Hello everyone and welcome to the next installment from the "How to Love a Man" series. I certainly hope the previous posts helped you feel a little closer to your beloved or offered some valuable insight to the single ladies who are preparing to meet their future beloved.
Loving a man and being loved by a great guy is such a delectable and delightful feeling, but if you are feeling a little lonely in your relationship let me ask you a few questions:
- When was the last time you really looked at your beloved? I mean really looked at him and noticed how attractive and strong he is.
- Have you ever taken the time to notice the shape of his hands, the width of his strong shoulders, how he stands when he feels really good, or the way he moves when he is feeling momentarily discouraged.
- Have you ever just sat in a room and watched your man move about totally unaware of your admiration? Or sat across the table from him listening to him share something important with you? It can be mesmerizing. The sound of his voice or the way moves throughout his space.
- Have you thought about how much you enjoy his hugs or the way he smiles at you?
- How about the way he feels in your arms when you hug him?
Affection is impulsive and can be sparked by the feelings the previous questions can create. You may observe how your man looks and suddenly feel the urge to be close to him. So, if you don't remember how your beloved feels when you hug him. Does this mean you haven't hugged him lately? Why not? Men need love too.
Yes, your big, strong, and possibly silent type needs to feel your soft warm arms wrapped around him from time to time for no particular reason. He needs to know that you just love being close to him as much as he loves being close to you.
Men may seem all tough on the outside, but inside they can be as soft and wonderful as a "marshmallow". Just because your beloved may appear invincible; doesn't mean he is untouchable or has no need for your affection.
He may be craving:
- The feel of your skin.
- The lingering scent of your perfume on his shirt after you hug him.
- The comfort of your touch.
- Or many other things that having an affectionate and loving woman in his life provides.
Affection is a huge topic even Leo Buscaglia's in his book "Born for Love" mentions the following:
"Science has proven that a simple hug is one of the most convenient and inexpensive therapies available. Yet, we remain touch starved."
He continues to talk about some interesting information he gathered while doing research for another book. He says " People consistently mentioned that there were certain qualities that they found to be essential for a happy and long lasting relationship." Affection (touching, holding, and stroking) was named the most important by the majority of the participants. Surprisingly, sex ranked # 8 on the list.
Affection, unfortunately seems to be one of the most neglected aspect in most relationships. It is unfortunate, since nonsexual touch is so vital to our emotional and physical well-being. Being affectionate is a fun, simple, and sweet way to show our beloved how much we care and enable him to share his affection for us as well.
This should be such an effortless thing for couples to do, but I know some women who withhold affection. They do this because, they are worried if they hug or touch their man; that the simple nonsexual interaction may be misinterpreted as a sexual come-on and then their man will want sex. So, to avoid unwanted sexual advances, they completely avoid contact with their man.
This is a very sad situation because, now we have two touch-starved people living a very sterile existence. Leaving sex as the only way either one of them receives any human contact from each other. No wonder sex becomes such a big issue for their man. It is the only time he gets to be physically close to his beloved.
So, if you want to avoid this scenario. I recommend that you make a conscious effort to touch your beloved. There are easy and simple ways you can invite more affection into your relationship without turning every touch into a sexual encounter (Unless that is your goal... If so, then go for it.). For example:
- Touch his hand when you are talking to him.
- Touch his arm as he is passing you in the hallway or kitchen.
- Offer to rub his shoulders if he looks tired after a long day. (Bonus, be sure to mention how strong he is as you are rubbing his shoulders. He will "melt" under your care and compliments.)
- Give him a hug and tell how much you appreciate him then, walk away.
- When he is sitting in front of the TV in his "papa bear" chair give him a kiss on the cheek or forehead. (But, not while he is watching the game or any other event that has an intense hold on his attention. This will avoid aggravation on both sides.)
- Be creative and make a list of ways you can show more affection to the one you love.
These are just a few suggestions. They are simple non-threatening ways to bring more nonsexual contact back into your love life and joy back into your relationship. Being close to your beloved should be one of the things that makes you feel adored and cherished in your relationship. So, relax and have some fun.
Now, go give your sweetie a hug. If he hasn't felt your arms around him in awhile and looks at you kind of strange. Just smile and say, " I am having such a wonderful day. I wanted to share my excitement with you." Then, smile and walk away. Be confident in the knowledge that he will come around and who knows he may have a few happy surprises for you too.
That is all for now. Enjoy, we will talk again soon. Plus, for more fun and playful ways to enhance your love life. Sign up for your 20 minute Complimentary Solutions session at www.redtentwisdom.com or www.undeniablyirresistible.com.
Wishing you much love and unlimited joy,
Cyndi Harris, HP
Relationship Solutions Coach, Man Whisperer (Intimacy Creation Savant), Author, Radio Host of Red Tent Wisdom radio - Broadcasting live starting Tuesday 4/30/13 at 11am EDT. (Blogtalkradio)