Inner Critic by Ananda Leeke (excerpt from That Which Awakens Me: A Woman's Poetic Memoir - iUniverse, Inc, - December 2008)Copyright 2008 by Madelyn C. Leeke. All rights reserved.Welcome to my world. Let me introduce you to my inner critic. Her name is Broomhilda. She has no fashion sense whatsoever. Personal grooming ain’t even in her vocabulary. Common courtesy is a foreign word in her world. Compassion, loving kindness, affirmation, and support are nonexistent. Her only concern is to wreak outrageous havoc in my life. She preys on my vulnerabilities as a writer. She belittles my ideas. The truth is that girlfriend totally disrespects me. How dare her? Who does she think she is? I got things to do. No matter what I say, she adamantly refuses to hear me. Instead she launches endless campaigns to attack each and every creative cell of my being. She tries to scare me into not doing what I am called to do which is complete my poetic memoir by October 6, 2008.Her mission is to make sure that I abandon my efforts. That’s why she proudly wears the title of Chief Officer of Naysaying in my head. She defines herself by the extreme level of criticism she offers each time I step outside of my comfort zone and begin to write my thoughts down. She directs her willpower to defeat me so that it will extinguish the fire of my passion. If she had her way, I would remain in a standstill with a negative cloud of despair hovering over me.The things that Broomhilda hates to see are what I am doing right now which is telling her business and the rallying of my inner sanctum affectionately known as my board of directors. She detests these chicks because they represent five fierce, fabulous feminine forces of my persona that she cannot conquer when they unify and become one. Let me introduce you to these lovely ladies.Chief Officer of Spirituality, Mindfulness, Yoga, Go Green Efforts, Service to Humanity, and Other Life Practices that Promote Emotional and Physical Well-Being is Ananda.Chief Officer of Creativity, Dancing, Culture, Music, Pleasure, Femininity, Oshunability, and Vegetarianism is Kiamsha.Chief Officer of Achievement, Business, Communication, Discipline, Education, Health, Financial Responsibility, Law, Order, Organization, and Social Etiquette for the Urban Debutante is Madelyn.Chief Officer of Silent Switzerland-like Diplomacy and Neutrality is Cheryl.Chief Officer of BAP Living, Joie de Vivre, Laughter, Play, Shopping, World Travel, Unplanned Adventures, and Spontaneous Expression is Puf.These five personas protect me from Broomhilda’s World War 3 tactics. They are my force field of positivity. Together they strategically shine light into my full existence. They rise beyond Broomhilda’s reach. She can’t stand that they beat her ass with no effort. These mujeres don’t even sweat. Their hair is natural and perfectly coiffed. Their skin is caramel candy flawless with lips decorated by MAC and L’Oreal. They take care of their business in matching ensembles and accessories compliments of Ann Taylor Loft, Moshood, Trade Secrets, Diane Goran, Cindy Williams, Eileen Fisher, Target, Marshall’s, Nine West, and Enzo. They do it all with phenomenal grace, faith, and dignity. When their work is done, they offer Broomhilda a kind sentiment. You know the one that church folks utter: “We gonna pray for you honey chile cuz’ you need Jesus.” Their words melt her mean exterior as they walk on by. Their sudden departure leaves her in a standstill. The only thing she can do is inhale the unforgettable scent of urban debutante BAP living style. Without warning, a sense of peace overwhelms her. It depletes her negative energy. She has no choice, but to surrender and retreat into her cave of darkness.Reflection QuestionsDo you have an inner critic?What does he/she look and sound like?Does he/she have a name?What does your inner critic do to you?Do you have other personas that live inside you?What are their names?What roles do they play?How do they help protect you from your inner critic?
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