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Why Some People Stay in Unhealthy (or Toxic, or Abusive) Relationships?

Posted by Carrie James-Keaton on September 3, 2008 at 7:03am
Why do people stay in toxic or violent relationships?While a healthier person might find it very difficult to understand why someone would remain the target of another’s abuse, here are a few things that I have heard from people (both women & men) in regard to being in toxic relationships:1. “His anger shows he cares.”2. “No one has loved me like this.”3. “If I leave he’ll take the children.”4. “I am so unlovable (bad, ugly, hurt, used) I deserve abuse.”5. “My past is catching up with me. I deserve to be mistreated.”6. “He is not abusive. I’m a slow learner.”7. “God is teaching me: tough times are like lessons from God.”8. “I cannot make it alone.”9. “Relationships are never perfect. They all hurt in some way.”10. “You make your bed. You lie in it.”11. “Things will improve when we have children (get married, get a house, a job).”12. “He’s really a good person. When I make him angry he can’t help it.”13. “As long as he is sorry I can put up with anything.”14. “Things are improving, he doesn’t hit me like he used to.”15. “God will change him if I am obedient. The Bible says so.”The intensity, anger, aggression, in a toxic dance, places the victim on center-stage, and this focus is apparently experienced as some form of love.I believe that to use any of the excuses on this list indicates that the victim has lost the ability to love themselves first. My heart goes out to people in a toxic/abusive relationship that would use any of these excuses to remain in the relationship.Being a former victim myself, I recognize and can relate to all of these excuses. Back in the day when I was a victim, I used some of these excuses myself.Through the help of my family and my strong belief in God, I regained my positive self-esteem back ---- I’m a survivor. I gained back the strength, the courage to reach up out of the quicksand, and there were people there who reached back.There is help out there if you have the desire to seek it out. You can do this and you are worth it. There are many non-profit organizations whose hope and mission is to help empower individuals to achieve self-sufficiency, rebuild their lives, and ultimately help end violence within society. They can help you bridge the gap between being victims and becoming survivors.
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"When Does the Abuse End?"

Posted by Carrie James-Keaton on September 3, 2008 at 7:00am
In May 1995, I was a thirty-three year old woman who was in the process of getting a divorce. I had been in an abusive situation for nearly eight years. It wasn't only physical; it was mental and verbal as well. During part of this abusive period, I was pregnant. Then, it was really hard to say what I wanted to say about it. It seemed as though I had issues with communicating unless I was angry about something. I was angry about the fact that was going through a divorce when I never thought I would be. I figured that once I got married I would be so for life. What a laugh!I was married in March 1985 at twenty-three years old and the physical abuse started in June or July of that same year. It was slapping, punching, pushing, scratching, and all kinds of things that I never thought I would be going through. I always thought about leaving. I heard everything that people were telling me about my situation but, I would just filter out all information I didn't want to hear. Especially the information when they were telling me to leave. It seemed as though the more people told me to leave, the more I hung on to him. Looking for the good things that I knew was in him. Deep down, I felt that he was a good person but, he has issues that extended from his family. It took me some time to figure it out, but I finally realized that his problems are his problems to deal with. If he wants to better himself he has to want to do so it his own.Also, when you set out to change people, the only person that changes is you. Most time it's not for the best. The thing that woke me up to the kind of situation I was in was the last incident when I was hit in the head with an iron. I could have not seen it coming and not put my hands over my head to deflect the blow. That blow could have killed me. However, I'm alive and kicking today, but it still took time for me to leave. I stayed after the incident and was miserable because the relationship continued to go up and down. At times when we argued, I was scared to go into my own house. Several times when I did try to communicate to him, I told him that I felt like I was walking on eggshells in my own house and that is not how it should be. That always went in one ear and out the other.I lived on my own with my son for almost ten years until I finally married again in April 2004. I don't have to walk around like I'm walking on eggshells any more, but Every once in a while a "not feeling safe" feeling comes over, but it doesn't last because I won't let it. I will never again allow this man to have that kind of power over me again. If it had not been for my family and a few good friends, I'm not sure if I would have made it through this turmoil. My son had been a witness to a number of these events and to some of the outbursts that he had when he stated that he wanted nothing to do with us when we left. I thank God that he came out of this in tact because he grew up to be a very well-rounded, responsible, and compassionate young man. My getting us away from that situation gave us both a chance to heal and have a new life.
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Romance Novel: TWO LOVES, ONE HEART

Posted by Carrie James-Keaton on September 3, 2008 at 6:30am



This book depicts a woman's search for true love. I try to bring these emotions to life in the story of a young, ambitious woman who must choose between her first love turned abusive and an old friendship that develops into a passionate romance.Lynnette Thomas is a beautiful and passionate young woman from Atlanta who has firm plans for her life. She dreams about marrying her childhood sweetheart, Billy Matthews, launching a career in business administration and raising a family. Lynnette’s plans start out well as she and Billy get married and move to Charleston, S.C., to begin their life together. They are the perfect couple for a while, until Billy becomes extremely possessive and demanding of Lynnette. He starts using drugs, alienates her from her friends and ambitions and emotionally and physically abuses her.Billy ends up abandoning Lynnette while she is pregnant, leaving her feeling ashamed, hurt and alone. At her lowest point a long-lost childhood friend, Steve Montgomery, re-enters her life. Steve was a nerd in high school who loved Lynnette from afar, but is now a dashing, successful lawyer and sweeps Lynnette off her feet in a dazzling romance. Though both Steve and Lynnette are a little frightened by the new, unfamiliar feelings between them, they join together in a happy marriage. Their new life together flourishes until Billy resurfaces after a 10 year absence looking for a fresh start with Lynnette. Lynnette must decide whether to continue her life with Steve or give her first love a second chance.

Please copy and paste the links below into your brower window to view.PURCHASE LINK: http://www.authorhouse.com/BookStore/ItemDetail.aspx?bookid=38034!AUTHOR LINK: http://www.authortree.com/carrielee10
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Promoting your Webinar

Posted by Karma on September 3, 2008 at 5:00am
Know your target marketWhat are the common demographic of my webinarAre they male or femaleIs it B2B?What are the commonalities?Are they E-commerceWho is the decision makersTell your storyPress release:Create 3 Press Releases: The Basic PR- Who What When & WhyTip - Sells Release - example: 3 ways to grow your businessBonus Press Release - What people can winFor the rest of the story, visit: WEBINARS
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September Is Sickle Cell Awareness Month

Posted by Victoria Wells on September 3, 2008 at 1:05am
Sickle cell disease is a genetic disorder which predominantly affects African Americans in the United States. About 1 in every 12 African American carries the trait for this disorder. The most common form of sickle cell disease is Sickle Cell Anemia.The hallmark for sickle cell disease is pain. Individuals with this disorder suffer with painful episodes called crises. Crises are unpredictable and may occur at anytime, lasting anywhere from hours and may be prolonged for days or weeks at a time.Complications such as severe life threatening anemia, stroke, splenic sequestration, pneumonia, pulmonary hypertension, blindness, and acute chest syndrome may occur, some beginning as early as childhood.In order to survive, prevent and correct these complications, blood transfusions or blood exchanges may be required as part of the treatment plan. Some children as young as five years old depend on these procedures about every 6 weeks to prevent the onset or recurrence of a stroke.What can you do for Sickle Cell Awareness Month? I’m so glad you asked! You can give the gift o f life by donating blood. Contact your local American Red Cross and inquire about the sickle cell program. Blood donated to this program is given specifically for patients with sickle cell disease.To learn more about this disorder, click here: Sickle Cell Anemia.Give someone the gift of life today!Victoria
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Thank God, there are still people who enjoy being married.

Posted by Tracey on September 2, 2008 at 5:30pm
My husband and I came up with the idea for this network after a pretty big disagreement (fight or whatever you'd like to call it). And the name of the network came from when I thought back to how we acted toward one another when we first started dating, we were respectful, patient, kind, and all the other mushy things we all do in the dating stage. After a series of long talks late into the night we decided to that one thing that would help us stay on track with our goals (of having a strong, long lasting and happy marriage) would be a support network, hence 'Still Dating My Spouse,' is that network.Someone might ask why didn't you just go to counceling? First I'd like to say counceling is a great tool and I am all for it but with a working schedule like my husbands and the girls busy schedules it wasn't the most convenient thing for us to do. Now let me say this, if we didn't get it together after the network got started (like you read in many of my blog post and forum discussions) we would of had to nix the schedules, rearrange our lives in order to schedule some counseling in. Cause this time WE were determined to get it right (YES, I said this time- this is a second marriage for both of us). So yes I do believe in counseling (I prefer Christian Counselors- that's just me) and think it is a most valuable tool to help inspire new ways of seeing a PROBLEM in the marriage. That being said, this network will be featuring some marriage counselor, life coaches and other professionals that can INSPIRE all of us to LIVE OUR BEST LIVES.This network of married couples is a place that we all can inspire each other to see problems that, are bound to happen at one time or another, from other couples perspective. And the discussions aren't ment to solve the problem, but to inspire you to see a problem as an opportunity to grow, making effort to change the situation yourself. Change and problem solving always starts with each individuals choices, and the work they are willing to put in (both parties involved) to see the problem for what it is and to choose to do something about it.Go to 'STILL DATING MY SPOUSE,' at www.stilldatingmyspouse.ning.comNo we are not perfect but we are working on it.Love is work and work can be fun, but sometimes hard and always worth it.
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Niva (The Hip Hop Soul Diva) Live @ Hot 97 Concert!

Posted by KAMAL IMANI*The Soul Griot! on September 2, 2008 at 4:58pm

Get a sneak peak at Niva as she does her thing on the Hot 97 stage in Paterson NJ sponsored by China Doll Entertainment and Def Jam! The people loved her as shown by the many request for autographs and CD purchases. Niva is a songbird with a beautiful spirit. Look forward to more from her and Soulgriots Music Group/Kamal Imani management and promotions! For more info on Niva go to www.myspace.com/officiallyniva and http://www.soundclick.com/niva http://www.soulgriots.com
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Jewelry Feature of the Week-Jungle Affair

Posted by Kamilah Campbell on September 2, 2008 at 2:30pm

These copper tone earrings remind me of the jungle. Wooden beads flow off the end of the back of the earring to show off its square shape, making the perfect casual wear accessory. The earth tone colors are reminiscent of the wild and just bring a sense of uniqueness. Sold exclusively on ThePinkLocket.com. Shop PINK today!By: Kamilah C.The Pink Lockethttp://thepinklocket.com
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Finding New Business Clients

Posted by Christine on September 2, 2008 at 1:21pm
Are you having trouble finding new clients for your business or service? Take a look at my tips for finding new clients HERE.CeeCee Woolard
Dry Skin? Eczema? Try our Megamix Whip!
new signups receive $3.00. Use code HAPPY2006
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Are you a sistapreneur, entrepreneur, mompreneur?
Of course you are! Check out my new site:womenpreneurs.info

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Cosmetic Trend Show

Posted by Kelly Laws on September 1, 2008 at 3:32pm
Hey Everyone,Here is the actual post from the Chicago Tribune's August 31st edition. The aritcle was found in the "Q" section page 13. Be blessed."Michigan Avenue invites you to the Fall Cosmetics Trend Show. Doors open at 7:15a.m. for light refreshments:show at 8a.m.; one-on-one beauty consultations from 10a.m. -ap.m. Tickets are $15 per person, which is redeemable toward purchase. Wabash and Grand entrance, first floor. To RSVP, call 312-464-1515, ext. 1690."
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Enter Da Vinci's Support PCOS Visa Gift Card Giveaway!

Posted by Da Vinci on September 1, 2008 at 4:00am

Enter To Win!

Hosted by Da Vinci’s Blog Log

September 1st - September 30th

Open to anyone 18 and over.

2 Prizes and 2 winners: Da Vinci's Support PCOS Visa Gift Card, $25 Visa gift card that can be used at anywhere worldwide that accepts Visa.

Enter to win at www.davincisbloglog.com

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Get Ahead - Live Well

Posted by Diane on August 31, 2008 at 8:10pm

Brought to you by Diane Williams, Silver Manager 9808, dianewilliams@warmspirit.org

Brought to you by Diane Williams, Silver Manager 9808, dianewilliams@warmspirit.org
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$100.00 OFF

Posted by The Black Business Cafe on August 31, 2008 at 6:30pm
IT'S ALL GOING DOWN IN A GREAT WAY ONSeptember 13, 200810:00am - 10:00pmTHE BLACK-LATINO EXPOPHILA. PAYou do not want to miss the History in the making Event.Fun & Excitement for the entire familyHair & Fashion Expo2008 Custom Car Show (High Roller Classics)Celebrity Guest Appearance the entire day.Get all the details at: www.blacklatinoexpo.comEXPECTING 35,000+ TO ATTEND THIS HISTORY MAKING EVENTVendor Space is available: Reg. $825.00Get your discounted Vendor Space by joining Black Vendors Network today: www.blackvendors.ning.comBVN Vendors Space Cost Only $600.00Must be a member to get the BVN Discount.TAKE AN ADDITIONAL 100.00 OFF WHEN YOU JOIN BLACK VENDORS NETWORK TODAY AND PURCHASIE YOUR VENDORS BOOTH BY SEPT 3, 2008!www.blackvendors.ning.comTime is running out and Vendor Space is going, going, going and soon to be gone!!DON'T MISS OUT ON THIS HISTORY MAKING EVENT
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