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Fashion-Fridays...Attitude is Fashion Too!!!

10744087093?profile=originalAttitude is just as much fashion as apparel, matter of fact even more because its the reflection people see when the lay their eyes on you.  What good is a tailor-made suit, Louboutin Heels and a snarling  scowl and lashing tongue.  

That fine Italian blend material on your fine body means nothing, image is what we see, no matter what you think you see there is always more that's revealed..Those Outer trappings don't mean anything to anyone but you and even in that sense, you are mislead.  Attitude is fashion too...Frowns promote wrinkles and lines ...Remember that if you are ugly and unhappy you can change your life..Change your Mind!!! You are one decision away from Everything...Set the trend Attitude is Fashion...

A friend from Private Stylist wrote the following keys that can unlock your life...

21 Keys to Happiness

1. Compliment three people everyday.
2. Watch a sunrise.
3. Be the first to say "Hello."
4. Don't waste an opportunity to tell someone you love him or her.
5. Treat every one, as you want to be treated.
6. Never give up on anybody; miracles happen.
7. Forget the Jones's.
8. Remember someone's name.
9. Pray not for things, but for wisdom and courage.
10. Be tough-minded, but tender hearted.
11. Be kinder than you have to be.
12. Don't forget that a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.
13. Keep your promises.
14. Learn to show cheerfulness even when you don't feel it.
15. Remember that overnight success usually takes 15 years.
16. Leave everything better than you found it.
17. Remember that winners do what losers don't want to do.
18. When you arrive at your job first thing in the morning let the first thing you say brighten
everyone's day.
19. Don't rain on other people's parades.
20. Live beneath your means.
21. Keep some things to yourself and don't promote havoc by back stabbing people you love

© Copyright Image Innovators Pty Ltd 2010

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Awkward Black Girl In Networking

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I’m excited every time I learn about a new networking opportunity. I highly anticipate Networking Mixers and Happy Hours. Then the excitement slowly wanes as I remember, “I have to talk to people.” The dreaded talking to people fear is a staple personality trait that my sister, brother and I all possess. My mother recently invited my younger siblings and I to a holiday event. Read Full Article

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DO ALL MEN CHEAT?

OPTIMAL LIVING MAGAZINE TALK BACK THURSDAY TOPIC OF THE WEEK:

Do All Men Cheat?

 

No! So, what separates men who cheat from those who don't?  Is cheating innate? Does it follow the notion of supply and demand? How can you discern a man who won't cheat versus a man who will?

 

For as long as I can remember, our nation has wrestled to discover the answers to these heart wrenching questions.  The root of the issue is one in which we do not readily address.  And because the root is so simple in nature, many will assume it is more complex than it really is.  We value the incredible theorems and long exasperated dialogue rather than accept the simple truth that our problems and issues all point in one direction.  That single direction is YOU.  

 

While many of today's men have not been taught how to be successful in relationships, one trait that many men have not let go of is: selfishness. Selfishness is the root of all cheating.  While men have been traditionally flagged as being unfaithful, the reality is men can't be unfaithful alone.  There is an accomplice who participates in this selfish act.  In some instances, the accomplice is unaware of the relationship he is in while in other cases the accomplice is vividly aware.  Whatever the case, either one or both parties are being selfish - or have they taken on the attitude of I want what I want, when I want it; no matter what the expense is or who gets hurt.

 

God planned that everything in His creation would be a blessing to others.  The philosopher James penned these words in the New Testament, "For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice." The whirlwind of relationships that we experience in repetitive cycles are a result of envy and selfish ambition.  If you want to help others with this selfish act that has torn the emotional hymen of many hearts across the globe, focus on helping someone overcome selfishness.  When a man recognizes he is selfish and in turn works to change it, his level of commitment to all of his relationships will inevitably get better.

 

Jason Ottley is the Founder of Empowering Relationships, a company tailored to meeting the personal needs of individuals while helping to enrich their relationships. Ottley's first novel, PillowTalk, inspired him to take the relationship  discussion between men and women on the road, launching a unique nation-wide Relationship Tour. For more information about the tour and the book, Pillowtalk, visit: www.readpillowtalk.com.  

 

 

Feel free to chime in at any time in response to this topic in our new social networking site.   1 MILLION WOMEN ON FIRE 4 GOD.

SUBSCRIBE TO OPTIMAL LIVING MAGAZINE @:

www.optimal-livingmagazine.com

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View Talk Back Thursdays : http://campaign.r20.constantcontact.com/render?llr=qwm94jcab&v=001fgXe_62hM0l5ETXvDH3XGhA1upmyBFhedvaSOlazeFMJMcydXGSad2yBRsJDq9MbFyXl9TVexzAFm4SQTF2IsHGFB5hVyQztj5JvleY4geyWfqE_86RRmCyXkscDVLgmiXSsEz1SNdh08iw9PKXLXMe3UGCItFjnZAzUE3CFRq5y8I4NRh-gssLubswiiYlETPQc_X3bG3X2Vn6AS-FoanaQd79eJD_OU3vHA7SIWG7OPTjvyPazkA%3D%3D

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A large percentage of ingredients in bath & body care are transdermal. Overtime, those ingredients will enter into the bloodstream.  What's In It? Series is a 5-week series informing you of the ingredients used in our recipes. Helping women (and their families) to live good, feel good, and smell good wholesomely.


{Week 3} Grapeseed Oil (INCI: Vitis Vinifera)

 

Grapeseed oil is extracted from grape seeds, often from those already used to make wine.  European healers used grapeseed oil to cure several diseases.

 

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Why We Use It: Continue Reading

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A large percentage of ingredients in bath & body care are transdermal. Overtime, those ingredients will enter into the bloodstream.  What's In It? Series is a 5-week series informing you of the ingredients used in our recipes. Helping women (and their families) to live good, feel good, and smell good wholesomely.


{Week 2} Castor Seed Oil (INCI: Ricinus Communis)


Native to India, castor oil has superb medicinal benefits, and is best known for treating gastrointestinal problems (used as a laxative).  Castor oil can be used to alleviate skin infectionscleanse the face,  remove skin growths (moles & skin tags), and cure inflammations.  

 

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Why We Use It: Continue Reading

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You've got one more month to give 2012 all you've got. Below you will find a series of Small Business Recommendations from some of the key influencers on the BBWO Network and within my Power Circle.

FYI quite a few of these ladies will be at the 2013 Power Conference. If you plan on attending early registration ends tomorrow, Friday 11/30/12.

She saw $95,000 in Business Growth Using Social Media
Best Way to Create A Steady Flow of Customers
Passive Income & Prosperity: Where are you?
Why and How Women Entrepreneurs Fail
The “Real” Reason for Getting Excited About Mobile
Best Ways to Promote Your Books and eBooks
3 Ways to Boost Holiday Sales
Turning tens into thousands: 6 Questions to Ask Yourself

If you have a small business / marketing article you would like to share, post the link via the comment box below. More to come. -LaShanda Henry

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Never What it Seems is the story of Dee Wellington and AJ Madison, two women who were born in Chicago, and much like the city; their lives are anything, but ordinary. Dee grew up in a dysfunctional household that by today’s standards would be considered completely ‘normal’. Trying to cope with life’s complexities, Dee contributes all of life’s changes to God’s will. Throughout the changes in her life, she resists the urge to disrupt the balance of things unless she really has to.
On the other hand, there is AJ Madison who is a rambunctious, intelligent, and outgoing character who lives by her own standards and believes that you get what you give. Both, Dee and AJ grew-up trying to maneuver in systems created to breakdown the human spirit. Readers will find a familiarity in their struggles, their desires, and their will to overcome.

Reader's Reviews:

“I’m reading ‘Never What it Seems.’ It’s a page turner. I found myself wanting to find out what happened next as I ended each chapter. I’m on chapter 48 (pretty good for a day and a half)…where the girls' former loves have now re-entered their lives. The story line is impeccable, well-written, and I am suggesting this book to all of my friends and family who loves to read. I’m going to read this book again.” –JoMonique Whiteside

“’Never What it Seems’ is truly never what it seems. I found myself drawn into the story. I couldn’t put it down! The chain of events continued to grab me. The author is very consistent about several things, but what warms you the most is that the two main characters, Dee & AJ, are amazingly strong. I love and admire their courage. The author displays a relationship of real unconditional friendship between these ladies - such a relationship rarely seen or experienced today; the one that ultimately facilitates their success. This is an awesome start for a first novel. I so look forward to the next!” – LaKessa Murphy

"I've just gotten back to Chicago and while I was away I completed 'Never What it Seems'. All I can say is SUPERB, EXCELLENT, and OUTSTANDING! That book was one of the best books I've ever read and I'm encouraging everyone I know to get a copy. Let me tell you, it had me on the edge of my seat from beginning to end. This is definitely a book for everyone, so check it out!!! That being said, I have got to get a copy of 'Autumn Leaves', if it is anything like 'Never What it Seems.'" - Ana Mar'e (Pink Diamond, Inc.)

"I think this book is phenomenal. It takes us into the lives of two young women that basically go through what all women experience growing up in this day and age from childhood to adulthood. It also points out that not all men are deceiving, but willing to take chances when it comes to true love. It was wonderfully written, and I look forward to the next novel witten by Diane Martin. " - Marjorie Billenger
"Diane Martin's vividly, entertaining tale of friendship between two women was a true testimony of trial and triumph. An anthem for every woman who has ever loved, lost, and regained the true meaning of an unedifying spirit of hope. For every page read, I was drawn deeper and deeper until I was left wanting more." - Elise Burkes

"Girl, let me tell you! I finished reading your book earlier today and it was excellent! Your book was a trip. Let me just say that the ending was not what I expected. I was out done! Your novel [Never What it Seems] was a well written and a very intriguing piece or work [written] by a vivid and creative mind! Congratulations and much success on all of your endeavors to come!" - Michelle Moorer (Author of Shhh...Don't Tell)

"I purchased your book and once I completed it…WOW! This was a great book and I couldn’t put it down until I finished it. I passed the book on to my daughter-in-law and she thought the same thing. Keep up the good work. I’ll be looking for more to come.” -Beverly Price
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Desperate #8

Desperate

I can’t control my emotions

Desperate

My heart beats fast, my breathing is erratic

Desperate

I am going to be sick, my body is shaking

Desperate

I cannot think straight

 

People react and do things when they feel desperate that they may not ever do in any other circumstance.  People become desperate for different reasons.  My husband became desperate due to his addiction.  He was desperate to get his next hit.  It didn’t matter what he did or if he hurt me.  His drug induced paranoia and the altered state of mind he was in was his reality.  I became desperate to be the person he needed me to be.  I was desperate to save myself which made my life become an extension of his reality. I was desperate to save myself, him and our marriage.

Our life got so bizarre it is hard to believe that the things that happened; really happened.  It is hard to remember the sequence and details of the events.  I felt like I was living in a nightmare.  I felt trapped and wanted to run, but I couldn’t because I was afraid of what would become of my house if I left.  I had nowhere to go because I didn’t want to involve my children.  I couldn’t get myself together enough to deal with things in a calm manner.  I was Desperate…

I learned that if I hurt myself, it would stop him from hurting me.  He would be concerned about me enough that he would quit yelling and threatening me.  I was desperate to protect myself from him and I decided I would not let him hurt me again.  Somehow hurting myself was easier to deal with than being hurt by him.  The first incident was when he saw a bruise on my leg and started accusing me of cheating on him.  He wouldn’t stop and I was feeling overwhelmed and afraid.  I ran to the kitchen and said ‘you want to see marks on my legs…’ and I started to stab myself until blood started spraying everywhere.  He calmed down and didn’t hurt me.  When I felt trapped, I would run out the door to get away.  This would get him so mad because he said I was causing a scene.  I would be afraid to go home because I knew he would hit me so instead I ran to the main street and jumped in front of a truck, hoping this would take me away from the pain forever.  There were other variations of what I did out of desperation.  I stabbed myself in my thigh and tried to stab myself in my chest.   I cut my wrists both horizontally and vertically; one cut was 5-6 inches long.   I tried to take multiple pills so I could sleep and never wake up again.  I couldn’t live like this anymore and yet I had to try to find ways to live through it. 

My life was no longer mine.  My life revolved around his drug use.  I no longer felt like a loved wife.  He was setting himself up in single sites on a regular basis.   He would not stop associating with other females or his “drug friends”.  He was stealing money on a regular basis.  He was hitting me more and more and the verbal and emotional abuse was daily.  Nothing I did was right and I wanted to die. My life consisted of living from day-to-day not knowing what to expect.  Every day was a challenge because everything revolved around his addiction and his reactions.

I do have to give him credit for one huge thing that he did.  During this time, one of my daughters was pregnant.  Every time I hurt myself or tried to kill myself he reminded me about my new grand-daughter and that she needed to know me.  Thoughts of my new grand-daughter are what kept me alive.  If not for her, I know I would not be alive today. 

My ultimate act of desperation came and I cannot ever explain how guilty I feel.  The guilt will weigh my heart for years to come.

As I became more and more afraid, as I felt I had no alternative, my mind changed.  I no longer cared what happened to my house or my possessions.  I started planning my escape, praying I could last until I was able to get away.  There were still times when I felt like killing myself was my only escape.  My daughter went into labor…now was the time.  I went to be with her in the hospital, and did not return home.  We talked at length and he continued to say he needed me home and that he wanted help.  He seemed sincere and that is all I wanted was for him to get help. I went out-of-town and he said he was going to check himself into a rehab. While I was gone I called him and he did not answer then I found out that he had another woman in our house. I believe this woman was his drug dealer. He lied to me about it and that was the final straw for me so I had him served with a restraining order that I already had in place….”just in case”.  I don’t’ know why this incident was any worse than any other incident, however something inside of me snapped.  I knew that I had to do something or either he or I would soon be dead.  My mind told me that he knew no one and therefore had nowhere to go; he would be forced to go to rehab.  After all he said he wanted to go so this should help him to actually take the step needed.  I always promised him I would not call the police….my guilt was so bad because I went back on a promise…that is something I try not to ever do.

I felt guilty…I felt confused…All I wanted was for him to get help so we could fix our marriage.

A couple of hours later he returned to our house.  He jumped through our sliding glass door, obviously high. What happed next is unclear.   I don’t remember all of the details.  My doctors said I probably blocked it out and may not ever remember.  I remember parts and I know the outcome…

His ultimate act of desperation … I do not know what he was thinking… I may never know…

I remember screaming when I heard the explosion of him jumping through the glass.  My scream must have been so intense that it caused my neighbors to call the police.  I know that he kept asking me why I did what I did.  He took me to our room and tied my legs together.  He later told me it was so we could talk…so I wouldn’t run like I always do.  I remember the phone ringing a couple of times and screaming into the phone when I picked it up.  He grabbed the phone from me, tore it out of the wall and threw it.  I believe it was the second time I screamed that the police kicked in my door because they heard me.  I remember being scared to death as the police said to come out or they would shoot.  I couldn’t untie my legs and I knew they were going to kill me.  I remember the police trying to tell me that my husband did certain things to me and I would not say that he did because I didn’t know or remember.  They tried to say he attacked me with my daughter’s taekwondo weapons.  When I told them he did not, they became angry.  I refused to talk to them because they would not listen.  My daughter took me to the hospital and found that I had a broken jaw and my ear was cut to the point the cartilage was exposed; I had it glued back together.  The back of my head was totally bruised and I do not know how any of this happened.  When I told his sister what happened she said I was stupid if I thought anything other than he was going to kill me.   She said she knew him better than anyone and that was his intentions. Everyone told me things I did not want to hear, everyone said things about my husband that they believed…no one understood that he needed help…no one understood that I was not mad. I was desperate to save our marriage he was desperate for me to understand his problem…

We were both desperate for our fairytale to come true…

He had a problem just like I did…

The things we do out of desperation

Are our reality, at the time. 

The things we do out of desperations

Are the only options at the time. 

The things we do out of desperation

 Can change our lives forever.

 

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Shop Small Business Saturday

Shop Small Business Saturday with the following Women in Business:


Small Business Saturday
On Saturday, November 24, small businesses across the country will participate in “Small Business Saturday. This event was started by American Express as a way for small businesses to promote their services.

In celebration of shopping local and supporting small businesses, the following women owned small businesses and member of National Association of Women on the Rise, is sharing the following promotions:


Shop with... Melanie Rae


Business Name: Guided Business Plan

Website: GuidedBusinessPlan.com

Promotion: 2 for 1 Special--Grab an accountability partner and LAUNCH OR GROW YOUR BUSINESS WITH A STRATEGIC PLAN! You and a friend, colleague or family member can attend a webinar or join the GUIDED Business Launch Help Desk for the price of one. Our classes will help you identify ways to increase profitable relationships and streamline your sales process. Expires December 5, 2012. Email: info@guidedbusinessplan.com

 


Shop with... Sylvia Browder


Business Name:National Association of Women on the Rise

Website: www.nawomenrise.com

Promotion: Social Media Package... Need to get the word out? We can help! Simply craft your message and we will blast it to NAWR's entire social media community of almost 10,000 dedicated and influential fans and followers. This package includes:

  • 2 Facebook posts,
  • 5 Twitter posts, @SylviaBrowder & @NAWOMENRISE
  • 1 LinkedIn post,
  • 1 Broadcast Message to NAWR’s community
  • Your Logo Permanently placed on NAWR’s Pinterest board.


Cost: $79


Shop with... Sheila Hawkins


Business Name:Third Eye Group

Website: www.thirdeyegroup.net

Promotion: Start your new year off right. No matter what you want to do, where you want to go you can't do it without a plan. Get the step-by-step simple process, tools & direction you need to create your detailed plan with P3 (Power Planning Package). 50% off!! Get all the details here http://bit.ly/PwrPln


Shop with... Dr. Taffy Wagner


Business Name: Money Talk Matters, LLC

Website: http://www.mybenefitsplus.com/twagner

Promotion: Save up to 80% on Your families medical needs for only $49.95 per month

 


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INTRODUCING THE JMCC LEGACY COLLECTIONS FEATURING OBAMA COLLECTIBLES

Hello and Great Day to You!!,

it is with great pleasure that I get to announce the opening of The JMCC Legacy Collection
featuring Obama Collectibles.

We are experiencing some historic times and "capturing" some of those historic moments are fun.

Well our presidential election was definitely history making and now you can share it for years to come!!

Check our fine collectibles starting with our Obama selections.

And JMCC subscription members get great discounts!!!

JMCC LEGACY COLLECTION FEATURING OBAMA COLLECTIBLES http://www.jusmcc.org

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http://BusinessCreditAmerica.com CPN (Credit Profile Number) to Help Rebuild Personal Credit

In this video,  I talk about How to obtain a CPN (Credit Profile Number) to help rebuild your  personal credit

Questions I answer.
1. How to get a CPN (Credit Profile Number)?
2. How to make sure a CPN is good?
3. Is a CPN Legal?
4. What Laws allow you to use a CPN?
5. Who is currently using a CPN?
6. Where can I get a CPN?

Learn more about CPNs and the law.

Bush v. Lancaster Bureau of Police, (E.D. Pa. Aug. 28, 2008) (concluding that "Plaintiff cannot state a claim under [42 U.S.C. § 1983] for a violation of subsection (b) of section 7 of the Privacy Act" because "[u]pon review of the th[e] statutory language, the court cannot conclude that Congress created an 'unambiguously conferred right'" for individuals).

Stoianoff v. Comm'r of the Dep't of Motor Vehicles, 12 F. App'x 33, 35 (2d Cir. 2001)

Claugus v. Roosevelt Island Hous. Mgmt. Corp., (S.D.N.Y. Apr. 29, 1999)

42 U.S.C. § 405(c)(2)(C)(i))

42 U.S.C. § 405(c)(2)(C)(ii)

42 U.S.C. § 405(c)(2)(C)(iii)

Dittman v. Cal., 191 F.3d 1020, 1026 (9th Cir. 1999)

Schmitt v. City of Detroit, 395 F.3d 327, 329-30 (6th Cir. 2005)

Schwier v. Cox, 340 F.3d 1284, 1292 (11th Cir. 2003)

Lawson v. Shelby County, Tenn., 211 F.3d 311, 335 (6th Cir. 2000)

Ingerman v. Del. River Port Auth., 630 F. Supp. 2d 426, 445 (D.N.J. 2009)

Szymecki v. Norfolk (E.D. Va. Sept. 11, 2008)

Contact us http://BusinessCreditAmerica.com 1-888-821-6408x2 http://GoodCreditUnion.com

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Addictions #7

Addictions #7

DJs Unique Sound Charities

 

Addict, Addiction, Addicted

Ugly words

Misunderstood words

Words of Judgment

Words of disgrace

 

My husband’s drug addiction…is that what ruined my life?  I am not even sure I can say that is true, because I have to be honest and I believe there are a lot of addictions that harm us in different ways. We all have addictions of some type; sometimes we call them habits.  We may be addicted to exercise or coffee or gambling or so many other things. It is when our addictions are not in balance that our life can be thrown off.   I had several addictions.  My addictions were to be loved, to be accepted, and to be wanted.  I would do anything to try to achieve those addictions. My addictions also played a part in the craziness of what I am about to tell you.

Two definitions I found, online, are:

  • To cause to become physiologically or psychologically dependent on a habit-forming substance
  • To occupy (oneself) with or involve (oneself) in something habitually or compulsively; to devote or surrender (oneself) to something habitually or obsessively

To say that my life got crazy or bizarre would not express the true craziness.  This was a life I knew nothing of.  I was not prepared.  It took me a while to even know what was happening.  I was so naïve to drugs that again…I did not see the signs.  There is a world known to drug addicts that I never knew existed.  There is a code amongst addicts that I couldn’t understand.  My life would soon become his, in part, due to my own addiction.  “To occupy oneself with or involve oneself in something habitually or compulsively”…wow… that describes me exactly.  I was addicted to wanting to be loved…I was addicted to wanting to fit in…I was addicted to needing to be needed.  We both did things………maybe due to our addictions.

I lied to my family to protect my husband.  I became more and more distant from my family because I didn’t want them to see the truth.  After all, he was the man that loved me…right?  I became a person I had not ever been.  I yelled and I cursed at my husband. I hated the person I was turning into and yet I couldn’t stop doing what I was doing.  I didn’t know that by doing these things, I belittled him.  I was trying to get him to see things my way and I couldn’t understand why/how he could be treating me the way he was.  I wanted so much to have the “perfect marriage” without realizing that I was contributing to my own problems.

His crack addiction led him to do things that I am not sure he would have otherwise done.  I say I am not sure, because to this day, I do not know if they were drug induced actions or if these things are a part of who he is.  I know he lied to me all the time.  He convinced me that he needed my 401K savings to go home and invest in a business deal to help us.  I believed him because he talked to “his people” on the phone and it sounded real.  He lost all the money.  I do know that he stole money from me on a regular basis in order to support his need. First it was $50 at a time then it was hundreds at a time.  I couldn’t question him because if I did, I would spark his rage. He would take my debit card from my purse and get money before I even realized it was missing.  Once I realized what he did, I started sleeping with my purse next to me or I tried hiding my card.  He always seemed to find it and the times when he didn’t he found my checks and wrote checks out to himself signing my name.  My money was disappearing and I wasn’t able to pay my bills.  I know that he kept in contact with people that I would rather not have in my life and that at least one was a female.  This certain female would text my husband every morning and I would be furious each morning.  That was the way our day would begin.  I know he visited porn and single sites on a regular basis.  I would find flirtatious messages some of which were very graphic and inappropriate.  Again, this would trigger my anger to a point I couldn’t control the things that came out of my mouth. I know he stole all of my valuable jewelry and many household items; my diamonds and pearls were gone; our flat screen T.V. was gone; I would be looking for something random and find it was gone, things that had great sentimental value to me where just all of a sudden gone.  All taken, in order to pay for his addiction. When I asked him, of course, he said he didn’t do it.  He swore to me that he would not ever steal from me and yet so many things were mysteriously gone…  One of the other traits of his addiction, that I finally learned, is that he would lose track of time.  He once left the keys in the car with the car running; he left candles burning till they burned all the way down and melting all over everything.  He would swear that he had the best memory.  I felt like I had to bring things to his attention when those things could put us in some type of danger, but I soon found it was easier to just let the little things go.  There were enough bigger things that got me so upset, I couldn’t seem to let them go.  There were several times when he would forget to pick me up from work.  One time in particular, he said he was going to get gas, instead he went to the bank…took out money…went out of town and left me to walk 5 miles home from work.  He didn’t get home until the following day, with no explanation except that somehow it was due to something I said or did.  His addiction was combined with ongoing abuse to cause another level of craziness.  If I didn’t give him the bank card, I didn’t trust him.  If I questioned his whereabouts, I treated him like a child.  If I got upset about his cheating, I must be guilty of cheating. The drug addiction along with the abuse, meant I was being hit on a regular basis and I never knew what I did to deserve it other than the reasons he told me which didn’t seem real in my mind or were just plain not true. 

When I learned of his addiction, I was finally able to see the cycle.  It was usually a three (3) day cycle.  He might be able to stay clean for a couple of days, however by the third day he was craving so bad and that is when he would be violent and extremely mean to me.  Although I learned the cycle, I did not learn to keep my mouth shut and that is usually the reason I would get hit.  Somehow, I still believed I could reason with him.  I believed this because there were some days when he truly seemed loving and believable.  He would tell me that he wanted help and that he needed me to help him.  He would tell me that without me he couldn’t do it.  I soon found out these were only words.  He was so good at saying the right thing.  He always knew how to convince me.  I didn’t know this was another characteristic of a drug addict.  He was in his own world and there was no reasoning with him.  Many of the incidents I described happened before I ever knew he had an addiction and therefore I struggled even more because I thought it was all because of me.

My addiction to him also helped in making me believe in him.  After all, he was my “fairytale husband”.  If only I could get him to see…If only I could get him to understand…

If Only…

If is such a big word for being so small

It carries so much meaning that may not ever be

If

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Hurt #6

Hurt #6

 

Hurt #6

Love is patient, love is kind.

 It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,

 It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 Love never fails

The Bible tells me what love is…this is what I believe

My mind is a cloud.  I don’t remember the specific details of each hit.  I do remember the types of things that would cause them. I remember the bruises, the headaches, and the heartaches.  I remember the lies I had to tell in order to hide what had been done to me.  I remember feeling desperate.  I remember feelings like I didn’t want to live any more.

It could have been because I looked at someone when I left work and smiled as I said bye; that meant I was cheating on him.  He would question me and if I said no, he would call me a damn liar and back up his words with a punch.

It could have been because I stood behind him while in a meeting, that meant I was trying to hide so I could flirt and again I would pay for it when we were alone.

It could have been because I got a call on my cell phone that was the wrong number, and that meant I had a secret code to meet someone; again a reason to hit me.

Most of the incidents were because he thought I was cheating on him or lying to him. At first I thought it was romantic that he was jealous.  After all, I had never experienced a kind of love where someone actually loved me enough to care what I did.  My thoughts of romance were soon replaced with thoughts of death.  There was one incident when he threw a dog bone at me and hit me in the head.  My head cut open and started to bleed.  There was another time he kicked me in the stomach.  Another punch was to my eye, which caused my contact to cut my eye.  Usually it was a punch.  I say a punch because that is what it felt like to me however, there were many times when he said he “barely tapped me”.  Those “taps” always seemed to leave bruises on my body.  One incident left me with a black eye and the white of my eye was so filled with blood that I had to wear an eye patch to work.  I am sure no one believed the lies I told about the patch after all the bruises they had seen on me.  I tried to cover the bruises with make-up, I am sure people saw through my attempted cover up. 

I was in an abusive relationship before and I always said I would not ever allow this to happen to me again.  When you are in the middle of an abusive relationship, you cannot think straight.  You are too busy thinking about you next move and how you are going to survive from one day to the next. 

There is not much more to say about this.  It is what it is.  As much as the physical abuse may have hurt me and as bad as the descriptions may seem, they were actually nothing compared to the mental/emotional abuse.  The physical affects would eventually heal however, the mental/emotional scars could last a lifetime. 

Through the beginning phases of this abuse, I still had no idea my husband was addicted to crack.  Maybe if I would have known, some of these things may not have occurred.  Maybe, I would have been able to understand the hurt he was feeling that caused him to react the way he did.  Maybe I would have been able to look at him differently and therefore see myself in a different way.  Maybe I wouldn’t believe that I deserved what I got because he was the person with the problem not me.  Maybe….just maybe….

Love is not supposed to supposed to hurt....

 

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Be Encouraged !

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There was a song I used to listen to several years back.

The words were… Be Encouraged – No Matter What’s Going On — He’ll Make it Alright by William Becton & Friends.

This past week we launched the 21 Day Encouragement Campaign. For 21 days you will hear from men and women of faith that have gone from victim to VICTORIOUS! They will share how they survived and what encouraged them to keep going. To sign up for the 21 day series click here.

The word of God tells us that “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging” (Psalms 46:1-3)

Do you believe that? We read the words in the bible, we jump, shout and get all “emotional” but do we really believe that GOD is an ever present help in the time of trouble.

If we were completely honest, most of us would say No. That doesn’t make you “unsaved” or a bad person. It makes you human. There is a story in the bible where a father brought his son to Jesus to be healed. Click here to finish

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