I’m sure you’ve heard of the phrase “if you give someone what they want, they’ll give you what you want.” Well, that doesn’t happen as often as we wish. What many people don’t realize is how they go about getting what they want from the person they want it from. The person here is your mate. Allow me to share with you a very effective and easy technique that my wife and practice with each other from time to time. I like to call it the Communicate & Praise technique.It’s easy to tell your mate what he or she did wrong and, then tell them how they should’ve did it so that it would’ve been done right in the first place! However, this often leaves your mate feeling ridiculed and embarrassed. Surely it is not your intent to make them feel this way. Unfortunately, it’s a common practice of ineffective communication amongst couples. This is why the undesired act or behavior often doesn’t change.For example, last year during football season I would often attend the Bucs games with a couple of buddies. Before I left home, I would always tell my wife that I would be home after the game within a certain timeframe and that I would call her if I was running late. When the game was over, my friends and I would go to a sports bar and watch the other televised games. I would call British and let her know where I was and give her a new time that I would be arriving home.What would happen is that specific time would lapse and I hadn’t called her. This would annoy her no end. Instead of getting upset with me and telling me what I need to do, like she had done before, we talked about it. We communicated! She expressed how it made her feel when I didn’t call her if I was going to be late and, she provided suggestions of what would work best for her regarding possible solutions for this particular situation.The next time I went to a Bucs game and gave her a time of arriving home (and those plans changed) I called her and let her know that the plans had changed. And later when I realized that I was going to be running a little late I called her and let her know I was on my way home. She praised me! She simply said “baby thank you so much for calling me. I appreciate it. I’ll see you when you get home and drive safely.” That resonated with me. It made me feel good about what I did and more importantly what it did for her. So now, I call home when I’m going to be late or if plans change so that she is not upset or stressed. This makes for a very healthy and positive atmosphere at home.Communicate and Praise your mate, we all need to be recognized. When we’re at work and we do a good job on a project, or presentation, we want to be praised for what we did right and coached on what we could’ve done better. It’s never is effective to come down on someone when they do something not according to your preference. Often if effective communication hasn’t happened the issue persists. Praise their effort and then show them how to do it better. You’ll find that you are in a happier and transparent relationship that embraces communication and constructive feedback with genuine appreciation that can potentially go the distance.Shelby HillDating/Relationship Empowerment Coach
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