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Keys to A Successful Relationship! What Love Has to Do With It!

Posted by KAMAL IMANI*The Soul Griot! on December 16, 2010 at 4:15am

What Love Has to Do With It!The Importance of Unconditional Love in A Relationship!By Kamal Imani © 2010My wife and I have been happily married for 15 years and together for 19. Much of our success can be attributed to a book we read entitled “Black Woman’s Black Man’s Guide to a Spiritual Union” by Ra Un Nefer Amen. In this book he speaks about the importance of unconditional love. He also highlighted how we have a script or sort of fantasy like picture in our minds of the perfect or ideal lover or mate and when that person doesn’t meet our expectations, we feel let down, disappointed, the drama begins and things begin to fall apart.When our partner fails to perform up to our Hollywood or conditioned standard financially, sexually, emotionally or otherwise, maybe they didn’t cook, clean, communicate or perform the way that we envisioned it, we allow dissatisfaction to set in.Have Realistic Expectations but High standardsWhen getting to know your significant other, you need to be real when it comes to acknowledging his/her strengths and weaknesses. You also need to realize that peoples long developed habits are slow to change. If you’re hoping that something he/she does will change simply because you have entered their life, you may be disappointed. Some changes can be made if it’s clearly communicated, understood and your partner makes a conscious effort to change, but be very patient because it will probably be a slow and gradual process. I’m not saying that you should lower your standards, but have you ever heard the term wysiwyg? It is an acronym for what you see is what you get. And, you know while you’re dating you’re getting a persons best side, and as the saying goes “You don’t know a person until you live with them”. So keep it real, but stay optimistic, patient and keep the faith. Always keep a spiritual vibration in your relationship.Unconditional LoveUnconditional love is giving of your self without expecting anything in return. It is being selfless! If you’re giving and taking is like a Wall Street financial transaction, sometimes you will rise, other times you will be in a recession, a depression and eventually a crash! So it is important for both partners to practice selfless giving with out making the other partner feel that he/she owes you something.When unexpected financial, medical and other emergencies arise, you will have to be flexible, calm and optimistic until the situation improves (because you will be tested). Always find a creative way to communicate, be understanding, stay affectionate, optimistic, patient and faithful…Did I say patient? Selfless giving/unconditional love is a high form of practical spirituality and it takes two to apply it. It indeed takes two to make a thing go right.Watch Kamal’s tribute to the sisters “Ms. Melanin” on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aledyuIlCjsKamal Imani is a Poet, Author, Film Maker Teacher and Mentor residing in New Jersey. He can be reached at http://www.kamalinspires.com To book Kamal for speaking engagements email Terrenceteaches@gmail.com or call 201-923-9213

Give A Young Adult the Book "You Got Next" for the Holiday Season!

Posted by KAMAL IMANI*The Soul Griot! on October 17, 2010 at 9:45pm

Give a young adult a book for self reflection and self improvement this upcoming holiday season! Find info on Iseecolor African American Books Group or kamalinspires.comAuthor Kamal Imani is a youth educater and mentor who assist troubled teens from New Jersey's urban areas, which include foster and group homes, with both academics as well as issues of self esteem, focus, future focusing and overall social skills. Although it is challenging at times, this is where his heart is at. He is also a Spoken Word poet, Hip Hop lyricist and music producer and was once a teenager who lost many of his close friends to the streets in which they hung out in. He knows how to identify, communicate and build relationships with our youth. In his small, but to the point book, he provides basic information, education and coping skills that will open up dialogue with our youth.Share "You Got Next" with a young adult in your life and use it as a tool to open up dialogue in the various subjects of anger,sex, drugs, peer pressure, dating, marriage and more!http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/1460505?ce=blurb_ew&utm_source=widget

You Got NexT! by Kamal Imani | Make Your Own Book

Let's Talk About Drugs, Gangs & Peer Pressue! You Got Next! Real Talk For The Hip Hop Generation (Promo Video)!

Let's talk about Sex! (An excerpt from the book "You Got Next"

book,gift,teen,youth,african,american,nonfiction,inspiration,self,reliance,gangs,sex,drugs,peerpressure,education,philosohpy,mentoring,teacher,selfesteem,graduation,college,highschool,bloods,crips,oprah,malcolm,x,

ATTN ATLANTA!!!!!! WHITEHEAD FINE ART & PURE ROMANCE BY NIRVANA OPEN HOUSE

Posted by Nirvana - Pure Romance on September 2, 2010 at 11:31pm

	September 11 · 4:00pm - 9:00pm

	Whitehead Fine Art Gallery 1865 Beecher Street, SW Atlanta, GA Whitehead Fine Art & Pure Romance by Nirvana has joined forces and created the sexiest Open House you’ve ever seen!! $10.00 cover grants you admission PLUS 2 chances to win: • Custom 24x30 Whitehead Fine Art Original valued at $1000 OR ... • Pure Romance by Nirvana gift basket valued at $100 About Whitehead Fine Art: World renowned artist Corey C. Whitehead's unique artistry can be seen on Tyler Perry's “House of Payne”, "Meet the Browns" and "Why Did I get Married Too." His work can be seen from California to New York; from Chicago to Atlanta and as far East as Dubai. About Pure Romance by Nirvana: PureRomance is an in-home party plan for adult women. Nirvana sells relationship enhancement products such as educational games & books, massage & bath aids, bedroom accessories and lingerie. Duringthe open house, you will have the unique opportunity to view and purchase all of Mr. Whitehead's original pieces and/or make arrangements to have a custom painting created. You will also be able to purchase Pure Romance products, place an order, book a Ladies Only party, receive info about starting your own Pure Romance business OR sign-up and become a Pure Romance consultant.

ALL WOMEN DESERVE TO FEEL SEXY, SELF CONFIDENT, AND SATISFIED!

Posted by Lina Williams~ Younique Diva on July 13, 2010 at 5:00pm

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You Got Next! (Real Talk For The Hip Hop Generation) The New Book by Kamal Imani

Posted by KAMAL IMANI*The Soul Griot! on July 11, 2010 at 2:47am

For teenagers and young adults coming up in today’s hip hop generation, You Got Next is a must read!

It deals with the teen related subjects of drugs, sex, peer pressure, goals and dreams, faith, surviving the streets and more! When itcomes to surviving the potholes and obstacles of the streets and growing up asan African American teenager, Kamal Imani knows what’s up and brings it to youwith real talk!

This is the perfect book to get the conversation started or to get you reflecting on your own life because You Got Next!

You Got Next also contains some of Kamal Imani’s poetic works.

http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/1460505

Spring Cleaning and Upgrading

Posted by Janice Smith on April 1, 2010 at 7:00pm

When you get a chance stop by my Website. www.allaboutyouexp.com .
I am looking for recommendations and testamonies for my site. If your are familiar with some of my products and woulld like to share an experience. I would love to post your words anonomously or with you picture.

Contact: janice@allaboutyouexp.com or call directly 267-251-3148
Janice

HAVE A CATALOG PARTY!!!!

Posted by Nirvana - Pure Romance on March 16, 2010 at 12:08am

No time to host a party OR don't live in the Atlanta Area...But you still want to earn FREE PRODUCTS with Pure Romance by Nirvana??....have a CATALOG PARTY!!

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Wanted: Strong, independent women to joint my team during THE BEST KIT SALE EVER!!!

Posted by Nirvana - Pure Romance on March 16, 2010 at 12:04am

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*As long as the Consultant remains Active.

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Have Questions? Contact:
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Join my team TODAY and learn earn $1000/month doing 4 parties!!

Did you know that thyroid problems are under-diagnosed in women of color, and possibly why you can't lose weight?

Posted by Dr. Christine Thorpe on February 26, 2010 at 1:37am

According to Dr. Erikz Schwartz, hormone expert, some of the biggest health concerns she sees among female patients of color are:

Weight issues, prediabetic conditions, high blood pressure, sexual dysfunction. The thyroid is also under-diagnosed in women of color. If you can't lose weight, it's probably your thyroid that should be tested. These concerns are mostly overlooked or discarded by conventionally trained physicians who have no training or interest in prevention and thus wait until the patient actually comes down with chronic illnesses. Treatment of women in general is still sub par in our country and women of color continue to receive even poorer treatment still.

Read more of what hormone expert, Dr. Erika Schwartz, has to say - http://www.crissimone.com/ev21.html

IT'S FINALLY HERE...

Posted by MsKHarris on February 17, 2010 at 2:30am

I told you it was coming! and I try not to disappoint...A WOMAN LIKE ME...A MAN LIKE YOU released on Valentine's Day and it is a HUGE success! That love thang is a tough cookie for a lot of people...Why do you think that is?

I am so proud to be able to share this with you and want you to share your opinions, thoughts, and stories with the world.

JOIN MY NEW COMMUNITY at http://love-speak2me.ning.com

Visit the website at : http://www.awomanlikeme-amanlikeyou.com and see what all the buzz is about!

Take a sneak peek at the new book and read some sample chapters, blog your thoughts, and get updates on upcoming round table events.

Share this with your networks...oh, and all copies purchased from the site will be autographed by me personally [no rubber stamping, promise] :O

Take care and listen for the new Kim on Dialogues w/Kim !

K

HIV / AIDS Film Trailer

Posted by Nicole Dennison on January 2, 2010 at 2:00pm

Hello,My name is Nicole AlexanderPlease review my HIV / AIDS Film Trailer and tell me what you think. Thanks!REAL TALK FROM BLACK WOMEN ABOUT SEX, LOVE, SELF ESTEEM, AIDS, AND MEN ON THE DOWN LOWPlease give me feedback

. Please tell me what you think.

New Teachers/Mentors Edition of Hip Hop Movie "Up in The Attic"

Posted by KAMAL IMANI*The Soul Griot! on December 19, 2009 at 3:01pm

Teachers/Mentors Edition of Up in the Attic Hip Hop Movie

The Hip Hop Movie of the Year 2010! | MySpace VideoTeachers, Parents and Mentors use the Up in the Attic teen movie to open up dialogue with our youth on subjects such as sex, drugs, peer pressure, abuse and more!For more information or to contact Director Kamal Imani for group discussions and lectures go to http://www.upintheatticmovie.comcipherkam@gmail.comCall Mr. Kevin Barksdale 201-923-9213

Flea Market!!

Posted by Lipstick Killers Collection on October 25, 2009 at 6:18pm

The BGC flea market is open today 10/25/2009 from 1-430 so stop on by for$1 jewelry$3 blouses 1x-3x, m, l$5 dresses 1x-3x, xl$3-$5 jeans sizes 7/8-24, denim skirts 18, 22$5 pencil skirts 3x-5x$3-$5 shoes sizes 8.5-9$3-$5 clutches and handbagsThis is all female items! The flea market will also be open Monday from 8a-11a, 2p-8p and Tuesday through Friday 10a-8p. Items are going fast! The flea market may end sooner than Friday! Pictures of the items are on this link:http://s765.photobucket.com/albums/xx291/biggyrlclothing/Flea%20Market/?albumview=gridHave a fashion fabulous day,Syreeta R404.228.6795biggyrlclothing@yahoo.comwww.biggyrlclothing.com

Let's Talk About Sex, Drugs & Hip Hop with Our Children. The Up in the Attic Movie

Posted by KAMAL IMANI*The Soul Griot! on August 15, 2009 at 7:30pm

The “Up in the Attic” MovieAn Important Educational Tool for the Hip Hop Generation“Let’s talk about Sex, Drugs & Hip Hop”Written & Directed by Kamal Imani“Many of us have spoken about the youth, but not with the youth”The new movie entitled “Up in the Attic” is the perfect conversation piece for engaging dialogue between today’s youth and their elders. Parents, educators, social workers, clergy and other professionals will find themes common to today’s youth such as; sex, drugs, violence, hip hop, peer pressure and other relevant subject matter.Up in the Attic has a comedic but realistic feel to it. Its backdrop is the 1980’s hip hop era in the Teaneck New Jersey (A Suburb of New York City) which is also near the urban areas of Paterson and Newark New Jersey. The DVD, which is now available on http://www.upintheatticmovie.com and major DVD websites, can be used for personal one on one discussion or in group or community settings.You can also invite the author and director Kamal Imani to your venue to speak with your youth or organization. In addition to his street smarts and notoriety as an established Spoken Word Performance Poet, Actor and community activist, Kamal has a Bachelor’s degree in Sociology from the New York Institute of Technology and has attended Morehouse College, Bergen Community College, Teaneck High School, Computer Career Training Center and Kovat’s Real Estate School and is a husband and father residing in Englewood New Jersey.For more information or to have Kamal speak at your event or with your youth organization, contact Mr. Kevin Barksdale at 201-923-9213. For more information on the movie please visit http://www.upintheatticmovie.comJoin our social network at http://www.upintheattic.ning.comAdd us on MySpace at http://www.myspace.com/upintheatticmovieTwitter Kamal Imani

New 1980's Hip Hop Throwback Movie "Up in the Attic"

Posted by KAMAL IMANI*The Soul Griot! on August 8, 2009 at 3:22pm

Get ready for the New Hip Hop 1980’s Throwback Movie "Up in the Attic". There’s a lot of joy, pain and teenagers doing what teenagers do in the NJ suburbs of NYC back in the day. The fly guys and fly girls ran mad episodes and many lessons were learned Available on DVD October 1, 2009. Check out the clips and join the movement on http://www.upintheattic.ning.com andhttp://www.myspace.com/upintheatticmoviehttp://www.upintheatticmovie.com

Chapter One from my debut Novel Diary of a Sex Addict

Posted by Soul on Fire Publishing on April 15, 2009 at 5:35pm

“911 what’s your emergency?” the operator asked.“It’s my daughter Tiffany! I just came over and found her unconscious in her bed! Please send someone over here right away! She can’t die!” Tiffany’s mother cried hysterically.“Ma’am, I need you to calm down. What’s the address there?”“Hold on, let me find something with the address on it.” Tiffany’s mother ran into the kitchen and found a letter with her address on it. “Okay, I found it. The address is 2792 Edgewater Way, Apt 2.”“Okay, now is your daughter breathing?” Tiffany’s mother placed her hand over her mouth and nose to feel for air. Nothing...“No! She’s not breathing! Oh Lord, she’s not breathing! You have to hurry! She can’t die! Please hurry!”“Ma’am, we are getting there as fast as we can. I need you to calm down. Do you know CPR?”“No!”“That’s okay, I can walk you through it. Tilt your daughter’s head back and lift her chin.”“Okay.”“Now check and make sure nothing is blocking her airway. If there’s nothing there, hold her nose shut, cover her mouth with yours, and give two breaths.”“Okay, I have to put you on speaker phone.” Tiffany’s mother put the phone on speaker and placed it on the bed next to her. She put her mouth over hers and gave her two full breaths. “Now what else do I do?” she asked.“Place your hands one on top of the other on her chest between her breasts. Push down thirty times to a depth of about two inches, at the rate of about two seconds.” Her mother counted aloud until she reached thirty. “Now give her two breaths again and thirty more chest compressions.” Tiffany’s mother continued to perform CPR until the paramedics arrived, then she stepped to the side and let them take over. She continued to cry and pray as the paramedics tried to revive Tiffany.“Lord, I know my daughter has done some things that were wrong but she is trying to change. Lord, please don’t let her leave this Earth without the opportunity to show You that she can do better. Lord, please save Tiffany, don’t let her die. Give her another chance to show You that she will put You first and will overcome this addiction she has. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.”*****Before I went to bed my mother called me into her bedroom. At first I was scared she found out I was in her make up earlier that day when she left me alone to go to the store. When I didn’t see the belt sitting next to her on the bed, I knew she hadn’t figured it out and I prayed she never would. My mother had already warned me on more than one occasion that if she ever found out that I went in her stuff without asking, she would beat the black off me. I didn’t understand how you could do that, but I wasn’t about to find out so I made sure I put everything back exactly as I had found it so she wouldn’t suspect anything.My mother was lying in her bed with her favorite black nightdress on. It was long and sheer. She wore her matching bra and panty set underneath. Her hair was neatly combed straight and reached the middle of her back. Her skin was a few shades lighter than mine and her eyes were light brown. She had freckles placed perfectly on her cheeks, giving her an innocent look. My mother was beautiful. One of my mother’s men friends must have been coming over later because that was the only time she put on one of her most revealing nightdresses and wore her hair down.“Yes, mommy, you called me?” I asked, as I stood at the foot of her bed.“Tomorrow Ms. Yvette is bringing her boys, Tony and Wade, over to stay while we go out. I know you haven’t met them before but I want you to be on your best behavior. Be nice and make sure you share your toys,” she said, while getting up to light the candles around her bedroom.“Yes ma’am, I will,” I said. I really wasn’t up to sharing my stuff. I was the only child and never had to share any of my things except for when my aunt Kelly came over. She was my aunt but I am ten months older than she is. She always tried to steal my dolls so I hated when she came over to visit.“Tony is eight, the same age as you, so ya’ll should have a lot in common. You know the rule. Don’t let them get you in trouble. You understand me?” she said.“Yes ma’am, I promise I will be on my best behavior,” I said with a fake smile on my face. I really wasn’t up for entertaining Ms. Yvette’s sons, but who knew; maybe they would be fun to play with.“Okay, go on and go to bed. I have company coming over in a little bit,” she said as she sprayed some perfume on her body and around the room.The next day when Ms. Yvette arrived with her sons, part of me was excited; it wasn’t often that I had someone to play with. I always looked forward to Saturdays because it was the day Mother and Ms. Yvette would leave and I’d be home alone until almost midnight. But, I’d often be afraid to be left alone because I would hear noises all throughout the house. Every squeak and crack would cause me to run into my bedroom and hide under the covers until they came back.One Saturday I asked my mother why she couldn’t get my aunt to watch me while she went out.“Mommy, why can’t Aunt Susan watch me when you go out?” I asked one Saturday, as she was getting dressed.“Because your auntie won’t watch you for free and I don’t want to pay her. That’s my club money. Plus, you’re a big girl. You can watch yourself.” She had a point, I was a big girl and I never got into any trouble while she was away.When the boys arrived, I saw that Tony was much taller than me. He was very skinny, like the poor kids you see on TV in Africa. I wanted to fix him a grilled cheese sandwich as soon as he walked through the door. I could tell he had been playing outside before he came over because he had dirt all over his clothes. I couldn’t tell the last time he combed his hair because his little afro was matted to his head. Wade, who was five, was a chubby little thing. He reminded me of the Pillsbury Dough Boy.Tony and Wade seemed to be shy at first, but as soon as our parents left they began arguing over what cartoon we were going to watch. Wade wanted to watch Bugs Bunny and Tony wanted to watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I didn’t care for neither of the cartoons they wanted to watch and since it was my house, I turned to Strawberry Shortcake. Both of the boys whined about how they didn’t want to watch a girly cartoon, but I didn’t care.While we sat on the floor watching cartoons, Tony began rub-bing on my hand. I wasn’t sure if that’s what kids did when they watched TV together, but I noticed he wasn’t rubbing Wade’s hand. When I moved my hand back, he reached over and started rubbing on it again. I pulled my hand away again, but this time I placed it in my lap. After Strawberry Shortcake went off Tony suggested that we go play hide and seek.“Not it,” I said before anyone else did.“Not it,” Tony shouted, leaving Wade to be the one to find us.Tony and I whispered to each other about places to hide. I told him that we could hide in the laundry room, my mom’s closet, or in my room under the bed. Tony told me that he wanted to hide in my mom’s closet and I told him I was going to hide in the laundry room. I really wanted to hide in my mother’s closet because I could cover myself with the pile of clothes that she always kept in there, but I didn’t want to hide in there. I knew that if Wade did look in there, we both would be caught.I told Wade to close his eyes and count to a hundred but being only five years old, he could only count to ten. I just told him to count until he couldn’t count any more. Wade went to the far corner of the living room and began counting. As I headed for the laundry room, Tony grabbed my arm and led me to my mother’s bedroom closet. I tried to pull away but he kept insisting that I come in there with him so I did. It was really dark in the closet when Tony shut the door so I cracked it so we could get some light. As I stood in the nearly dark closet waiting for Wade to try to find us, I couldn’t help but wonder why Tony wanted me to go in there with him. Something about him was a little weird to me but I just brushed it off.When I wasn’t paying attention, Tony snuck up on me and kissed me on my lips. My initial reaction was to slap the crap out of him but instead, I just pushed him away. I had never been kissed before and wasn’t sure if I wanted Tony to be first to do it. Tony pulled me close to him and kissed me again. When I tried to pull away he held me tighter. I stopped fighting and just let him kiss me. His lips were soft but I didn’t see what the big deal was about kissing. I heard Wade crying so I pulled away from Tony and ran to see what was wrong. Wade was standing in the living room crying because he got scared. Tony teased him for being such a crybaby. I went to the kitchen, got Wade some cookies, and calmed him down. I let Wade pick the next cartoon we watched on TV. Tony didn’t like that but I didn’t like how he picked on Wade, so he could go to hell for all I cared.Wade began drifting off to sleep about ten minutes into the show. Tony went to go change the channel but I grabbed him by the arm before he could reach the TV.“What do you think you are doing?” I said, as I yanked on Tony’s arm, pulling him down to the floor.“I’m turning the TV. I don’t want to watch this crap,” he said, as he tried to get back up to turn the TV. Again I pulled him back down, but this time I pulled him much harder than before.“Ouch! You’re going to pull my arm off. Let me go, Tiffany,” he said, trying to free him self from my grip.“No. I’m watching this so you better just sit down and watch it too. You’re not turning my TV,” I told him. Tony just looked at me and smiled.I was really beginning to think this boy was getting weirder and weirder. I let go of his arm. As soon as I did, he jumped on top of me and we began to wrestle. I wasn’t in the mood to play with him but he kept laughing and wrestling me. Eventually, I gave in and gave him a run for his money. We rolled around on the living room floor until we grew tired. Wade somehow managed to sleep through all the noise. I pushed Tony off me and sat up to catch my breath.“Hey, Tiffany, I have another game we can play,” Tony said, getting up from the floor.“What game?” I asked. I got up and went into the kitchen to fix me something to drink. Tony followed me.“I don’t know what it’s called, but I know you will like it,” he said, with a huge grin on his face.“Okay, show me,” I said, finishing the last of my juice. I placed my glass in the sink and headed back toward the living room and Tony followed.“Let’s go in the room ‘cause I don’t want to wake Wade up,” he said. He grabbed me by the hand and led me into my bedroom. Tony closed the door behind us and told me to get in my bed.“What I need to get in the bed for?” I asked him.“Because that’s where the game is played,” he said. I followed his instructions and got in the bed. Once I was in all the way he joined me. He told me to lay flat on my back and I did. Tony climbed on top of me and began rubbing his body on mine.“What are you doing?” I asked.“This is the game. I saw it on TV last night and the people seemed to really like it,” he said. He continued to move his body up and down on mine. I could feel his pee pee on my private through our clothes and it felt weird. I didn’t understand the game but since it wasn’t hurting me, I didn’t see any harm in playing.As Tony rubbed himself on me, he kissed me as he had earlier in my mother’s bedroom closet. His kiss was nice and I didn’t want him to stop. I heard my bedroom door squeak and I quickly pushed Tony off me. I thought that maybe my mother had came home early and I didn’t want her to see what we were doing. I knew he said it was only a game but I wasn’t sure if it was a game I was allowed to play.Wade walked into my bedroom rubbing his eyes. You could tell he had just woke up by how slow he was moving. Tony and I got out of the bed and led Wade back into the living room. I turned on cartoons and all three of us sat directly in front of the TV. I felt Tony watching me but I was too scared to give him eye contact. The game he had introduced me to was different and made me feel weird. I wasn’t sure what to think of it but I knew I wanted to play it again.At some point, we all fell asleep while watching cartoons. I woke up when I heard my mother’s key unlocking the door. I woke Tony and Wade up to let them know their mother was there to get them. They both grabbed their shoes and headed toward the door. My mother and I walked Ms. Yvette and her sons out to the car and said our goodbyes, then headed back into our house. Mama instructed me to go take a bath and get ready for bed. I obeyed her orders and got right to it.As I lay in bed, I began to think about the game Tony and I played. I had never seen anyone on TV play such a game and I was beginning to wonder what the purpose of the game was. Tony’s pee pee felt weird rubbing up against my privates, but it was a good weird. I had never felt anything like that before. When I wiped myself as I bathe or used the bathroom, I never got that kind of feeling. Maybe only he could make me feel that way?Saturday came again and my mother announced that Tony and Wade wouldn’t be coming over that weekend; I would be going to their house. Gathering my things, I prepared myself for the long car ride over. Ms. Yvette lived on the other side of town. My mother always teased me about falling asleep. Whenever we took long car rides I would fall asleep like I use to do when I was younger.We arrived at Ms. Yvette’s house thirty minutes later. My mother walked right into the apartment without knocking. Ms. Yvette stood in the kitchen drinking a glass of water. She wore a pretty purple dress with shoes to match. Her hair was pulled back into a neat bun with soft curls in the front.“Yvette, I’m going to go change in your bathroom, is that okay?” my mother asked. She held up her duffel bag of clothes.‘Yeah, girl, go ahead,” Ms. Yvette told her. Mama went into the bathroom to get dressed.Tony and Wade sat on the living room floor in front of the TV. I took a seat on the floor next to Tony and put my bag filled with dolls next to me. Ms. Yvette brought us some snacks to eat while we watched cartoons.“Now don’t make a mess ‘cause I just vacuumed the floorearlier,” she said.“Yes ma’am,” we all said in unison.There was a knock at the door and Ms. Yvette went to answer it. When she opened the door, two men entered and she told them to take a seat at the dining room table.My mother came out of the bathroom looking like a movie star. She wore a tight, black dress with black and gold heels. Her make- up and hair was flawless. She had twisted it into a neat French roll with spirals in the front. Just the day before she’d gotten her nails manicured. They were painted red with black rhinestones and her toes matched. My mother was fierce and no one could tell her otherwise.One of the men at the table said, “Damn, you look good enough to eat!”The other guy sitting next to him burst out laughing. I really didn’t understand what was so funny. If that man dared try to eat my mother I was going to kick him in his knees.My mother politely smiled, walked over to him, and gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek. The men rose from the table and walked toward the door. My mother and Ms. Yvette followed. Before Ms. Yvette closed the door she stopped and looked back at us.“There’s some fried chicken in the kitchen if ya’ll get hungry. Don’t answer the door for anyone, not even the police, you hear me?”“Yes ma’am,” we said in unison again. Ms. Yvette blew her boys some kisses and closed the door behind her.Once our parents left, Tony suggested we go into their room so that we could play video games. Wade was the first to hop up and run in the room. We entered the room more slowly. Tony and I sat on the bed and Wade sat on the floor. Tony took his cover from behind us and put it on our laps. I wasn’t cold and wasn’t sure why we needed cover, but I let it stay. As Wade started to play the video game, I watched as Tony rubbed on my thigh. I nervously looked over at Wade. He didn’t see anything that Tony was doing because he was so into the game. Tony continued to rub on my leg for a while.“I have to use the bathroom,” Tony said. He removed the cover and stood up. He left the room, heading in the direction of the bathroom.After Tony didn’t come back for a while I went in search of him. I wondered what was taking him so long. When I opened the bathroom door Tony grabbed me and pulled me in.“Hey, what’s going on?” I said, slightly startled.“Nothing, I’ve been waiting for you. I knew you would come looking for me sooner or later,” he said, closing and locking the door behind me.“Well, yeah I did. You were taking forever. I came looking to see if you fell in the toilet or something,” I said, knowing that wasn’t the real reason I went looking for him. I wanted to play the game again.“Come here,” he said, holding his arms out. I walked into his arms and he wrapped them around me, and kissed me. This time, he put his tongue in my mouth so I backed away.“Why did you put your tongue in my mouth? That’s gross,” I said, while wiping my lips.“That’s what the people were doing on TV. What’s wrong? You didn’t like it?” he asked.“No, it was nasty. I don’t want your tongue in my mouth. Are you crazy?” I said with a look of disgust on my face. I knew the boy was weird but that took the cake.“Come on, Tiffany, I’m sorry. I won’t do it again,” he promised. He walked towards me. Before he reached me we heard a knock on the door.“Hey, what are ya’ll doing in there? I have to pee really bad,” Wade said from outside the door. I quickly opened the door letting him in.Tony and I gave him his privacy and went back into the bedroom. I hopped on the bed and Tony did the same. He reached on the floor and picked up the cover we had on our laps earlier and covered us again. Wade came back from the bathroom and sat in front of the TV. He didn’t waste any time before he started playing video games again. Tony continued to rub on my thigh under the cover without Wade noticing.By the time our parents came back that night we were already asleep in the boys’ room. My mother woke me up and told me to get my things so that we could go home. I grabbed my book bag full of dolls and my sandals and headed out the room. I looked back and saw Wade asleep in front of the video game while it was still on. Tony was lying on the floor next to him under the cover that he had used earlier to rub on my thigh. Half asleep, I walked to the door as my mother and Ms. Yvette said their goodbyes. I hopped in the backseat of the car and lay down to go to sleep on the long ride home.For the next three years I spent time with Tony and Wade while our parents hung out. Tony and I continued to play our game. At some point, I found out that what we were doing was called “hunching”. Whenever we were alone, we would start to kiss one another and hunch. We hunched outside, in my mother’s room, in Ms. Yvette’s room, and in the laundry room of my house.On one occasion in particular, Tony told me that he wanted to hunch but this time he wanted to do it differently. Tony told me how he had been watching some movies on TV late at night. He said the men and women in the movies didn’t have any clothes. He said we shouldn’t wear any either. I went along with it. Tony and I got undressed but left on our underwear. Pressing up against him, I could feel his pee pee getting hard as it rubbed up against my private area. It wasn’t the first time that I felt his pee pee, but it felt much different than before. I guess since we didn’t have the layers of clothes between us I could really feel him. I liked the way his pee pee felt on my private so much that I didn’t want him to stop, but we knew Wade would be coming in from outside at any moment so we quickly got dressed.Tony told me that the next time we hunched that he wanted to do it completely naked. I was nervous because I knew how good it felt when we just had on our underwear, so being completely naked had to be even better.Since Tony watched people on TV doing the things he did to me, I was curious to see for myself. Late at night, when my mother was out with one of her men friends, I found a sex channel on TV. I watched men and women having sex with each other. There were also women having sex with other women, too. As I watched the two women together, it made me feel really good. They both looked as if they really enjoyed each other. Some of the things they did grossed me out, but I couldn’t stop watching it. At the end of every scene the people would make a really loud noise and would get an ugly look on their face. For some reason, that was funny to me. There was no way I was going to look as silly as they did so I knew I had to practice because I didn’t want Tony picking on me.After watching the sex shows on TV, I practiced how I would groan when Tony and I hunched again. I wanted to really get it right so I grinded on the pillows from my bed. I couldn’t get that feeling in my private like I would get when Tony rubbed his pee pee on me. I needed something firm that I could hunch on so I decided to get the pillows off the couch in the living room. Those pillows had hard edges and I knew it would do the job. Taking the hard end of the pillow, I rubbed it up against my private area. I kept rubbing it until I felt an explosion inside my stomach. I had never felt anything like that before, not even with Tony. I knew what I felt was what the people on TV had felt when they were groaning and screaming.For months I continued to use the pillows to make myself get the good feeling. I used the pillows so much that the end began to get soft and they weren’t doing the job anymore. I knew I had to figure out something else before I lost my mind. I desperately needed that good feeling.One day while I was in the bathroom, the toilet seat lid came off and I noticed that the two pieces that snapped the lid on the toilet were hard. I began to think about the hard ends on the toilet seat, how I could put something soft over them and use that to rub up against myself so I could get that feeling again.I took the lid off and lay it on the bathroom floor. I ran into my room, took a pillow off my bed, and returned to the bathroom. I placed the pillow over the lid and positioning my private part on the hard piece of the lid as I lay on my stomach. The pillow was to keep the rough part of the lid from hurting me. In an up and down motion, I rubbed my private part on the pillow that was over the lid until I had that good feeling that I liked so much. Afterwards, I lay on the bathroom floor until the feeling left.After a while, I couldn’t use the toilet seat anymore because it started to hurt my private. I would also get sore because I used it too much. Not being able to use the pillows or the toilet seat, I started using my hands. Taking all my fingers, I rubbed in a circular motion until I got that good feeling. I would stay up late at night and watch sex movies on TV while rubbing my private parts until I got that good feeling. When I watched the movies I focused really hard on the women’s bodies. I liked to look at their breasts and private areas. I liked to watch the women strippers on the adult channel as they took off their clothes. If I wasn’t watching the movies I wasn’t able to get that good feeling as quick as I would when I did watch them.Tony and I never hunched again and my mother and Ms. Yvette saw each other less and less. Ms. Yvette ended up getting engaged to a man she met at the bar and didn’t hang out with my mother anymore.For months I used my hands to get that good feeling. It became obvious to me that it was something I needed, because I couldn’t stop. I began to think that something was wrong with me. Sitting in my room at night, I would cry because I feared that I was going to go to hell. I knew the feeling had something to do with sex. I thought I was the only person that had this feeling. Something about it had to be wrong.Whenever I went to church on Sundays with my mom, I made sure that I stayed away from the pastor. I didn’t want to get close to him. I felt that somehow, he would know about the feeling that I was having and would go around telling everybody. Knowing that I would probably go to hell for having this feeling, I couldn’t risk anyone else finding out about it.I kept my head down most of the time while I was in church. I didn’t want other people to look into my eyes and be able to tell what I was thinking. I thought they’d figure out what I was doing when I wasn’t in church. My mother would kill me if she ever found out.Every night I prayed that God would make me stop but I just couldn’t. I often wondered what was wrong with me. Was the devil making me do it or was what I was doing even a sin?

How to Stop the Spread of America’s Most Dangerous Pandemic - Narcissism

Posted by Deidre Logan on January 12, 2009 at 6:08pm

There was a time when I used to be amazed at the number of seemingly grown men who were unwilling to be responsible for their own lives and for those of the families they made. Like everyone else, I’ve seen the increasing dismal statistics of fatherlessness in the American community. I would even go so far as to say there is pandemic manlessness as well. Men in our extended families are also becoming increasingly rare. What seems to be commonplace now are families with lots of women, young children, and old men. Young men are few and far between – and getting fewer all the time.Many women have rushed to blame the men for this. After all, ultimately it is their choice to leave; their choice to follow the examples, or the lack thereof, that preceded them. These are grown men and entirely accountable for their action and/or inaction – granted.However, I submit to you that many women – particularly many single mothers – are in the deepest denial about their contribution to this pandemic. In their zeal to raise good sons they have often neglected to raise responsible men who would actually be suitably productive husbands and fathers. So many single mothers, mothering from the own pains and issues, often deliberately or incidentally surrogate their children into “pseudo-spouses”. In the process, these children often receive severely mixed messages. On the one hand, they are constantly reminded of how much they resemble all the worst traits in their fathers. On the other, their mothers are quick to lay guilt trips on them if they dare to establish an independent identity or a different significant female relationship. These boys get angry and resentful, so the mother’s remedy is often to indulge them. They are rewarded with material things in return for their faithfulness to fulfilling their mother’s wishes.And so the cycle continues until the sex drive takes over. Now, these same young men start “mating and procreating” with no significant grasp of the level of responsibility that creates. However, thinking that they do, they often “try” to be there. That usually lasts until he gets overwhelmed and/or it’s not fun anymore. She wakes up one day without him; and grandma is raising babies once again. Why? Because we have spawned yet another generation of people who believe the universe exists solely to serve them. If it doesn’t, then there is clearly something wrong with the universe – it couldn’t possibly be something wrong with them. We’ve created yet another generation of perfect pimps and then we get mad at them when they behave accordingly. We often create the monsters that come back to kill us.How do we stop it? Here are three things we can do: 1) Put them out of their parents’ house by age 21 – sooner if they don’t go to college at 18; 2) stop letting them have sex in a home they don’t have a lease/mortgage on; and 3) stop letting them move their girlfriends into that same house.Brain surgery – it is not!Speaking the truth in love,Deidre

Pros And Cons Of Sex Before Marriage

Posted by Deidre Logan on December 15, 2008 at 11:48pm

What To Do, What To Do?This question won't be going anywhere any time soon. As long as there are people with rushing hormones, this is going to be an issue. Many will blame the animal in us (particularly men - sorry fellas- smile); others will blame our histories; still others will create their own philosophies.However, there are some things I have noticed that I don't see anyone else discussing. For example, anatomically speaking, all the reasons that sex is good for marriage make it bad before marriage. Research has shown that during the sexual process, hormones are released into our brains that are designed specifically to facilitate emotional bonding. Yes, emotional bonding does have a significant chemical component. If, in fact, this is true - it would go a long way toward explaining why it is ofen so much more difficult to break up with someone we've been sexual with. Even if we believe we didn't particularly enjoy the experience, the associated hormones tend to leave a lasting psychological imprint, if you will, that tends toward bonding with the object of the sexual connection. Unfortunately, this can happen in positive as well as negative ways.Another significant consideration is the fact that the human brain functions much differently under the influence of infatuation/sexual arousal than it does otherwise. Science has shown that areas of the brain mostly responsible for logic and rational judgment are largely short-changed of blood flow under the influence of infatuation/sexual arousal. I heard a saying once - when you're on your back, you lose your mind. There is scientific basis for the truth of this saying. Essentially, that means that you are literally incapable of comprehensive rational thought during sexual arousal. The creative and emotional brain centers, however, are sent into overdrive. On average, it takes about 90 days for this phenomenon to subside to the point of returning brain function and blood flow to normal levels.While sex before marriage may give you insight into your partner's sexual performance habits and/or preferences, it will also tend to set you up to emotionally make connections that are virtually guaranteed to fail. The more sex you have; the more connected you become to your partner and/or the act of sex itself; the less rational and more emotional you become - anatomically. Most people have little knowledge or understanding of their own biochemistry with regard to this issue. Unfortunately, ignorance does nothing to change the dynamics and you will live with the consequences whether you're aware of them or not.That's a major reason why so many new relationships typically don't make it past 90 days; why people look decidedly different to you after the orgasms are over than they did before; why so many people believe they "can't help" who they "love", etc. My advice to adults is to use your dating experiences as information gathering missions. Don't get too emotionally attached before 90 days have passed and make sure that you can comfortably walk away at any time. I have more suggestions, but that's another blog. :-)One of the easiest and best ways to avoid painful and unfulfilling emotional attachments is to avoid sex until after marriage. By then, you should have a good and objective view of the kind of mate your partner would make and you can make a much more rational decision about whether or not to continue to marriage. If you don't, chances increase exponentially that you will stay in a bad relationship far longer than you need to and you'll tolerate conditions that sap your soul for no other reason than the sexual connection.Speaking the truth in love,Deidre

Why Do So Many Men Like Porn?

Posted by Deidre Logan on December 15, 2008 at 11:47pm

Lessons For WomenWomen have wondered forever what it is about porn that mesmerizes so many men. Some of us have tried to participate with our partners only to find ourselves feeling like Hell afterwards. Others of us have found ways to make it part of our sexual lexicon with mixed results.Let's face it. Outside of the industry, it is difficult at best for a couple to comfortably fit porn into their relationship. Men, on the other hand, generally have no problem keeping as part of their lives for their entire lives - whether they hide it or not. It is a very popular source of entertainment, sexual gratification, and oftentimes - a coping mechanism.The reasons men like it are as varied as the men who like it. However, there is one thing I discovered in my own research that is a recurring theme. Men thoroughly enjoy the attitudes of the women involved. The women are generally average looking. Most times, they are not extraordinarily beautiful the way many of us imagine. However, they do appear to thoroughly enjoy sex for the sake of sex. They act like they enjoy everything about the sexual experience.This is a valuable insight that women would do well to find a way to incorporate into their real life encounters. Men don't need you to be a sexual pretzel. They don't need tricks out of the ordinary to be satisfied. What they do need is to feel desired - sexually and totally. Men crave approval and acceptance at least as much as women do. They have different ways of showing it, but it's true.Bottom line - men want us to want them as much as they want us. They want us to surrender ourselves to the ecstasy they create for us. They don't want us to be controlled and conservative. They want us uninhibited and free (without a salary or a script)!!!!Here's what I suggest - enthusiasm! Show it. Don't hide it. Don't pretend. Be creative and inventive without violating your sensibilities. You'll probably surprise yourself with the things you come up with. Experiment, play, enjoy. But here's one thing you should never do - never do anything that you both can't agree on. Force and coercion should have no place in intimate exchanges. Other than that, be open (no pun intended - smile) and leave no doubt in your man's mind that you are excited about sharing yourself with him. You won't regret it.Speaking the truth in love,Deidre

Love Is A Choice - NOT An Emotion

Posted by Deidre Logan on December 15, 2008 at 11:43pm

Like most people, I have often heard the all-too-common refrains, "you can't help who you love", "it just happened", or "one thing led to another". Most often, I hear this from women who are attempting to justify their ill-advised involvement in some situation that has come back to bite them in the behind.Ladies, I'm about to set you free!! None of these assessments is accurate. The truth is - you absolutely, unequivocally "help" who you love; it did not just happen; and one thing did not lead to another. You either made it happen or you allowed it to happen. Now, you're free because either way, the situation is in your control. For purposes of this entry, however, I will focus on the 'who you love' issue as it concerns unhealthy romantic love.Contrary to popular opinion, love is not accidental, incidental, or happenstance. It isn't random, arbitrary, or evolutionary. It happens by the sheer force of two independent wills focused in the same direction. It happens because the two people involved wanted it to happen, and have usually expended considerable effort to make sure that it did happen. Love is not a hole in the sidewalk waiting for you to blindly fall into it. Love is the by product of mental and physical time and effort deliberately put forth to create and continue feelings of infatuation and romance.We've all seen the situations where people have gotten involved in emotional and/or physical intimacies with someone they were "just friends" with. The usual protests go something like "I don't know how it happened", "I never intended for it to happen", or "I couldn't help myself". The facts are that these relationships never just happen. They occur after days, weeks, and months of finding big and small ways to perpetuate the ectasy of illicit attraction.That fact alone begs the question, is it really love you've created? You might think it is. Your partner may even agree. The truth is you've created a fantasy that can only survive in the bubble of the manipulated realities you've invented. That's why the magic dies under the stresses and strains of real life. No longer able to shield your "love" from the side effects and consequences of real life, you usually soon find that your "love" fades.In short, true love is a series of choices that you get emotional about. It is not merely an emotion or a feeling that you just helplessly fall into like a hole in the sidewalk. True love is deliberate. It lasts, not because of how you feel about eachother - but because of your dedication to your commitment to eachother.Speaking the truth in love,Deidre

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Note: this page contains paid content.

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Note: this page contains paid content.