Domestic (7)

Beginning of the End #13

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Beginning of the End #13


The pressure builds

The disappointments mount

The disrespect grows

And yet it is usually something small that will put you over the edge

The last straw

How much hurt is one person supposed to take

The problems were getting worse.  The drug use was getting worse and he was taking more money.  He wrote out checks and signed my name which caused me to overdraw at the bank. He didn’t seem to care if I could pay the bills or not; all he cared about is his drug.  His cheating with prostitutes was getting worse. The one thing that was better is that he hadn’t put his hands on me all this time. Now, that had also changed.  I had made a comment about his cheating on me with prostitutes and he put his hands around my neck and started shaking me vigorously.  He said it was because of my mouth….why couldn’t I keep my mouth shut.  It is funny how these serious things were not what finally broke me.  The beginning of the end was because he pawned his wedding ring.  He had always told me that he would not take off his wedding ring for anything.  Now I knew he cared more about his addictions than he cared about our marriage.  To realize that he would spend money on drugs and other women and he would pawn his wedding ring to do that was the last final confirmation I needed to know our marriage was over.  This was the most disrespectful thing he could have ever done to me.

I was numb to my feelings because it was easier to stay numb then to hurt.

His made some decisions that would change my heart forever.  The final steps he took showed me that I couldn’t help him anymore.  He didn’t want help.  First he sold our Mac computer for an $85 rock.  This computer had all our business information on it and it had all his music on it.  His music was his life so for him to sell this showed me he didn’t care about anything anymore. The next thing he did was that he told me that he could get $750 for my camera.  (He latter he told me he would not have taken it, I don’t believe this)  I started taking my camera with me everywhere I went because I was afraid he would take it and this was the one and only thing I had left that meant anything to me.  I was always on edge and couldn’t take living like this anymore so I finally agreed to give him the $750.  I gave him all of my bill money.  He said he would be gone for a minimum of three months.  I asked him to not contact me.  I told him to leave and not ever look back. The money didn’t matter as much as him leaving and not returning.  No matter how much it hurt to see him go, I needed the hurt to go away.  He used up the money in two days and came back to the house.  I couldn’t believe he was back.  I had finally convinced myself that I would be okay without him and I was prepared to be without him in my life.  After a few days, I asked him what it would take for him to leave and not ever look back.  He said for me to get him a ticket to his hometown and give him $300 spending cash.  I borrowed the money, got him a flight and gave him the cash he asked for.  Again, I asked that he leave and not ever look back. 

I was done.  I could finally breathe again and not have to worry about being hurt in any way…mentally, physically…or financially.  With him gone, I could finally heal.

After only a couple of days he called me and was on his way home.  Things did not go the way he expected in his home town.  He learned that I was the only one who loved and cared about him…I couldn’t take it anymore.

When he got back he went straight to rehab.  He had them pick him up at the airport and I didn’t even see him. 

A week later, it was 2 am and I was asleep.  I woke up suddenly because the light in my bedroom turned on.  There he was standing at the foot of our bed.  Shocked….I felt like I was going to pass out.

He was home for two weeks.  It was during this time that I was in the process of trying to get my house re-financed.  He showed me he could be a true husband.  He helped me around the house; he cleaned and painted and showed me love and respect.  I came home from work in the middle of the day and asked him if he was high.  He held me so lovingly and promised me that he was not; he promised me that he would tell me if he got the urge.  When I got home at lunch, he was high.  This was the end; I asked him to leave and told him ONCE again I did not ever want to see him again.  I told him if he was not gone by the time I got home after work, I would call his PO.  I told him I didn’t want him hurt; I just wanted him gone and it was his decision on how he was going to leave.  He said he would be gone and I locked the doors with him in the backyard.  I got home from work and he was still in the back yard.  I told him he needed to leave before the police got there and he would not leave.  It took a couple of hours until he finally left; his PO and the police arrived and soon after found him sitting at a bus stop near our house.

The way he held me was the same as he did our first night in St. Louis when he told me I would not ever have to be afraid again.  I didn’t think he could hurt me worse than he already had; this hug was the most disrespectful thing and the most hurtful feeling he could impose on me….the way we began is the way we would end…with a hug filled with so much love.


I have heard that God only gives you as much as he thinks you can handle

He must think awfully high of me

I really can’t handle this any more

Why God….Why



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I have gone back and forth on my website ( with the guestbook portion of my website. Because rape, sexual assault and domestic violence are such painful personal subjects, I wanted to make certain that it was simple and private. If you get a chance please stop by and sign the book. The link is on the lower right side of the home page. I could really use your help

Thanks everyone and best of luck in business


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Teachers/Mentors Edition of Up in the Attic Hip Hop Movie

The Hip Hop Movie of the Year 2010! | MySpace Video
Teachers, Parents and Mentors use the Up in the Attic teen movie to open up dialogue with our youth on subjects such as sex, drugs, peer pressure, abuse and more!For more information or to contact Director Kamal Imani for group discussions and lectures go to http://www.upintheatticmovie.comcipherkam@gmail.comCall Mr. Kevin Barksdale 201-923-9213

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Body Magic

Hello,I have some great and exciting news! For all who have not heard about body magic, I have the link to the web site where you can find out all about it. You can join and become a representative and create wealth for yourself. Or if you just want to order the body magic suit, let me know and the more I order at one time, the less it will cost. For example, if I order five at a time, the cost will be $95.88 per person; otherwise, you will pay $178.80 for one. So, it is better if I can order it for you with other orders; you can save $82.92. All prices above is with tax, shipping & handling charges. So, check out the web site and if you are interested let me know. you,Dr. Hooks
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See The Pretty Butterfly Video

Watch this beautiful R&B video by Niva “Pretty Butterfly”In this beautiful and true to life R&B Soul music video featuring Niva the Diva and actor/model Will Steen, Niva sings about her triumph through abuse and opposition to go through trials and metamorphosis to become a pretty butterfly indeed.Directed by newblackmusic.netMusic by HitmastazKamal Imani InnertainmentAvailable at
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Messenger Group Announces:For Immediate Release: October 5, 2008 - Decatur, GA (United States) – October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Within the U.S. Nearly, three out of four (74%) of Americans personally know someone who is or has been a victim of domestic violence. 30% of Americans say they know a woman who has been physically abused by her husband or boyfriend in the past year (Allstate Foundation National Poll on Domestic Violence, 2006).Atlanta author, Kimberly Ware, wrote a thought provoking book for survivors on domestic Violence. “I am a survivor of domestic violence and I wanted to write a book on how to heal spiritually. I wanted to show women how they too can grow their wings and heal from life dilemmas,” stated Kimberly Ware.When women go through social struggles in their life such as divorce, single parenting, emotional abuse, domestic violence, or illness, it can be quite dramatic. At first these experiences can cause a wound, not just a physical wound, but a spiritual wound that also needs healing. Often times these wounds can not be seen with the naked eye but they are still there.Intuitive, spiritual healer, and teacher, Kimberly S. Ware guides women on how to heal from life dilemmas. This guide is complimentary to Ware’s Heal My Wings: A Healing Workbook & Journal for Women. Offering modern-day stories and examples from her own personal experiences, she gives tips and exercises on spiritual healing. She shows how it’s possible to heal your wings and prosper after overcoming life changing events.Kimberly Ware is the author of Heal My Wings: A Healing Guide for Women, Heal My Wings: A Healing Journal and Workbook for Women. Kimberly Ware is a spiritual healer and teacher. She conducts the Heal My Wing, Spiritual Pathway, and A Recipe for the Soul Workshops through out the country.Publicist: Messenger GroupContact: Denise SwansonPhone #: 404-781-1970e-mail: info@kimberlyware.comwebsite: www.kimberlyware.comClick Here for Kimberly Ware's Press Room (Previous Media Releases):
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