Coming soon is a web based talk show, Black Girlz Talk. Our goal is to showcase African American women in a positive light. In the meantime, check out some of our articles. This quarter topic is relationships.

Why is it so hard to find a good man?

We often complain about the difficulties we face when searching for Mr. Right.  It’s not enough good men in the world.   No one can live up to my standards.  All men are dogs.  He is a male gold-digger.  All men cheat.  I’ve heard it all. Blah. Blah. Blah.  Stop dating the same man over and over again.  If you want change, you have to do something about it. I know that most people don’t like stepping outside of their comfort zone. But remember what do you call a person that keeps doing the same thing and expects different results? Insane. 

I’ve talked to a lot of single women that are carrying baggage from one relationship to another.  I tell everyone you can’t give someone your all until all your doors have been closed.  Just like the airlines only one free small checked bag, leave the rest at the gate.  When you get to a point where you are ready to date, take your time and proceed with caution. There are still some good men in the world, but here are a few of my favorite Mr. Wrongs:

The computer love

The computer love is the guy with the cute pictures on Match.com, Blackplanet, and Facebook. Based on your profiles you are a match made in heaven.  This is the person you are secretly obsessed with but too scared to tell your girlfriends because you don’t want to be judged.  So you go by yourself to meet him for the first date, but guess what. He looks nothing like his picture.  You respectfully say, “You look different in your pictures.”  He explains it was a picture of him 75 pounds ago. You laugh it off, but deep down inside you feel played.

Mr. out of my league

Let’s keep it real. It may be easy to catch a fish, but it hard to keep it from slipping out of your hand. This is the man that is out of your league.  He has himself together and searching for someone to compliment him.  How can you keep this winner if you have nothing to offer?  Looks get old, but substance is priceless.

The pretender

The pretender is the guy who pretends to be whatever you want him to be: the church boy who can’t quote a scripture, the entrepreneur whose credit score is 300, and the man who claims to love his momma but refers to every woman that has pissed him off as the b word.  This is the type of man that completely loses himself when he dates.  Who wants a man that has no self-identity?

Mr. Married to my job.

A man can’t give you his all until he is satisfied with himself.  He has to feel like he can love, honor, cherish and take care of you.  Don’t date someone who does not have time for you.  Ladies, you can’t change him. Keep it moving.

I’m single but married.

Ladies, just because a man says he is single doesn’t mean he is divorced.  Don’t play yourself.  Dating a married man is like working a dead end job with no opportunity for advancement.  Nobody wants to work a dead end job! Everyone deserves to move up the ladder.

Mr. Illusionist.

This is the man that gives you the illusion that he is perfect.  When you first meet him, it is love at first sight. He has great looks, dressed to the nines, expensive car, good job and the gift of gab meaning he can talk any woman out of her panties.  If something looks too good to be true, it probably is.  Therefore, it is important to take time to get to know a person before you fall victim to the illusion.  If you give up your goods to early, you miss a lot of red flags.  Take your time. It can save a lot of heartache.

Now, I know you are asking what can I do to put an end to this dating curse.  The answer is to get yourself together and do a little soul searching.  Instead of evaluating ourselves, we point the finger at everyone else.  One of my teachers used to say if you point one finger, you have four pointing back at you.  As women, we often settle for the sake of not being alone.  This usually leads to trouble. Remember, the first step to self- improvement is to love yourself flaws and all.

Take a moment and look in mirror.  What do you see?  Why are you scared of being alone?  Are you where you want to be in life?  Can you stand on your own two feet?  Are you comfortable in your own skin?  Do you have your finances in order?  Are you open to try new things?  Are you ready to be in a relationship?  Do you have time to give someone your all?  Are your standards set to high? Are you really five karat worthy?  Are you wife material?  After you answer these questions, create a game plan on how to be the best you.  Determine the areas that need work and make improvements.  No one is perfect.  It’s time for you to become Mrs. Right so you can stop attracting Mr. Wrong.

Shaneisha Dodson