I remember when I first found out that I was pregnant the sheer fright of it all was overwhelming. I had so many things to consider but most importantly - my parents specifically my mother. I was raised by a God fearing, God loving, God everything mother. I was raised in the church and Sundays was reserved for church starting from Sunday School to Sunday morning service and then back for the evening service. The week nights had services as well which I also attended. I could not understand why I had to go to church all the time, I thought my mother was so mean. I was sent to the best schools that they could afford, graduating from an all girls high school. Next step - college. Well, not for me, with my new found independence, I became pregnant. I was so ashamed, I could not find the courage to tell my mother. I knew it would hurt her and after all that she invested in me, this is what I gave in return. I kept my mouth shut and let my pregnancy show for itself. My mother and I coexisted in silence, she was too numb to speak.
During my pregnancy, I had nightmares of having an alien for a baby. I wondered if I would die during the birthing process. I prayed and asked God to please let it be a girl but I just knew it would be a boy because I had no right to ask for a girl knowing that I had sinned. It was such a God fearing ten months, yes it felt as though I was carrying my baby for almost a year. However, after giving birth and hearing that it was a girl, I became overwhelmed. What kind of mother would I be? How would I take care of her?
On the other hand, I was excited that I had a healthy baby girl and I felt that perhaps God was not as disappointed in me as my mother. Somehow, I was able to get through motherhood by applying some of the values that my mother gave me and maturing into setting my own standards and values. I realized very early, while holding my newborn baby in my arms that I wanted the best for her. I wanted her to be smart, to have an exceptional relationship with God, be nice to others, go to college, have great friends and have an amazing life.
While making my detours through life, I completed college and excelled academically. I have accomplished quite a lot and my mother is proud. I am a mother and now a grandmother of girls and I am so thankful to God for giving me the best mother in the whole wide world! I could not have done it without her.
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