men (23)

“Should I Stay or Should I Leave?”

I hear this question so often from women who are feeling exhausted, neglected, and overwhelmed in their romantic relationships. They are struggling with the decision to stay or leave a relationship they feel has lost its appeal. They are unhappy and truly have no idea what their next step should be.

It is very sad because, my married ones or clients in long-term relationships are wondering if they will ever feel love again and my single clients (usually newly single) wonder if they will ever find love again. (FYI - my typical client is 40 to 48 years old women, with children in their teens to early 20's, and she is or has been in a long-term relationship that has lasted 10 years or longer.)

Does this sound like your current situation? If so, tell me:

  • Do you long for days gone by when you and your beloved were still happy and deeply in love with each other?
  • When was the last time your beloved treated you with adoration and affection?
  • Are arguments becoming the main style of communication between the two of you?

Well, if you are at your “wits” end about what to do next in your relationship and are thinking… “Should I stay or should I leave?” I want you to stop for a moment and think very carefully about what I am about to share with you; being single will not solve the communication and intimacy issues you are experiencing. It may offer some temporary relief. But, the personal underlying communication issues that caused the disconnect will still remain. Even if you move on to another relationship.

And if you are single and reading this article, I want you to think back to your last relationship and think about how the lack of communication and previous questions played out in your last meaningful relationship. Did they have something to do with why you left?

As a relationship solutions coach, I talk to many frustrated women. Especially ladies who are suffering from regrets about past decisions they made in the process of maturing into the woman they are today. It is tough to look back over your life and realize you may not have fulfilled some or any of the goals you set for yourself as a younger woman.

You may have made a multitude of decisions that now feel like sacrifices for your children and significant other (husband or long-term boyfriend). And now, you may be working on life improvements and want to remove yourself from what feels like a life-draining situation. I have noticed so many women, who in the process of working on self-improvement, want to discard their man.

I personally think this is unfair unless, you have a man who truly does mistreat you.

For example:

  • He is abusive
  • An active addict or alcoholic whose behavior is destructive
  • Or has other qualities that can potentially harm you; emotionally, mentally, physically, and/or spiritually.

If this is true then, I recommend you seek help and remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible. You cannot help someone who is unwilling to help themselves. But, if you are basically using your man as a scapegoat for all the unexpressed unhappiness you are currently feeling in your life then, I want you to carefully read what I am about to say..

Far too many women have left a truly wonderful man and solid loving relationship because, her uncommunicated needs were going unmet and she did not truly understand how to invite her man back into her life to assist her.  Why, because, she had emotionally disconnected from him and in her frustration started blaming him for being the cause of her dissatisfaction.

This is tragic because, most men do want to be there for the woman they love, but have no idea how to reach her once her walls have gone up and she starts to treat him like a nonessential part of her life.

If this sounds like you then, please understand that things may not be as hopeless as they seem. I would enjoy talking to you in greater detail and show you some ways you can go from “No Love to True Love” once again. Join me for a very special teleconference on: Thursday 4/18/2013 from 6:00 to 7:30p EDT called “No Love to True Love” – Fall in Love All Over Again. Go to: and click on the teleseminar page to register and receive call in information.

Or if you are ready for some immediate solutions then, go to: and sign up for your 20 minute complimentary Relationship Solutions Session.

Either way I am looking forward to sharing with you some useful information that may turn your relationship in a positive direction or start your next relationship with more confidence. 

Have a wonderful day and I am sending you much love and wishing you unlimited joy,

Cyndi Harris, HP

Relationship Solutions Coach; Man Whisperer “Intimacy Creation Savant”

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Men… delightful, scrumptious, and wonderful men; I love men. I think they are amazing and interesting. I love the way they look, sound, and process life. But, if loving a man has ever left you feeling confused and frustrated. You are not alone. I admit, men can be some of the most mysterious “creatures” at times. We love them, long for them, and at times want to shake them until some type of emotional response occurs. What is a woman to do? 

Well, if you are interested in cracking a man’s love code and learning how to lovingly and peacefully coexist. I have a few simple tips that will point you in the right direction. But first, I have a couple of questions for you. Then, I am will offer you a few suggestions that can help you get closer to almost any man. 

The questions: 

1. Do you like men? Not only in a romantic sense, but overall. 

2. Do you respect men? 

Yes, I know these questions are unusual, but I have a very specific reason for asking them. If you want to get inside the mind of a man, you must first understand what is important to him. And yes ladies, sex is important. Goodness ladies, you have such a one-track mind. Granted, it is a delightful “track”. But, a wise woman knows there is more to a man’s needs than simply sex. Even if at times that seems to be all he wants. If you really want to get close to a man and have him open up to you; he must know that you like and respect him. Knowing this little secret can almost instantly change the dynamics of your relationships with men.

Genuinely liking and respecting a man is important in the beginning of a relationship and beyond, if you want a man to see you as something more than a sex object then, you must let him know you have a sincere interest in him as a man; show him that you think he is fascinating and that you admire him. 

Sounds a bit old-fashioned, right? Maybe, but we put so much pressure on ourselves to appear a certain way when we are with men or get caught up in trying to beat men at their own “game”. We can easily forget to relax and simply get to know a man person to person. 

So, if you want the inside scoop to better relationships with men here are a few starter tips whether you are just meeting a man or have known him for sometime. If you want your man or men to enjoy your company and develop better communication with them; go back to basics find out:

What are his interests? (Even if you think you know; ask anyway. He may have changed interests or has learned something new about an old one he would love to share with you.)

Who does he admire and why? (This is a big one. It will offer valuable insight into the type of man he is striving to be. Listen carefully to his answers and do some research of your own about the person or people he mentions, This is a great way to gather information for a future conversation.) 

What are his ambitions? (Listen with an open-mind, even if you think his ambitions are impossible or unrealistic. They are his dreams; be supportive.) 

Understanding how to ask good questions is a talent that is underestimated. When you show a real interest in a man as a person; a man will find you fascinating as well. And here's the sweet part; when you follow the above suggestions, a man will find himself thinking about you and he will find a reason; a deep need to spend more time with you. Because, for him, he will have found a woman who is charming, easy to talk to, and whose company he enjoys. This is a win/win situation for both of you.

Does this sound too simple? Well, if you want to become a man magnet whose beauty, intelligence, and sensuality makes you unforgettable. Give it a try:

  • Think about the reasons you truly like men.
  • Think of ways you can show a man true respect
  • Then, think of some basic questions you can ask (or use the ones provided in this article), and watch what happens. 

I can guarantee you will notice a change in the way men respond to you and how you respond to them. It will become easier and you will be able to pick and choose the type of men you invite into your life. Whether that is a new love interest, a new friend, or reigniting the romance between you and your current man; you now have taken the first steps to cracking a man’s love code. Enjoy and we will talk again soon.


Sending you much love and unlimited joy, 

Cyndi Harris, HP (Life and Relationship Transformation Coach) 

Author of the forthcoming book; “The Official Handbook to Becoming Irresistible – Learn How to be a Woman Who Is Positively Unforgettable.” or

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In a recent conversation with a friend who is CEO of a construction company, I explained how doing business with the government could potentially take her business to the next level. She shared her frustration at responding to RFP (request for proposal). She had bid on many over the years and each time, they were awarded to the same male owned businesses! She then blurted, “If only I could think like a man… I could have won some of those contracts!

Hmmm, is she right? Do women need to imitate men to be more competitive in business? Should a woman ‘think like a man’ to be more successful in business? Maybe OR maybe not!

Can an Assertive Woman Get What She Wants?

While it is acceptable for men to be assertive; on the other hand, women who go after what they want without apologizing along the way are viewed as aggressive or worse, a witch (drop the ‘w’ and add ‘b’). So, how can women use this to their advantage?

Women can:

  • Be Firm: whether it’s a handshake or the price of your services! We’ve all done it before; lowered the price of our products or services for the sake of closing the deal or meeting the needs of a potential client. Avoid this behavior! By doing so compromise your expertise and integrity.
  • Speak up: let your voice be heard. ‘Say what you mean… and mean what you say!’ Stand firm in your beliefs! When engaged in a discussion, ensure that others understand your message and are able to communicate any questions or concerns as appropriate.
  • Play the Part. It is imperative that you look the part of a successful and self-assured entrepreneur. Whether meeting with a potential client or business partner, attending networking event or giving a speech, IMAGE is EVERYTHING! Give a firm handshake, establish eye contact and engage others.

Afraid to Take a ‘Chance?’ Odds of Winning… 50/50!

Men are encouraged to take chances. The unknowndoesn’t scare them as it’s a part of doing business. Most women shy away from situations that are uncomfortable or daring.

To take advantage of this strength, it is crucial for women to evaluate, manage and take risk in business. Say you are faced with a challenge and pondering if it is worth taking a chance. Ask yourself:

  1. What is the worst thing that could happen if things went amiss?
  2. If it happened, how would you handle it?
  3. What positive things could you learn from this situation, regardless of the conclusion?

Life is full of chances! By embracing challenges and obstacles head on, lessons learned from them is well worth it!

Men vs Women in Networking… Which Gender is More Effective?

Men are very skilled at networking. They take full advantage on the golf course, during happy hours and at other informal settings. They cut to the chase and go from introduction to deal.

Women believe in the importance of ‘know, like and trust’which eventually cultivate into business. They develop great relationships but don’t take advantage of their interpersonal or social strengths.

Statistics show that 70% of new business is generated from referrals from networking events. In a recent article, Nicole Williams, author of "Girl on Top: Your Guide to Turning Dating Rules into Career Success,” says, “Women tend to equate networking with "schmoozing" or handing out business cards. In reality, networking is about building relationships before you actually need them."

While women have different strengths and communication styles than men, there are a few simple tips to help in getting the most BANGout of a networking event.

  • Create a Mini Action Plan for Every Event. When attending an event, it behooves you to know who will be there. Take time to research the purpose of the event, attendees, presenters, vendors and businesses. Then you can decide who you want to connect with. Imagine meeting a potential client and acknowledge a recent award they received.
  • Practice your Pitch. You will meet a lot of people and have the opportunity of introducing yourself and business. Make sure your message is clear and concise. Fine tune your elevator pitch to make the most of your conversation.
  • Follow Up. Within the next week, make sure you follow up with e-mails, phone calls or a simple letter. The key is to connect with potential people that can be beneficial to your company. For most women, this is the easy part as they tend to be thorough with follow-up, delivery of promised information, or promptly scheduling of meetings.

In conclusion, it’s apparent that women and men speak different languages. Neither gender is all right or all wrong. So, it is not necessary for them to ‘Think like a man,’ rather; learn from what they are doing right!


About Author: Sylvia Browder is a small business consultant, trainer and author. She is founder of National Association Women on the Rise, a virtual community for aspiring and established women entrepreneurs. She has served as an online volunteer SCORE counselor since 2004. For FREE weekly articles go to Sylvia Browder’s Blog for Women Entrepreneurs, She can be contacted at

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"I Love My Brothas" by SoulSeed Tees

10744063479?profile=originalThroughout his-story and even up until this day there appears to be a concentrated effort to create opposition between the African man and the African wombman.  Think about it.  Slavery was the beginning.  Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to have your family taken from you?  Well this was done on a global scale for hundreds of years to African people and we have been affected.  Many will say that we need to get over it or they would like to pretend as if it does not matter in this day in time, but the reality is remnants of what we went through lingers in the air.  In addition when welfare was implemented the objective was for the African wombman to say fare well to the African man.  The attitude of not needing a man was birthed.  The African man learned how to disrespect the African  wombman from the slave master with words like whenches, bitches and whores...and this still goes on to this day.  The disrespect directed at the African wombman and the lack of respect given to the African man is an issue that reveals itself on so many different levels and I don't know about you, but I'm tired of it. In our ancient culture the male and female were both important because they created balance.   Instead of us complaining and directing our anger and frustration towards one another I think it's imperative that we first know we did not just wake up one day and decide to be in the state that we are in....some things happened to us. Secondly, we all need to work to make it better for the future of our people.  I created this T-Shirt to help change the negative vibes between some of us because words have power.  If you would like to be a part of  change purchase your T-Shirt now at SoulSeed Tees.     



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10744057671?profile=originalWhat Love Has to Do With It!The Importance of Unconditional Love in A Relationship!By Kamal Imani © 2010My wife and I have been happily married for 15 years and together for 19. Much of our success can be attributed to a book we read entitled “Black Woman’s Black Man’s Guide to a Spiritual Union” by Ra Un Nefer Amen. In this book he speaks about the importance of unconditional love. He also highlighted how we have a script or sort of fantasy like picture in our minds of the perfect or ideal lover or mate and when that person doesn’t meet our expectations, we feel let down, disappointed, the drama begins and things begin to fall apart.When our partner fails to perform up to our Hollywood or conditioned standard financially, sexually, emotionally or otherwise, maybe they didn’t cook, clean, communicate or perform the way that we envisioned it, we allow dissatisfaction to set in.Have Realistic Expectations but High standardsWhen getting to know your significant other, you need to be real when it comes to acknowledging his/her strengths and weaknesses. You also need to realize that peoples long developed habits are slow to change. If you’re hoping that something he/she does will change simply because you have entered their life, you may be disappointed. Some changes can be made if it’s clearly communicated, understood and your partner makes a conscious effort to change, but be very patient because it will probably be a slow and gradual process. I’m not saying that you should lower your standards, but have you ever heard the term wysiwyg? It is an acronym for what you see is what you get. And, you know while you’re dating you’re getting a persons best side, and as the saying goes “You don’t know a person until you live with them”. So keep it real, but stay optimistic, patient and keep the faith. Always keep a spiritual vibration in your relationship.Unconditional LoveUnconditional love is giving of your self without expecting anything in return. It is being selfless! If you’re giving and taking is like a Wall Street financial transaction, sometimes you will rise, other times you will be in a recession, a depression and eventually a crash! So it is important for both partners to practice selfless giving with out making the other partner feel that he/she owes you something.When unexpected financial, medical and other emergencies arise, you will have to be flexible, calm and optimistic until the situation improves (because you will be tested). Always find a creative way to communicate, be understanding, stay affectionate, optimistic, patient and faithful…Did I say patient? Selfless giving/unconditional love is a high form of practical spirituality and it takes two to apply it. It indeed takes two to make a thing go right.Watch Kamal’s tribute to the sisters “Ms. Melanin” on Youtube Imani is a Poet, Author, Film Maker Teacher and Mentor residing in New Jersey. He can be reached at To book Kamal for speaking engagements email or call 201-923-9213
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It's time to clear the clutter!

Do you know that everything that you want is waiting on you to receive it? Yes, this is a known fact. A spiritual principle that I follow is:Ask and you shall receive.The reason that a lot of us, including myself, have not received what we have been asking for is because we have no room to receive it.Have you ever wanted to buy more clothes but came to realize that your closet was full?Have you ever wanted to do an activity but found out that you didn’t have the time?This is the same thing that is going on with attracting Mr. Right. Mr. Right is waiting to show up in your life however, he can’t if there is no room for him.This is a conversation that I have with a lot of my clients. They want Mr. Right to show up but they don’t have time for him because their scheduled is packed to the max, they are mentally cluttered, and they have someone in the way.What I mean by someone in the way is a lot of women I know are holding onto their ex-boyfriends out of fear that Mr. Right will never show up or either they are doing it because they don’t want to be lonely.Well a word of advice. Mr. Right cannot show up if someone is in his place.Your assignment for this week is to clear the clutter. Yes, we are in the process of attracting Mr. Right and in order to do that you must clear the clutter.So here is what you need to do:1. Get rid of anything in your house that you don’t need or use. (This includes every room)2. Clean out your car3. Clean out your computer. Yes, I know that you have files that you have downloaded that you don’t need or use. You also need to clean out your e-mail from all that junk mail.4. Delete the numbers in the phone that you don’t need or never use.
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EXCITING BOOK; Woman!! Do You Want A Good Man?

EXCITING BOOK; Woman!! Do You Want A Good Man?

Fort Worth,Texas,October 13,2010,Author,Donald Willis is officially announcing his published book,Woman!! Do You want A Good Man? This bookis about relationships betweem African American men and African American women. This book is geared more toward the African American women's needs and desires,as oppossed to what the African American male is searching for. It is not written out of bitterness,or anger,but out of Love for black men and women. The book includes topics such as: What is a good man?,Never judge people by appearance,Mental Disorders & the black woman,Dating,Black woman,god is with you,and many more topics

This book is unique in that it only 64 pages in length,and the author gives advice to African American women who are in search of Mr.Right.T he author actually enterviewed approx.50 employed women while writing this book. This book can be ordered by sending a $17.95 money order to: Donald Willis,POBOX 201403,Arlington,Texas 76006. For more information,contact

Donald Willis at 682-203-8234 10am-11pm

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Ok so I just wanted to write a blog to uplift and encourage everyone out there. As women (and men) we all deal with daily struggles and sometimes things may seem a little overwhelmming and overbearing for us to handle. Some of us have children, husbands (wives for the men reading this), jobs, pets, social lives, part time jobs, etc. the list can go on and on...all of these aspects of our lives can bring unneccessary stress or an abundance of JOY. Which one occurs stress or JOY depends on what you allow to happen in your life.

Speaking only to the women now, as women we all have an inner strength that allows us to overcome any obstacle that may cross our path. That inner strength also gives us the remarkable power and ability to by pass foolishness, yet sometimes we get caught up in foolishness and negate our ability to be greater than our circumstances. The type of foolishness I'm referring to is things that we all know don't warrant a second of our time but we still spend our precious energy, time, and efforts focusing on things that will not bring any multiplication, power, strength, or JOY to our lives.

So here's what I say, I say let's take time to think about what really matters to us, what is really important, what will help us live a joyful and fulfilled life. Once we do that let's collectively decide to focus on the things in our lives that we know will help us move forward and not backward. Part of doing this will allow all of us to see what's really important in life and what we need to focus on to move forward in our life journey.


As an exercise I think that everyone men and women alike should write down the things that they know are not positive and do not bring any satisfaction or joy to them. Once that list is written out don't even look at it anymore, crumple it up and set it asside. Then write a list of all the things you want to accomplish, achieve, aspire toward in life read it out loud, make copies of it and put it up all over the house in places you will always be able to look at it, reflect on it, and expound on it. Take the other list that you crumpled up that has all of the negative things and burn it up. That's right I said burn it up, but be sure to do it in a safe place that will not cause a harmful fire to occur in your home (practice safety first). Once the negative list is burned up forget about everything you wrote on that list that doesn't bring any joy to your life and focus on the positive list you created.


I'd like to present a challenge to everyone to focus on your list of positive things for the entire week. Then post a response of what happened as a result of having a positive attitude and outlook on life.

Be Blessed in all you do and become a blessing to others!

Have a great and prosperous day!

~Tamishia Clayborn~

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“It’s Crunch Time!“, by Marie Brewer ( for the link to book) This is my book ofmuscle for boys (ages 9-12) to point them in the direction of HOPE!...This is an interactive book where they can write about their feelings. It discusses acceptable behavior, good self-image, respect for females and animals, appreciation for teachers/school, choosing good friends. The book also talks about resisting gangs, guns, drugs, violence, alcohol and bad influences. Let's attack the behavior, not the boy. "It's Crunch Time!" , by Marie Brewer, Be a part of the village to help our boys envision their true God-given purpose!We can turn this thing around!SEE! THINK ! ACT!
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Southern Comfort Kamal Imani feat Vulenzo!
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Body Magic

Hello,I have some great and exciting news! For all who have not heard about body magic, I have the link to the web site where you can find out all about it. You can join and become a representative and create wealth for yourself. Or if you just want to order the body magic suit, let me know and the more I order at one time, the less it will cost. For example, if I order five at a time, the cost will be $95.88 per person; otherwise, you will pay $178.80 for one. So, it is better if I can order it for you with other orders; you can save $82.92. All prices above is with tax, shipping & handling charges. So, check out the web site and if you are interested let me know. you,Dr. Hooks
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Now you can be part of the Plus Size modeling industry. MPI is one of the industry leaders for plus size models, headquarted in Phoenix AZ.Now, anyone who would like to be involved with the plus size industry can now acquire a no cost affiliate program offered by Models Plus InternationalModels Plus International is one of five , licensed and bonded, modeling agency in the southwest.Models Plus International is the number 1 agency for plus size models in the southwest.Go to http://www.mpi365.orgcontact :
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What goes on Behind the Scenes for the Modeling Agent

25 FEB 09I want to provide a little insight for you, as to what goes on behind the scenes when as your agent…by Pamela Young ,CEO, MODELS PLUS INTERNATIONAL LLCWWW.MPI365.ORGI want to provide a little insight for you, as to what goes on behind the scenes when as your agent, I am booking modeling/acting jobs. As you are probably aware by now, MPI is the largest and most successful model and talent booking agency in the Southwestern United States of America, representing Plus-sizes for PRINT MEDIA, FASHION, RUNWAY, TV AND FILM PROECTS.WE ARE LICENSED AND BONDED AS AN EMPLOYMENT AGENCY.To help you put that into prospective, or to help you better understand, exactly, what it is we do, when we go to work booking modeling/acting jobs for you, think of it like this.Models Plus International, is just like an employment agency, again we are licensed and bonded as an employment agency, the only difference is when you think employment agency you think of filling temp positions on a clerical staff, at MPI we provide "temp positions" in the Entertainment Industry.First of all , we have 14 years of positioning and placement of ourselves as leaders in the Entertainment industry for providing quality plus people! So we are literally at the fingertips, in any resource guide or internet directory, for any client in the Entertainment industry who needs to hire Plus sizes, for their projects.Therefore, our day might start out with a phone call from a client who simpy says, "WE ARE LOOKING FOR 4 OR 5 MODELS, SIZES 12-18, FOR OUR BRIDAL EXPO BEING HELD AT THE MAGIC SHOW IN LAS VEGAS."That's when the excitement begins, I pull out a form known as a "Booking Assignment Form", this way after all the blanks are filled in, I pretty much know what this client wants and which of my Models/Actors to call, to hopefully fill the position.I go on to ask the client, the dates, the times, the locations, the job description, and exactly what is expected of the model/talent to make the booking assignment a complete success! I make it goal to become a friends with this client, so they will call MPI the next time they need anything in the entertainment industry. We have serveral clients who come to Phoenix each year, several times a year and call MPI, such as Catherine's Department Stores, Torrid, The Avenue, Fashion Bug, Dress Barn, just to name a few.Additionally, If travel is involved, most of the time, I persuade the client to pay the airfare. There have been a couple of times, however, THEY WILL NOT PAY THE AIRFARE BUT THEY AGREE TO PAY DOUBLE THE RATE I WOULD HAVE ASKED! SO THEN, THE AGENCY PAYS FOR THE AIRFARE AND WILL REIMBURSE THEMSELVES OUT OF THE MODELS PAY. ALL OF THIS IS DISCUSSED WITH THE MODEL.Once the terms are agreed upon, I BEGIN TO CALL MY MODELS (this is why it is imperative to keep your phone number & all information current with your Agent)! and hope I can find a MATCH! IF I CANNOT, I BEGIN TO ADVERTISE, LOOKING FOR THE MODEL WHO CAN FILL THIS POSITION.More times than not, WE ARE SUCCESSFUL and fill the position, (The client has the final say in choosing the Model/Actor). Once that's done, WE CALL THAT A WIN, WIN SITUATION. THE CLIENT WINS, THE AGENCY WINS AND THE MODEL WINS!These client phone calls, emails or walk-ins, happen as few as 4 times a day, and as many as 10 times a day, depending on the season. For example Summer time in Arizona leads to very few calls for outdoor magazine photo shoots, or TV/Film projects for that matter (which is why we encourage you to update your photos and enroll in training workshops during the Summer, so you can be ready for "Job Bookings" in the upcoming season).It's During the Fall and Spring seasons, some Magazines, shoot all of their catalog layouts for the rest of the year, in Arizona, because it may be and most likely is, snowing in their city!I sincerely hope this helps you see a different side of the business!Best Wishes,Pamela A. YoungCheck out Where Plus Size People Have Plus Size Fun
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There was a time when I used to be amazed at the number of seemingly grown men who were unwilling to be responsible for their own lives and for those of the families they made. Like everyone else, I’ve seen the increasing dismal statistics of fatherlessness in the American community. I would even go so far as to say there is pandemic manlessness as well. Men in our extended families are also becoming increasingly rare. What seems to be commonplace now are families with lots of women, young children, and old men. Young men are few and far between – and getting fewer all the time.Many women have rushed to blame the men for this. After all, ultimately it is their choice to leave; their choice to follow the examples, or the lack thereof, that preceded them. These are grown men and entirely accountable for their action and/or inaction – granted.However, I submit to you that many women – particularly many single mothers – are in the deepest denial about their contribution to this pandemic. In their zeal to raise good sons they have often neglected to raise responsible men who would actually be suitably productive husbands and fathers. So many single mothers, mothering from the own pains and issues, often deliberately or incidentally surrogate their children into “pseudo-spouses”. In the process, these children often receive severely mixed messages. On the one hand, they are constantly reminded of how much they resemble all the worst traits in their fathers. On the other, their mothers are quick to lay guilt trips on them if they dare to establish an independent identity or a different significant female relationship. These boys get angry and resentful, so the mother’s remedy is often to indulge them. They are rewarded with material things in return for their faithfulness to fulfilling their mother’s wishes.And so the cycle continues until the sex drive takes over. Now, these same young men start “mating and procreating” with no significant grasp of the level of responsibility that creates. However, thinking that they do, they often “try” to be there. That usually lasts until he gets overwhelmed and/or it’s not fun anymore. She wakes up one day without him; and grandma is raising babies once again. Why? Because we have spawned yet another generation of people who believe the universe exists solely to serve them. If it doesn’t, then there is clearly something wrong with the universe – it couldn’t possibly be something wrong with them. We’ve created yet another generation of perfect pimps and then we get mad at them when they behave accordingly. We often create the monsters that come back to kill us.How do we stop it? Here are three things we can do: 1) Put them out of their parents’ house by age 21 – sooner if they don’t go to college at 18; 2) stop letting them have sex in a home they don’t have a lease/mortgage on; and 3) stop letting them move their girlfriends into that same house.Brain surgery – it is not!Speaking the truth in love,Deidre
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Why Do So Many Men Like Porn?

Lessons For WomenWomen have wondered forever what it is about porn that mesmerizes so many men. Some of us have tried to participate with our partners only to find ourselves feeling like Hell afterwards. Others of us have found ways to make it part of our sexual lexicon with mixed results.Let's face it. Outside of the industry, it is difficult at best for a couple to comfortably fit porn into their relationship. Men, on the other hand, generally have no problem keeping as part of their lives for their entire lives - whether they hide it or not. It is a very popular source of entertainment, sexual gratification, and oftentimes - a coping mechanism.The reasons men like it are as varied as the men who like it. However, there is one thing I discovered in my own research that is a recurring theme. Men thoroughly enjoy the attitudes of the women involved. The women are generally average looking. Most times, they are not extraordinarily beautiful the way many of us imagine. However, they do appear to thoroughly enjoy sex for the sake of sex. They act like they enjoy everything about the sexual experience.This is a valuable insight that women would do well to find a way to incorporate into their real life encounters. Men don't need you to be a sexual pretzel. They don't need tricks out of the ordinary to be satisfied. What they do need is to feel desired - sexually and totally. Men crave approval and acceptance at least as much as women do. They have different ways of showing it, but it's true.Bottom line - men want us to want them as much as they want us. They want us to surrender ourselves to the ecstasy they create for us. They don't want us to be controlled and conservative. They want us uninhibited and free (without a salary or a script)!!!!Here's what I suggest - enthusiasm! Show it. Don't hide it. Don't pretend. Be creative and inventive without violating your sensibilities. You'll probably surprise yourself with the things you come up with. Experiment, play, enjoy. But here's one thing you should never do - never do anything that you both can't agree on. Force and coercion should have no place in intimate exchanges. Other than that, be open (no pun intended - smile) and leave no doubt in your man's mind that you are excited about sharing yourself with him. You won't regret it.Speaking the truth in love,Deidre
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Love Is A Choice - NOT An Emotion

Like most people, I have often heard the all-too-common refrains, "you can't help who you love", "it just happened", or "one thing led to another". Most often, I hear this from women who are attempting to justify their ill-advised involvement in some situation that has come back to bite them in the behind.Ladies, I'm about to set you free!! None of these assessments is accurate. The truth is - you absolutely, unequivocally "help" who you love; it did not just happen; and one thing did not lead to another. You either made it happen or you allowed it to happen. Now, you're free because either way, the situation is in your control. For purposes of this entry, however, I will focus on the 'who you love' issue as it concerns unhealthy romantic love.Contrary to popular opinion, love is not accidental, incidental, or happenstance. It isn't random, arbitrary, or evolutionary. It happens by the sheer force of two independent wills focused in the same direction. It happens because the two people involved wanted it to happen, and have usually expended considerable effort to make sure that it did happen. Love is not a hole in the sidewalk waiting for you to blindly fall into it. Love is the by product of mental and physical time and effort deliberately put forth to create and continue feelings of infatuation and romance.We've all seen the situations where people have gotten involved in emotional and/or physical intimacies with someone they were "just friends" with. The usual protests go something like "I don't know how it happened", "I never intended for it to happen", or "I couldn't help myself". The facts are that these relationships never just happen. They occur after days, weeks, and months of finding big and small ways to perpetuate the ectasy of illicit attraction.That fact alone begs the question, is it really love you've created? You might think it is. Your partner may even agree. The truth is you've created a fantasy that can only survive in the bubble of the manipulated realities you've invented. That's why the magic dies under the stresses and strains of real life. No longer able to shield your "love" from the side effects and consequences of real life, you usually soon find that your "love" fades.In short, true love is a series of choices that you get emotional about. It is not merely an emotion or a feeling that you just helplessly fall into like a hole in the sidewalk. True love is deliberate. It lasts, not because of how you feel about eachother - but because of your dedication to your commitment to eachother.Speaking the truth in love,Deidre
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What Does Daddy Do?

I am ranting about Dads today....Mom's generally have most of the responsibility with children. Even if mom works full or part-time, they are expected to do everything. Even when father's are in the home, mother's do most of the work.Mothers manage every aspect of their child or children's lives. There are some Dad's who do these things too. So why is to special and amazing when a man does these thing but just responsibility when a woman does it?Not every woman may do everything on this list. This list reflects the things that children need. They can exist without all of these things, But they deserve this and more. If you are not doing all these things, this in no way is a reflection of you or how you live and/or take care of your children.These things are done by most women, and not meant to reflect every possible situation. Whether a women is married or has a partner, these items are the what every women should be doing for her children if she has them.Work in or out of the home to make a living to maintain basic needs of her familyBuy and cook for their children on a regular basisShop for whatever it is that children need, based on what they can affordClean up behind them and teach them to maintain a clean environmentPrepare children for private/public child care or school by potty-training, manners, communicate, share, etcBathe them or make sure the bathe everydayComb or cut their hair, wash it and teach them to take care of itEnsure that children brush their teeth at least twice a dayGet them to school either by walking/driving or pubic transportationMonitor how much television they watchMonitor how much time they spend playing video games or using the computerRead to them, and teach them to readHomework is essential to be done with at least one parent dailyBeing their biggest fan and letting them know they are celebratedWipe their butts and teach them to wipe their own buttsWashing, storing, taking care of clothes that they grow out ofPurchase what they need - from A to ZSort through what they have outgrownMake sure they dress appropriately for the weatherSupport them in social activities and sportsInspire a desire for learningOkay so this is not what I would call is an extensive list, so what do Dad's do?????If you are a dad and you do these things, great, but what happens if you want to go out with the boys, or watch the football game? Why is it easier for men to go about doing whatever they want to do and the women is always expected to take care of the children? The children belong to both parents even if they do not live together.Omitunde, Publisher of African American Family ConnectionAn online magazine about African American Family values and community.Visit AAFC for the latest issue each month and a copy of ."The Ripple Effect"
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Hope your October is colorful and beautiful!Here's a toast to Women in Business and the abundance of the Harvest season!May your business grow and grow and grow and the seeds you plant yield prosperity!Check out the Current Issue of my magazine.Sign Up to Stay In Touch and receive a free copy of The Ripple Effect - a personal development EcourseGo to http://www.africanamericanfamilyconnection.conLinda
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