Posted by Deidre Logan on January 12, 2009 at 6:08pm
There was a time when I used to be amazed at the number of seemingly grown men who were unwilling to be responsible for their own lives and for those of the families they made. Like everyone else, I’ve seen the increasing dismal statistics of fatherlessness in the American community. I would even go so far as to say there is pandemic manlessness as well. Men in our extended families are also becoming increasingly rare. What seems to be commonplace now are families with lots of women, young children, and old men. Young men are few and far between – and getting fewer all the time.Many women have rushed to blame the men for this. After all, ultimately it is their choice to leave; their choice to follow the examples, or the lack thereof, that preceded them. These are grown men and entirely accountable for their action and/or inaction – granted.However, I submit to you that many women – particularly many single mothers – are in the deepest denial about their contribution to this pandemic. In their zeal to raise good sons they have often neglected to raise responsible men who would actually be suitably productive husbands and fathers. So many single mothers, mothering from the own pains and issues, often deliberately or incidentally surrogate their children into “pseudo-spouses”. In the process, these children often receive severely mixed messages. On the one hand, they are constantly reminded of how much they resemble all the worst traits in their fathers. On the other, their mothers are quick to lay guilt trips on them if they dare to establish an independent identity or a different significant female relationship. These boys get angry and resentful, so the mother’s remedy is often to indulge them. They are rewarded with material things in return for their faithfulness to fulfilling their mother’s wishes.And so the cycle continues until the sex drive takes over. Now, these same young men start “mating and procreating” with no significant grasp of the level of responsibility that creates. However, thinking that they do, they often “try” to be there. That usually lasts until he gets overwhelmed and/or it’s not fun anymore. She wakes up one day without him; and grandma is raising babies once again. Why? Because we have spawned yet another generation of people who believe the universe exists solely to serve them. If it doesn’t, then there is clearly something wrong with the universe – it couldn’t possibly be something wrong with them. We’ve created yet another generation of perfect pimps and then we get mad at them when they behave accordingly. We often create the monsters that come back to kill us.How do we stop it? Here are three things we can do: 1) Put them out of their parents’ house by age 21 – sooner if they don’t go to college at 18; 2) stop letting them have sex in a home they don’t have a lease/mortgage on; and 3) stop letting them move their girlfriends into that same house.Brain surgery – it is not!Speaking the truth in love,Deidre
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Posted by Deidre Logan on December 15, 2008 at 11:47pm
Lessons For WomenWomen have wondered forever what it is about porn that mesmerizes so many men. Some of us have tried to participate with our partners only to find ourselves feeling like Hell afterwards. Others of us have found ways to make it part of our sexual lexicon with mixed results.Let's face it. Outside of the industry, it is difficult at best for a couple to comfortably fit porn into their relationship. Men, on the other hand, generally have no problem keeping as part of their lives for their entire lives - whether they hide it or not. It is a very popular source of entertainment, sexual gratification, and oftentimes - a coping mechanism.The reasons men like it are as varied as the men who like it. However, there is one thing I discovered in my own research that is a recurring theme. Men thoroughly enjoy the attitudes of the women involved. The women are generally average looking. Most times, they are not extraordinarily beautiful the way many of us imagine. However, they do appear to thoroughly enjoy sex for the sake of sex. They act like they enjoy everything about the sexual experience.This is a valuable insight that women would do well to find a way to incorporate into their real life encounters. Men don't need you to be a sexual pretzel. They don't need tricks out of the ordinary to be satisfied. What they do need is to feel desired - sexually and totally. Men crave approval and acceptance at least as much as women do. They have different ways of showing it, but it's true.Bottom line - men want us to want them as much as they want us. They want us to surrender ourselves to the ecstasy they create for us. They don't want us to be controlled and conservative. They want us uninhibited and free (without a salary or a script)!!!!Here's what I suggest - enthusiasm! Show it. Don't hide it. Don't pretend. Be creative and inventive without violating your sensibilities. You'll probably surprise yourself with the things you come up with. Experiment, play, enjoy. But here's one thing you should never do - never do anything that you both can't agree on. Force and coercion should have no place in intimate exchanges. Other than that, be open (no pun intended - smile) and leave no doubt in your man's mind that you are excited about sharing yourself with him. You won't regret it.Speaking the truth in love,Deidre
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