fiance' was involved in many different activities back in the day, and healways let me take part without any objections. His life just seemed muchmore exciting!! I became so caught up in what he was doing that it feltlike I , too, was living this exciting life at the same time without anyeffort. When our relationship came to a brief halt, my world fell apartbecause I realized that I did not really have a "life".My world went from Never ending Sunshine to an Abyss of Darkness within 72hours. All of my friends were his friends; my activities were actually hisactivities, etc. The amazing part is he never put a gun to my head and toldme to do any of these things. I claimed these things as extensions ofmyself without actually owning the extensions. So, you know how the storywent after that... I sat at home too depressed to do something about it, andI was mad as hell. I realized a bit too late that I had been living life onthe sidelines, yelling at everyone else to work hard, and reaping therewards. Oops! Perhaps, you can identify if you are living vicariouslybefore your life source is cut away, and you're left to deal with trying tolight your own life source in the midst of pain.There are many people who live vicariously and never have to deal with anyissues of being cutoff for a very long period of time. The biggest examplesof those that lead vicarious lifestyles are parents that force theirchildren to pursue every avenue that they may have not succeeded in theirchildhood and place unnecessary pressure upon their children. When thechildren reach a level or the age of maturity, many cut their parents lifesource and begin living their own lives. This is a tragic moment where manyparents turn to drinking, bitter behavior, or just enter a deep depression.It's the same way in long term relationships where you are awfully close tosomeone and you benefit from their life without having to put forth the sameeffort as they are. You get bitter whenever they don't succeed because thatmeans you don't succeed. It's a horrible cycle that can go on as long as therelationship with the life source exists or until they cut you off.By living vicariously, you place the responsibility of your life andemotions on a day to day basis upon the shoulders of other people. That issimply not a fair trade off. You can not make someone else responsible forwhat you are not attempting to do for yourself. The other people in yourlife will feel the pressure, and they will realize at some point that theymay not possibly be able to keep you happy.Let's try these steps to branch out and claim your own plot in life:* Stop Latching onto your loved one or friend's life as your own.* Little by little set aside time for you - Call it "ME TIME".* Discover YOU.o Who are you really?o What do you like to do for fun?o What types of books, movies, or music do you like?o What are your hopes, dreams, and wishes?* Start enjoying your own gifts and talents that you discovered.* Take life day by day.Understand that the world is not expecting you to be an overnight success,but if you are consistent in your efforts, you will be rewarded with a newlease on life and fulfillment. Think about it - You have so much more toshare that you are now an individual and not an entity sucking the life outof everyone else. You'll avoid having to pay for the consequence of nothaving your own life if and when the light source is extinguished. Beconsistent and much success!!Much Love,Nikki
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