Self-Esteem (7)

Women today are more stressed and pressed than our mothers and grandmothers ever were. We are wives, mothers, businesswomen, students, grandmothers, employees, etc. Unfortunately, because of the many roles we play, women are dying of strokes and heart attacks in record numbers. Even the statistics for suicide among women is unusually high. So, how can we, women of the 21st Century, manage our many roles and health? Here is one strategy that was created with you, your life and your budget in mind.

 

The Three M’s: Massage, Manicure & Make-over

Massage: What better way to end your week or start it than with a massage? Thirty minutes of peace & tranquility; who could ask for more? A massage can last anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour depending on two variables: the type of massage you elect to have and your budget.

 

The full body (my favorite), the Swedish, hot stone, reflexology and a plethora of other kinds of massages were designed to de-stress, relax and exfoliate the body. But be careful with this “M” because a massage can be expensive, hence the second variable. Check on prices from local salons; ask for references, check out the establishment’s décor (one must feel comfortable in a place where they are about to be semi-naked for an hour) and staff friendliness. Speaking of staff friendliness, you will need to look deep within yourself to ascertain your level of comfort with having a masseuse who is either the same sex or the opposite. Account for all of this when budgeting for the massage. I suggest going once a month or every other month as this bill can add up depending on the type of service you purchase.

 

Now, when you set your appointment ladies, do not, I repeat, do not let anyone in your family know where you are going. The whole objective of this particular “M” is to get away and have time for you to reconnect with yourself. We take care of everyone else every day. The massage is an hour made just for you. You can’t relax if your kids, husband or the office keeps blowing up your cell phone. Turn it off, bury it beneath your pile of clothes and escape to Fantasy Island. My masseuse, Olivia at http://openhandsmassagecare.com/ in Richmond, VA, is my ultimate guide to massage heaven, and she makes sure that no one interrupts my moment of bliss.

 

Manicure: Your nails and hands are your first impression, especially in business. There’s nothing worse than going to shake someone’s hands and their nails are chipped or broken, or worse, dirty. What does this say about their character? If they can’t keep themselves well-kept, how then can they take care of your business? Keep your nails groomed at all times, but more importantly, there’s nothing that can compare to how good you feel when your hands and toes look pretty. Find a nail technician whom you can trust to take care of your nails. My nail tech, Kim, of Beauty Nails in Midlothian, VA, is wonderful; I have been a client since 2006 because she knows the business of nail care, and the constant compliments I receive about my nails is proof of her work. So, find an expert nail tech and keep those first impressions clean, polished and perfect. Remember, though, you must budget for this two times a month, if possible.

 

Make-Over: I am not talking about a make-up or wardrobe make-over, but a spiritual/physical/mental make-over. Positive thinking begets positive experiences. We must not only learn to surround ourselves with positive people, but create for ourselves affirmations and self-declarations that uplift us. My friend and beauty expert, Susie Galvez (http://www.susiegalvez.com/), insists that the first thing a woman should do upon waking up is to stand in front of the mirror and say confidently to yourself, “Hello, beautiful!” Why? Because if you don’t believe that you are beautiful, no one else will.

 

Okay! I know it’s difficult to do this with most of our schedules, but we must find the time to workout (see Walking), whether it be in the am or pm (whatever works best for you). If you can, find a personal trainer. They can be expensive, so see if you can barter services. For example, I approached a local fitness trainer about working with me, but I could not afford his services. So, I offered him a deal; ‘you train me and I will give you a health and fitness column in my magazine.’ He accepted. Free PR wins every time.

 

Read one book a month that teaches you something new about yourself, life, politics, etc. If you are a fan of fiction, read non-fiction (ex. finances, autobiographies, self-help books). If you love non-fiction, read fiction. I love mystery/suspense novels, so let me recommend my favorite author, Jane Evanovich. Her “Stephanie Plum” series makes me laugh so hard, I get a headache (http://www.evanovich.com/). Try reading poetry or writing some. This will definitely stretch your imagination.

 

Want to read more about how to take care of yourself inside and out? You can find this entire article at http://ezinearticles.com/?Taking-Care-of-Self-Inside-and-Out&id=963371. Read more of my articles at my blog, http://rebekahpierce.wordpress.com.

 

Rebekah

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Sisters,

 

FOCUS (family,outreach,community,unity & schools) has designated April 2011 as mentor a teen parent month.  It's no secret that we are in a crisis with this issue and  loosing girls everyday.  Black women are needed in the schools and communities to help these young people as they attempt to be  teenagers,  a parent, and a student.  Some only need our wisdom and a loving embrace just as we would our birth child.  

 

Think about when you struggled with issues about sexuality, the jr.high crush, self-eseem, wanting belong to the popular clique. Remember you parent/child conversations that made every situation okay?  Remember seeing mom, dad or grandma at the football game to support you or mom working the concession stand as a band booster ?  Most teens don't have this support system which makes them more vunerable for making poor choices.

 

Black Professional Women the time has come for us to take a proactive stand and help families with challenges.  These are our daughters so we must step to the plate and not attempt to tweak this situation any longer.

 

For ideas about getting involved or building rapport with a teen mom please email: wheniamlearningtoloveme@gmail.com.

 

In Sisterly Love,

 

Michelle Chaisson

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Are You Shooting Yourself In The Foot?

Have you ever been at a networking function talking to someone when during the conversation you felt very self-conscious trying to say the right thing? Were you afraid that maybe if you said the wrong thing the person might not find you likable, and therefore not want to do business with you?

If you have, I am about to tell you why you should not worry about it. I want to share with you the reason why being careful about what we say works against us in the networking environment.


Our goal in business networking should be to establish new relationships and through the process of follow-up develop them over time. As with any relationship, being honest plays a very important role in that development.


When we meet someone for the first time, we want to make a good impression. Often we put on our "party face" so that we do. This can often cause us problems that we do not expect. One problem is that when we try to appear to be something that we really do not feel inside of us, we often have a fear that we are going to be "discovered". This fear causes us to feel uncomfortable about the situation and though we may be smiling, we are really cringing inside :-)


Most people worry that if they just be who they are, that no one can accept them. I argue that if we do not just be ourselves, sooner or later who we really are will slip out and then we will have to deal with the consequences of being discovered. This then leads to a feeling of distrust between people.


Have you ever been in a relationship with a person of the opposite sex where you did not tell them something important early on and later had to reveal it or even worse it was revealed by accident? It leads for difficult times after that and a lot of shuffling and apologizing.


In my opinion, it is better to risk being who I am up front. To let people know exactly how I feel. People, for the most part, have a forgiving nature. They actually want to forgive. If you make a mistake and say something that can be potentially embarrassing, you can always apologize for it and be forgiven. But if you say something that is not necessarily true and are discovered later, your credibility may be permanently damaged.


If you go into a networking environment prepared to be relaxed and genuine, you will find that it is a lot more fun to be there. If you have a plan of action to really get to know people, you will be much more productive in a shorter amount of time. People will feel comfortable talking to you and you to them. In an environment of truth, more people will want to do business with you and to be around you.


Authentic enthusiasm is contagious. You will always appear to be more attractive when you are excited about what you are doing. When you are not worried about making mistakes, you will appear to be happier. Being happy about the situation will help you to smile more, and the smiling face is a natural human attractor.


So next time you attend a networking function, just be yourself. Your results will improve and you will feel better when you leave to go home. Over time, the difference will be measurable in more ways than just your income. You will find that you have more real good friends than you had ever imagined possible. When it comes time for the referral, your real good friend will remember you because friends really do refer friends.

Talk to ya soon! :-)

Cheers,

Charlotte Howard

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Toot Your Own Horn

I have this friend I want to tell you about (and its really my friend, not one of those instances where I’m talking about myself but trying to disguise it). She’s one of my closest friends, so you know I think she’s special. She’s gorgeous, intelligent, smart (because they’re not the same thing…), FUNNY, enterprising and very encouraging. She likes to cook, she works efficiently with numbers…. I can go on and on. She has such a positive spirit and whenever I’m around her we have the best time ever.But y’all, I don’t know if she realizes all of this. Her and I talk about how we’re both great and have it going on. But I don’t think she sees herself as the dynamic creature that she truly is. Whenever she discusses her own value and attributes, she’ll begin tooting her own horn and then stop. I can’t even fault her though, because so many of us do that. And I used to be the same way, until my old roommate, another close friend, gave my confidence a huge boost.If you don’t toot your own horn, who will?What my old roommate taught me was this: of course we can’t wait for others to toot our horns and sing our praises. We must do this for ourselves. What was important about her lesson was the value of positive self-talk. Not only must you tell yourself how great you are, but you must repeat this often. And I’ve learned on my own how sneaky and tricky the mind is. Saying it once or twice won’t do, repetition is needed for any validation to sink in. Our minds need constant assurance that we really are the bee’s knees. Because for some reason, when we stop saying it, we stop believing and acting as if.Now my old roommate definitely knew her value and acted on that belief. And I saw that others saw this too and treated her the same way she treated herself. Its become such a cliche, but its definitely true that you have to treat yourself better than you want others to treat you. And part of that is hammering it into your own head that you are a creature like no other. Your positive self-talk and your confidence in yourself and your abilities will start to permeate your being; you’ll walk taller, hold your head up higher, and people will see this distinction in you and fall in line.I’m not advocating that you take this approach to self-confidence for other people. Its important to your own growth to value yourself highly. For one thing, a strong self-confidence will help to combat some of the fear I discussed previously. Because you’ll know your own abilities and have confidence that you can handle your aspirations as they come, you’ll be less likely to hold yourself back from what it is that you really want. And in those moments of weakness its easier to remember the things you’ve been constantly telling yourself, than it is to begin speaking lovingly of yourself when you’re feeling down. And in a way, telling yourself how wonderful you are is a form of self-love. We’d tell our children that they were smart, pretty and could do anything – why not tell ourselves?How to begin your tootingI think we as black women hesitate to hold ourselves too highly. First of all, its against the upbringing that some of us have had. We’ve been told to ‘be seen and not heard’, that we’re no better than anyone else, and ‘God don’t like ugly’. We’ve also been taught that its wrong to be conceited and that God rewards those who are humble. But again, whats wrong with speaking positively to yourself? We’d instill these same words of confidence and love to children, just because we’re grown now doesn’t mean we don’t still need to hear it. And the best person to tell us is ourselves.If you aren’t sure where to start, I’d start with reversing the habit of negative self-talk. If you stub your toe, don’t curse. Rub it off and say “thats ok”. If you break something by accident, don’t call yourself an idiot. Say, “thats ok, we all make mistakes. I’m not perfect.” Once you get the idea, take the initiative to say positive things to yourself. Begin the habit of paying yourself small compliments when the chance presents itself. When you wear your favorite outfit, tell yourself how beautiful you look. When you’ve had a good workout, admire your body in front of a mirror. Describe the body parts you like, and why. Try to do this out loud if you can. And if you’re a Christian sista, pull out some of those Bible verses that reinforce what I’m talking about. God says you’re “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalms 139:14). Who are you to disagree?If you feel silly doing this, what does it matter, honestly? Its all in your head. No one knows what you’re saying but you. You could think of it as nurturing the little girl within you. You could also think of it as positive reinforcement of the woman you already are. Whatever you think of it as, I hope you begin to appreciate your awesomeness on a daily basis and toot your own horn.from my blog, Motivated Sistahttp://www.motivatedsista.com
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Ready for the NEW in 2009

Networking is on the top of my list for 2009. I have vowed to come out of my shell socially and meet and greet in person in an attempt to get the message out there and balance the networking done via the internet by interacting and networking in-state(s) as well.I am looking forward to speaking engagements across the US in the very near future. I enjoy teaching women how to walk in their truth, to love and accept themselves and to fulfill their purpose.I am a self-esteem advocate, a poet, writer and speaker- an educator of divine truths, bringing healing naturally by teaching application of biblical principles and helping women come to a place of wholeness. I also enjoy speaking at different events as a poet specializing in personalized poetry for all occasions. I love expressing others in a way that is beautiful and powerful. Poetry transcends boundaries, bridging gaps, bringing people together in a way like I've never seen. A lyric that comes from the heart always does and it is an honor to be the vessel used to do that.Please feel free to recommend me in any of the arenas I've mentioned and if you've not, please check out the websites to get a better feel for the woman behind Women of Destiny, LLC ~ "Purpose-Minded to Promise." TMI look forward to communicating with you further; until then, be blessed. 2009 is going to be the most wonderful year, can't you feel the excitement? It's stirring deep within... I love living in expectation, for I serve the one who always delivers on His promises.I wish you multiplied success in the New Year.Debra P. DeclouetWomen of Destiny, LLCPurpose-Minded to Promise. TMhttp://www.p-mtp.comDebra@p-mtp.com
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Focus on Achievement-#6 in a Series of DiscussionsBy Joan E. Gosier, CEO of HBCU kidz, Inc.Definition of GAP [a problem caused by some disparity] Pronunciation: \?gap\ Function: nounScience +Math +Artifacts of Culture +Reading +Test Taking Tips=Gap ClosureDid you know that there is a 18% gap in parents reading to children at home between black and white parents?Source: US Department of Education NCES Status and Trends in the Education of Blacks pg.24My parents brought me a set of World Book Encyclopedia shortly after I was born. My older sister used to send me annual subscriptions to Ebony Jr. A few months ago, I purchased a used set in good condition on sale at the public library for only $6.00. It came complete with a matching Childcraft series. Something that has positively impacted and lasted me for a lifetime was purchased for less than a movie ticket.My mom used to take me to the library regularly. I recall picking out books and tapes and returning them back on time. It gave me great pleasure to fill out the application for library cards when my youngest reached the required two years old age limit.I used to sit and try to decipher my older siblings college textbooks lying around the house. I recall trying so very hard to figure out my brother's calculus book problems. It was a mystery that I was determined to grow up and explore. It was a private joy to receive an 'A' on my college course when I finally reached that level of understanding.My daughters and I have our favorite books we read. Daddy has identified his favorite ones of his own with the girls. Books were introduced to me at birth. I loved each and every one of them and now almost 4 decades later some of my favorite ones are still around in the hands of my munchkins.My husband reminds me that some parents do not get introduced to the importance and joy of reading until adulthood. He falls in that camp. He instills the importance to the girls because he now sees how important the skills are in life.Reading fine print on contracts, scouring over newspaper classifieds or even following an engaging blog discussion online can be a challenge for some parents.Some habits are hard to manage. Experts all cite the importance of a child being read to at the earliest of ages. It doesn't even matter what you read. Just let them know that words on paper have meaning.What are our favorite ways to instill the love of reading? Did you know that Afrokids.com has created a wonderful collection of books and DVDs that combine an appreciation for diversity with classical stories?Our family designs unique and educational unity gear for babies with reading in mind. Every time we put on a shirt with writing on the front, we use it as a teaching moment. We read it, point out the letters as we sound out the words and explain what it means. If it is not positive and inspiring for our kids to know, then they do not wear it. It really works for us and we hope that others choose to give it a try at home. Babies love to learn. Feed them knowledge. You will grow a great reader and a happy literate adult.Visit sites such as http://www.blackparentconnect.com and www.AchieversinTraining.com and find a gift that will inspire a love of reading. Every child deserves a special gift that reflects your hope for their future.This series is intended to be a work in progress. What I am doing as an individual, and what others are doing as well. Together we can learn some new things and reinforce some things we already knew. What do you think? Can we work together?The Achiever in Training(TM) and S.M.A.R.T curriculum are exclusive copywritten and proprietary programs developed by HBCU kidz, Inc.For more statistics about this problem, please visit www.achieversintraining.com and click on "Resources." To comment on this article, visit the HBCU kidz blog. To communicate with other concerned Black parents, please go to www.blackparentconnect.comFor more information about the program or the limited edition gift collection visit www.AchieversinTraining.com. The site contains information and ideas to proactively promote positive images for African American children and their families.Contact Joan Gosier at 1-888-HBCU-kid.CONTACT:HBCU kidz, Inc.954-302-4540JoanGosier@HBCUkidz.com
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