A man wants a partner not a competitor. You should too.
In part one, I asked you to evaluate or revaluate, what you are searching for in a man and your romantic relationship. I mentioned how men really are looking for the opportunity to love a woman who really appreciates him and what he does for her to make her life easier.
I asked you to take a look at shared values and to check your money mindset to see if it matches your mate or potential mate and to search for ways you may be able to resolve conflict by becoming more aware of your relationship patterns.
Now, in this article. I want to talk about creating a quality relationship with a man. Read the top line again... A man wants a partner not a competitor. You should too.
What do I mean? In the pursuit of better education, jobs, and recognition; ladies we have taken on a pseudo masculine approach to life and unfortunately our romantic relationships as well. While learning how to increase our level of desire and life ambitions; we adopted a man’s view on business, competition, success, and as role models. Since, men have been the dominant faces and gender in the workplace for decades, when we started to emerge into the work place with our intellect and skills. We looked to men and their behaviors to get ahead. This can be a good thing if you understand how to disconnect the masculine aggression once you leave the office.
Men are wonderful sources of information about business and business processes since they have been the dominant trendsetters in the business world. Only recently has it begun to shift (Thank goodness). And yes, we do have some wonderful examples of business success who are women, but if you read their autobiographies and biographies you will notice most of their early years were spent learning how to compete and at times survive in a “Man’s” world.
Unfortunately, this aggressive style spilled into their personal lives leaving a trail of emotional heartache, broken relationships, and marriages. (Not all, some of these women have found a happy balance between work and their home lives.) It is important to rejoice regarding our success and career milestones, but what about the carnage that has become our romantic lives. It is time to put an end to this unproductive cycle and reclaim the romance in our lives.
Tell me, when you come home from work do you want to relax and enjoy the peace and joy that is home or do you want to gear up for the next battle between you and your man?
You want to relax, right? Guess what, so does he. Creating a loving and peaceful home requires continuous work on both sides. I know it sounds like common sense, but we know from personal experience that what sounds good in theory does not always transfer into the real world.
Well, allow me to suggest a useful tip. Make a list of the things you and your man argue about. (If you are single, list the things that broke up your last relationship). Now, look over the list and tell me how many of those things could have been avoided or resolved with periodic discussions about the current state of your relationship:
• Any changes/shifts in mutual goals or values (We all change, grow, and develop at different rates; that means our partnerships will too.)
• Any changes in personal goals (Education, children, personal growth, etc)
• Learning how to listen more effectively to what your man is/was saying and not trying to “think” for him.
• Judgmental opinions that are/were fear-based and prevented you from really listening to what your partner was saying or trying to do that would benefit you and your family.
I could go on and on with this list. Ladies, when we are wired into our right-brain masculine mode of thinking and problem-solving. We can become very rigid in our response to our relationship challenges or as I prefer to call them… “Windows of opportunity for personal growth”; when this happens mutually satisfying resolution is nearly impossible. You now have 2 competitors trying to basically “beat” the other one into submission. It is a disaster which unfortunately if not corrected; leads to broken relationships and unhappy men and women returning to the world of dating. You simply cannot have a real man and a pseudo man existing inside a relationship. The feminine must be properly represented to create or restore peace.
So, I am sure you are wondering how to resolve this issue that affects so many potentially great relationships.
1. My first recommendation is to understand who you are as a person and a Woman. What do you need to be happy? In general and your romantic relationships; too often we get caught up in some other person’s dream and discover later on it was a huge mistake. So, be authentic.
2. Next be honest about the type of man you would enjoy creating a long-lasting relationship. Your dream guy may not be the person you have been fantasizing about. He may be someone totally different from the ones you keep pursuing.
- How will you know?
- Well, if you keep dating the same type of men and the relationship keep repeating the same unsuccessful relationship patterns. He mostly likely is not the right type of man for you. You are trying to “fit’ into someone else’s dream. Be bold and daring; take the time to write out who you really desire then, learn what you need to know to invite this man into your life.
3. Stop trying to be so “tough”. The “I don’t need a man” attitude will keep you single and in fault-finding state of mind when it comes to men. This holds true even if you are currently in a relationship; you will find ways to undermine your man and his efforts to be of assistance to you. Learn how to enjoy the softer side of your personality and allow men to step up, help you, and appreciate your feminine nature.
4. Stop trying to do this alone. Hire the services of someone who can help you unlock your hidden desires and dreams for a wonderful and satisfying relationship. We all at one time or another need the help of someone who holds us accountable to our dreams. Our love life is no different.
Remember the definition of insanity is:
“Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” – Albert Einstein
Does this sound like your life and romantic relationships? If so, here’s your chance to stop repeating dead-end habits and learn the skills to finally be happy. The steps outlined in this article can be the starting point for true romantic success, but they will only work if you are willing to step out of your comfort zone and be accountable for your love life and there is no reason to go it alone.
Go to: www.undeniablyirresistible.com and request your Complimentary Solutions Session for guidance and some additional helpful hints.
Wishing you much love and unlimited joy,
Cyndi Harris, HP
Relationship Solutions Coach, Author, and Joyologist