WE ALL KNOW SOME MISTRESSES, THEY MAY BE SOME OF OUR CLOSEST FRIENDS. WELL PUT AN END TO THE DISRESPECT. IDENTIFY HER ASS.MORE IN THE TUG-OF-WAR, WHO'S MAN IS HE REALLY?TYPES OF MISTRESSESMs. MySpaceThis woman doesn’t have sex with the men, but has an online relationship based on how his page looks. She will check your page every day, always questioning who your top friends are and who left comments about you. Talking to her is for pure entertainment. She may leave a message that intrigues you, but that is where it should stay. She has nothing else better to do with her time. When you sign in, you will always see her online. As soon as you sign in, she is hitting your page up with a comment or in your MySpace IM window.Lady Luv – “Hey boo! I miss u!”How serious is she? Very serious, and she needs the attention. This is what you have to do if you don’t want this situation to turn ugly. Yes, I said ugly! She can be lethal if you are in a relationship with a woman who checks your page.Ok, let me break it down for those that seem to be intellectually challenged. This chick is going to get mad if you don’t talk to her often, and when you have a chance to chitchat, she is in love with you. She preys on your page, looking out for any females saying anything too slick. Ms. MySpace will not tolerate disrespect from you. You told her she looked good, and how you want to kiss her body from the tip of her head to the bottom of her feet; so comments to other females won’t compare to how you talk to her as long as you don’t say the same things to those other girls. Watch out if she finds a comment she doesn’t like. You will go to your inbox one day to find a lot of your female friends upset that a chick has been on their page asking questions about why they are leaving messages for her man and how she doesn’t appreciate that. Now you have to clean up the situation.MySpace isn’t that serious people! It’s purely entertainment; put some pictures up, play some music, and give folks a little insight about your likes and dislikes. Blog and post videos you enjoy. Sitting at a desk cyber-stalking should be a crime. LOL. Read a book, find a hobby, knit a shirt, or go outside and pick up some trash. All these things will help you become a better person; not worrying about what other people are doing. It’s their page, and you have no control over what they talk about and whom they share small talk with.Ms. Itchy ItchyBe aware of this one. She is one bitter individual. The cause of her STD came from a man who she put her trust in. She met him one day at the park, and he swept her off her feet telling her how he is like no other. “I love you baby,” he proclaimed. His seduction came without notice. Overwhelmed, she gave in to his mocha complexion, the African musk cologne he sprayed on his body, and his sweet kisses that left her breathless. Months past and she notices a feminine itch that won’t go away with over the counter products. Rushing to the hospital like her life depended on it, she tells the doctor her dilemma. Tests are performed, and the results take a week to return. She’s worried and scared of what it may be, and what she may do. The phone rings and nervously she answers,Ms. Itchy Itchy: Hello.Doctor: Yes may I speak to Ms. Williams?Ms. Itchy Itchy: This is she. May I ask who is calling?Doctor: Yes ma’am, this is nurse Uburnin from the Comanche County Medicare One. I have your test results.Ms. Itchy Itchy: (She swallows the lump in her throat.) Ok. They are?Doctor: I’m sorry to say, but you have Chlamydia.You have done the wrong thing to the wrong girl. She will take her rage out on every man that comes in her life, thereafter. Naïve, she still will have unprotected sex leading her to the hospital on numerous occasions for different types of STDs. Wash chick, and protect yourself! Stop thinking that is all you have to offer a man.Ms. Lady Luv “Temporary Replacement”This is a disrespectful bitch. She is the one who knows that you are married and doesn’t care because she is trying to replace your wife. What she doesn’t understand is that when you have a wife already, you can’t replace her. She will do anything to ruin your relationship. She will call your wife to discuss the sex you and her shared, and will proclaim that you don’t please him anymore, but she does. She will believe that she is the best choice for him because she cooks and cleans as a wife would do; but she is sneaky and vindictive.She falls in love easily, and has more than one child with more than one baby daddy, which is normal for her. Comparing her looks with your wife’s is a subliminal message that screams for your attention. She needs to feel that you need her more than you need your wife. Having sex with you is a competition. She will do anything short of dying to make you believe her sex is golden. Her selective memory fools her into believing he is leaving his wife. Spending too much time with her will cause a problem. She will need you around all the time reassuring her that you love her. When the decision is made to break off the relationship with this woman, NO will not be a tolerated answer. Her moods will be unstable, and she will become a stalker.Ms. Top SecretI love this girl. She is the best mistress of all time, and all the rules apply to her. She is attractive and smart. She has everything that you would want in a woman. She loves everything that you love right down to your favorite sports team. She is a female version of the male buddy. She doesn’t call your house bothering your livelihood nor does she care if you leave your wife. “Your marriage is your problem!” Her payroll consists of you and countless others that make her life better. She is an occasional sex buddy. The conversations you two have are more than sexual; you share a friendship. She will guide you to make the right decisions in your marriage because she wants nothing from you. She has a man of her own, therefore, your issues don’t amuse her. Public appearances won’t faze her. You and your wife can walk down the street, and she will keep walking as if she didn’t see you. She doesn’t have different baby daddies. She is classy and takes care of herself. Unprotected sex is never an option for her. She would never risk her health for a temporary penis. She loves spending time with you, but is in no way in love with you. You don’t see her often because she has to take care of her own home, but when you do spend time with her, it’s amazing. Cheating is one of the worse things that you could ever do, but if you’re going to do it, do it with her.
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