Blogs

Do

Things we are told

and

Experiences we have had

Growing up

Make us who we are?

Every person on earth is a unique person.  No two people are the same.  We all look different, we all think different and we all process the things that happen in our life different.  I believe everyone has some sort of concept that your past helps contribute to the person you become, however I am not sure everyone realizes to what degree that statement is true.  I believe the things we are told and the experiences we have, growing up can make us or break us.  We are all unique creations of God and therefore, it is unfair to judge anyone for who they are. 

 Have you ever thought how two people can grow up in a certain situation and yet grow up to be totally different?  Have you ever noticed that even identical twins are different in many ways?  Two children who grew up in the same home with the same type of love and experiences will grow up and have totally different memories of their childhood.

To think of this is a miracle, however it is also very sad.  I say it is sad because although, we all want to be recognized for the person we are, we tend to judge others for who they are or are not.  We judge without knowing the things there were told or the experiences they had growing up.  Maybe if we took time to realize this, we could be more understanding of other’s situations.  Think about your own life and the things that have affected you.  Some of the words spoken or actions taken you may not even realize had such an impact on the way you think or react to certain situations today.  It may have been a negative word spoken to you as a young child that was reinforced as the years went by.  It may have been a certain action that happened, maybe you didn’t know all the circumstances and therefore saw that action as something other than what it was.  Your mind has processed these words and/or actions and has been reinforced by similar words or actions throughout the years…Now your heart feels the pain when the something triggers that deep rooted emotion that has grown with you as you have grown.  If those emotions were built over time due to something that someone else was responsible for, you may be trying to resolve the emotions you carry without even realizing it.  You may be looking for someone else to help you heal from the hurt you have carried for so long.  Until you can look into yourself to see where the hurt began, you may not ever  be able to resolve it.  Just as it is unfair for others to judge you for the person you have become, it is unfair for us to judge others due to the pain we keep within ourselves.   In most cases it is our pain and we try to make it theirs by holding them accountable for the actions or words that they say that in turn cause us pain.  In reality it is our pain and our decision to hold onto that pain.

Do

We hold onto pain and hurt

In our minds and heart

To make us the people we are now?

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Reflections #14

Reflections

 Is Love Blind

Or do we choose to see only what we want

 I can see clearly now

We all have to look in the mirror to see ourselves.  Sometimes we do not see what others see.  We see what we believe about ourselves not necessarily what is real.  Sometimes we see what our mind tells us and sometimes we see what our heart tells us; our self-image may be a mixture of both.  

The story I have told is very 'one-sided' in many ways.  It tells of the hurt I felt.  This hurt was real to me, however it does not tell of the hurt I caused that was just as real to my husband.  When I face my judgment day, I will have to account for every word I spoke and ever thing I did.  I have to reflect on me because this is the only way I can heal. 

When I look back I cannot believe some of the things I did.  This was not me.  I say that, I believe this, and I know it to be true; so why can't I accept the same from my husband?  Why can't I accept that the things he did were not who he really is?  I must accept this just as I ask him to accept me for who I am...who I truly am even through the things I did.

I yelled and I cursed.....oh how I yelled.   I said hateful and hurtful things.  I was selfish and controlling.  At the time, I would have argued each of these admissions.  At the time, I would have believed I was doing the right thing.  I know now that I caused my husband to hurt in many ways also.  I must admit my faults.  The first is that I did not respect him as my husband; I did things that belittled him.  I had been a single mom for 20 years and had only my son to turn to.  This became a habit for me and I didn’t realize the hurt it caused my husband.  If there was something to be done; I would instantly say “let me ask (my son)” I should not have done this, I should have asked and accepted my husband’s word and opinion.  Another variation of this is that he would say something and I would not acknowledge that he said it until I heard the same thing from someone else.  By doing this I made him feel like I was not listening and I didn’t put any importance to what he said; it made him feel like I cared what others thought or said more than what he thought or said.  I should have known this because I felt the same way.  I have a very bad habit of talking…and talking…and talking…This caused many pains.  First it made my husband feel like I was treating him like a child.  It is not uncommon for me to say something several different ways and many times over.  I did not mean to make him feel like a child, this is something I really need to work on because not only did this cause my husband pain; I was also causing some of my own pain.  My husband would tend to “tune me out” after a while or after my story was repeating and this would make me feel like he was not listening or like he didn’t care what I had to say when in reality I was saying the same things over and over again. 

The next fault of mine is that I was very controlling. I had to have everything my way because if I controlled the way things were, I would be sure they were done correctly.  I was so used to doing everything for myself and my children.  In my mind I had to do everything to be sure all was taken care of; I had to be sure all problems were solved.  Because of my mind set, I took charge in every situation and did not allow my husband to be the “man of the family”.  My mind had convinced me that I was taking care of him.  I would nag about everything; thinking that I was just making sure everything was getting done.  The Bible says it is Better to live out in the desert than with a nagging, complaining wife. Proverbs 21:19  & Proverbs 27:15 says An endless dripping on a rainy day and a nagging wife are alike.  This was me and I had no idea I was hurting him and I was not acting like his wife.  I was being a mom like I have always been.  He didn’t need a mom he needed a wife.    

One of the faults that I hate about myself the most is in the things that came out of my mouth.  It is still hard for me to believe that I cursed the way I did.  I had not ever cursed like this before in my life.  I not only cursed, I said some very hurtful and hateful things.  I told my husband he was a crack-head whore, I told my husband that I hated him.  There is no way for me to say I am sorry for the words that came out of my mouth. 

The guilt I feel for the ugly words I said and the way I acted will haunt me forever….who am I to complain about the names he called me when I did the same to him?  Who am I to judge him when I will have to stand before God for the things I did to him?

Stop … Think … Reflect

Only God can judge

We are all unique in the way God made us

Stop and see who you are before you judge others

Think and Thank God for all of our differences

No one is perfect … we all have faults

 Reflect and look inside yourself