marriage (27)


In the movie The Marriage Contract, a couple receiving premarital counseling is told that they should prepare for marriage as if they were starting a new business.  The goals, roles, rules, and expectations should to be clearly understood before the two parties sign on the dotted line.  This is not to discount the importance of love, affection, or romance; those things matter, but in reality, two people coming together in a marriage are actually starting a joint business venture.

A marriage has to be managed, nurtured, and protected, just like a business.  The two people in the marriage become the managers responsible for jointly attending to those things that keep the marriage strong and healthy.  Where people mess up is that they aren’t committed to managing the marriage.  They can deal with the “fun” stuff, but don’t want to deal with the “hard” stuff.  Guidelines about how the marriage will operate aren't discussed.  Expectations aren't expressed.  When there is no commitment to manage; when there are no clearly defined rules and roles; when expectations aren’t clear, the marriage has no structure and its effectiveness diminishes.

Marriage can be one of the most fulfilling things you ever do in life.  To share your days with someone who truly wants to share their days with you can bring you the most joy that you will ever experience.  But if there is no commitment; if both partners aren’t “hands-on” in managing the marriage, it will soon cease to exist; just like a business.

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Gail Crowder, Bringing Sexy Back to Marriage


Are Your Ready to Discover How to Light Up Your Stage by "Bringing Sexy Back" to Your Marriage?

Well, you definitely want to listen in today as we talk with SheroEntrepreneuer & Entreprenerial Rock Star, Gail Crowder.

As you know I love, love, love discovering and speaking to brilliant, trailblazing women who  are called to serve a need and fill a void and don't hesitate to answer the call to fill it. My guest today Gail Crowder is no exception.

Happy Mother, Happy Wife, Happy Home, Happy Life!

To me, rocking your stage as a Married Christian Woman is about having proper balance in all areas of your life, a lesson I have learned the hard way for sure. Achieving success in your career or entrepreneurial endeavors, mean nothing if you don't have balance and fulfillment at home. So, it would seem to me that if you are someone who is married, home matters would be important. Specifically when it comes to your spouse.

You want to listen to this conversation if you are:

  • A Married Christian Woman Entrepreneur facing challenges in your marriage that are threatening success in your entrepreneurial endeavors
  • Looking for a way to rekindle the flames of love and intimacy in your marriage
  • Want to be inspired by the story of trail blazing women like Gail who are called to do something great (and not always accepted), so you can find the courage to do the same

Because, in this inspiring and informative 39 minute conversation, you'll discover:

  • 3 practical and powerful ways to not only bring sexy back to your marriage, but success in all other areas of your life
  • The #1 thing you should absolutely do in your marriage to secure it's success
  • How you can join Gail's movement and attend her events to help you reignite the spark in your marriage and success in your life
  • Real talk, candid and practical advice on how to navigate the challenges in your marriage that are too taboo to discuss in traditional churches or christian women conferences
  • And so much more...

Click Here to Listen to "How to Rock Your Stage & Bring Sexy Back to Your Marriage"

Click Here to Listen and Learn More


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Time to Forgive #16

 It’s time to Let Go
From our thoughts and our heart
It’s time to Let Go
 So we can move forward
To forgive someone is sometimes easier said than done. 
What is it to forgive someone?  I have been hurt physically & emotionally.  It will take a lot for me to get over all the hurt that I had to endure and yet I must find a way to forgive.  It is very easy to see or feel how much someone hurts us, however we may not always see or feel how much we also have hurt others.  Maybe if we could understand where our hurt comes from, it would be easier to forgive.  If we could find a way to let go completely we would be able to move forward. 
My husband and I didn’t communicate to each other and that caused us both to jump to conclusions based on our past.  We didn’t love ourselves enough to be honest about our own hearts and feelings.  We didn’t allow ourselves to become one because we both held on to our past hurt so much.  By holding onto those past hurts we let ourselves experience the hurt over and over again instead of allowing us to heal together.  We were our own worst enemies.  We knew we had something special because God brought us together to help each other.  We knew that we had gone through the same things and therefore should be able to understand each other.  We should have been able to help each other and yet we let our own feelings cause us the pain we tried so hard to avoid.    My husband and I experienced a selfish -kind of hurt.  I say that because we were too concerned about ourselves rather than being concerned about each other.  This selfish hurt caused us to not let go and therefore, we could not move forward.  The sad thing about it is that we caused our own problems by being selfish.  He did not cause my hurt and I did not cause his hurt, we were both responsible for our own hurt. 
How could we ever forgive each other if we were not willing to let go of the hurt we had built up inside ourselves?  In order to forgive others we must first look in the mirror and see who we are.  Are we holding onto hurt feelings and holding someone else responsible for our feelings?    Everyone has a past and our past makes us who we are, however our past is just that…”our past”…it is not our future.  I had to look inside myself to find what drives the force of forgiveness for me personally. I had to look within myself to find the peace in my heart that allowed me to forgive.  My life consisted of many experiences which I held on to.  Some of those experiences were good and some were bad.  I realized that by holding on to those experiences, they had a part in developing me as a person.  I choose how to categorize each experience and how to let each experience shape my life.  Because, we as humans, tend to dwell on the bad or negative, I allowed those bad and negative experiences to control my inner self.  I don't think we realize when we do this.  I don't think we even realize that it is our choice how we live. We are in control of our self no one else can control what is in us...only we have that control.  I had to realize this to understand how to forgive.  My husband was not responsible for the feelings I had.  Those feelings were in me long before I even met him.  My feelings of insecurity, my feelings of being unloved, my feelings of having no self esteem were my choices.  It was my choice to allow my feelings to be confirmed by his words or actions.  It was my choice to allow him to affect my life in a negative way.  What happened to me...was not me.  I had always tried to live my life in a positive way.  One of the main beliefs I lived by was that everything in life is a gift from God.  Everything is an experience that God has allowed us to have.  You do not know the reason, however at the very base we were given each experience to learn from and possibly to use to help someone else in the future who may also go through the same experience.  I lost this belief, because I choose to.  I was not strong enough within myself to realize what I was allowing to happen.  I had to look within myself to be able to forgive myself enough to let go of the choices I kept buried in my heart.  I had to let go of the bad choices I was allowing to control my life and my feelings.  I had to accept that my choices are one else's.  To understand the unique person that God made me to be, allowed me to not only accept myself as a beautiful creation of God, I was also able to forgive myself and accept my own choices.  By accepting my self, I can accept that my husband is his own person equally beautiful creation of God who was allowed his own unique choices (good or bad).  In realizing this, I realized that my husband is responsible for his own choices and I don't have to allow his choice to affect me in a negative way.  The story I have expressed was from my heart, however it is not a true story in that it was not only my heart that was involved.  My husband went through his own types of pains and hurts.  My husband was also a victim of my choices.  My husband deserves the right to be who God created him to be without judgment or blame from me or anyone else.  Just as I became the person I became, he also became the person he became due to his past and the very hard and unique challenges he had to experience.  No one can say that either he; nor I was more or less to blame... we are who we are because God made us this way.  God has a reason for each of us, that is why he created us each as a unique individual.  I am blessed and able to accept and love myself and my husband as the unique and blessed people that God has created us to be.  I am a perfect creation of God and so is my husband; that is the reason God brought us together… for each other.  For me to forgive was to find peace within myself through Christ.  To forgive I had to replace the hurt in my heart with Love.
I forgive because I accept the blessings God has given us as individuals.
Maybe to forgive others
to be able to forgive ourselves;
and now in front of the world...
I proclaim
To my Husband.....
I forgive you!
Can you forgive me?

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“Honey, I appreciate you.” Hearing those words can make your man feel like “Superman”

Men show love in many ways and only a few of them are similar to ways women express love. Think about it; when we, women, are in love with someone we tend to do some of the following: 

• Send romantic cards 

• Feed our beloved 

• Offer backrubs 

• Send cute and sexy text messages 

• Etc. 

Our expression of love tends to be more affectionate and emotion-based: 

Cards - say words we may not be creative enough to say. (Warm fuzzy feelings) 

Food - is comforting and at times revolves around memorable events; the holidays, special occasions, and creates memories. (More warm fuzzies) 

Backrubs - create intimate moments that may or may not lead to passionate sexual ones. 

Text messages - generally, if done right, get an immediate response and create an instant connection with our beloved. 

Men can express love in these ways as well, but it does not come naturally to most of them. If you currently have a man who is offering you such emotion-based tokens of love; I can almost guarantee he was taught to be expressive, in this way, by another woman; a previous romance or a great platonic friend. Possibly, by watching a male role model (Who was probably previously guided by a woman's influence as well); however it happened be thankful and be sure to encourage him (Saying thank you is a good start.) whenever he does something; big or small. Appreciation of such “magical” moments is very important if you want him to continue. 

Typically, men express their love for a woman through their actions; to do things for you is more comfortable expressions of love for him. Men love to problem-solve and find ways to be sure their beloved is comfortable, protected, and feels safe. He is more likely to take your car in for an oil change, regular maintenance, or fill your gas tank to show his love then, remember to buy a card and book reservations for your anniversary. 

Yes, I know when dating and in pursuit of the woman of his dreams; a man can be very romantic. But, ladies once he has you. He starts to show his love in less dramatic ways. Things we may take for granted, like that oil change, are his ways of loving and taking care of you. 

So, learning how to be appreciative of the little things can be the difference between a tense relationship and a loving one. Why, because if you start offering “Honey, I appreciate you.” after he has taken out the garbage, picked-up the kids from day care, or asked you about your day. You become even more lovable in his eyes and he will search for more ways to make you happy. He feels like he is getting it right with you; he feels like your hero. 

Yes, your hero, every man wants to be his woman’s hero. He will never tell you, but watch him after you tell him how much you appreciate something he has done for you; big or small. He almost “glows” with satisfaction, he did something right

Now, to show you how true the information I am sharing is. I have an assignment for you. This week, I want you to make a list of the little things your man and the men in your life do for you. Yes, single ladies, I want you to do this too. Appreciating men includes appreciation for all of them; our fathers, sons, friends, co-workers, etc. Even a stranger who compliments you or holds the door open for you deserves to receive some appreciation. 

So, that is all for now. I hope this brief article has offered you some helpful insight about the man or men in your life. Have fun with this newfound information; email me and let me know what exciting things happen in your life once you start showing more appreciation for the men in your life or if you would like some one on one assistance learning how to really take advantage of this newfound skill.

Have a wonderful day, 

Cyndi Harris, HP 

Author, Relationship Transformation Coach, Man Whisperer or (Go to either site to sign up for your 20 minute complimentary irresistible discovery session.) 

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Are you ready to have the best romantic relationship ever? Yes, well learning how to love your man or become the woman of your future man's dreams can be a fun-filled journey of self-discovery and unexpected pleasure. 

We crave and desire so much from our most intimate and personal relationship. We watch movies, TV, read romance novels, and share conversations about our dream guy while searching for the “One” with our girlfriends. 

If single, we get all “dreamy and gooey” inside when we see a man who catches our eye as we walk past him on the street or sitting in Starbucks talking to one of our girls. We feel flushed, a little warm, but we are excited. Especially, if he walks over to introduce himself, exchanges a brief conversation, then ask for our number. 

Or if you are in a long term relationship, you may find yourself remembering when you felt “butterflies” in the pit of your stomach whenever your beloved spoke to you in that “oh so sweet and sexy voice”. You know the “voice”… how he sounds when he walks up behind you, places his arms around you, and kisses the side of your neck; then tells you how beautiful you look and he is the luckiest man in the world to be your man. It took everything in you, not to drop to the floor because all of a sudden you felt weak in the knees. And if he wasn’t holding you; you would probably be on the floor; weak with desire for his passionate kisses and more. 

Well, whether you are single or in a committed relationship. Loving a man can seem like an uphill battle at times. They seem to “speak” a language that is confusing and causes you to despair when things take an unexpected turn for the worse. 

We want to keep romance and passion alive, but aren’t sure how to do it. Well, allow me over the next few blog post share a few secrets with you that can turn you into a love and man magnet and receive the love you yearn for and get your beloved to remember why he is so lucky to have you in his life or if single, captivate and capture the right man for you. 

Personal coaching allows you to open up and receive unbiased assistance that helps you become a sexy and romantically successful woman without destroying a man's confidence and masculine identity in the process. Learn how to give what you want to receive in a way that a man appreciates and understands. Crack the code to love’s mystery with the man of your dreams; whether he is a part of your life right now or you are preparing yourself for his arrival. Love waits for no one so, be proactive and learn how to create the changes needed for your loving success. 

So, get ready for the good stuff and I am looking forward to our next conversation. Stay tuned for the first man magnet tip… Showing Appreciation and ways to incorporate it into your daily interactions with your beloved or delightful men you meet throughout the day. 

Have a wonderful day and we’ll talk soon. 

Cyndi Harris, HP 

Author, Relationship Transformation Coach, and Man Whisperer or 

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Men… delightful, scrumptious, and wonderful men; I love men. I think they are amazing and interesting. I love the way they look, sound, and process life. But, if loving a man has ever left you feeling confused and frustrated. You are not alone. I admit, men can be some of the most mysterious “creatures” at times. We love them, long for them, and at times want to shake them until some type of emotional response occurs. What is a woman to do? 

Well, if you are interested in cracking a man’s love code and learning how to lovingly and peacefully coexist. I have a few simple tips that will point you in the right direction. But first, I have a couple of questions for you. Then, I am will offer you a few suggestions that can help you get closer to almost any man. 

The questions: 

1. Do you like men? Not only in a romantic sense, but overall. 

2. Do you respect men? 

Yes, I know these questions are unusual, but I have a very specific reason for asking them. If you want to get inside the mind of a man, you must first understand what is important to him. And yes ladies, sex is important. Goodness ladies, you have such a one-track mind. Granted, it is a delightful “track”. But, a wise woman knows there is more to a man’s needs than simply sex. Even if at times that seems to be all he wants. If you really want to get close to a man and have him open up to you; he must know that you like and respect him. Knowing this little secret can almost instantly change the dynamics of your relationships with men.

Genuinely liking and respecting a man is important in the beginning of a relationship and beyond, if you want a man to see you as something more than a sex object then, you must let him know you have a sincere interest in him as a man; show him that you think he is fascinating and that you admire him. 

Sounds a bit old-fashioned, right? Maybe, but we put so much pressure on ourselves to appear a certain way when we are with men or get caught up in trying to beat men at their own “game”. We can easily forget to relax and simply get to know a man person to person. 

So, if you want the inside scoop to better relationships with men here are a few starter tips whether you are just meeting a man or have known him for sometime. If you want your man or men to enjoy your company and develop better communication with them; go back to basics find out:

What are his interests? (Even if you think you know; ask anyway. He may have changed interests or has learned something new about an old one he would love to share with you.)

Who does he admire and why? (This is a big one. It will offer valuable insight into the type of man he is striving to be. Listen carefully to his answers and do some research of your own about the person or people he mentions, This is a great way to gather information for a future conversation.) 

What are his ambitions? (Listen with an open-mind, even if you think his ambitions are impossible or unrealistic. They are his dreams; be supportive.) 

Understanding how to ask good questions is a talent that is underestimated. When you show a real interest in a man as a person; a man will find you fascinating as well. And here's the sweet part; when you follow the above suggestions, a man will find himself thinking about you and he will find a reason; a deep need to spend more time with you. Because, for him, he will have found a woman who is charming, easy to talk to, and whose company he enjoys. This is a win/win situation for both of you.

Does this sound too simple? Well, if you want to become a man magnet whose beauty, intelligence, and sensuality makes you unforgettable. Give it a try:

  • Think about the reasons you truly like men.
  • Think of ways you can show a man true respect
  • Then, think of some basic questions you can ask (or use the ones provided in this article), and watch what happens. 

I can guarantee you will notice a change in the way men respond to you and how you respond to them. It will become easier and you will be able to pick and choose the type of men you invite into your life. Whether that is a new love interest, a new friend, or reigniting the romance between you and your current man; you now have taken the first steps to cracking a man’s love code. Enjoy and we will talk again soon.


Sending you much love and unlimited joy, 

Cyndi Harris, HP (Life and Relationship Transformation Coach) 

Author of the forthcoming book; “The Official Handbook to Becoming Irresistible – Learn How to be a Woman Who Is Positively Unforgettable.” or

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Marriage #15

Love between two people

Commitment between two people

Two people becoming one

How do I know if I am married or not?

Is marriage when two have united through their hearts;

With God as their witness?


Is Marriage when two people have a piece of paper, saying they are married?


What is marriage?  There are many who would question this due to questions surrounding gay marriage.  I have another reason to question this.  Mine is very personal.  Mine has religious as well as legal ramifications.

This is my religious dilemma:

When I married I insisted on getting married in a church because this was something I believed strongly in.  When I married I took my vows very seriously.  The circumstances surrounding my marriage were a bit unusual and this added to the strong beliefs behind my marriage.  I had known my husband for only a month and a half via phone conversations.  I flew to St Louis to meet him and we got married the same day.  We knew, in our hearts, that God had brought us together.   Due to my past, I prayed from the moment I stepped off the airplane, while standing in line at the court and up until the time I said “I DO” at the church.  I prayed that God would watch over us and I asked to be led to do God’s will; if this was his will that he would bless us in this marriage ceremony.  I prayed and I prayed and we were married.  I went into this marriage knowing that I made my vows with God as my witness.  I believed in my vows till death do us part.  I believed in my vows for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer…….I believed and I promised to fulfill these vows. 

Do these vows hold true In God’s eyes if my marriage was filled with abuse and adultery against me?

Do these vows hold true if the marriage was not valid in a legal sense?

No one can ever imagine or guess the events that will happen in their life.  No one can be prepared for every twist and turn life offers.  Shortly after my marriage I learned that my husband was a crack addict.  I learned this through the trials my life was faced with.  The addiction caused my husband to do many things that are totally against what the Bible says a marriage should be.  My husband became abusive; physically, emotionally and verbally. My husband stole from me to pay for his addiction.  My husband cheated on me on a regular basis with prostitutes.  These are all things that the Bible talks against.  Adultery and abuse are both reasons for divorce.  The Bible talks about not associating with people like this.   The Bible says a person who commits adultery will not be accepted into the kingdom of heaven.  The Bible says if you commit adultery you ruin your life.  The Bible says very specifically what love is and there is no way that the things my husband did to me would be considered love.  And yet, the Bible also says a wife is to submit to her husband.  The Bible says we are to forgive 70 X’s 7 times.  I believe in God’s word…I believe I am to strive to be as Jesus was.  If someone asks for forgiveness and forgives others as he would want to be forgiven; if someone repents and accepts Jesus into his life; if that someone is born again as a new creature of God, do all his past sins matter?  Should they matter to anyone if God has forgiven and Only God can judge?

My dilemma is compounded by legal matters.

I have been married for four years now.  Even through all the trials, we have tried to work together.   Out of nowhere I receive a call from my husband’s first wife.  They are not divorced….which means I am not married…or am I?  Does it make a difference that he was not a husband to me even when we believed ourselves to be married? Does it make a difference that my husband has asked God for forgiveness and I truly believe that God will judge me to the same extend I judge others? In my mind, I must forgive and not judge my husband just as I would ask God (and my husband) to forgive me. I am not married legally, however, the question remains………am I married in God’s eyes? 

When I said my vows to my husband, I said them believing them to be true and from my heart. 

Marriage; a covenant

In God's house with God as our witness.

Marriage; with vows

between us two, from our hearts with God's blessings.

Are we married in Christ

under God's Rule

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Beginning of the End #13

DJs Unique Sound Charities

Beginning of the End #13


The pressure builds

The disappointments mount

The disrespect grows

And yet it is usually something small that will put you over the edge

The last straw

How much hurt is one person supposed to take

The problems were getting worse.  The drug use was getting worse and he was taking more money.  He wrote out checks and signed my name which caused me to overdraw at the bank. He didn’t seem to care if I could pay the bills or not; all he cared about is his drug.  His cheating with prostitutes was getting worse. The one thing that was better is that he hadn’t put his hands on me all this time. Now, that had also changed.  I had made a comment about his cheating on me with prostitutes and he put his hands around my neck and started shaking me vigorously.  He said it was because of my mouth….why couldn’t I keep my mouth shut.  It is funny how these serious things were not what finally broke me.  The beginning of the end was because he pawned his wedding ring.  He had always told me that he would not take off his wedding ring for anything.  Now I knew he cared more about his addictions than he cared about our marriage.  To realize that he would spend money on drugs and other women and he would pawn his wedding ring to do that was the last final confirmation I needed to know our marriage was over.  This was the most disrespectful thing he could have ever done to me.

I was numb to my feelings because it was easier to stay numb then to hurt.

His made some decisions that would change my heart forever.  The final steps he took showed me that I couldn’t help him anymore.  He didn’t want help.  First he sold our Mac computer for an $85 rock.  This computer had all our business information on it and it had all his music on it.  His music was his life so for him to sell this showed me he didn’t care about anything anymore. The next thing he did was that he told me that he could get $750 for my camera.  (He latter he told me he would not have taken it, I don’t believe this)  I started taking my camera with me everywhere I went because I was afraid he would take it and this was the one and only thing I had left that meant anything to me.  I was always on edge and couldn’t take living like this anymore so I finally agreed to give him the $750.  I gave him all of my bill money.  He said he would be gone for a minimum of three months.  I asked him to not contact me.  I told him to leave and not ever look back. The money didn’t matter as much as him leaving and not returning.  No matter how much it hurt to see him go, I needed the hurt to go away.  He used up the money in two days and came back to the house.  I couldn’t believe he was back.  I had finally convinced myself that I would be okay without him and I was prepared to be without him in my life.  After a few days, I asked him what it would take for him to leave and not ever look back.  He said for me to get him a ticket to his hometown and give him $300 spending cash.  I borrowed the money, got him a flight and gave him the cash he asked for.  Again, I asked that he leave and not ever look back. 

I was done.  I could finally breathe again and not have to worry about being hurt in any way…mentally, physically…or financially.  With him gone, I could finally heal.

After only a couple of days he called me and was on his way home.  Things did not go the way he expected in his home town.  He learned that I was the only one who loved and cared about him…I couldn’t take it anymore.

When he got back he went straight to rehab.  He had them pick him up at the airport and I didn’t even see him. 

A week later, it was 2 am and I was asleep.  I woke up suddenly because the light in my bedroom turned on.  There he was standing at the foot of our bed.  Shocked….I felt like I was going to pass out.

He was home for two weeks.  It was during this time that I was in the process of trying to get my house re-financed.  He showed me he could be a true husband.  He helped me around the house; he cleaned and painted and showed me love and respect.  I came home from work in the middle of the day and asked him if he was high.  He held me so lovingly and promised me that he was not; he promised me that he would tell me if he got the urge.  When I got home at lunch, he was high.  This was the end; I asked him to leave and told him ONCE again I did not ever want to see him again.  I told him if he was not gone by the time I got home after work, I would call his PO.  I told him I didn’t want him hurt; I just wanted him gone and it was his decision on how he was going to leave.  He said he would be gone and I locked the doors with him in the backyard.  I got home from work and he was still in the back yard.  I told him he needed to leave before the police got there and he would not leave.  It took a couple of hours until he finally left; his PO and the police arrived and soon after found him sitting at a bus stop near our house.

The way he held me was the same as he did our first night in St. Louis when he told me I would not ever have to be afraid again.  I didn’t think he could hurt me worse than he already had; this hug was the most disrespectful thing and the most hurtful feeling he could impose on me….the way we began is the way we would end…with a hug filled with so much love.


I have heard that God only gives you as much as he thinks you can handle

He must think awfully high of me

I really can’t handle this any more

Why God….Why



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Everybody Has a Secret! What's yours?

Secret Lover

            10744070469?profile=originalCarter Perry’s world had turned upside down when he found out that his wife of four years had being keeping a secret behind his back.

            Carter suspect Keisha had been sleeping around with his younger brother, Donte. In order to have the proof he needs to catch them in the act, he put a plan in motion. He tells his wife that he has to go out of town for a business meeting. What she doesn’t know is that Carter never left the city but stay around to spy on her. He finally catches them together, but to his surprise it wasn’t his brother! Follow Carter as his rage leaves him to commit double murder.

Read the rest of this short story on my blog and feel free to leave a comment and join.



Everybody has a secret! What’s yours?

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Tell a modern day woman to “submit” to her husband and you might as well start walking towards the planks because Davie Jone’s Locker is where her words will send you; it is almost a form of blasphemy – that word. It has also been unforgivenly assigned the meaning of “obey,” hence, its removal from contemporary wedding vows and in marriages. No one, it seems, wants to be told what to do.

I am currently teaching a women’s literature course and one of the texts I’ve elected to have us read is the “Book of Ruth.” Raised in a pentecostal church, I was always taught to believe that women were to “submit” to their husbands because the Bible said so: women were inferior to men. But I’ve come to the conclusion after analyzing this text and other works by women – as well as life experiences – that the word “submission” has been taken out of context.

Submission means understanding and accepting one’s value and place within the context of a relationship to bring forth a desired outcome or goal of said relationship. When Ruth lay at the feet of Boaz, at the urging of Naomi, it was not because she was being taught to be inferior to Boaz. Naomi understood, as did Ruth later on, that in order to protect and bring forth the future, she had to “submit” herself in order for it – the future and its generations – to come to pass. It was wisdom that made Ruth and Naomi “submit,” not inferiority. This is where modern day teachings of this word have fallen short.

Women are not inferior to men or men inferior to women; but rather, in order for a relationship to reach its full zenith and to be productive, the couple must come to understand and acknowledge that each has a value and place within the context of the relationship, and that no one is more valuable than the other. Scripture says that man is the head of the home, but the woman is the neck. Neither can operate fully and functionally without the other.

I call for a closer look at the word “submission.” It has been assigned a negative meaning because it has been taken out of context and made an instrument of the fight for power between the sexes, hence, the severe impact on modern day marriages. When Boaz awoke to find Ruth at his feet, he did not gloat or proceed to enforce domination over her. Rather, he said to her that she was a “virtuous woman,” and restored to Ruth what was rightfully hers: her home. And so begins not only one of the most famous love stories ever, but the opening of the door of the future which would bring forth David.

We must learn to submit to the will of the force which embraces and binds our relationships: to obey the spoken and unspoken rules of engagement in a true and fruitful relationship. Arguing and fighting for control and domination does not bode well a bright future nor does it allow room for wisdom.


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10744057671?profile=originalWhat Love Has to Do With It!The Importance of Unconditional Love in A Relationship!By Kamal Imani © 2010My wife and I have been happily married for 15 years and together for 19. Much of our success can be attributed to a book we read entitled “Black Woman’s Black Man’s Guide to a Spiritual Union” by Ra Un Nefer Amen. In this book he speaks about the importance of unconditional love. He also highlighted how we have a script or sort of fantasy like picture in our minds of the perfect or ideal lover or mate and when that person doesn’t meet our expectations, we feel let down, disappointed, the drama begins and things begin to fall apart.When our partner fails to perform up to our Hollywood or conditioned standard financially, sexually, emotionally or otherwise, maybe they didn’t cook, clean, communicate or perform the way that we envisioned it, we allow dissatisfaction to set in.Have Realistic Expectations but High standardsWhen getting to know your significant other, you need to be real when it comes to acknowledging his/her strengths and weaknesses. You also need to realize that peoples long developed habits are slow to change. If you’re hoping that something he/she does will change simply because you have entered their life, you may be disappointed. Some changes can be made if it’s clearly communicated, understood and your partner makes a conscious effort to change, but be very patient because it will probably be a slow and gradual process. I’m not saying that you should lower your standards, but have you ever heard the term wysiwyg? It is an acronym for what you see is what you get. And, you know while you’re dating you’re getting a persons best side, and as the saying goes “You don’t know a person until you live with them”. So keep it real, but stay optimistic, patient and keep the faith. Always keep a spiritual vibration in your relationship.Unconditional LoveUnconditional love is giving of your self without expecting anything in return. It is being selfless! If you’re giving and taking is like a Wall Street financial transaction, sometimes you will rise, other times you will be in a recession, a depression and eventually a crash! So it is important for both partners to practice selfless giving with out making the other partner feel that he/she owes you something.When unexpected financial, medical and other emergencies arise, you will have to be flexible, calm and optimistic until the situation improves (because you will be tested). Always find a creative way to communicate, be understanding, stay affectionate, optimistic, patient and faithful…Did I say patient? Selfless giving/unconditional love is a high form of practical spirituality and it takes two to apply it. It indeed takes two to make a thing go right.Watch Kamal’s tribute to the sisters “Ms. Melanin” on Youtube Imani is a Poet, Author, Film Maker Teacher and Mentor residing in New Jersey. He can be reached at To book Kamal for speaking engagements email or call 201-923-9213
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Submit your WHY I LOVE MY SPOUSE stories in 1000 words or less for a chance to win a very intimate dinner valued at $150 dollars. Contestants will also need to submit a picture of themselves and their spouse together, their wedding anniversary date, number of years married, City and State where they’re from, email address and telephone number. Deadline for stories is Thursday, January 21, 2010. Winners will be contacted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010.Send story to Your Positive News International (YPNI) In the subject line type WHY I LOVE MY SPOUSE. Story must be within the body of the email. For safety reasons, no attachments will be accepted.Note: Your submitted picture and story will be published in the YPNI Newspaper online and in print, in February.
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FACEBOOK MESSES UP RELATIONSHIPSComical look at how facebook can impact a relationship. very entertaining and contains some not so obvious truths how the open viewing communication system can effect people. For people considering marriage or already married should take heed to this skit. Relationships are effected by the new online communication. Love relationship can need some serious advice after viewing this.
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Hello!I am launching the Wisdom4Wives Pajama Party on the blogtalk radio network next month. I am searching for marriage counselors and mentors to serve as guests on my new internet radio show. If you currently serve in any of these capacities, I would love to discuss the possibility of your being among my esteemed guests.Beginning in April, my monthly hour-long show focuses on married women and women preparing for marriage will air each on the 3rd Thursday @ 9 p.m. If our professional paths have not crossed yet, I invite you to take a tour of my homes on the web @, I would also like to invite you to visit and join my online network, wisdom4wives.ning.comI look forward to hearing from you soon.
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Marriage - The First Ministry

Marriage – The First MinistryStatistics reveal that about 45 – 50 percent of all marriages will eventually end in divorce. These numbers are staggering to say the least. These numbers include Christian marriages as well.Why are these numbers so high? The answer: marriages have stopped being a priority in the lives of many busy couples.Work, children, and social activities have been substituted for the number one ministry between a man and a woman - that is the ministry of marriage.What is ministry? Ministry is from the Greek word "diakoneo", meaning "to serve" or "douleuo", meaning "to serve as a slave". In the New Testament, ministry is seen as a service to God and to other people in His name. Jesus provided the blueprint for the pattern of Christian ministry – He came, not to receive service, but to give service (Matthew 20:28; Mark 10:45; John 13:1-17)In marriage, couples are to minister by meeting the other's needs with love and humility on Christ's behalf (Matthew 20:26; Mark 10:43; John 2:5,9; Acts 6:3; Romans 1:1; Galatians 1:10; Colossians 4:12).When we think of ministry, we think of the minister or the pastor of a church or the different functioning organizations within the church. As married couples, it is our obligation to be the minister in our spouse's life.Counseling and Life Coaching are wonderful tools to assist couples and individuals who are in desperate need of these services and are very much necessary for the help they provide. If couples would not only think of themselves as just husbands and wives but think of themselves as ministers to their spouses, the counseling load would not be as great. Ministering to your spouse can and should include ministering to the physical, emotional, mental, vocational, and financial needs of the other.Marriages today have become self-centered when the marriage is no longer two people being one, but two people remaining as two. My money, your money, my car, your car – couples are living more separate and divided lives within the same home. Today solid and happy homes are becoming a thing of the past. There are no more Ozzie and Harriet's, Leave It to Beaver's or Father Knows Best households. In these homes husbands and wives were both in the home, fathers took the roles of headship, provider, mentor and the disciplinarian in the home, and fathers were looked up to as the children's hero, not an action figure on television. Wives could be at home to raise the children and not rely on daycare to nurture and care for the family. In these homes, husbands and wives were the staple of the family and took active roles in the lives of their children and their communities. Times have changed so drastically. Today there are one parent households, children being raised by television, the drop out rate for high school students is at an all time high, and a major part of the criminal activities in our society are committed by our youth.The Cosby Show tried to depict a solid family image to American families and some did not buy this as reality, especially for the African American community.I can think of couples who were happily married five years ago, who today are no longer married or are now living emotionally divorced and living separated lives within the home. Marriage is the foundation to a great family life and God's greatest tool for ministry.Great marriages with their priorities in order depend on these elements to remain fortified: honesty, communication, commitment, and sacrifice. Placing our spouse as our first priority will produce true prosperity in our homes. There will be nothing missing, nothing lacking and nothing broken.The Bible speaks of several action verbs in Genesis 2:24 which models some priorities in marriage. The first verb is to "leave". Man is to leave his mother and father and to establish a new beginning with his wife. The second verb is to "cleave". Man is to leave his mother and father and to cleave to his wife. Cleave means to weld together or stick to like glue.Marriage is not only a priority- it is preeminent. It is superior to, and surpassing above all other human relationships. Husband and wife are to be bound together and should not be cut apart. The third verb in this passage of scripture is the verb "be". First, man is to leave then to cleave and to be one flesh. Becoming one is more than being physically one, but also psychologically one which is communication.Most marriages break down for a lack of communication with their spouse. The lack of attention and communication will eventually result in both parties involved to struggle, which will finally cause a break down in the home. Couples must stay committed to the vows they took on their wedding day before the Lord, to be committed "for better or for worse". There will be difficult times in the marriage and that is not the opportunity for the husband or the wife to bail out of the marriage. We are to stick it out and give that situation over to God. Be committed in "for richer or poorer". In these tough economic times that we are facing, when some are just getting by, when the prices are high and the paychecks are low, commitment is essential. Lastly, be committed in "sickness and in health". We do not know what challenges or sickness either spouse may face in the life of the marriage. We are to continue to love and to cherish our mate til death does part us.Ministry can and should be carried out daily in our lives with our spouses. God set the example of how much He loved us that He gave His only begotten Son to come to earth and die on a cross for us. It was God's priority to send us a Savior. We in turn, are to love and meet the needs of our spouse as a priority, setting the example in our marriages and sharing our love just as God has done for Glyniel GarnerGlyniel Garner is a Professional Certified Life Coach, Board Certified Biblical Counselor and Certified Marriage Mentor. She is the founder of New Horizon Coaching Associates in Ocala, Florida. Glyniel can be reached at
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Woman, the Gift from God to Man

Woman, the Gift from God to ManEverything that God made, He made it to be a giver as Himself. The sun gives, light and heat, the flowers give off a sweet fragrant in the air, bees give honey, and the clouds give shade and rain.When God created man in His image, He made a man that was not able to give anything since he had no one to give to. God insisted that it is not good for man to be alone; God made a helper that would be suitable or proper for him (Genesis 2:18).The Lord caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and God took one of his ribs, and He built a woman just for man and presented him with the ultimate gift from God. Then Adam declared that this gift was bone of his bones, and flesh of his flesh; that she shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. (Genesis 2:21, 22)I would like to take a moment to ask all married men, "Do you see your wives as the precious gift that God took the time and built just for you?" Many men if they really assessed this question would find that truthfully they could not answer that question with a quick "Yes".Marriages are failing so rapidly around, and in the church there is no exception there. Many men don't view their wives as the gift which God's intended from the start. Man is to love and cherish their wives until death do they depart.What is a gift? (noun)1. something bestowed voluntarily and without compensation.2. the act, right, or power of giving.Woman was given to man to be that suitable helper and gift from God in marriage. There are divine purposes of marriage as to what God wished to give to man and to the world. God knew there would be a need for woman after He formed man. The woman is absolutely essential in the plan of God.Woman's role in the will of God was to be a "help" who was suitable to maintain every particular mental, spiritual, emotional, social, and physical need.When Adam declared "bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh", this resulted in what has become know as the universal law of marriage. It can be seen that:1. the responsibility for marriage is on the man's shoulder – man is to "leave his father and mother";2. the responsibility for keeping the union together is on the man's shoulder's – man is to "cleave unto" (stick to) his wife; and3. the union is indissoluble – "they shall be one flesh."Woman as the gift from God to man is to bring him complete satisfaction.Contentment and satisfaction with the wife in marriage is essential for a happy marriage. Proverbs 5:19 states "Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished or exhilarated always with her love."Husbands are to appreciate God's gift that has been given to him by cherishing his wife tenderly, as a delicate object of affection, focus on her body and sexuality only, and let her affection and devotion consume him.With the high use of internet today, so many men have fallen into the trap of bondage of satisfying their lustful desires outside of the marriage. There are pornography sites, chat lines and instant messaging that has taken the place of the sacred bond of marriage and their vows as communication has broken down along with intimacy and trust.It is God choice that the wife of your youth be the only one to satisfy him. It is not the will of God that man disregards His order and seeks the affection or to fulfill his sensual cravings through artificial Glyniel Garner
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The Union of Communication, Commitment and ChristCommitment – the pledging, engaging, or entrusting oneself to another in a permanent decision or union between one man and one woman, broken only by death – love cannot operate properly without sacrifice…God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16In a marriage commitment, men are instructed to love their wife as Christ loved the church and gave His life for her. Men who will sacrifice themselves for their wife are living in the true image of Christ.Communication – the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing or signs between the husband and wife. Married couples are biblically instructed to speak the truth in love; to be angry and sin not, not to allow the sun go down on your wrath; lift one another up with words of encouragement; learn and operate in the discipline of forgiveness. There is no place for secrets between a man and his wife; it is possible to be angry without sinning but prolonged anger gives Satan an open door to the ones own heart; say only what will help for each word that enhances is a gift; be quick to admit when you've made a mistake.Christ - The anointed, the Messiah, the Title, the Jesus of Nazareth, God's Holy Son – God in flesh. He who was born into this world for the purpose of taking on the sins of the entire world; the invisible force that is in every Christian marriage that when joined together with man and wife complete the marriage to make them one. A personal relationship with Christ keeps marriages on one accord with Christ as the head. The more we focus on God the more married couples draw closer to each other.Combining these three C's will cause any marriage to be blessed and highly favored.Erroll & Glyniel Garner
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Ingredients To A Good Marriage

Marriage is hard work. In order for marriage to really work, God MUST be at the center of the relationship. We are unable to know how to love our spouse unconditionally, unless we have God's love and know of His love. There will be ups and downs in marriage. After 22 years of marriage, I have seen both sides. When the storms clouds enter into your marriage, keep God as your "spiritual umbrella". He will not allow your marriage to get "wash out".Show appreciation for your spouse daily. Encourage each other every day. Is that easy always, I give you a resounding "No", but you must not allow your flesh to rise up to tell you not to do this and know that God wants us to speak good words to each other always.Stay best friends. That is what helped me. My husband is my friend. Some make their children their friends and the spouse is like an outsider or a foe. The devil tried to tell me at times that my husband was not my friend. You have to look past the flesh of the individual and look at the root of the situation. We don't fight against flesh and blood but against powers, and principalities and rulers etc. If we keep that in mind, we can fight off the devil that is ruining Christian marriages everywhere.The Christian marriage is to be the example to all marriages and to the world. We represent the relationship of Christ and the church. If the enemy can enter into our marriages, we would set a poor example to the world of Christ's relationship with the church.Learn to prioritize the important things in our lives. Some spouses put their work before their marriage, some Christian leaders have put the church or ministry before their marriage and this will put a strain on the marital relationship and can foster resentment to rest on the marriage. The order we must operate in is: God first, spouse, children or family, then work or ministry. Marriage can not fail in this order, this is God's order.Forgiveness is another important ingredient to keep in your marriage ALWAYS!!!! There will be many times you will say "I sorry" and hear "I'm sorry". In your heart there should always be a cup of forgiveness to offer to you spouse in return. Giving forgiveness is not letting your spouse "off the hook" for what he or she did, but it frees you from bitterness that could later raise its ugly head later on in the marriage. Forgiveness also stop the enemy from having an entry point in your marriage and in your life personally.I am passionate about marriage and the lives of people,I desire to see us reach new levels in life, to come out of frustration, which is a place a lot of people live, to "become" into the person you know you should be but do not know where to start to be it, and to growing into Christian maturity.Marriage is a journey, with winding roads and some rocks and pebbles along the path, the kind that get in your shoes sometimes. But just like when that pebble get into your shoe, you take it off, shake it out and put it back on and go on to your designation.In marriage we need to do the same, shake off the rough stuff, put on the good stuff and GROW on ! ! !Living Life Through Him,Glyniel Garner
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Pros And Cons Of Sex Before Marriage

What To Do, What To Do?This question won't be going anywhere any time soon. As long as there are people with rushing hormones, this is going to be an issue. Many will blame the animal in us (particularly men - sorry fellas- smile); others will blame our histories; still others will create their own philosophies.However, there are some things I have noticed that I don't see anyone else discussing. For example, anatomically speaking, all the reasons that sex is good for marriage make it bad before marriage. Research has shown that during the sexual process, hormones are released into our brains that are designed specifically to facilitate emotional bonding. Yes, emotional bonding does have a significant chemical component. If, in fact, this is true - it would go a long way toward explaining why it is ofen so much more difficult to break up with someone we've been sexual with. Even if we believe we didn't particularly enjoy the experience, the associated hormones tend to leave a lasting psychological imprint, if you will, that tends toward bonding with the object of the sexual connection. Unfortunately, this can happen in positive as well as negative ways.Another significant consideration is the fact that the human brain functions much differently under the influence of infatuation/sexual arousal than it does otherwise. Science has shown that areas of the brain mostly responsible for logic and rational judgment are largely short-changed of blood flow under the influence of infatuation/sexual arousal. I heard a saying once - when you're on your back, you lose your mind. There is scientific basis for the truth of this saying. Essentially, that means that you are literally incapable of comprehensive rational thought during sexual arousal. The creative and emotional brain centers, however, are sent into overdrive. On average, it takes about 90 days for this phenomenon to subside to the point of returning brain function and blood flow to normal levels.While sex before marriage may give you insight into your partner's sexual performance habits and/or preferences, it will also tend to set you up to emotionally make connections that are virtually guaranteed to fail. The more sex you have; the more connected you become to your partner and/or the act of sex itself; the less rational and more emotional you become - anatomically. Most people have little knowledge or understanding of their own biochemistry with regard to this issue. Unfortunately, ignorance does nothing to change the dynamics and you will live with the consequences whether you're aware of them or not.That's a major reason why so many new relationships typically don't make it past 90 days; why people look decidedly different to you after the orgasms are over than they did before; why so many people believe they "can't help" who they "love", etc. My advice to adults is to use your dating experiences as information gathering missions. Don't get too emotionally attached before 90 days have passed and make sure that you can comfortably walk away at any time. I have more suggestions, but that's another blog. :-)One of the easiest and best ways to avoid painful and unfulfilling emotional attachments is to avoid sex until after marriage. By then, you should have a good and objective view of the kind of mate your partner would make and you can make a much more rational decision about whether or not to continue to marriage. If you don't, chances increase exponentially that you will stay in a bad relationship far longer than you need to and you'll tolerate conditions that sap your soul for no other reason than the sexual connection.Speaking the truth in love,Deidre
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